Nov. 6, 2011, 8:08 a.m.
Shattered Memories: Vulnerable
M - Words: 4,155 - Last Updated: Nov 06, 2011 Story: Closed - Chapters: 10/? - Created: Sep 30, 2011 - Updated: Nov 06, 2011 313 0 0 0 0
"Yeah, Puck is throwing us a party. Well, more like he's using us as an excuse to throw a party." Kurt said, holding the phone to his ear.
"But why would he be throwing a party for us?" Blaine asked from the other line.
"Oh..." Kurt blushed "He just thinks it's been a while since we've seen each other and he thought it'd be a nice gesture to give us an opportunity to spend some time together. Even though that obviously means he just wants an excuse to invite everyone at school."
Blaine scoffed on the other end of the line. Kurt couldn't help but feel the heat rising tohis cheeks. "What?" He mumbled.
"You can't seriously expect me to buy that right?" Blaine said, stifling his laughter. "Puck? Being considerate? Ha!"
"Well do you have any better explanation?" Kurt said defiantly.
"I bet you've been acting like a lovesick puppy and he got fed up with it, so he used your me-withdrawal as an excuse for the party." Blaine said.
Kurt managed to scoff in return. "You're blunt. And seriously, me-withdrawal? Really, Blaine?"
"What? I do hear I'm quite addicting. It's my charm and my class."
"Blaine, you have about as much class as Rachel's wardrobe."
Blaine ignored the comment. "So, have you been acting like a lovesick puppy?" Kurt could feel his cheeks burn red and he was suddenly grateful that Blaine couldn't see him.
"Because I know I have." He continued. "Wes and David are pretty close to locking me out of their dorms."
"R-really?" Kurt mumbled.
"Why do you sound so surprised?" Blaine laughed. "I do spend 24 hours a day thinking about you."
Kurt blushed. "Um...anyways, do you want to go or not?"
"Considering that it's been at least two or three weeks since I kissed you, of course I want to go."
"Look, Karofsky, I was just-" Kurt tried to squeak, but Karofsky had already covered his mouth and was dragging him away.
He pulled Kurt into the janitor's closet just outside the boy's bathroom. He slammed him against the wall and brought his hand to Kurt's throat.
"Listen to me," Karofsky breathed "if you so much as tell anyone about this...you're dead. Got that?"
And Kurt could only nod, every cell in his body had frozen still.
"You disgust me." He spat, bringing his face within inches of Kurt's. "You have no fucking idea-" His voice faltered, as though the tears were coming back to him. Swallowing, he contained himself and looked straight into Kurt's eyes. Slowly, his gaze traveled down to Kurt's lips. His hand gently grazed the the zipper of Kurt's jeans, tugging at it. And Kurt's eyes widened in fear, unable to comprehend what was happening. He trembled as Karofsky's hand traveled slowly up his chest. He was entranced, captivated and unaware of his own actions. His face seemed to move forward involuntarily but before their lips could touch, the spell was gone. He jumped away from Kurt as if he hadn't realized what he was doing. And with one last angry look and a hot tear trailing down his cheek, he punched the wall next to Kurt and left.
Kurt let his back slide slowly down the wall until he touched the floor. His heart was pounding wildly against his chest. His hand shook as he reached for his phone, instinctively dialing the first number that came to mind.
He could hear the beats of his heart echoing in his ear, could feel the sweat trickling down from his forehead. It wasn't until he heard the other voice on the line that he registered what he had just done. He wasn't supposed to say anything to anyone.
"Kurt?"
But he couldn't reply. His heavy breathing prevented him from forming any words.
"Kurt, are you alright?" Blaine asked, his voice heavy with concern.
"I-" Kurt croaked, but couldn't make any other noise. Before he could stop himself, he was already breaking down in tears and he couldn't even understand why.
"Kurt, what's wrong? Did something happen?"
"I'm...I'm just scared." He managed to croak out. "Please...can you come?" And he knew that he was asking for something unfeasible. He knew that he shouldn't be calling Blaine during the school day but he needed him. He didn't understand what had overcome him in that moment but he needed to be held.
"I...Kurt, are you hurt?"
"No, I'm...I'm fine." Kurt mumbled.
"...Kurt, I'm so sorry but I can't really do anything right now, I don't have the car with me today..." And he could tell that Blaine meant it. He could hear the guilt etched into every word, but there was no use. A sob escaped his lips, unwillingly.
"Look, I can get Wes to drive me. I'll go get him right now and I'll be right there if you need me-"
"Never mind, I'm sorry for bothering you..." Kurt breathed, and hung up the phone. He didn't want to make Blaine feel guilty but he couldn't continue talking on the phone without knowing his boyfriend would be by his side. He couldn't cause Wes and Blaine the grief of driving the two hours to Lima just to talk to him.
He would have to deal with this one on his own.
"So, what are you doing for the English research project?" Mercedes whispered to him. They were sitting at the computer lab and their teacher was walking behind them, shushing anyone who was talking.
Kurt reluctantly raised his hand to his left shoulder, feeling the bruise. His eyes darkened. He waited silently for the teacher to pass by before he spoke. "Bullying directed at gay teens."
Mercedes flashed him a sad smile. "I understand." She squeezed his hand, and turned to her own computer.
"What about you?" Kurt said, looking through google for news articles.
"I was thinking about doing something on the impact of the media on young girls." Mercedes said nonchalantly. "After what happened last year with Coach Sylvester, I really want to spread awareness."
He gave her a smile. "I'm glad that's over with, Mercedes. I don't want you starving yourself ever again." They shared comforting glances and turned back to their computers.
"What kind of articles are you looking for?" Mercedes asked, peeking at his screen.
"Well I wanted to use articles that hit closer to home. I want to see if I can dig up anything on gay bullying here in Ohio." He said, flipping through the news stories.
"I don't know if you'll find anything Kurt," Mercedes said, "you know how people around here are-"
Kurt cut her off with a sharp gasp. Everyone in the room turned to look at him, but he was too focused to even notice. His eyes quickly skimmed the page, widening at every word.
"Kurt, what-"
"Oh my God..." He whispered, bringing a hand up to his mouth. "It's Blaine..."
"LIMA, OH - Bullying reached a new level yesterday when a young student was sent to the hospital for several broken bones, internal bleeding and severe wounds. Blaine Anderson, an openly-gay student at Jefferson High School, was cornered in an alley after school. The group of bullies left him unclothed after kicking him repeatedly in the stomach and throwing eggs at him. Anderson refused to make a statement as to who the culprits are and is now being treated for his wounds at the local hospital. 'It's lucky that he's alive," Dr. John McCall commented, "He has a deep laceration across his wrist which caused damage to a vein. Had the bullies gone further, the boy would be dead.'"
Kurt could feel the tears stinging at the corner of his eyes, he could feel the heat traveling up to his cheeks and tapering off at his ears.
Mercedes was looking at him in disbelief, her mouth wide open. Unable to hold himself together, Kurt stood up shakily and ran out of the room. Before the teacher could even exclaim his disdain, Mercedes had rushed out after Kurt.
"Kurt, wait!" Mercedes yelled, as she saw him running into the choir room. By the time she had reached the choir room Kurt was already sitting on the floor, cradling his knees, too shaken to do anything but stare aimlessly.
"Kurt," Mercedes whispered. She kneeled down next to him, grateful for the fact that they were alone. "You didn't know?"
He shook his head, his throat too dry to speak. His mind flashed back to their argument at the coffee shop that past week. He had yelled at him, told him he had no idea what it felt like to be bullied so severely. But he didn't know, didn't know that Blaine had gone through so much. He always thought it was nothing more than insults, the simple push into the locker that everyone got.
In fact, had he ever bothered to ask the particulars of Blaine's experience? Kurt paled as nausea settled at the pit of his stomach. I never asked, he thought.
He remembered how Blaine had dealt with the situation. Rather than being defensive and arguing back, he had run after Kurt. He even apologized, never mentioning the truth.
"God, I feel so sick." Kurt whispered. "I yelled at him...I told him he had no idea what I had gone through..." His voice shook as he spoke, and Mercedes wrapped an arm around him. "And he never said anything...He didn't tell me I was being stupid. God, I was so fucking stupid!" A hot tear trailed down his cheek as the anger overcame him. He reached in his pocket for his phone, but Mercedes stopped him.
"No, Kurt. You can't text him about this." Mercedes said warningly. "If you're going to talk to him about this it has to be in person. You can't just catch him off guard during the day and ask why he never told you about this...Obviously he's been trying to keep it quiet for a reason."
Kurt nodded and put his phone away. "But how..."
"Do something special for him, to show him you care. Then you can talk to him about it." Mercedes gave him a smile.
"Alright, everyone, how are all of the songs coming along?" Mr. Schuester called from the front of the room. Before anyone could respond, however, Sue Sylvester walked in.
"William, I thought I told you yesterday to wash your hair." She said abruptly.
"I did, Sue. Now could you please leave, you're interrupting-"
"I can smell the butter, William." She glared at him, took out her keys and waved them in front of him. "Looks like someone's car will have to pay the price for your extravagantly greasy hair." And with that, she walked out of the room. Mr. Schuester paled visibly and after immediately excusing himself from the group, he ran after her.
Everyone exchanged glances and began to laugh. Kurt took a deep breath and walked to the front of the room. "I wanted to ask you guys a favor..." He said, his throat still constricted.
The group turned their attention to him.
"I...need to serenade Blaine. And I need you guys to help me..." He mumbled, going red in the face. He watched as Puck and Santana smirked, clearly about to voice their protests.
"Look, bro, I'm all for your gay love, but I don't sing to dudes." Puck said.
Finn shot him a glare.
Kurt sighed and willed himself to keep going. "I just wanted to know if you guys could come with me to his school sometime this week..."
"But Kurt, we have school too!" Rache said. "We can't skip class."
"I know, but this is important Rachel...He..." and he stopped, because he couldn't keep going. He could feel his voice breaking.
Silence followed his words. Mercedes rose from her seat and stood next to Kurt, placing an arm around him. "Look guys, this is really important. We found something today that Kurt really needs to talk to Blaine about and...it's important that we show him Kurt cares, that we care about him."
"Well, what exactly did you find?" Quinn asked.
"Is he pregnant?" Brittany said, tilting her head to the right. "Because if he is, you can tell him it's okay. I can keep his baby if he wants. The stork never dropped mine off."
Everyone stared at her momentarily before turning back to Kurt.
"I don't know if he would want all of you to know, but...the article is public and I'm sure he could use our support." He whispered. He took out a folded sheet of paper from his pocket and handed it to Mercedes, who passed it to Quinn.
"Don't read it out loud, just...pass it around." Kurt mumbled.
He watched as everyone's eyes widened when their eyes began skimming across the page, could see both Rachel and Quinn getting teary-eyed at the words. When the paper had passed to the last person, everyone in the room got quiet.
"So, will you guys help me?"
Everyone looked around in agreement and nodded their heads.
Blaine was walking down the hall, staring at the floor. He kept racking his brain, searching for the last words he had said to Kurt. Had he said something to offend him? He sighed, and kicked a pencil on the ground as he made his way to the Warblers meeting.
It was Friday and Kurt hadn't talked to him two days. Had he done something wrong? He had called Kurt six times that morning to see what was wrong but he received no answer. His 24 text messages were left unanswered as well.
Just as he was about to turn into the meeting hall, he saw the dean and his assistants running past him. Bewildered, he looked around for anyone else.
"Hey, David, what's going on?" He said as he approached the room.
"Let's just say they've been distracted by a faux-emergency." He smiled.
"What do you mean, distracted?"
"Just follow the music, man."
"What?" Blaine asked in confusion.
"I was just told to relay the message to you, I was never told to make sense."
"What the hell are you talking about-" Blaine said but was cut off by the sound of music. He looked around, unable to place it. Then he realized it was coming from the P.A system. He turned back to David who was just smiling, knowingly.
Because it's cold outside,
It's cold outside.
At the sound of the voice, Blaine gasped. "Kurt?" He said disbelievingly. "And the whole group?"
Because it's cold inside,
It's cold inside.
Blaine turned back to David, his mouth agape. He tried to form words but couldn't find any.
"Follow the music, man." David smiled, and left.
And Blaine started running, his heart beating wildly. The path to the dean's office was far and if he didn't get there in time, Kurt could get in trouble.
That you're scared like me, so,
Let's pretend we're alone.
And I know you may be scared,
And I know we're unprepared,
But I don't care.
His footsteps echoed in the hall as he ran past crowds of people who were all smiling and seemed to be enjoying the music. His heart couldn't help but swell at the sound of Kurt's voice. Surely he had ignored him the two days in order to prepare for this.
What makes you think that you are invincible?
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure.
Please don't tell me
that I'm the only one that's vulnerable.
Impossible.
But what had caused the sudden serenade? He turned into another hall, hoping he could reach the office in time, praying that the Dean was far away and couldn't hear the commotion. Finally, he saw the office ahead, the door was being guarded by Wes and Jeffrey. They both smiled at him, and he blushed as they stood aside to let him pass. He rushed in through the door, his eyes falling on Kurt first. He was standing behind the Dean's desk, the microphone for the P.A held firmly in his hand. Their eyes met for a second, but Kurt did not stop singing. A small blush was creeping up his cheeks as Blaine watched him.
Isn't that a song already?
I get a B in originality.
'Did he just say love?' Blaine thought. His eyes met Kurt's and they both blushed. Finally he registered everyone else in the room. Rachel smiled at him as the others sang in the background. She took him by the hand and sat him down in a chair.
Your smile makes me see clearer,
If you could only see in the mirror what I see.
And Blaine watched in amazement as Kurt walked around the desk and stood right in front of him. He was singing directly to him. The bright blue eyes clashed with the hazel, causing Blaine's heart to drum against his chest. Kurt held out his hand and took hold of Blaine's, pulling him up to stand in front of him.
That you're scared like me, so,
Let's pretend we're alone.
And I know you may be scared,
And I know we're unprepared,
But I don't care.
And slowly, Kurt nodded to the rest of the group and they gave him a smile and left the room. Blaine looked at him quizzically, but Kurt only shook his head and continued to sing.
What makes you think that you are invincible?
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure.
Please don't tell me
that I'm the only one that's vulnerable.
Impossible.
Blaine could feel the tears slowly stinging at the corners of his eyes, and he couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the sudden rush of warmth he was feeling. Kurt's eyes met his again and Blaine could see a small tear already trailing down his cheek. Suddenly, Kurt started unbuttoning Blaine's jacket. Entranced, Blaine allowed him to continue. Kurt slipped off the jacket and put it aside, singing as he did so. Slowly, he got down on his knees, still looking up at Blaine. He reached his trembling fingers to Blaine's stomach. And finally, realization hit Blaine.
Just wait around and see
Maybe I'm much more,
You never know what lies ahead.
I promise I can be anyone,
I can be anything.
He couldn't stop the tears any longer. He felt the hot drops trailing burning paths down his cheeks as Kurt's hand trembled, pulling his shirt up and slowly running his finger over the cuts on his stomach.
doesn't mean you shouldn't bleed.
I can be anyone, anything.
I promise I can be what you need,
what you need.
And asking for permission with his eyes, Blaine nodded down at Kurt, whose gaze fell down to the cuts. And his eyes darkened and the tears fell faster as he read the word that was etched in his boyfriend's stomach. He took a pause and slowly leaned in to kiss the scars.
What makes you think that you are invincible?
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure.
Please don't tell me
that I'm the only one that's vulnerable.
Impossible.
And the silence fell over them as Kurt clicked off the P.A system and kept running his fingers over the scars. He couldn't stop the tears then; they were flowing freely, unable to contain themselves. He looked up at Blaine who was smiling, despite the tears that were also streaming down the sides of his face. And Kurt stood up, cupped Blaine's face in his hands, and before he could realize what he was doing, he leaned in and pressed his lips passionately against Blaine's, his warmth sending goosebumps down the other boy's spine. Their mouths moved with desperation and passion as the tears kept falling down. Something took over Kurt, and suddenly his tongue was sliding across Blaine's lips, asking for entrance. Blaine gave way and for the first time their tongues met, dancing around each other shyly as the electricity ran through both of their bodies.
But Kurt pulled away, the red in his cheeks was stronger than usual. He lowered one of his hands and pulled Blaine closer to him. "We need to go somewhere to talk..." He whispered, as he wiped the tears from Blaine's face. And the other boy nodded, unable to find the words that were hiding from him.
He looked gratefully at Kurt as the boy pulled him out of the Dean's office. Their friends were still waiting outside and all of them were smiling. Blaine waved at them despite looking like a mess. No one said anything about their red eyes, or the fact that they were sniffling as they walked down the hall. They simply waved their goodbyes and allowed the two boys to find a private place to talk.
Kurt motioned for Blaine to sit down on the bed. They had made their way to the dorms, walking in silence. Slowly, Kurt took out the wrinkled sheet of paper from his pocket and handed it to Blaine. A look of dawning seemed to be sweeping over his face as he quickly skimmed through the article. The tears had stopped now, but his eyes were still red.
"...Where did you find this?" Blaine croaked. He found that his voice was raspy and his throat was still dry.
"We started a research project today...I was looking for articles on gay bullying and...that's what I found." Kurt said softly.
Blaine sat quietly, his eyes glued to the floor. He wasn't sure if he wanted to look up at Kurt. What would he see there? Disappointment? Anger? Hate...? 'No,' Blaine reprimanded himself, 'He just sang you a song for the whole school to hear...He couldn't hate you.'
"I...I'm sorr-" Blaine whispered, but he was interrupted.
"No, Blaine." Kurt said as he knelt down and took Blaine's hands. "You're not going to apologize to me. You have no reason to."
Blaine could feel the tears stinging at the corners of his eyes once again. He couldn't bear to look up. "But...I didn't tell you..."
"Look, if anyone's going to apologize it should be me. That day at the Lima Bean, you didn't fight back. You let me yell at you like some pompous idiot!"
Blaine made a motion to speak but Kurt shushed him. "No, you're going to listen to me. I'm sorry, Blaine. You have no idea-" Kurt said, his voice breaking. "You have no idea how sorry I am for saying all of those things to you...I was stupid...I never even asked you-" And he couldn't go on any longer. His voice faltered and he had to look away as the tears ran down his cheeks. Blaine squeezed his hand without looking up.
"I never even asked you what they did..." Kurt shuddered. "I just assumed it was teasing...nothing bad...I've been awful to you, Blaine." And finally Blaine looked up and met Kurt's eyes. The piercing blue eyes looked into the hazel, pleading for forgiveness. Blaine opened his mouth to speak but Kurt stopped him again. He raised his right hand to brush Blaine's cheek, caressing it gently. "You've been here for me for everything...And I haven't done anything for you...I'm so sorry Blaine...But I promise you that's going to change. I promise you that I'm going to protect you..." He paused again to compose himself. Tears were now streaming down Blaine's cheeks as he hung to every word. "I'm going to protect you like you've always protected me."
"Kurt..." Blaine whispered. "You're not...you're not going to leave?" His voice broke and he had to bite his lip to keep the sob from escaping.
Kurt's eyes narrowed with concern. "No...why on Earth would you think that?"
"What they did to me...it broke me, Kurt...You can't want someone so broken...and so disgusting." And Blaine cringed as he said the word, remembering every kick he had received for being the way he was. He shut his eyes, unable to look at Kurt, fearing what he would see.
"Look at me Blaine." Kurt said firmly, cupping Blaine's face with both of his hands. And the boy slowly opened his eyes, his breath held. "What they did to you...it's not your fault. It doesn't make you disgusting and it doesn't make you broken and it doesn't mean you're tainted. You're everything to me Blaine, and nothing will ever change that." He took a pause, making sure to hold Blaine's gaze. "I care about you so much Blaine...I like everything about you and it doesn't matter that you have scars or that you get scared from time to time...You don't have to be ashamed of anything. And you don't have to be scared anymore. I'm not leaving."
Kurt pressed his lips to Blaine's gently, a simple chaste kiss. Then there was no restraining. Blaine broke freely into a mess of tears as Kurt wrapped him into a hug. They stayed like that for a while, Kurt kneeling on the floor and holding on as he let Blaine sob into his shirt. Everything else was forgotten. All that mattered was hanging on to each other, feeling for the first time that neither of them were alone. Then Kurt stood up, and pushed Blaine gently onto the bed. He lied down next to him, allowed him to rest his head on his chest as the sobs tapered off into shudders. And the two lied there together, tear tracks mapped across their cheeks as they drifted off to sleep.