July 28, 2011, 7:39 a.m.
In Kurt's head: In Kurt's Head
T - Words: 1,962 - Last Updated: Jul 28, 2011 Story: Complete - Chapters: 2/2 - Created: Jul 28, 2011 - Updated: Jul 28, 2011 508 0 0 0 0
I knew that Pav liked shiny things. When I let him fly around my room he always ended up picking up little shiny things and dragging them back to his cage. So I decided to cover it up with glitter, sparkles and fake gemstones.
I knew it was only a bird… And that it was silly to give that much time into making a casket, but it felt right. It was also helping me not to think about the duet. With Blaine.
I didn’t b know how to handle our friendship anymore; Blaine was so flirty all the time, I had a hard time trying to restrain myself from jumping on him and kissing him with everything I had. From the beginning he’d had that light in his eyes saying: “I love you, Kurt Hummel” but the words in his mouth were “I really – really care about you… But as you - and twenty other mortified shoppers – saw I’m not very good at romance… I don’t wanna screw this up”. So, here I was, in a one way.
The other day, when he let his head rest on my shoulder during Misery, I thought I was going to explode. How could he be so careless when he knew I had feelings for him?
The next day, I didn’t even look at him when I sang Blackbird. Why should I even bother to wonder what his reaction would be when I knew that he was still going to perform every song for the Warblers anyway? I just couldn’t look at his pretty little face, impressed by my talent, when I knew I was still going to be back vocals for him for Regionals.
The following day came the duet idea. Of course I wanted to do it with him! Seeing him as often as we could so we could practice, be close enough to him that I could smell his sweet and spicy scent… Okay, I was clearly daydreaming, but WHY ON EARTH would Blaine insist I do the duet with him without auditions? And why would the Warblers approved that without complains? Nick and Jeff had great voices too… He also DARED to wink at me! Why would he do that? Because he just got me to sing for the first time in front of a competition audience?
I was too busy thinking handling glue, my little craft grips and the sparkles, I didn’t hear the footsteps that were coming in.
Then, I heard the perfect voice… The one I didn’t know if I wanted to hear or not.
“What’s that?” Blaine ask, with a smile showing even in his tone.
“I’m decorating Pavarotti’s casket” I said… I thought about adding “obviously” but I didn’t want to be rude.
As I said that, Blaine came by the table.
“Well finish up! I have the perfect song for our number and we should practice” He added. I couldn’t help but notice that he wasn’t looking at me… Weird…
“Do tell!”
“Candles…. By Hey Monday…”
At that precise moment, his honey/green/hazel/amazing eyes looked straight into mine. Trying not to lose my words, I formulate a very decent answer :
“I’m impressed! You’re usually so top 40!”
“Well I just – wanted- something more… emotional” He said, while he sat on the chair next to me. Then he started avoiding eye contact, again. Maybe he thinks that all the accessories on the table are fascinating.
Emotional, uh? I couldn’t help it; I smiled a little at the idea that maybe, Blaine, wanted a romantic duet with me…
Don’t you dare, Kurt Hummel, build something up in your head again! I thought while avoiding looking at him. You’re completely honest with each other… Ask him right now why he wanted to sing with you! NOW!
I searched everywhere through my head to find some courage… When I’d gathered enough I finally spoke.
“Why did you pick me to sing that song with?”
Good job, Hummel! I silently encouraged myself.
While I was talking, I looked up at his face… I needed to see his reaction to my question.
I noticed that when I spoke, he looked at me, but that when I’d finished voicing my question, his eyes darted around, looking at everything but my face, again!
He didn’t speak… Had I just broken him? He was usually so good at talking! He opened his mouth, he blinked, and then he closed his eyes and began to say the magic words that would change my life. But I didn’t know it just then. I didn’t know what was going to happen.
“Kurt, there is a moment when you say to yourself, Oh, there you are. I've been looking for you forever. “
My heart was pounding in my chest… He had his eyes closed and when he said I’ve been looking for you forever he looked at me straight in the eyes with his stunning gaze.
He then looked down, again. Why was he so shy? How could Blaine Anderson be shy all of a sudden?
Then, he did the most incredible thing… He covered my hand, which was laying on the table, with his… I’d been waiting since November for him to touch my hand again. I was literally melting…
“Watching you do Blackbird this week...” he continued.
Black bird? What black bird? Pav was yellow, Blaine! Oooh! The SONG Blackbird… Hummel, you’re losing it! Get a grip!
“…that was a moment for me. About you.”
I froze… I wanted to smile so hard! From one ear to the other. I couldn’t! I knew my lips twitched a bit, but I couldn’t put the smile I wanted to have on my face.
I looked at him, expectantly. He tried to speak again but the words wouldn’t come out. He concentrated very hard and was able to finish.
“You moved me, Kurt,”
Nope… Still not able to smile… Just looking stunned… and probably dumb!
“ and this duet would just be an excuse to spend more time with you. “
My lips parted slightly and I had a hard time breathing. Did Blaine Anderson just say he wanted to spend more time with me? Was I hallucinating? Was the glue too strong? Was I in a dream? Was that really Blaine, not-good-at-romance-Blaine, finally telling me he loved me with beautiful words?
Then very slowly, he closed the distance between our faces, while he stood up but his still at the same height. The expression from mine went from “shocked” to “expectant”.
When we were finally only a few inches apart he sped up. As he closed his eyes, his hand left mine and I felt his lips on mine almost instantly. A second later, his other hand was on my cheek.
My eyes were still open; I could see every pore of his skin; he was there, so close to me, kissing me. It was not Brittany, whom I’d used to impress my dad. It was not Karofsky, desperate, stealing my first real kiss. It was Blaine Fucking Anderson, the boy I’d loved for months. When I was sure it was him and not some sort of hallucination, I closed my eyes.
We both sighed. Gosh that was sexy! More than just him touching my hands! Speaking of hands, I didn’t know what to do with mine… Butterflies in the stomach, I thought of reaching his face too, pulling him closer to me. My hand twitched a bit, my wrist still resting on the table.
But then, the other hand wanted more. So it went to cup Blaine’s face and pulled him closer. It was such a natural thing to do, I couldn’t help it.
And we continued kissing, for a few seconds. Blaine tried to pull off, I leaned my head; I wanted more. I felt his tongue exploring my bottom lip. I sucked it a little bit, but not enough for people to see; if people were watching us! They would have needed to REALLY pay attention!
Then, Blaine broke the kiss. Looking uncomfortable. He still had his hand on my cheek. Mine just fell on the table, as if it wanted to go brag about Blaine’s soft face to the other and say “Hey! You’ve missed something great, right hand!”
My heart was still pounding… Hard… I tried to smile the dashing smile I wanted to have a few moments ago but I still couldn’t, I was still stunned. More than stunned, I was petrified with happiness. Blaine kissed me… He fucking kissed me!
I didn’t have trouble catching my breath but I had trouble looking at Blaine. He was, too, avoiding looking at me while he sat back. He chuckled and buried his beautiful face in his hand.
“We should… We should practice” he said, looking at the sparkles and the gemstones, still on the table. He really looked uncomfortable, but not as a regret… Just not sure whether he did it the right way. A cute kind of uncomfortability.
Really Blaine? Was it so awful that we need to practice? Or do you mean singing? Whatever… You really want to practice, so we shall…
“I thought we were…” was all I was able to add, with a smirk. I wanted more and I knew that, by saying these four simple words I’ll have more in an instant.
And I was right! He stood up again and closed the distance between our lips about five times faster than the last time. I raised my head to kiss him too, my left hand flying to his face again, leaving the right one on the table. “Sorry right hand, I want some more!”
Our first kiss was to gauge one another; see if it was okay to kiss, if we were not going to get rejected, if the other tasted good, if our lips together felt right, if we didn’t have bad breath. It was the finality of Blaine’s sweet words to me.
The second one was because hell we wanted to do this for such a long time! Blaine loved me since I-didn’t-know-when (I didn’t think he knew either). I’d loved him since the day he sang Teenage Dream in the Senior Commons. The urgency was there. We had four months to catch up on. We HAD to kiss! We needed this!
And, Oh my god! Blaine was so good at this! We didn’t use our tongues but our lips were fighting furiously and neither wanted to lose. I loved how Blaine’s lips tasted. Sometimes, we would whisper the other’s name. Luckily, our names were short, so we had time to say it without being cut by another fierce kiss.
We were still kissing with the same ardour when my cell phone rang. Blaine broke the kiss again, smiling.
He looked at the time, on a clock nearby.
“Gosh! I have to go… I’m late! I’ll be seeing you, Kurt!” He said. “I… I… I love you?” He wasn’t sure if it was too much, too fast, I think…
“I love you too!” I added, very confident. He then smiled in the most beautiful way. I melted again in my chair. They would literally need a spatula to get me out of there.
I smiled back, finally, with the smile I wanted to make. From ear to ear, Blaine could see all my teeth.
When Blaine was out the door, I took my cell phone from the table and looked at it. Mercedes sent me a text:
Hey, man! Just finished singing at the glee club! You should see the new keyboard we got with the Cheerios money! It’s red and it’s gorgeous!”
I chuckled… Mercedes was texting me about a red keyboard?! Did she know that that text just made Blaine go away?
I despised that red keyboard… Stupid red keyboard…