21st of April

I don’t even know what to do with myself right now. I don’t know what’s happening.

I’m just mad without any reason. Furious, almost. I just want to hit and… hurt something. I know I shouldn’t feel like this. But I just can’t help it.

It’s part of being a teenager, I guess. But that doesn’t mean I like it.

I hate it.

I hate feeling this way.

I hate that no one understands.

I hate that people petty in me even when I’m mad.

It doesn’t matter what I say or do, they’ll just petty me. Think that ‘Oh he’s just a little grumpy today. Nothing to worry about. I would feel frustrated if I was in his situation too.’

NO!

It’s not ‘my situation’ that makes me feel like this!

I don’t know what it is, but please just stop thinking it’s all because I’m sick!

…I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t yell. Or technically I’m not either. I’m writing, I know but… I don’t know.

But it just gets a little hard sometimes…

Later, I guess…

I miss Blaine.

I haven’t seen him in a couple of days now, says he’s busy with school and Glee club.

Oh I which I could say the same. But I’m not busy with anything.

I miss singing. I really do. But I can’t sing anymore. My voice isn’t strong enough.

Why is my life like this? How did I manage to lose everything I used to live for?

I guess there’s no one but me to blame. I let it happen. I didn’t fight as much and as hard as I should’ve.

There’s no one but me to blame.