17th of August

You know how everyone always keeps telling you that it gets better? I do at least; because it’s one of the most common things people say to me.

That, and that I just somehow have got to accept my situation, that it’s not until then I can start to get better again.

I have accepted my situation. And I have also accepted that there won’t be any getting better, not in my case. There just won’t.

I know that. And I think a lot of people around me know it too, they just don’t wanna tell me. Maybe they think they’ll take away what little hope I have left.

Little do they know that there isn’t even a trace of hope left in my body anymore. (Or mind, depending on how you see it.)

 I must be putting on a good show, though. Lately people have started to tell me I seem to finally start getting better. I don’t know whether I feel happy or sad about this, because it is so far from the truth.

It kind of frustrates me, for sure. But maybe it’s a tiny bit good as well, because if they think I'm getting better, they won’t be worrying as much.

But I don’t know. Maybe it’s just selfish of me to give them false hope. I don’t know.