Kurt woke up the next morning, all sore, and felt like his head was about to explode. He felt physical pain everywhere, for sleeping on the wooden floor of the stage. The bottle, now empty, had fallen off the stage and broken into pieces on the floor. He couldn't remember what happened. How did he land in here. Why he felt like a dozen knifes were stuck in his head. Why his shirt was wet with he would assume were tears. And why a really annoying buzzing wasn't stopping.

Slowly he tried to get up but his feet wouldn't respond and he fell once again on his knees, feeling like a shitty alcoholic. His phone fell next to him on the floor and the he realized it was what had woken him up. He looked at the lightened screen and there it was : 35 missed calls, 20 messages. He checked the first missed call and pressed "call", without really focusing on who he was in fact calling. After two seconds, someone picked up :

"OH MY GOD! Kurt, it's you? Are u ok, where are you? Are you ok?"

"Slow down, Rachel… I'm ok, I'm in theatre, please don't shout, I have a terrible hangover…"

"HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING? KUUUUUURT?"

"Shhht Rachel, yes, I've been drinking but…"

And then the line shut down. He sighed and lied down once again on his back, one arm behind his head. He couldn't move, and he didn't want to. He didn't to want think. To remember why he was feeling so bad, why he had been drinking, why he felt like his whole world was over, and there was no more hope.

And then it him. Blaine. Lisa. Dad. Mom. Blaine again. Married. Lisa again. 3 years. Blaine. Tequila. Black out.

He closed his eyes, really hard, but it felt like how mattered he wanted to cry, no tear would fall. Maybe there were none left. Maybe tears meant you could at some point wash them off, and at some point you wouldn't look you've been crying. Tears meant that you could eventually get better. That you were hurting, sure, but still feeling something. And when you felt, there was hope.

But now, he couldn't cry. There was no more hope. No more getting over it, getting better. He couldn't wash away his pain. And erase every trace and proof of it. He was marked. To the bone. With iron. Not a scare but a hole. Deep. That was consuming him.

How one single person, could do this to you? Wondered Kurt. How, a single soul can rip apart yours? "I'm supposed to be strong", said Kurt out loud, "I'm not supposed to stop believing in all that makes me who I am, because one single person disappoint you. How many times, have I been disappointed? How many time did I had to talk back, look back, defend myself, get up, again and again, no more how hard they hit me. No matter how much Karofsky shoved me into the lockers, no matter how much got slushied by the entire Football team, no matter how people looked at me in the streets, how many jobs people refused me, I always had the courage to keep on going."

"Courage…," yeah that's courage. That's the courage Blaine taught him.

Then Kurt jumped suddenly into his feet, not taking the time to process how much his head was spinning or his muscles hurt and shouted with all his force in the empty theatre : "I'm not because of you Blaine Anderson. I've always been strong!"

The echo of his words kept ringing into his ears, like they were confirming this truth.

"I AM STRONG", Kurt continued lower this time, "and not because of you. You helped me sure, you gave the only advice you never took, but anyone could have given me the same, it would have been the same. My dad could have. It would have been better. I would never have met you. Oh I curse the day, our paths crossed. I cursed stopping you in that hallway, I curse myself for falling over a stupid Katy Perry Song! All this time I've been carrying my courage for both. Well baby, I'm not gonna carry you anymore. Anyone else for that matter."

And then he was screaming again : "Listen, Mr. Anderson, Listen World, Kurt Hummel is done carrying people that don't earn it. He's done being mister nice guy. Kurt Hummel is a selfish and sassy diva, Just get ready for your world to be shaken hard!"

*****

"That's my boy!"

Kurt gasped in surprise and turned too fast to see his friend Mercedes coming toward her, and lost the balance on his feet as his head was still spinning fast. But before he fell down once again, his friend, helped him settle steady and looked at him.

"Baby, we were so worried. Finn, Rachel and I. I mean we went to your place, and then we called like everybody we know, really like everybody…

"I'm sorry Mercedes, I didn't…

"It's ok baby, we are just glad you're ok." She smiled at him and hugged him. He rested his head on her shoulder and he felt a bit better and less heavy.

"Well, yeah we are glad you're ok, and all, But man, What is that ?"

Kurt turned and saw Rachel and Wes standing under the stage, where the empty bottle of Tequila was broken in twelve, and they looked clearly worried by the sight of it.

"I'm sorry Wes, I didn't.. I didn't want to… I mean I did but… Oh, please, why am I apologizing to you, you were drunk as a skunk last night!"

"Yeah but, I'm used to drinking. You, on the other hand…"

"Oh give some slack! After what happened, it wasn't the worst that I could have done… if I trashed the stage, on the other hand…"

"Oh, stop playing Smarty pants, Kurt, I get it!"

"Listen Wes, it was just a one time thing, ok ? I promise to you I'll never touch to that junk again. Bad for my skin anyway…"

Even if Kurt was back at his sarcasms, she wasn't fooled one bit. She saw how much it was hard for him to crack one joke, how much it took on himself to even smirk a bit.

" Kurt, if you need help, you know… we could go those AA meetings…"

"Seriously, Rachel, Seriously?" Now, he was just angry.

"Rachel, Shut up please. You too, Wes," Mercedes added quickly when she saw that he was about to open his mouth, "Kurt is just tired, he needs to go home, take a shower, cool off, and rest a bit. Right baby?"

Kurt was now really glad to have a friend like Mercedes by his side. He just couldn't deal now with Rachel craziness and Wes, who was all I'm-your-friend-but-still-your-boss- mood. So he took her hand a gave her a real smile, that he really meant and he hoped it would show her how much he was grateful to her.

"Thanks Cedes, That sounds good. Add 1 or 10 Advil into the equation, and I'll be considering marrying you."

Both of them chuckled when Mercedes replied, in the same tone : "If you consider a domestic relationship, I'm sure I can have Sam agree to that. You know he's addicted at your cookies. I even considered taking him to those cookies addict meetings…" she added looking straight into Rachel eyes, who was exasperated by them.

Kurt took Mercedes hand and headed toward the door, asking to the security guy to find them a cab. Oh, how much he just wanted to go home!

Still in the theatre, Wes and Rachel were reviewing what just happened. They both agreed to the same thing in their head, but it was Rachel who said it out loud :

"Wes, you need to call Ian. Kurt's act is not that good. I know he's still down. And I don't want to suffer from it….I mean the show! So just call Ian, and see if he can replace Kurt tonight. I'll take it upon myself to tell him, when he feels better".

And with that, she was gone, leaving Wes alone, wondering if, he had lost at the same time his friend and his star.

******

Not far from here, in room 1405 of the Continental Hotel New York, a man was lying on his bed, eyes wide open, not having being able to sleep a single minute of the night, trying to process every second of the previous evening. An evening that might have been the one that would change, once again, the course of his life.

There are moments in someone's life, that will change you forever. No matter how long they last. Less than a second, or a life time. Last as much as a breath. Like they say: life doesn't measure by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away : a smile, a look, a kiss, a touch. A phone call, can change everything, only if your screener only says it lasted 33 seconds. A plain ticket. A knock on your parents' door. That's all it take.

And then, you think that no more unexpected things will happen to you. And The door of faith is closed. Well, learn to expect once more the unexpected. A door opens, a glance is shared. And all goes to hell.

Last night wasn't a dream, that Blaine was sure. He was sure because he was alone in the room. He was alone because Lisa wouldn't sleep with him if he didn't explain himself. And he didn't. He didn't because there was nothing and again so much to tell.

There are again those moments where everything just tends to a world. A phrase. That could make everything better or everything worse. A word that defines the course of the rest of your life.

And that was it last night. His words, at that moments, would have changed the course of his life. So instead of choosing, he settled for nothing. He just wouldn't choose. So they chose for him : Kurt insulted him and his family, while he was unable to say anything, then Lisa, chose for him when she told him that until he was ready to talk about what had happened last night, and really explain himself, she would find herself an other room.

So they chose for him. He was relieved. Cowardly relieved. Besides he knew that this wasn't a choice between Lisa and Kurt. He gave up Kurt a long time ago. And Kurt had clearly given up on him. And Lisa…. Well, this is were he was stuck. There was no way he could explain something to her. So he just lied there in his bed, his eyes looking in the ceiling. Just lied.

Or he would have, if the room's phone didn't start to make the most horrible sound known to men.

"Hello ?"

"Blaine darling ?"

"hey, Mom… Good morning, did you sleep well?"

"Yes, thanks sweetie, Tom and I were wondering if you would join us with Lisa, for a breakfast outside, in 30 minutes ?"

"Hum… yeah… sure… see you then".

Well, Blaine, you made a choice. Breakfast with Mommy and Daddy. Mommy and Daddy who apparently didn't seem to mind the events of last night. When everybody split up, and they remained all 4 by themselves in the streets, they didn't make any comment. They didn't look angry like Lisa. They were even happy to have seen the new Yankee player and the stars to a new Broadway show. Like they were some kind of country uneducated people who came for the first time in New York. But Blaine knew it wasn't the case. They were from Boston, from a very rich family, and very educated. So why did acted so strangely last night? They didn't seem to notice their daughter's unease.

Thinking of Lisa, he should let her know. So he composed her number on his cell phone, because he had honestly no idea in what room she was in. well, in fact, he had no idea if she was even in THIS hotel.

"Blaine, what do you want ?"

"Well, your parents called, and they want us to have breakfast outside with them in half an hour…"

"Fine, I'll come by your door in 25 minutes so we can go together… Blaine are you ready to talk ?"

"Lisa…I…"

"Ok, see you in 25 then…" and the line went down.

This was going to be a wonderful day.

******

Back at Home, Kurt was finally having some recovery time. Mercedes had dropped him off an hour ago, promising that she would be back with Sam to bring him lunch. He had showered, and spent the last hour on his moisturizing routine that he needed so much. Because, not only he was feeling like hell, but he had looked like hell. And those little rituals made him strangely feel better. Like he was back at being him. He didn't forget who he was, and that was just an other day in Kurt's Hummel life. Of course, he couldn't hold that thought more than 2 seconds, the stretching pain in his head, reminding him constantly of his night. He had token 2 Advil but he knew that no drug could make him feel better. So he just took a place on his couch, and put on the TV. A rewind of America's Next top Model was on. It was perfect. He didn't want to think at least for the next two hours or so.

He was still resting, his head slightly on her shoulder as she was running her fingers through his hair. In normal cases, he would never allow her to do that. But today was definitely not normal. He just needed someone to be here for him, to make him feel loved, even if he couldn't admit it to her or Sam. Sam who was now looking at her deeply across the table, his locked on her, a pure look of love. God, she was so happy he was here with her right now, so happy he was in her life. That he made her feel secure and needed. She smiled at him, and she hoped that he could understand what she was feeling, what he made her feel. And he smiled back, and she knew. Yes, she knew that he understood her and that he felt exactly the same. It was their perfect moment, here and now, just looking at each other, like everything ceased to exist. Like Kurt's face wasn't buried into Mercedes shoulder. Like they were home. Together.

But as they say, you could only appreciate how happy you are when it cease to exists. When something comes along and ruin that perfect moment you were not even aware having. That something must have been the noise of Kurt's cell when he ringed briefly.

That sound, strangely, awaken the three of the them from the moment, Kurt's putting himself back straight on the couch, and grabbing his phone, with a deep sight. And by broking the perfect united moment Mercedes and Sam were having. Sam shrugged and sighed and turned to face Kurt.

"who is it, Kurt ?"

But Kurt didn't respond and that finally put her out of her moment. She looked away from Sam only to see a very concerned Kurt, eyes still locked on his phone. Something was definitely wrong here.

" Kurt ?"

But he didn't say anything and just gave her the phone so she could look for himself what was the cause of his troubles. And there it was, a text, from Artie saying simply : "Hey Man, really looking forward to this gathering tonight. So, when are we up ? and, Kurt… Were do you crash ?"

Oh fuck, she had sincerely forgotten about that damn party! Everything was so messed up last night and this morning that she didn't even thought about the gathering that they were supposed to have tonight. "so much for being a good friend, Mercedes", she wanted to slap herself.

She heard Sam clearing his throat and looked at time. The poor guy was so confused, so she handed him the phone. Once he read the text, he had the same embarrassing look that she must have been wearing.

" Kurt, I'm sorry… babe, I've totally forgotten about that stupid party… I should call everyone and let them know it ain't happening"

"No really it's ok Mercedes. I've totally forgotten myself…"

"But you were kind of busy…. It's not your fault"

"neither is it yours Cedes. You were all busy taking care of me. By the way, Thank you. I mean I don't know, why I haven't said it before, but really, genuinely thank you guys."

"It's ok babe… You'll know, I'll always be for you"

"So", Asked Sam, "should I call everybody?"

he was just about to take his phone and compose the first number, Puck's when he heard the most unexpected answer from Kurt's : "No".

Mercedes and Sam exchanged surprised looks and he asked : "What do you mean, no ?"

"I mean, that I want to have the party… I've missed everybody like hell, and it's not because… well… that we shouldn't do it. I want things to feel normal…"

"It doesn't have to be right now, Kurt… " started to say Mercedes with a very wary look on her face.

"Yes, it has". Kurt's voice was steady and strong somehow now. "I don't want this… him.. to get me down. To keep me from living my life. I want to enjoy fun moments with friends that I haven't seen in a while. I want to be happy. Even if it is just for one night. I need this."

"You sure Kurt ?"

"Yes Sam, I'm positive. That's also why I don't want anybody to know about what happened with Blaine. I just don't want them to look at me with pity…"

"Nobody has pity on your soul, Kurt !"

"Haha, thanks Cedes, but really… I just want a nice fun evening… Just pretend…"

"Pretend ?"

"Yes pretend…"

"Well, pretend it is then! " affirmed Sam. But he noticed that Mercedes wasn't clearly ok with the whole "pretend thing" and was about to say something, but he caught his hand just before she would be able to. She looked at him slightly confused, but he just put a finger on his mouth, and mouthed : "shut, leave it be". She sighed but she listened to him. If Kurt wanted to have his party, then hell, let it be! Especially after the fact that he felt that he wasn't able to be as carrying to him, the way Mercedes was. That killed him to see him suffer like that. He didn't see how a party could make him feel better. If he was him, he would just more depressed. But he wasn't him, he wasn't Kurt and the ways to Kurt's mind impenetrable. So he would just give him the party, and make sure it rocked, if it was the only thing he could do.

"Kurt, don't worry. Clearly you have to get ready for the show, so just leave me your key, I'm going to take care of all we need. Food and drinks and all. "

"Thanks…"

"Don't mention it. U need something else"

"How about that phone call, Mercedes? Maybe you could actually convince Rachel, Finn and Wes to keep their blabby mouths shut tonight."

"Sure, baby. The Kurt's Hummel House Party Trainwreck Extravaganza Party is officially a go!"

And she felt even a little better when she saw Kurt chuckle. Maybe that party was not such a bad idea after all.

******

This was officially the worst idea ever. Blaine had been spending the entire day playing "pretend" with Lisa and her parents, through New York. They were decent to each other, pretending to smile to each other when their parents were talking to them. Pretending to have stimulate conversations with each other. Pretending to having fun, to enjoying their meals, their walks. Pretending was so fucking hard for Blaine. He was tired being Mr. Perfect husband all day long. And Lisa didn't help either. As soon as her parents were looking the other way around, the smile on her lips faded and her look darkened. She kept shooting him with furious looks through the day and he couldn't take it anymore. He just wanted the day to be over and to go back lying in his bed looking at the ceiling. Thinking about Kurt. About how much he had hurt him. How much he was hurting himself. He just wanted to be alone. Hurting alone. Was it too much to ask. Because apparently his parents-in-law were taking the hurting into a much higher level.

"Sweeties, it's almost six, we should go back to Broadway…"

"And for what, Mom?", asked Lisa

"Lisa, for the show obviously!"

And it was now the first sincere look that Blaine and Lisa had shared the entire day. Not pretending anymore. They were both horrified. To say the least. But, Blaine wasn't only horrified but his hands begun to shake, and he couldn't remember how to swallow. That was not happening. No way!. There was no way that he could seat during the entire show. Look at Kurt for 2 straight hours. He was ok with thinking about Kurt, in his hotel room. But he just couldn't face thinking about Kurt with Kurt actually being her, only a few feet away. Because apparently if it was enough, they scored great seats, front rows. Inches from Kurt. Inches from his pain. And inches from his love. Inches from his lost dreams and hope. He would have to face them, to face him, as he was singing and acting on stage. With his beautiful voice. His face lightened by the spotlights and the glow of his success. That he couldn't do. No he just couldn't. He was scared to death. It felt like he was going to throw up.

But apparently the choice wasn't him to make. As he was processing his fears, it looked like a argument went down between Lisa and her parents. And it seemed like her parents won the round. Oh my. First round, Blaine, KO.

"Blaine, are you ok, darling?"

Blaine pulled himself from the nightmare only to see three pairs of eyes staring at him, concerned for the most part. For the most part only, because Lisa's eyes were like an X Ray trying to scan into his soul. God, how much he hated her right now!

"Huh?" was all he could manage to answer.

"Blaine Darling you're shaking, and you look kind of pale…"

The answer he gave Lisa's mom right there would haunt him the rest of the night.

"Yeah, I'm fine… really it's nothing… cold… I'm ok".

Why, oh why didn't he pretend to be sick? He was good at pretending all day long, why couldn't he do it a while longer? He could have been in his bed by now, trying to find comfort in the different shapes of beige in his ceiling. But no, he had to say that he was fine, nothing wrong with him. What the hell was wrong with him? Why did he have to keep the same mistakes again and again? A mistake that led him there in the theatre that was now filling up with people; so exited to watch "this amazing new show"! H was seated next to his father-in-law so was so edgy of excitement that he didn't even notice that Blaine was hard on focusing on how to breath. And Lisa, wasn't even there. Not that he would have wanted her to be, but something was up with her, and it scared him. She excused herself to go the bathroom over twenty minutes ago, now. Where the hell was she ?

*****

Lisa had maid up her mind. Blaine will be angry at her but it didn't matter to her. Because she felt like her world was about to rip apart into a million pieces. And she felt like she would be the one to be left alone, trying to collect them. So she made up her mind. If Blaine wouldn't do it, if he wouldn't talk to her, wouldn't explain her, she'd have to find her explanation by herself. And that was occurring backstage. In the shadow of the show. Where all the secrets of the making were kept. Were she was going to reveal their own.

She knocked on the door, the door that would reveal hopefully the meaning of those last 24 hours, of this huge secret that was affecting Blaine, that was affecting her, that was affecting her life. She heard a voice say "Yes ?" and so, she entered.

" Can we talk ?"

"I guess." Said Kurt, with panic in his eyes, and slowly breathing." I'm sorry, I was rude on you yesterday, you didn't deserve it. You seem nice."

""Yeah that was kind of bold, and rude. But why ?"

"It's not that I don't like you, Lisa, I was just mad. At Blaine… "added Kurt slowly.

Lisa was trying to figure out Kurt, looking him deep in the eyes. Kurt knew, that there was no way he could hide his emotions from her. She had a sharp look that made him even more unsecure and he looked down.

"I understood that. But then again, why?"

"Listen Lisa, I don't know you. It's kind of my business… and Blaine's. "

"No it's now my business, because well, you kind of ruined our evening yesterday, you and your friends. And you were all really weird about me. The way you looked at me when Blaine introduced us. Even your brother… hmm Finn… was…"

"Don't mind him, he's stupid…" Tried to explain Kurt.

"He didn't seem that stupid to me. "

"Listen, it's not about you."

"Clearly it is. Or at least it's related to Blaine. And me. And we are a family. "

"I'm not trying to ruin your family or anything Lisa…"

"Cut the crap will you ? "

Kurt jumped in shock and locked his eyes once again into hers. Her gaze was intense and he knew that there was no way that he could get himself out of that without some kind of repercussions. What was he supposed to say: "sorry Lisa, but your boyfriend is gay. I'm actually his former ex boyfriend, whom his spent 4 years of his life with, just to dump him in the blink of an eye, might I suggest you to watch your back ?'

But Lisa was still waiting for him to say something, anything, that could maybe help her wrap her head around. That could give her some kind of an explanation. But nothing came, not from Kurt anyway.

"Listen Kurt, something went down between you two, and that, really pisses off my husband- "At the word husband, Kurt sighed-" and… I'm afraid that.."

"Listen you don't have to be afraid of anything…"

"The hell, I am! "She was clearly getting angrier by the second and was not about to cool off anytime soon. "Listen Kurt, I am afraid. Something changed in My Husband's eyes last night. It's almost like he's afraid of you. He should, considering that a crazy girl was about to kill him and that your brother threatened the life out of him!"

"Not literally…"

Kurt has always been the sarcastic one, even in the worst situations. Nobody could ever have the last word but him, well, except Rachel but just because nobody ever could manage to get her to shut up. But right now, he didn't feel like talking back. Mocking. Or even talking.

"So, yes I'm afraid. I'm afraid that something is going to happen and I need to protect my family from you. We have a daughter you know, and it wouldn't look good if her father were murdered by his high school friends…"

"I'm not going to murder him… nobody will… wait, what did you just say? A daughter?" Said suddenly Kurt as the words begun to sunk into his brain.

"Yes, a beautiful 4 years old daughter, Dianna, who, really care about her dad and that would be unfortunate…"

Lisa couldn't finish her sentence. Kurt had totally stopped breathing and looked like he was about to faint. His hands and legs were jelly, he was shivering from top to toe, and she landed him a chair so he could sit. She never saw someone look like that, unless you count movies. It was like someone had just told him he had 2 months to live and soon all his world would be over.

"Kurt, are you ok?"

That was of course a pointless question, but Kurt's eyes locked into hers, and she never felt more sorry for someone, almost sad. It broke her heart to see the pain in Kurt's eyes, the agony, the distress… she was no longer angry with him, how could she be? A single tear fell of Kurt's face, but it was like he had been tearing all the ocean. She just felt the urge to hug him, tightly and never let go. But that would have been so inappropriate in so many levels. And Kurt was there, drowning, his beautiful blue ocean eyes, locked into hers, calling for help, for love, for anything. She couldn't resist them, him. He was pure pain, pure hurt, and so na�ve. Like a child. Just a child. So, she took his hand and squeezed it. She couldn't think of anything more to do. She just squeezed it, and then let a hand run through his soft hair. How strange was it, that she barely knew the man, that he had insulted her and her parents yesterday, that she was so mad to him a couple of minutes ago. Now she just wanted to hug and say "everything is going to be fine, don't worry, you're not alone.." As she was processing those feelings, it hit her. Kurt loved Blaine. Like true love.

"Kurt…"

"Yes, Lisa … "his voice was shaky but somehow strong in the same time. A man of contradictions.

"Do you love Blaine?"

And it was right there: the truth, in the open. Kurt's expression didn't change, he didn't get angry or sadder, he didn't shake his hand like it was the most stupid question ever. He looked at her, for several minutes, silent, pondering something as he was looking deep into her eyes. She shivered because his gaze felt like she was going trough a X ray machine. His deep emotional blue eyes scanned her and then, out of nowhere, he brought his hand to his cheek, erasing the single tear that had fallen off, and stood in front of her. He had make his decision.

"Lisa, I'm sorry. I wish I wasn't but I am. I wished it wasn't the case but you saw me. I can't deny it anymore. I thought I was over him…."

"But he… "

"He nothing Lisa…" and she saw a emotion flickering in his eyes for a second before it faded away, something that she would never figure out, "He loves you, he loves his daughter I assume. He's a wonderful man. But he doesn't love me. How could he? " Kurt sighed, that strange look returning once again in his eyes. "I mean I'm gay and proud and all that, and… obviously he is not. I'm sorry I've been stupid. It was just a high school crush at first, he was a friend to me, a mentor even when things got bad for me back then, but I made stuff in my head, like teenagers do. But I shouldn't anymore, I'm no longer that. I should grow up and learn to let go. He's happy, I should be also."

"But about your friends… it was like…"

"You know what it's like Lisa. I told them my own version of the story, like Blaine had been leading me on, and flirting with me, but I was just making this up. He was acting just like a friend. So one day I tried to kiss him, and he pushed me away. Oh, gently, but still! I was crushed, It wasn't his fault sure, but I took it all in him and that's what I said to my friends. I was fragile and na�ve, so they believed me."

"But Kurt, it was like 10 years ago!"

"9 but still, we tend to hold grudges a long time in Lima, nothing there to do but count sheep…"

Lisa was trying to face Kurt's gaze, searching in his soul, wondering if he told her the truth. But something was off with Kurt. It felt like he shut down all the doors to his emotions, his face was blank as poker player, he had played all his cards, there was nothing more to say. And she believed him, because she wanted so much for it to be the truth. So she convinced herself that it was the case.

"Ok, I believe you, Kurt. And I don't think you're a fool. First loves are hard to get over. But I'm sure you'll find someone who will make you feel better. Someone worthy of you, because even if you make mistakes, we are not flawless, and you seem like an amazing person. So I really do hope that you will, and I'm positive that I will happen soon."

Kurt smiled at her, really smiled at her. But like his face, his smile was off. It didn't match any expression in his eyes.

" Thanks Lisa, I promise neither me or my friends will bother your family anymore. Take care of you, and take care of Blaine, please."

"I will, goodbye Kurt".

She squeezed her hand once more, and headed toward the door, as an brunette, Rachel, if she recalled, entered the place, followed by her co-star, Mercedes. They gave her a strange look but kept walking, possibly to comfort their friend.

"Kurt, baby, are you ok?"

"Hey Cedes…" and Mercedes felt her heart melt because it has been so long that Kurt had said her name like that. Last time they were in high school and she was comforting him after Karofsky had pushed him once again into the lockers. He gave her a tiny small while a single tear was running down his cheek.

"Babe, What's… we saw Lisa, go out, did…"

"No, I didn't tell her anything…. Well I did but…"

And he told them the story of his conversation with Lisa.

"Kurt, I think… I think it's for the best… it's not like you could have it back, I mean…"

"Rachel!"

"No, Cedes, she's right, I can't have him back. He's married, happy I don't know… but he is married, and he has a kid, and all that. I think… I think somehow, I feel better because it's kind of a closure for me, you know? I can tell myself now that it's really over. Ain't coming back. Ain't no chance of the two of us anymore…"

"Oh babe…"

Mercedes was now hugging him, as fierce as she could, trying to communicate to him all she couldn't say, all her love, all her pain for him, all her support, but she cringed when Kurt tried to pull back.

"It's ok, Cedes, really it is. I think I accept it. Maybe I will never understand it, but I accept it. "

Rachel and Mercedes saw something in Kurt's that they never tough possible: resignation. He had come to accept his fate, like he had nothing to do about it. Kurt was always brave, he never backed down from anything, always facing the obstacles. But now he settled. For nothing and it broke both girls' hearts.

"We should get settled, girls… the show is starting in an hour…"

"But… we thought… I mean don't you want to take the night off… Ian could…"

"You listen to me, Mrs. Rachel Berry! How long you try, you won't steal the show from my perfect and flawless person. So just suck it up, you won't be alone on that poster like you own it".

Kurt has his "please, bitch" face one, but that didn't comfort Mercedes or Rachel. But too late, he was already heading toward the make up room.

Rachel and Mercedes exchanged a glance showing that there were not fooled one second, but sighed as they followed his lead.

***

It was a show that no one would forgot that that night. The New York post would quote the next day: "a show, with so much passion, emotion, as the countertenor Kurt Hummel took the stage and not only owned it, but showed us with so much deep and presence how much love can hurt and leave you broken. I felt broken too but not depressed. I couldn't take away my eyes from him, wondering: How did he do it ? How he made his character feel so much emotions at once, but beyond that, how could he made us feel so much with him. A one-life time performance, that I'm sure, will stay in me, somewhere, forever. God bless him."

*****

Blaine didn't know how he made it through the show. He didn't think he was breathing. He thought he was dying. From the inside out. He was dying as Kurt was singing all his pain, all his sorrow, all that he couldn't say by just talking. Kurt wasn't happy, Kurt was hurt, really hurt, Kurt had resigned, he could see. Kurt never settled. But Kurt was settling, Kurt was giving all for jus tonight. For him. For Blaine. He delivered his heart to Blaine and Blaine felt like a fire was eating him. He wouldn't dare to put words on his pain, or Kurt's. because he felt exactly what Kurt was feeling on the stage. That was it. Tonight, he had to do it tonight.

After the show, Kurt went back alone to his loge, leaving his co-stars behind. He was exhausted, like he had given everything he had in this one performance. He was beginning to think that this show was a mistake, that he would never be able to get back on stage after tonight. It felt like it was his reverence. He had given everything he had, nothing left. He just wanted to sleep now and never wake up again. But life, is not often on your side, as he heard someone knocking on the door. He never less wanted to see people in his life, but he had to. Later, he will be alone, and then…

Okay, no thinking about that. He composed a smile on his face, it was hurting him to try so hard to keep it steady but he had to.

" Yes, come in", he said, excepting some Journalist, or Wes telling him that some producer wanted to talk to him and trying to keep him promise to not fall into the hands of theses sharks. This memory made it easier to keep his smile. But then he lift his head, and saw who was now at the door, his smile fading, and his hands beginning to shake hard.

" What are you doing here?"

"Kurt.."

"You know what… I'm gonna go get rid of some security guys who clearly do a piss poor job, I'll be right back. "

"Kurt, stop it, please." He tried catching his hand before Kurt could get to get to the door. But Kurt shook his arm with so much force and turned to look at him and Blaine though that he might hurt him.

"Don't you dare touch me, Blaine Anderson! "

"I'm sorry Kurt, but I really need to talk to you. Explain myself…"

"You know, when you had to explain yourself? Maybe when u bailed on me for a month, and then I went to your door and you smashed it into my face! Maybe then. Or maybe, maybe, I don't know, right before, you sent your movers to pack your stuff and throw me out of my home. Would have been the polite thing to do, no? Or maybe, maybe the second you got home, and seen your dad. I guess that would have been the best. But what do I know?"

"Kurt, I'm so sorry… I've been…" Blaine was now fully crying, sobbing, trying to breath but Kurt was just shouting, and screaming, filled 100 % with anger.

"Yeah, what have you been, Blaine? You were always so good with words, so tell me. Because I can't even find one, to tell you how much I'm disgusted by you right now, how much I just want to grab you and punch you, which I never did, but hey, that would again be a first time. We always shared each other first time. First kiss, First night. That would be our First murder. "

"I'm so-so-sorry K-u-u-uuu-r-t."

"So what, Blaine? Tell me what are you! Tell me how I'm supposed to feel when the man that I trusted with my own life, took it away? What I'm supposed to say, when the only person that I tough would never hurt me, did it on purpose? When the only person I told my biggest and most intimate secrets, would give me the treatment of silence? Because really Blaine, really, I've tried. I really tried to understand. Hell, I even went to a therapist. But I guess I turned him crazy also and he is now seeing himself a shrink. How could you erase all the little that made sense into this world?"

Blaine couldn't say a thing, just staring at Kurt as he was screaming all the things that he never could say to anyone, that he couldn't even say to himself. Now there was no way he could stop, and each word that came out of him, stabbed him a little more deep into his core.

"Huh, Blaine? Tell me how I'm supposed to cope when I have nothing to rely on? When you just disappear into thin air? When you kick me out of my house? Hell, when some strangers came to kick me with your deep regards! When I call everyone I know, and nobody can help? How I'm supposed to believe anything you say now, what I hear you back then saying': I'm proud, and I'm out, and all that'. How I'm supposed to feel, when you ask me to dance in front of the whole school, at prom, and ask me to move with you, and when you hold me and make love to me, and say that you'll love me forever, and one day we'll have kids? How I'm supposed to react when your wife, Blaine, your WIFE, come to me, and tell me you have a kid? How I'm supposed to look into her eyes without falling apart? How am I supposed to look at her and see all you have with her, that you promised me we would share one day? How am I supposed to react when she asks me if I Love you? How do you think it makes me feel to lie to her, and tell her that I'm just a crazy fag who is basically stocking you?

"Don't say, fag! Kurt, don't you dare say that!"

" Don't you dare Blaine! Then, you're the fag. You're worse than Karofsky, worse that all those people who would die before seeing any gays have rights. You… I don't know what you are… But hell, I do know what I am! I'm not someone who's gonna have his life and dreams ruined because of one Blaine Darren Fucking Anderson! And that starts now!"

And with one quick movement, he rushed out. Blaine took his head into his hands, and just started crying, falling on his knees, trembling, and shaking with all his soul. He couldn't move and wasn't about to. He just wanted to die, right here and right now.