“KURT?” Blaine screeches coming in to the apartment, Kurt hears the banging of a bag hitting the wood floor and keys clattering against the ceramic bowl they are stored in. “KURT? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD COME OUT OF HIDING! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY! I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL!” The footsteps begin thundering around the apartment, door slamming open against doors in Blaine's panicked search.

The front door slams open again, Kurt remains eyes shut on his and Blaine's joint bed, knowing a wail only banshees would hear is about to follow. His work load had been piling up as of late, as the holiday season panic always caused, and this was the first early finish he had managed to take in weeks. Knowing Blaine and Santana were working late at the studio he thought he would be safe to take a power nap. Nothing to do with his advancing age thank you, no, he had just been over worked. Why he had thought he could have a safe haven in his own is beyond him, it never has been before!

“BLAINE GET BACK HERE YOU BIG……YOU BIG…. JUST GET YOUR COCK LOVING ASS BACK HERE SO I CAN KICK IT!” Comes the forewarned squeal.

“YOU CAN'T BE IN HERE! YOU DIDN'T KNOCK! ITS BREAKING AND ENTERING!” Blaine hollers from somewhere in the apartment. Kurt really doesn't have the energy to get up and deal with them. Spending eight hours slumped over a hand stitched beaded dress had caused his whole body to scream in protest.

“I HAVE A KEY IDIOT! YOU CAN'T BREAK IN WITH A KEY!” She screams back before the is several scuffles and hissed cursed words before there is a loud crash, a crash that sounds suspiciously like a china cup hitting the floor. Possibly the expensive ones they received as a present on their wedding day. That's enough to propel Kurt into motion, hurtling towards the door of their room in search of them.

“NOW YOU'VE GONE AND DONE IT!” Blaine screams at Santana.

“ME?! You're the one that pushed me out of the way! I was the victim of the crime. You did it!” She hisses back, but Kurt is gaining on the voices from the kitchen as fast as his legs will carry them. “This is a hate crime on gay people everywhere!”

“How can I cause a hate crime on gay people, when I myself am gay?” Blaine hisses back, Kurt is almost there, he grabs the door and pushes it open as fast as he can. “That's redundant!” Kurt is not noticed by either of them, probably because they are too preoccupied with scraping up the china off of the floor, china Kurt has yet to identify.

“Don't use your fancy words on me! I'm from Lima Heights-“

“You haven't lived there in over a decade!” Blaine cuts her off, dumping a pile of china on to the table, Kurt sees a pale yellow print and internally jumping for joy that's it's not his fanciest set. “I'm from Bushwick! We walk around with blades in our pockets!”

“You have never sounded more camp in your life!” Santana cackles, trying to tickle under Blaine's arm. “Have you seriously ever used a knife that wasn't child approved!?”

“I carved the turkey at thanksgiving!” Blaine shrugs out of her grasp. “You made a joke about me handling giant equipment in my teeny tiny hobbit hands…”

“Ha! So I did.” Santana laughs again before making a quick grab for something in Blaine's hand. He's too quick for her however, pulling it out of reach above his head, causing her to launch onto him and send them crashing to the floor. “Give me the phone Blaine.”

“Bite me Santana- Ow!! Don't actually bite me!” he screeches as she sinks her teeth into his shoulder. Kurt bite's his lip to stop from laughing as Blaine flails his legs around to try and shift Santana's weight, unsuccessfully.

“Well give me the phone you big baby!” Santana urges him once more, making grabbing motions, before Blaine manages to roll them over, pinning his whole weight on top of her, the phone high above his head.

“You said only nerds would spend their time running around the park like that!” Blaine's voice has a tone to it, Kurt can tell he is beaming from ear to ear. “Then here we are two weeks later and you're trying to steal my phone because I got it and you didn't! You're obsessed. It's an amazing game admit it!”

“Blaine, this is a very expensive and one of a kind outfit. Let me up!” Santana's voice is dripped with warning.

“Admit that I was right, and that you're jealous I caught it and you didn't, then I'll let you go.” Blaine chants triumphantly. “You're a nerd Santana Lopez!”

“Blaine…. I am this close to having a meltdown.” Santana growls, actually growls. “Give me the Clefairy and nobody will get hurt.” Kurt realises then, exactly why they are fighting on the floor like Landin and Beau would.

“You have been playing at the park instead of working?!” Kurt decides to get involved, and raises his voice enough to catch their attention. “No, let me rephrase that. You, my darling husband and best friend-“

“I'm your wife!” Santana interjects, sticking out her tongue at him.

“We got it annulled Santana! You can't keep……. just shut up!” Kurt huffs, shaking his head to get it back on track. “You both, at the age of thirty-one might I add, have left work at least four hours early to run around the park on your phones trying to catch imaginary fucking characters from a nineties game show?!”

“Well he got a text from-“

“She told me that she wasn't going-“

“How long exactly have you been running around in public like lunatics?”

“Weeeell…” Blaine starts, moving himself off of Santana and dusting down his chino's. “I got a text from Landin at about noon.” He mumbles scratching at his head.

Kurt sighs, looking at the clock on the wall, to confirm it is exactly what time he thinks it is before snapping. “FIVE HOURS! YOU HAVE BEEN RUNNING AROUND FOR FIVE HOURS TRYING TO CATCH A YELLOW ELECTRICALLY CHARGED CARTOON CHARACTER!”

“That's not what she looks like...” Santana mutters, pulling herself up and on to her very high stilettoes.

“I DON'T FUCKING CARE WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. FIVE FUCKING HOURS!” Kurt sighs after he finishes, knowing it will be met with deaf ears, he has long since stopped trying to change either of them. Blaine leans over to pat his back, an apology of sorts, when Santana sees the phone and leaps to grab it out of his hand.

“I AM THE QUEEN! CLEFAIRY IS MINE!” She screeches before tearing out of the apartment and slamming the door behind her. Blaine looks at Kurt with a devastated pout, pleading eyes pouring into his soul.

“Don't. I am not going back to the park with you. But a heavy make out session will be starting in the bedroom in five minutes. No Pokémon will be named and the china cup will be disposed of beforehand.” Kurt strokes Blaine's face before turning on his heels and leaving, calling over his shoulder. “Oh and Blaine? Clothing will be optional!”