It took a few minutes for Blaine to dare move when sleep gave up on him. Kurt was still sleeping heavily on his chest and really, and isn't that a wonder considering the uncomfortable angle.
In those minutes Blaine's eyes adjusted to the dark and he could make out the contrast of Kurt's hair against his pale neck and shoulders. His arm was still stretched over Blaine's waist and suddenly Blaine felt very conscious of the movements of his breaths, not wanting to wake Kurt.
He shrugged off the itch to bend his legs or roll over to his side and instead focused on the light snores from Kurt, and the way his naked body was glued to Blaine's side, relaxed and warm and it really should have been more uncomfortable and sticky but all Blaine could think about was safe. That Kurt was safe, right there with him, and that was really all he could ask for.
Blaine carefully and barely caressed the line of Kurt's arm, from his thumb and over the light hair up to his elbow. An image flashed before his eyes – Kurt with his head bowed over Blaine's shoulder and those strong arms on either side of him, holding Kurt up and giving Blaine something to grab onto when everything else was spinning.
Blaine shuddered involuntarily and thought about how Kurt was the only person who could make him feel the entire spectrum of emotions. He could make him come back down to earth and then make him forget the logistics of air within seconds. He could make him laugh until his stomach ached and he could put him deep in thought and make him reconsider everything. He could make him furious and he could make him feel like he had found the embodiment of world peace. No matter the emotion, it was always strong and real, because there was nothing halfhearted about Kurt Hummel.
“I love your passion,” Blaine thought out loud in a whisper and tensed up as soon as he realized the sound of his words, right over Kurt's ear. Kurt did start to stir, but maybe that was more a reaction to Blaine's sudden stiffness. This didn't really occur to Blaine though, and he held his breath in a vain attempt to keep the serenity, but the moment was already gone.
Kurt lifted his hand of Blaine's waist to rub his eyes and Blaine could feel him swallow before moving his head up to the pillow. Blaine took the opportunity to change position and slid down a little, turning a fraction to his left. Kurt was still very close, blinking slowly against the shadows.
“Blaine,” he said softly, a statement rather than a question, and his eyes closed again for a brief moment. Had it been in any other time, any previous time, Blaine would have leaned in over his ear and smiled, saying 'were you expecting someone else?' and Kurt would poke him in the ribs and Blaine would laugh because the certainty of ever only waking up next to Kurt was vivid.
But now Blaine nodded and closed his eyes as well. It was a small nod followed by a small smile, probably too small to see in the darkness. So he said “Kurt,” and “I've always loved the sound of you name.”
He swore he saw bewilderment twinkle in Kurt's eyes and he didn't really know were this had come from. It was not exactly something that he'd thought about.
“Kurt,” he whispered again, almost tasting it and keeping it to himself. He graced his knuckles over Kurt's jaw and up behind his ear. “You make me feel.”
“Like a natural woman?” Kurt said, eyes still drifting with sleep, and Blaine shook his head softly and traced Kurt's hairline with his fingertips. “No?”
“No,” Blaine whispered, smiling but then serious. “People used to tell me that I felt too strongly, or that it was wrong or just a phase. So I tried to push it away. But then you came along.”
Kurt's eyes were fully focused on Blaine's now, but Blaine flickered between them and the movements of his own hand over Kurt's side. They had spoken many times of when they first met, and laughed at their own oblivion and naivety, at Blaine's confusion and Kurt's admiration. And Kurt knew all about Blaine's past, but Blaine couldn't remember putting it together this way. He swallowed.
“I was so scared, I think. I didn't understand it. How you just could storm into my life, out of nowhere, and become the most important person in the world? I just remember... when we first met, going to bed that night and thinking today, I met Kurt and he's going through the same shit that I did and I want to be his friend and I want to help him and I thought I was so clever. Getting around the complications of feeling and just being there. Mr Dapper to the rescue...” Blaine was now fiddling with the hem of the blanket, almost mumbling. But then he smoothed it out over Kurt's arm and looked up at him. “Can you believe how wrong I was? I told you all these things, about being strong and what not, but it took me months to dare admit even to myself what I really felt towards you.”
“You were scared of losing our friendship if it didn't work out,” Kurt said, voice creaking a little and Blaine frowned.
“Yes. But... I was also afraid of what would happen if it did work out, because it would mean facing all these things that I'd tried running from. And it turned out that I needed your help more than you ever needed mine.” Blaine snorted. “Remember how scared I was to go to prom with you?”
Kurt blinked heavily in confirmation and Blaine continued.
“I couldn't believe how strong you were, Kurt. You still are. The bravest person I know,” Blaine whispered and brought his hand back up to rest on Kurt's neck and stroked the line of his jaw with his thumb. “You inspired to feel again and made me see that it was worth fighting for. It was worth fighting for us. I don't know if I would have without you. Hell, I don't know how anything would have been without you.”
Kurt nudged their foreheads together and sighed deeply.
“Me neither, Blaine. Me neither,” he said softly and Blaine smiled at the hand coming up to rest on his. There was more to be said but first Blaine wanted to kiss him.
With almost no pressure at all, Blaine tilted Kurt's chin up and brushed his lips over his. Kurt's hand grazed over Blaine's arm, stopping at his shoulder and pulling him in a little closer, but the kiss remained light and soft. Blaine had shivers coming up his spine, only by the way Kurt angled his head to keep their noses from bumping, and how assertive the kiss was, even though they barely deepened it at all. It was just a touch, softer than a squeeze but fuller than a caress.
Blaine stroked Kurt's cheek as they parted, keeping his eyes closed and inhaling deeply. He really couldn't understand why he couldn't just spend his entire lifetime right there.
“You saved me,” Kurt said and Blaine's eyes darted open, meeting Kurt's earnest blue ones. “You took my hand and nobody had ever done that, nobody had ever told me that they'd gone through the same thing. I... probably could have gone through it all without you, because that's what I had done up until then, but I really, really, didn't want to. I was so sick of being lonely and you saved me from believing that I had to be. I could be with you instead.”
These were things that Blaine knew. He knew how Kurt had been bullied and harassed, the way he'd struggled with finding his place. He knew that it was lucky that Kurt had made his way to Dalton, to get some perspective and new friends and of course, meet Blaine. But hearing him say it now, like it was something so big. Just as big to him as it was to Blaine. It made Blaine's heart beat a little faster. Kurt smiled then, almost secretive.
“And the way... I just remember the first time we met so vividly. When you sang.” Kurt looked at Blaine almost guiltily. “The way you moved and radiated charisma, I just couldn't believe it. I also couldn't believe that you were looking at me. Things like that just did not happen to Kurt Hummel.” He chuckled and Blaine let him, waiting for his voice to drop a little and tell him something serious, this was how things went. Kurt sighed. “It's not why I love you. I'm not clinging to that image of you, as dreamy as you may have been, because we've moved beyond that. But I'm putting two and two together. I see you here now. Still dreamy... But there's a shadow on your face that has nothing to do with age. And I think it's eating you up, not getting to do what you truly want. Don't you want it, Blaine? Still?”
The look Kurt was giving him could have been passed off as pity had been coming from anyone else. But Kurt had never pitied Blaine, never done anything to belittle or ridicule him. And Blaine had to remind himself of this, because it had been so long since Kurt had spoken like this, asked questions like he wanted answers.
And Blaine thought about it. Letting go of everything on a stage, feeling the music beat through his body and becoming his body. How it used to be a childhood dream, and then a want. A hungry craving for reality within that dream. And how it seemed so possible with Kurt by his side, moving to New York. Like he was destined to. It had seemed impossible to fail.
And Blaine wondered, when did it go away? The aching need. The part of him who couldn't live without a stage on the radar.
Blaine realized he was making some stuttering sounds, opening and closing his mouth again.
“Of course,” he finally managed to get out. And he was a little surprised over the certainty in his own voice, mixed with broken vulnerability. He licked his lips and took another go. “I want to... do all the things I wanted to do before. Make music... perform... It's all I ever really wanted. But... It comes to a point when it's easier to be comfortable than shot down over and over.” Blaine sighed and then smiled half a crooked smile. “And now I'm neither.”
“You can be anything, Blaine,” Kurt said and looked at him with those earnest, earnest eyes. “If you want to be a teacher, you will find yourself a new job. You will have your faithful students who would pay to have you tutor them. You could back to giving private lessons in the living room or any school would be lucky to have you. You could even try to fight Urley and stay comfortable. If that's what you want. If that makes you happy.” The firm but concerned voice that Kurt spoke in, like words off a page, made goosebumps tickle on Blaine's arms. He felt where this was going rather than heard it.
“But I don't think comfortable makes you happy. People who want to be artists are not satisfied with being comfortable. There is absolutely nothing comfortable with exposing yourself in that way. It just soothes your soul, for a little while. Until next time. And you can try to fool yourself for a while, Blaine, and think that you don't need any of that. That you're fine with choosing the middle road, doing what you want but not quite. But you can't fool me. Because I've seen that fire in your eyes, and the passion in your heart. And the enthusiasm that you put into everything you do, and I don't know how you do it but you do. I'm absolutely certain that nothing could stop you from going after what you really want. Nothing.”
Blaine had to squeeze his eyes shut. He had to pick this moment out and store it in his mind. The way Kurt's eyes shone with clarity in the dark, the way words shot from Kurt's lips through Blaine's ears and to his marrow. He had to remember what it felt like to have someone who knew him better than himself tell him the naked truth, before he realized it was so.
A soft caress over Blaine's eyelid made him wonder if he was crying, but he couldn't understand why. He wasn't sad. How could he be with Kurt there, with his mind and his body, healthy and his. And he was saying all these things, that were beautiful and honest, without flinching, and it was all a bit much to take in.
Blaine inhaled softly, suddenly not being able to help a smile tugging at his lips.
“I'm scared,” he said and somewhere, in the back of his mind, he knew he should be wondering why that made Kurt smile as well.
“I know. Me too,” Kurt said lightly. “But that never stopped us before.”

They lied in silence for a while, in a state of sleepy surrealism. Blaine was relaxed, but he knew he couldn't slip out of consciousness, he needed to keep going. But it was Kurt who spoke first again.
“I'm really sorry, Blaine,” he said. “For yesterday... for everything.”
“Why?” Blaine said. Kurt sighed and looked up at the ceiling, falling back on his back but pulling Blaine's hand along with him, splaying it over his chest.
“Yesterday, before getting on stage, I was trying to get into character like I do before every show. And it has always been an escape from reality, it makes me forget everything that is going on and all the matters is that moment, and what I make of it,” Kurt said and Blaine nodded because yes, that was it. “But... I kept getting distracted. I wasn't having an off night because I didn't miss any ques or lines but my heart wasn't in it.” Kurt looked down on Blaine's hand and traced all five fingers with his own. “It was here, with you. And then I realized, that I had built this wall. That whatever problems we had, any guilt I felt for working, it all just fell away the moment I stepped on that stage and it was easy to... keep on pretending that I could shut off.”
Blaine's gaped and noted that even though Kurt had to shut his eyes and keep his profile sharp, he wasn't turning away or escaping. He was gathering strength.
“I didn't do it on purpose,” Kurt continued but he wasn't making excuses. “These last few months have just been enormously confusing and wonderful but yes, overwhelming. And I... might have gotten a bit carried away and tried to act like things were good when they weren't. Talk about taking your work home with you... Wow, I'm really coming off as a diva here, aren't I?”
Kurt was now looking down at Blaine with an apologetic sad smile and Blaine interlaced their fingers tightly and had to let out a chuckle because this was what it must feel like to find something you thought you'd lost.
A piece of yourself.
“I've missed you,” he said and rested his head on Kurt's shoulder and Kurt nodded into his hair, making a small sound of agreement.
It was serenity and it lasted for minutes. Any sounds or movements no more than a stream of air through lungs and the quiet flicker of eyelashes. Blaine was becoming heavy, at peace with feeling Kurt's heartbeat under his palm. A steady rhythm of letting him in.
That's why it felt like waking up from having the floor caving in under you, losing your breath and stomach twisting. Blaine became wide awake when he remembered the black leather book three feet away and it was making him feel like a thief, who took something out of spite, broke it and regrets it.
“What's wrong?” Kurt asked because Blaine must have gone rigid.
Blaine didn't answer immediately and Kurt didn't push it, but Blaine was pretty sure Kurt could feel Blaine's heart racing against his ribs because he sure can. So Blaine looked up at Kurt, let his head fall back on the pillow and licked his lips to gain a split second.
“I read your journal,” he then said and it almost sounded comical, the kind of blunt confession that one might find in a teenage movie. But this wasn't about secrets or questionable credibility, it was about a trust that Blaine had betrayed and wasn't it ironic, that this was exactly what Kurt had told him the night before.
Kurt frowned at him and before Blaine could help it, before he could remember that it always was better to think before you speak and also listen, he was babbling.
“I'm so sorry, Kurt, it was last night and I couldn't sleep and I tried to call you but you didn't pick up and I didn't know what to do with myself. I was stuck inside this apartment and things looked really weird and I think I still was drunk and I just needed to know, I needed answers and... I don't know what I was thinking, I was just so scared of you leaving and there it was and just wanted something to make sense... I...”
Blaine drifted off and realized that he had withdrawn his hand from Kurt's to gesture with and now it landed awkwardly on the mattress between them. He honestly didn't know what to expect, he'd forgotten all about this until now and that was why it seemed so foolish, because it was completely unimportant except that he'd done something that he'd had no right to do and he just needed to be honest, honest, honest...
Kurt sighed and turned on his side again to face Blaine. He looked concerned and bit his lip, as if contemplating something.
“I'm really sorry,” Blaine said again and Kurt met his eyes, peering into his heart and Blaine hoped it was enough for him to make it alright.
“I know,” Kurt said and swallowed. “I know you wouldn't do that normally. I'm not saying that I like it, but I understand. But... that means you knew what I thought when we met yesterday? Why didn't you say something?”
“Because... I wanted it to come from you, on your own accord. Not because I called you out on it.”
Kurt nodded. “Fair enough,” he whispered and covered Blaine's hand with his own again. “I guess now is an as good time as any to explain why I stormed out Berry style.”
Blaine hated that Kurt's eyes were so sad and so beautiful, but they were all he could focus on right now. Kurt swallowed again.
“I've been afraid of you leaving, too,” Kurt said and Blaine opened his mouth to protest but Kurt put a finger over his lips. “Just hear me out. I know it probably sounds absurd and delusional and I think you can relate. These changes... they didn't start when I got the part. You've been saying from the very start that teaching would only be a temporary thing but three years is a lot for temporary. And I think it's been wearing you down for longer than you think. But now it's more evident and... It's not even about that, Blaine. It's just that I know there's something else you want and it's been killing me over and over that you wouldn't share that with me. I thought that maybe... you wanted another life. That I hadn't been able to give you everything you deserved and... So, first seeing you there with Fiona, so relaxed and happy and different, and then having you tell me that one thing in your life actually was coming to an end, that you would have to go after a new life... And maybe it would hurt less if I was the one leaving, or shutting you out... But it doesn't, because I don't want to leave you. I never, never want to leave you, Blaine.”
Kurt was making that face which could melt diamonds to water, or reduce Blaine to tears. It was the face of years of loyalty, loving and hardships. It was Kurt in his rawest and most human form, the only one that Blaine had ever known.
But Blaine didn't need to be looking to know that about Kurt, and when he molded himself over Kurt shoulder, pulling him in tight against his chest, he could clench his eyes together and let his tears fall in Kurt's hair. He could let it all fall, the worry and the envy and the bitterness, everything. He could let himself fall into the madness that was life and know that the hardest fall was already done.
Falling in love with Kurt. There was no getting up from that.

They woke up to monday. Cold beams of sunlight streaking across the wall and it was with an almost constructed sense of dread that Blaine realized that he probably overslept. It's just that first jolt of horror, knowing that the clock is way too much and you're way too well rested for it not to be too late. But then Blaine couldn't really bring himself to care all that much. Because Kurt was stretching out like a cat besides him, arms over his head and yawning lazily. It looked more like a careless summer morning, naked skin against white sheets and crazy bed hair that curls at the tops.
Kurt relaxed back down, eyes still closed but head turned to Blaine, and Blaine knew he should sit up, check the time, blink – do anything that reflects the notion of getting out of bed and going to work and freaking out over being obscenely late.
But instead he waited. For Kurt to open his eyes and have these understandings carried out in daylight. Monday morning... isn't that the day you always promise yourself to change and make life better?
Only, you can't make such commitments in advance, you can't postpone happiness or pain, because whenever it hits, you can't predict it. You can push for it all you want for ages, and think that you're doing it right, but it never takes. But then, someday, you will wake up...
Kurt half-opened one eye and smiled slowly as he closed it again. He reached for Blaine's hand but got hold of his wrist, bringing it up to his lips and pressing a light kiss over his knuckles. Blaine raised an eyebrow and on cue Kurt's eyes flickered open.
“Good morning,” he said against Blaine's hand, blinking against the light or something.
“Good morning,” Blaine said and there were a sweet smiles playing on both their lips, but soon they faded into anticipation. Where do you start?
“Shouldn't you be at work? What time is it?” Kurt asked and Blaine's face must have fallen on pure instinct because before he had stringed the words why and reality together, Kurt was hugging his hand tighter and angling his head to lock eyes with Blaine. “Blaine, are you okay?”
Blaine exhaled and smiled as Kurt kissed his palm, keeping eye contact and Blaine nodded.
“Yeah. I think I am.”

It's a strange thing, reconciliation. Because most of the time, just because you agree on something it doesn't mean you have the same idea of how to go on from there. But still you need to stop and remember that you actually are on the same page and that it's just a matter of interpretation and method.
And listening. Blaine still stayed up to hear the click of the door when Kurt came home and in return Kurt kissed Blaine goodbye every morning, wrapped up in the duvet and uncaffeined.
They made time to talk. Remembered that lunch was something that they both had anyway and it was nice, meeting in daylight and walking back to school and Kurt's cheeks went a little rosy from the cold.
Sometimes they spoke about the future, and Kurt told him about a new theatre project the director of Octagon had planned and hey, auditions were coming up and Blaine felt a little uneasy at times. There was the sense of that this was something that I have to do on my own, Kurt, but on the other hand that was bullshit because the year was coming to an end and so was employment and money and actually, why was he making excuses when Kurt was there for him and simply there and maybe the uneasiness had to do with change and not pride.
It was a strange month inside Blaine's brain.
It was hard saying good bye to his students, counting down the lessons with each and every one of them.
It was hard sitting in the teachers room and feeling a stale air of pity drip from their gazes and clutching to his coffee cup, it was sometimes a relief to get out of there.
It was hard coming home to a cold and empty apartment and it took about two weeks until Blaine finally got the piano tuned and another one until he actually sat down to play it.
And then it got a little easier.
Sometimes he came home to cooked dinner and a cute note by the stove. Sometimes he came home to Kurt and then sometimes the dinner burned.
Sometimes Kurt would ask him to play the piano, requesting songs and singing along and sitting next to him. Sometimes they'd just dance, slow and steady to the rhythm of their hearts, or if spontaneity hit, to the radio, goofy and laughing and all around the kitchen.
It would be easy to say that it was like falling in love all over again. But it actually wasn't. The love had not, was not, going anywhere. It was just a matter of remembering what it was like, being Kurt and Blaine.
I was pretty fantastic actually.
At first they were both trying really hard. They had formed patterns over the last few months and bad habits die hard, but when the option was having a functioning relationship with your other half, the transition to honesty and their old romantic ways was quite smooth. Surprisingly so. To the extent that Blaine one day in the middle of december found himself wondering what he had been so worried about at all. Not that he had forgotten, but that it was a little surreal that something as deeply rooted as them could have been so close to shattering.
It made him walk a little quicker and take the stairs instead of the slow elevator and not bothering with taking of his shoes even though they were covered in dirty snow. And Kurt was standing by the wardrobes, turning around with a bow tie in one hand and a shirt in the other.
“Hi, honey. Have you seen my green-” Kurt said before Blaine was pushing him up against the door and kissing his neck. “Oh, okay I'll just take the blue one then,” Kurt went on after laughing a little breathlessly.
“I love that shirt,” Blaine whispered in Kurt's ear and started tugging at the t-shirt he was currently in.
“How sweet of you to help me get redressed,” Kurt said and Blaine felt the smirk against his cheek and also a warm hand on his neck. “What is all this?”
Blaine moved to Kurt's mouth and kissed him slowly, pressing him a bit harder against the door and sliding a hand up his side. Blaine broke away with a comically sloppy sound and Kurt was raising an eyebrow at him even before his eyes were fully open. Blaine grinned and licked his lips.
“Hmm, nothing. I just felt my Kurt's-about-to-get-naked superpowers tingling so I did what any respectable boyfriend slash superhero would do,” Blaine said. “Ran,” he clarified as Kurt's eyebrow shot even higher. Kurt cracked into a smile and put a hand on Blaine's chest, pushing him a little so that he could turn around to the closet again.
“I don't know about superheroes but I'm pretty sure respectable boyfriends would take off their shoes before taking action with this information about their Kurts,” he said and Blaine looked down on the disgusting puddle around his feet, snickering a little. “Are you sure just haven't seen my green Vivienne Westwood shirt? You know the one with the diagonal buttons. I can't find it...”
Blaine took off his shoes and carried them out in the hall. “No. And why would you want to wear that, it's just horribly complicated to get off,” he said and Kurt gave him his don't-joke-about-fashion glare as Blaine headed to the bathroom to get some paper to clean up the mess. “Are you going somewhere?”
“Um, what? No, I just wanted to... Oh, here it is!”
Blaine returned to the living room in time to see Kurt pulling the t-shirt over his head and folding it up before putting it into the laundry bin. It was a common enough sight, and Blaine had stopped questioning Kurt's obsessive clothing care habits a long time ago, but it did make him smile to himself.
Kurt reached for the shirt he wanted and pulled it off the hanger, and Blaine let his eyes linger on the taunt muscles over Kurt's back and shoulders before he kneeled down to swipe up the dirt.
“What are you doing tonight?” Kurt said as he turned around and shrugged on his shirt.
“Well, let's see...” Blaine stood up and pretended to ponder it for a moment and Kurt rolled his eyes and opened another closet door, the one with the full length mirror. “Nothing!” Blaine exclaimed and aimed the ball of paper at the paper bin in the kitchen. It bounced of the wall but then straight into it.
“You could go out you know. Meet some people. See a movie. Go to the gym. Whatever normal people do,” Kurt said and cursed when he saw that he'd buttoned the shirt wrong.
“The gym? Really? Is this your way of telling me that I'm getting flubberly?” Blaine said and stood behind Kurt, peering over his shoulder into the mirror before putting his hands on his hips and turning him around. “Come here.”
Kurt snorted and let his hands drop from the buttons and Blaine's took over, working to undo them all.
“Flubberly? Now that you mention it...” Kurt said and poked Blaine in the side, smiling devilishly for a second and Blaine pouted. Kurt's hand stayed at is waist as a moment passed. “No. I just mean... don't you get bored?”
Blaine undid the last button and slid his hands under the open shirt, warm skin under his cold hands and he could feel shivers under his palms.
“Not a hint of flubber here...” he mumbled and Kurt's abdomen contracted in a giggle. Blaine brushed his lips over Kurt's jaw and started pushing the shirt off his shoulders. Kurt groaned and got hold on Blaine's wrists, nudging him away with a shake of his head.
“Getting dressed, remember?” he said and released Blaine's arms as he withdrew and lifted a smug eyebrow at Blaine. Blaine shrugged.
“It was worth a shot,” he said and tried to adjust the collar of Kurt's shirt but Kurt slapped his hand away.
“It's supposed to be like that! Now kindly remove yourself from my person so I can get dressed without confusing my clothes.”
“Hm, you mean without getting your pants too tight even for you? Sounds fair,” Blaine said and Kurt rolled his eyes with this tiny smile playing at his lips, the kind that you miss if you don't know what you're looking at. Blaine bit his tongue and stepped back to lean on the back of the couch. “I'm sorry. Special performance tonight?”
Kurt had bowed his head to button his shirt again and he didn't look up to answer the question.
“No, nothing special.” He turned around to the mirror again and squinted at the reflection. Blaine waited for some sort of continuation, or change of subject. Or punctation in form of a smile or glance, but Kurt kept his focus on the buttons and his mouth in a thin line, and Blaine wondered a little over the sudden change of mood.
He cleared his throat and slammed his palms against the soft couch. Suddenly he felt awkward and confused. Something had changed but he wasn't sure what or even that Kurt had noticed, still scrutinizing details in the mirror.
Blaine got up to go into the kitchen, and Kurt turned around at the same time, firing him a beaming smile.
“There's sushi in the fridge. Easy with the wasabi though,” he said and walked into the bedroom to get something.
Blaine blinked. Maybe he'd imagined it. It wouldn't be the first time he'd overanalyzed simple miscommunication.
Except, there wasn't supposed to be miscommunication. That was the entire point.
“Kurt?” Blaine said and Kurt came out of the bedroom, rolling down the sleeves on a loose knitted sweater.
“Mm?” he said, distracted, and looked over his shoulder as he hurried into the hall. Blaine followed and figured that this really wasn't the time to start asking questions.
“It can wait,” Blaine said and bit his tongue because ten seconds later Kurt was out the door and Blaine was left with a feeling of remorse.
This was what wasn't supposed to happen. Falling into old habits, and keeping quiet while doing so.
Blaine cursed himself as he sat down to eat.
It must seem like such a small insignificant issue from the outside, but this was exactly how it had started last time. With a twinge of uneasiness, a hint that something was out of order.
When you've lived with someone for that long the smallest of things make the biggest of impacts.

It was friday, so Blaine could be awake when Kurt got home. He had to say something, at least strike up a conversation about how things were going. The more he thought about it, the more he felt like these moments of insecurity had been recurring during the last week or so, how Kurt had seemed distracted and vague. Blaine had just not been observant enough to bring it up, even to himself.
It wasn't a discussion that Blaine particularly looked forward to having, but it brought him some peace of mind to have a plan. He'd been happy this last month, happier than he'd been all year and he knew that is was because he and Kurt could be honest with each other. Even when the problem was just that.
Despite his best efforts to stay awake, fridays were always the day when he actually could fall asleep on a decent hour without even trying. It was that kind of sleep that crept up on him, eyelids burning and head heavy, inevitable.
He thought he'd wake up by the click of the door or rustling of keys, but it wasn't until he felt the weight of a blanket being pulled over him that his body allowed him to react. He flinched and opened his eyes. Blurry vision at first, light from the hall drowning him, and he was confused. How long had he been sleeping?
“I didn't hear you come in...” Blaine said and sat up a little, making room at the end of the couch. Kurt remained standing.
“I didn't mean to wake you. Why you insist on sleeping on that bumpy old couch I'll never know, though,” Kurt said and he was standing right next to Blaine, looking down at him rather awkwardly, pausing a little too long. It felt like something that Blaine was supposed to understand, but his brain was too clouded to get there fast enough. Kurt stepped aside around the coffee table and suddenly it wasn't Blaine brain that needed to be quick to react. He grabbed Kurt's hand, pulling him back a little. It was an awkward angle, because Blaine was still mostly lying down and he'd used his right arm to reach out with even though his left was closer.
“You're freezing cold,” he said, because Kurt's fingers felt like icicles against his skin. Kurt looked down at their hands briefly, raised his eyebrows and snorted like it was funny.
“I forgot my gloves at the theatre,” he said and squeezed Blaine's hand before he dropped it. He looked vacant for a moment before he turned his head up to meet Blaine's curious gaze. A crease on his forehead disappeared.
“Hi, by the way,” he said and leaned down to kiss Blaine on the mouth. An air of city winter radiated around Kurt, fresh and intoxicating, and Blaine didn't mind that Kurt's nose was cold against his cheek.
“Hi,” Blaine said and smiled up at Kurt. Kurt fidgeted with the cuff on his sweater and yawned.
“Bed,” he stated and Blaine hummed in agreement. He looked at the clock and his eyebrows shot up in surprise.
“It's 1 AM? Didn't you just come home?” Blaine said, sitting up and wincing when his feet hit the floor.
“Um, yes, there was a small celebration for Beth. Birthday. It was her birthday,” Kurt said, already a foot inside the bathroom. “I left early.”
“Oh,” Blaine said and stood up and tried to stretch but then thought better of it. It was cold and his shirt rode up in the back, and if he woke up too much he wouldn't be able to fall asleep the moment his head his the pillow. Which he very much would like.
He yawned and walked to join Kurt in the bathroom.
They followed their nightly routines mostly in silence, moving past each other in the small space like a practiced dance. Toothbrushes, water, towels and creams. It was the easiest of things, harder to do when Blaine was alone.
When Kurt spit out his toothpaste, Blaine looked down at his head of brown hair and had this sudden revelation of surrealism that you can get when you're too tired, when you're busy just existing. It wasn't a d�j� vu, there wasn't a movie playing in his head even though he knew that Kurt's next move would be to open the cabinet and grab the tube with the blue lid. It was just like his vision changed and every time he blinked he was surprised that things looked the same. It was like he couldn't understand what he was doing there, that he existed at all, that Kurt was there, that anything was real.
It wasn't the first time Blaine had gotten that feeling. When he was a child he used to feel like that quite often. He could sit on his bed and stare at his toes and wonder why they looked like they did. It was the same thing now, he looked in the mirror and wondered why it moved with him.
It didn't last very long. He blinked a few times and shook his head and it was gone. It was just like a reality check, his mind trying to wake him up or something. Because seconds later he looked over at Kurt and didn't find that his profile was too sharp to get a grasp on. It was familiar again. But maybe that was what spurred this on in the first place. How safe was it to assume that they wouldn't grow tired of this choreography? Wouldn't snap out of it and wonder why reality was real?
“You okay?”
Kurt stared at him through the mirror with a quirked eyebrow and raised cotton pad. Blaine let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding.
“Yeah,” he said and shook his head because it was silly.
Silly to question the best things in life.