Chapter 3
”What will it be?”
Blaine looked at the menu in his hand. Fiona had suggested a vegetarian restaurant next door but they'd walked past this place, which served meat which Blaine was craving.
“I think... I will have the lamb,” he settled and handed his menu to the waiter.
“Yeah, me too,” Fiona said.
“Aren't you a vegetarian?” Blaine asked as the waiter walked away.
“Not tonight.” Fiona raised her glass for a toast and Blaine followed. “Here's to raised meat!”
“Sure,” Blaine laughed and clonked his full beer glass carefully into hers. They sipped their drinks in silence.
“So, I heard that our dear principal Urley is cutting back on teachers again,” Fiona said matter of factly. “Only a rumor of course, but considering last years setback it wouldn't be a surprise now would it.”
Blaine frowned, it was the first that he'd heard of this.
“But he can't cut down on the musical institution, it's already hard to make ends meet, both in resources and schedule time,” he said. Fiona shrugged.
“That's just it though, if they minimize the time that each student has private lessons with say, twenty minutes every week, they can let fewer teachers teach more students, but for the same amount of hours. And Urley will get in more money because he will be able to rob, I'm sorry, admit a higher number of students,” she explained. “It's all logistics.”
Blaine shook his head.
“And the fact that the kids won't get as much education and recognition doesn't bother him?”
“Hello, have you met Stan Urley?”
Blaine sighed and took another sip of his beer. Fantastic. If this was true he would have to work more – having more students meant more preparation and planning and effort for the same money. Not that money was all that important to Blaine, but he and Kurt had been hoping to be able to move to a bigger apartment sometime in the future. A raise didn't seems very likely at the moment though.
“What if he fires me?!” he realized and his stomach clenched at the thought. But Fiona just laughed.
“Blaine,” she said, turning sweet and serious. “You are singlehandedly the reason to why more than half of those kids get up on stage and give it all they got. Without you, there might not even be a show.” She squeezed his hand on the table and Blaine smiled at her kind words.. “Plus, Urley thinks you're hot. He would be crazy to fire you.”
“Wait wait, what was that?” Blaine gasped.
“He would be crazy to fire you,” Fiona repeated slowly, enunciating with a gleam in her eye. Blaine cocked his head and waited for her explanation. She leaned in as if she was about to tell a secret. “I was waiting in his office the other day and while he was out wandering the halls, making lightning strike or whatever, I innocently peeked down into one of his open drawers and there...” she paused for effect, “was a photo of you. A real printed one – you don't see that too often these days do you. So I connected the dots and came to the conclusion that you've got yourself a pinstriped, sock ironing admirer. Ta-dah!” She drew back with a triumphant smirk and Blaine tried not to marvel at the fact that Kurt once had told him that he used to iron his socks.
“Fiona, you're crazy!” he laughed and she made a tell me something new face and shrugged. “That does not mean that Mr Urley, who is married to a woman and has as much compassion as a wet towel, fancies anything about me.” The thought was absolutely absurd. “On the contrary – he probably has the picture to deface during lunch. I bet he has an entire collection of photos of the entire staff and student body or anyone else he might hate. And that's a lot of photos, let me tell you.”
Fiona shook her head and bit her lip. There was more?
“The photo was not exactly of you face, Blaine,” she said and looked highly amused at Blaine's confusion. “It was more... ass-centric.”
“What?” Blaine stared at her and didn't know what to believe. It wasn't like Fiona to lie but that his 60 year old boss would keep photos of his ass in his office was a little hard to get into his brain.
“Yep, that's right,” Fiona said, almost sounding bored. Blaine gaped.
“And how do you know it what my ass?” Blaine asked and Fiona smiled slyly at him.
“Blaine, I'd recognize your behind anywhere. Oh, look, here comes the food!”

*

The rest of the evening was less abnormal and more pleasant, although the many ups and downs of the day had left Blaine feeling a little woozy.
“So Blaine, tell me what's on your mind. I can see there is something eating you,” Fiona said and put down her fork to pour some water.
“Except the fact that principle Urley finds it a good idea to keep my butt in his drawer?” he joked but she ignored him.
“Is it Kurt? What has he done?” Her voice was a little hard and Blaine's first instinct was to shield Kurt from such coldness and deny that anything is wrong. But Blaine knew that she wouldn't buy it and besides, it's nice with a friend who cares. Someone to listen.
“We had a fight when I got home,” Blaine confessed and leaned back a little. “Or, it wasn't exactly a fight. At first he got upset that I was going out on his free night and then I called him out on doing the same thing yesterday, and for being too tired when he is home. And then he completely backed down.” Blaine shuffled the rice around on his plate. “It was just weird, and not at all what I expected. Kurt always defends himself when he feels he's being attacked, he doesn't just surrender.”
“Maybe he has matured,” Fiona suggested. Blaine looked up at her and thought about it.
“Well... yes. In many ways he has. I mean, he's definitely not the same insecure and angry boy that I first met. But... it almost felt like he was afraid to argue. Maybe he was just too tired to fight with the hangover and all but the way he distanced himself and did a complete u-turn just so that we could sit and watch a goddamn movie, it just felt strange.” Blaine paused briefly but Fiona didn't interrupt. “And during the movie he was very distant, he didn't even ask me to get him anything, even when I asked him if I could.”
Blaine bit his lip, not knowing if he should let the next part slip or not. But Fiona remained quiet so it just kept coming.
“I just have a fear...” Blaine looked out the window and then down in his plate, taking a breath, “that we are growing apart. Or rather, while he is growing and realizing his dreams I am stuck at the same place I was three years ago. I don't know how to measure up to singing on freaking Broadway six days and eight performances a week and what if he feels the same way?”
Blaine could see the desperation in his own voice reflecting on Fiona's face and he quickly looked down again. These were things he barely dared to think and now when he'd said them out loud then seemed both childish and real.
“Blaine,” Fiona said softly, quirking her head to catch his gaze. “You're probably not gonna like me very much for saying this but I am speaking as a friend so just hear me out.”
She bit her lip and Blaine nodded before she continued.
“Maybe you're right – maybe you are growing apart. That happens to people. I know it sound simple and cynical but what I have seen is that despite that there is love that lasts forever, it still isn't enough. Because life comes in between and in the end that's what rips you apart, because life shapes you as human beings. It's like...” she stopped to search for the right words. “It's like anything in life. You live with it for a while, you love it, and you think you never want to be without it. But you wear it out and there comes as day when you will need to replace it.” Blaine opened his mouth to protest but Fiona held up a hand in defense. “I'm not saying that you should go home and break up with Kurt. I just know that lately you've been sad and when people start making each other sad that's a pretty good cue for good byes. Ten years is more than most people get.”
Blaine wasn't quite sure what to respond to this. Never had it crossed his mind to leave Kurt. It made him want to reach into his brain and remove the memory of that thought. He felt as though this was blown out of proportion – so what if they had been a little distant lately, every relationship has its problems. They had just been blessed to go without for so long. Ten years is more than most people get.
“You're wrong,” he said and when she smiled a little he felt betrayed. “How can you sit there and say that... I-” he trailed of and turned around to signal the waiter. “I'm sorry, I have to go home.”
“I know that's not what you wanna hear right now but I hope that soon you will be able to see things a little clearer. It's for your own good.”
Blaine couldn't respond to this infuriating statement before the waiter came over and gave them the check.
“Oh no, I'm paying for this. This was my idea and look at all the trouble I got you into,” Fiona said when Blaine reached for his wallet. She was her quirky self but a hint of sorrow in her voice that Blaine couldn't ignore. He put his hand over hers as she opened the check book.
“I just really need you to know, that you are wrong and that there will never be a time when leaving the love of your life is the right thing to do.” He said it as kindly as he possibly could – he didn't want her to think that he was upset with her. She looked down at their hands for a moment shook her head a little, smiling.
“You're a hopeless romantic, aren't you?” she said and Blaine had to agree. “Let's just hope that Kurt is too then.”
She withdrew her hand to pay and Blaine distracted himself by standing up and putting on his coat. He couldn't get out of there fast enough. He needed to see Kurt, to make sure that nothing had changed, not really.
He walked Fiona home, it was just a couple of blocks, and even though the mood was a little awkward they parted as friends. Fiona apologized for being so blunt and kissed him on the cheek.
“It's by best and worst trait,” she admitted. “See you tomorrow, bubble butt.”

*

Blaine was home within ten minutes, even though it had taken him more like 20 to get there. It was only 9.30 so Kurt should still be up.
Please still be up.
Blaine's heart sank a little when he opened the door and was greeted with darkness. Things were not exactly clicking today. He closed the door quietly and kicked off his shoes and hung up his coat. He was headed to the bathroom to wash up when he entered the living room but a sound made him look left instead of going to his right.
The bedroom door was half open, it was dark inside but as Blaine took a few steps closer he could hear the heavy breathing distinctively. He pushed the door open and tried to focus in the dark.
Kurt was lying on his back in the bed, the blanket up to his chest and knees sticking up. He has his eyes closed but not relaxed and Blaine caught the slow movement beneath the quilt.
So Kurt was masturbating.
This was new.
Blaine stayed absolutely still for a moment and tried to figure out what to make of this. Is he supposed to feel rejected? Not worth waiting for? Like an intruder?
Perhaps.
Perhaps he did feel that way. But fact is that all he'd wanted to come of to was Kurt, to hold him and promise never to let go.
So Blaine just felt his pulse go up a little as Kurt drew in a sharp breath and shifted his hips a little.
When Blaine took a step into the room the floorboard creaked and Kurt's eyes shot wide open and sat straight up.
“Oh my god,” he exclaimed breathlessly and pulled the blanket up over his one shoulder, even though he was wearing a shirt. He was looking more than a little flushed. “I... I... didn't hear you coming.”
“Um, I was trying to be quiet 'cause I thought you were sleeping,” Blaine said and moved towards the bed. Then he smiled a little. “Are you blushing?”
“What? No! You just... caught me off guard.”
“I'll say.”
Kurt let the blanket fall off his upper body as Blaine crawled over the bed and inhaled the sight of Kurt's ruffled hair and hazy eyes. He just needed to be closer, to touch.
“I missed you tonight,” he said and closed the vivid distance between his lips and the edge of Kurt's jaw. Kurt stretched out his neck and hmmm:ed in consent as Blaine placed open mouth kisses down the smooth skin. Kurt fell back on his back again and drew Blaine along with him with a hand on his neck. Blaine smiled against Kurt's collarbone as Kurt grabbed his wrist and guided him under the blanket. He let Blaine's hand freely wedge in under his waistband and pulled back a little to watch Kurt's face as he closed his fingers around the base. Kurt's eyes fluttered shut and he rolled his head back a little as Blaine started stroking. Blood rushed hotly through Blaine's body at the sight and he inhaled the smell of Kurt's neck and listened to the raged breaths.
They had not done this for quite some time. Hand jobs had taken the backseat once they had moved on to actual sex. But it was quite nice, Blaine thought as he got to watch as low moans erupted from Kurt's parted lips. It felt a bit like they were back in Kurt's old bedroom in Ohio and had closed the door and hoped that Burt wouldn't come home from work early. Blaine felt the same kind of urgency as then, not knowing how long this moment was going to last. But for entirely different reasons than before.
It was nice, just skin against skin, and watching through his eyelashes how Kurt reacted when he started to go a little faster – his hips jerked up against Blaine's arm and he opened his eyes long enough to locate Blaine's mouth. Not that he had to look very far. Blaine kissed him quickly but purposely, leaving him to catch his breath that was becoming a steady rhythm of hitches.
Blaine slowed down and loosened his grip a little, just to feel Kurt push up against him in complaint. He fell back on the opposite side of Kurt's neck, lying over his chest, and tried not to be bothered about the layers of clothing that were separating them. As if Kurt had read his mind he had his hand sliding up Blaine's shirt and scratching across his shoulder blades.
Blaine continued to kiss and suck and softly bite the length of Kurt's neck, up to the spot behind his ear. He drew away a little to collect a shaky breath. When he let the hot air out, ghosting over Kurt's earlobe, a shiver went through his body as Kurt opened his mouth a little wider and made a guttural sound that Blaine had exclusive right to. He buried his face in the nape of Kurt neck because the thought of giving that up was unbearable. Seconds after Kurt arched his chest up against Blaine's and let out a squeaky breath as he came. Blaine tenderly stroked him through the orgasm and concentrated on the spastic energy of Kurt's body beneath him.
This was such a familiar setting. Such a comfort in knowing that Kurt was right there, with no other worries than this moment. There was no risk of misunderstanding or trouble because right then, they were only each others. But due to what had been going on lately that feeling was almost overwhelming to Blaine – his odd feelings mixing with the familiarity of having Kurt's body respond to his touch. It made him never want to let go.
When Kurt relaxed against the pillows Blaine kissed him on the shoulder and snuggled in very close to his side. He dragged his hand up over Kurt's stomach and settled in the place between two ribs where Blaine could feel his heart beat franticly.
“Blaine...” Kurt mumbled into his hair but Blaine shook his head and Kurt didn't continue. Blaine didn't want this to be soiled by words. Not now.
Kurt shifted to his side and ran his hand from Blaine's cheek, over his arm and to his hip. He licked his lips and leaned a little closer.
“On your back,” he whispered and Blaine had no protests to those particular words.
Kurt undid his jeans in one swift moment and Blaine sighed at the release. Kurt steadied himself up on his hand and smirked a little before bending down to literally make out with Blaine's neck.
Blaine let his eyes shut and just feel how Kurt moved above him, leaving his side and straddling his ankles and hitching up his shirt with grabby hands. He leaned over him and kissed a line down Blaine's taunt stomach and when Blaine pressed his hips against Kurt's shoulders his hands slid down Blaine's sides and yanked his pants and underwear off. Blaine inhaled sharply at the sudden exposure and lifted his head a little to look down to see two of Kurt's fingers curving around the shaft and closing his mouth around him. Blaine let his head fall back against the pillow again and tried not to move against Kurt's teasing tongue.
This moment was delicate, a way to reassure one another that they were not going anywhere. Thoughts like that rumbled around somewhere in Blaine's mind but frankly, it was a bit difficult to focus on such philosophy when Kurt decided to take him deeper in his mouth and Blaine had to grasp the sheets because it felt so good. Blaine did however think about how Kurt had placed his hand on Blaine inner thigh and something about that made Blaine smile and grasp for Kurt's fingertips on the mattress.
Kurt stopped moving his head and rubbed gently at Blaine's groin, allowing Blaine to move his hips up and down in small thrusts. Kurt grabbed hold of Blaine's upper thigh to control the movement because he knew better than to trust Blaine's judgement in this state. And Blaine heard his own moaning in the distance – everything seemed far away except the reality of having Kurt wrapped around his legs, fingers and cock.
The beauty was in that Blaine knew that Kurt knew that when Blaine arched his lower back and pulled away a little from him, it was time to decide whether to swallow or not. It might sound like a trivial or crude thing to call beauty, but it added to the list of the many things that they only shared with each other.
Kurt gave him on last lick and then pulled off him, his palm sliding briefly against the saliva before Blaine arched his back again and let the orgasm wash over him, clenching Kurt's fingers hard and eyes shut even harder.
He came down from it panting a little, mumbling something that he didn't remember and smiled lazily when Kurt kissed his hip before crawling up on Blaine's right side and pulling the quilt over them. He kissed Blaine, soft and sweet. And still, after all that, it made Blaine's toes curl.
Kurt rolled away from him and started poking around in Blaine's nightstand and returned with two wet wipes. He first cleaned of Blaine who had gone into a state of serenity, watching Kurt's every move with a weak smile. Kurt tossed the towel aside and pulled off his pajama bottoms, grimacing a little at the stickiness and Blaine could tell that he was contemplating running off to the bathroom and shower. So Blaine put a hand at his lower back, tugging a little at the shirt and Kurt sighed and melted back against the bed and Blaine's arm.
Blaine was tired, emotionally drained and physically exhausted, but he needed to speak. Just to make sure that this moment would keep forever.
He turned to his side, at level with Kurt's eyes and was caught a little by surprise of the sincerity of Kurt's beauty.
He admired Kurt every day, in what could be described as a subconscious kind of adoration, routine. But Kurt had the kind of beauty that sometimes when you least expect it, creeps up on you and hits you in the face. At least it has that effect on Blaine. And it wasn't always the moments when Kurt would have his appearance accordingly picture perfect – with every strand of hair dictated into place and an impeccable outfit on – it was in moments like these. When he felt a little gooey and sweaty and his lips were a little swollen. When he was pale and tired and hadn't washed his hair. When his guard was down completely. This was when Blaine stopped and really saw, not only what he looked like, but beyond what everyone else saw. It was, to drag out an overused term, his inner beauty shining through in all its glory.
Plus, he was fucking gorgeous.
Kurt would, of course, always shrug off Blaine's compliments in “this state” and although it was frustrating for Blaine to not get his message across, it was also part of the appeal. Because Kurt wasn't trying. This was his safety zone, next to Blaine, and Blaine wished for nothing else.
“I miss you,” Blaine said without thinking. Kurt cleared his throat.
“I'm right here,” he said and blinked. Blaine swallowed.
“I mean,” Blaine traced Kurt's eyebrow with his thumb, “every day. We never see each other anymore.”
His voice was soft and loving, because that was how he was feeling. In any other setting he might have had come across as whiny or accusing but that was the last thing Blaine wanted right now. Kurt was silent for a while, examining Blaine's face.
“I miss you too, Blaine,” he finally said and sighed. “Of course I do. I guess I'm just a little caught up in all these new things that are happening.”
“You don't need to explain, I understand.” Blaine felt that it was really important that he made that clear because right then Kurt was flawless to him, and problems merely caused by surroundings. “I just miss... us. This.”
Blaine's hand was resting on Kurt's neck and he stroked his ever so slightly stubbled jawline. Kurt closed his eyes.
“Me too. Right now I wish we could stay like this forever.” He opened them again. “It will just take some getting used to, working separate hours. Sometimes I think that I'll go crazy pacing around in the afternoons but... we'll just have to live with that don't we. And enjoy the time that we do get to spend together. Make sure that we put it to good use.”
Blaine felt at peace with that and any worrying seemed distant when Kurt was so close and speaking so calmly. Blaine nodded in the tiniest way he knew how and let his heavy eyelids shut. Kurt kissed the corner of his mouth and touched his cheek before turning around and pulling Blaine's arm around him.
“You're on my side of the bed,” Blaine muttered into Kurt's spine because it was irrelevant and true.
“And you're on mine,” Kurt reminded him distantly.
And then they slept.

*
Words, they can come so easy.
Promises spoken by a lover in a moment when you only have eyes for each other should not be taken too seriously, should not be counted on as spells that will make everything alright.
Yet those words can mean everything, because in that moment that was all there was and it was all you wished to hear.
Blaine wanted to believe that things would be just fine, as long as they prioritized their life together. As long as they didn't blame each other and tried to listen to how the other person felt.
But none of this had actually been discussed. Blaine had just assumed that they both would try a little harder. And they did.
For a while.
But change doesn't come easily, not when you're living a busy life and all the change you can make is to leave the bathroom light on when your boyfriend comes home smelling like a vineyard.
The last couple of weeks had been nice. It hadn't been like falling in love all over again, or escaping reality at every cost, but Blaine had been so determined to not let anything get him down that it simply hadn't. It helped that Kurt seemed a bit more relaxed than he had been since the premiere, not as edgy. And Blaine thought maybe that was it, maybe it was all nerves.
Blaine had a vivid memory of a deadly nervous Kurt before his first solo at regionals and even though he wasn't close to puking before he went on stage nowadays, he still got royally nervous. Kurt was a hopeless perfectionist and even though he had a sense of humor about it, Blaine knew that he had an aching need to prove himself worthy of everyone's attention. Not in the way that he needed to please everyone, that had never been a goal of his, but he needed to know that he had done his outmost best. And that can be a lot of pressure, Blaine got that.
So maybe the crazy haze of being on Broadway had settled a little, maybe he didn't have to cling so hard to it, as if he feared it was going to be taken away from it any minute. Blaine thought this, and hoped he was right. Because it was hard enough being apart without the distance that had grown between them even when they were together.
So they got by, they had their share of intimate moments and they had their share of usual fights. Sometimes Kurt would go out and even though Blaine preferred it when he didn't, it was alright too, because he sent hilarious texts to Blaine. But there would be moments when Blaine would look at Kurt and not know what or who he saw.
Anyone who ever met Kurt knew that his face was like a manual of expression – so open and true. But sometimes he would go blank, switch off and Blaine wasn't familiar with that. Everything else Blaine could deal with – anger, hurt and tears – but how do you respond to someone who isn't responding? Blaine couldn't do anything else but take it, like a punch in the stomach. He didn't want to be the one to pick fights, especially not over the fact that Kurt wouldn't fight.
Except for those moments, which were few but painful, they were fine.
And then Blaine got called to principle Urley's office a Wednesday morning and was told he was being replaced.
Urley had sat him down and stood up and told him that they had found someone that was actually certificated as a music teacher. Blaine thought that he hadn't heard correctly.
“Excuse me?”
“This was only supposed to be temporary anyway, Mr Anderson,” said Urley in his driest voice and Blaine's heart stopped. “We hired you because you had such remarkable reviews from your private pupils but you are simply not as highly educated as this school's reputation demands and therefore I have taken it upon myself to find a teacher who is.”
“Temporary?! But I've worked here for three years and I haven't been critiqued for being unqualified a single time!” Blaine said and tried to collect his spinning head to form arguments.
“This is not open to discussion,” Urley cut in. “This school is at a turning point and I will choose my battles wisely.” He fixed his stern gaze at the door over Blaine's head.
“You know damn well that I am a good teacher to my students and I have more musical experience than half of the teachers in this school so why don't you just tell me what this really is about,” Blaine said and met the older man's eyes. He refused to look away even though he felt like he was about to be executed. The anger kept him focused.
“The matter has been settled,” Urley repeated and even though his face was blank as soggy paper Blaine saw his jaw clenching. “Your contract will not be extended past this term.”
“What?!” Blaine jumped up on his feet. “You mean to tell me that you will fire me in the middle of the school year? What about the students? How are they going to get proper grades if you change teachers one term from another? Did you think about that at all?”
Blaine realized that he probably wasn't helping his cause but he was so angry he didn't care. Urley remained calm as a mountain.
“You will leave written judgements of all of your students and they are to be handed over to your replacement by the end of the term.” Urley twisted his mouth. “It will be more than enough.”
Blaine felt like he was in a movie, the obscure kind with the merciless boss and the guy that sees the world crumble at his feet. Or goes on a killing spree.
“You can't do this! This can't be legal!” he almost shouted. “I have done nothing but work my ass off these years and I've poured my heart and soul into those students. This is ridiculous!”
He stood in front of the big desk, torn apart, trying to break through the enormous block of ice that was principle Urley. It appears that he had hit a nerve. Urley leaned forward a little.
“What you do on your spare time, Anderson, is entirely up to yourself. But you do not behave however you want in a workplace, in my workplace.” His voice was still steady but had a different edge to it, sharper. “This meeting is over so you can now remove yourself from my office.”
Blaine stared at him for a moment, his head was pounding along with his heart. He tried to make sense of his words. What exactly is he accusing me of?
“So that's it. You're just a power-drunk homophobe with no sense of obligation towards the kids of your own school,” Blaine said because he knew it was true. “I can sue you for that.”
“You most certainly will not. You are not qualified to work as a teacher and especially not when you go around spreading rumors.”
“Oh so that's what they're calling it nowadays.” Blaine glared daggers at him and he needed to get out of there. He shook his head. “I can't believe this.”
“The door is that way,” Urley said, nodding to the door. He looked down at his desk for a brief second and Blaine followed his gaze. Drawer.
Blaine turned around and made his way to the door, his hand trembled on the doorknob.
He swallowed and ripped the door open, fighting the urge to turn around and tell him to please, do keep the photo. He refrained simply because he was so repulsed, disgusted with anger that he could not stand the thought of looking at that man.
He shut the door behind him and walked down the hallway, down some stairs, not seeing anything but the air in front of him. He tried to wrap his head around the concept of being fired for having done nothing wrong but it was impossible.
Thoughts tumbled around in his head – idiot idiot fucking idiot, how was am I supposed to tell my students, I should fight his sorry ass, after the end of the term, fuck fuck fuck, how am I supposed to find a job for next term, this can't be legal, how do I break the news to Kurt, this can't really be happening.
He stopped short right outside his office and tried to collect himself. He closed his eyes and took a deep erratic breath. He still had a whole day ahead of him and decided not to tell anyone until he had looked up the laws around the matter. He couldn't just stand idly by.
Of course he would have to tell Kurt. Tell Kurt that he would be unemployed, failing. That the gap was getting bigger.
Blaine ran his hands over his face and sighed deeply.
Just get through the day.

***