"Who you can't be without."

0 Days Until Kurt's Wedding

"I should be happier," Kurt said, almost tragically.

Rachel reached forward, fixing a strand of hair that fell into his eyes. If Kurt wasn't so down, he would have slapped her hand away.

"I don't understand why you're not. Alek got hit by the sexy stick a few more times than necessary," Santana said, but her face was soft.

"And he's a wonderful man who will treat you right," Mercedes added, glaring at Santana.

"Which is why this should feel like a wedding, not a funeral," Kurt lamented. "I just want Blaine to be here."

The last sentence wasn't supposed to leave his lips. Blaine's name crinkled Kurt's heart and hearing it, saying it devastated him. The girls crowding around him under the white orchid tree frowned but weren't surprised.

"I can't believe he didn't come," Rachel fumed, touching his shoulder.

"He's your best man. He shouldn't have- Blaine?" Mercedes started.

And the name twisted Kurt's heart again but not in a pained way. Turning, he saw Blaine. He ran at him, face red, looking completely frantic. Kurt moved without thought, closing the distance. He came; he was here to support his friend.

"Blaine!" Kurt cried. "You're her-"

But then Blaine took Kurt into his arms, and up close, Kurt saw the intent in Blaine's eyes. He came, but not as support, as rescue.

It took Kurt a second to realize that Blaine was kissing him, and by the time he did, Blaine was pulling away. Disappointed, slightly dizzy, Kurt breathed. Blaine was saying something, and Kurt should have tried to listen, but he didn't care. He didn't care that they were at his wedding, him about to marry another man. He didn't care that the girls were all behind him, probably mortified. He didn't care about anything expect the fact that he'd kissed Blaine and felt nothing.

So, pulling Blaine to his mouth, Kurt kissed him. And even though it was a hot June day, a chill crept down his spin, through his entire body, even reached his toes. Kurt was numb by it. That's what he was supposed to feel.

Something went off in his head – something like an explosion, something that paralyzed him, so he grasped Blaine harder and kissed him desperately. He didn't know how long he'd have until something went wrong, but everything was right, and Kurt didn't care about the rest. Only Blaine.

Suddenly, Blaine pulled away, and the cold spread to Kurt's lips. Eyes still closed, he felt Blaine's arms around him. Eyes open, he saw Blaine, and knew what he had to do.

"I have to tell Alek," he said shortly, taking off towards the altar.

The music had started playing. It was like twisted fate to be walking down the aisle as tradition, knowing exactly what he was walking to. Alek stood there, all handsome (and he found himself inappropriately agreeing with Santana), all strong, but not happy. And this confused Kurt.

When he reached the altar, Kurt took Alek's hands. "What is it?" he whispered, leaning towards him so that nobody should hear.

"I just really love you," Alek mumbled, not looking at him.

"Why do you look so sad then?"

Alek leaned even closer. "I can't force you to marry me."

Confused, Kurt said, "I've always wanted to be with you, Alek."

Seeing Alek like this broke his heart. Kurt thought back to the morning, when he confessed everything to his fianc�, and the look on Alek's face convinced Kurt to never, ever hurt him again, that marrying him was the right thing to do. Right there, in front of everyone who expected to see them get married, he was setting Kurt free. How could any of this be fair?

"It's not about who you can be with, Kurt. It's about who you can't be without," Alek mumbled. Talking only to Kurt, his lips grazing over his ear, Alek whispered, "You have to choose. Now or never."

The music stopped playing and the guests went dead silent. The priest cleared his throat.

"I love you," Alek said, gazing deeply into Kurt's eyes, as if by sheer wishing Kurt would be his, "but do you love him?"

"I do."

"I never could compete," Alek almost laughed. "Kurt, I don't want to be with you unless you're mine and I don't have to share. I won't marry you. I can't marry you."

"Wait, did I hear that correctly," the priest interrupted. "You two aren't getting married?"

Suddenly, a thick murmur of voices rose throughout the crowd. As Kurt gazed over the faces of friends and family who were shocked and upset, he saw one person who stood out particularly.

"Did you invite Eddie or am I hallucinating?" Kurt asked, eyes locked on Eddie.

"I did invite him, actually," Alek muttered.

Eddie's eyes flickered away from Kurt's. A second later, he was looking at him again. He repeated the action a few times until Kurt realized that Eddie was signaling to him. He wanted Kurt to look passed the crowd, passed the long extent of green grass, and just see. Kurt did. It was Blaine, trudging away, painfully slow, head dipped low. Kurt's eyes flew back to Alek's face.

"You can go," Alek whispered. "I'll say it was cold feet on my part, that you're devastated. Just…I can't handle seeing you two together, so please…"

Kurt touched Alek's face. "You can tell the truth: that I just wasn't good enough for you."

Kurt reached up and kissed Alek's cheek – he allowed himself this because it wasn't friendly and it wasn't intimate; it was middle. Looking into Alek's green eyes, Kurt dropped his hand and ran.

The crowd's murmurs turned to full voices and people were pulling out of their seats, right and left. Kurt's legs pushed him faster. The noise got quieter and quieter until it was back to a murmur. Kurt was nearing Blaine now.

"Blaine!" Kurt called.

Blaine froze and looked over his shoulder. Kurt dragged him away, sheltering them behind a large oak tree that rested next to a paved walking path.

"I don't understand," Blaine muttered, looking confused and hurt and surprised. "You're married and-"

"I'm not married," Kurt said taken back.

"But you said 'I do.' I heard you."

Kurt bit back a smile, understanding why Blaine walked away, understanding what Blaine must have heard.

"Wedding ceremonies are longer than five minutes, Blaine. If mine had gone according to plan, I probably wouldn't have said 'I do' yet."

Blaine brow furrowed. "What do you mean 'according to plan'?"

"Alek couldn't marry me."

"He couldn't marry you?"

"He didn't want to marry me knowing I was obviously in love with someone else," Kurt said softly, tracing his fingers along Blaine's jaw.

"Inside, I'm very happy, but I don't want to be insensitive on the outside."

Kurt grinned. "I needed for you to come back. I needed to just have a reason to stop this wedding, something solid, some sort of proof that this wasn't just nerves or something."

"So me kissing you…"

"Kissing you made me realize that what I felt for you was a hundred percent real, but it was what Alek said that made me sure I could never marry someone I wasn't a million percent in love with."

"What'd he say?"

"'It's not about who you can be with. It's about who you can't be without.' I hated hurting you both, and at times, seeing you two in shambles made my decisions for me. But I had to stop letting you two make up my mind. I love you both," Kurt explained then whispered, "I just love you more."

"And when did you realize that?"

Kurt thought for a second, thought if there was a definite moment where he'd made up his mind.

"When I kissed you, I knew I'd be content if we never stopped. I didn't care about the scene we were causing, or that I was seconds away from getting married. I kissed you and knew I was done fighting. I kissed you and knew I didn't want to kiss anyone else."

Blaine smiled, like really smiled, for the first time in so long.

"But I still love Alek, and I can't be with you just yet. I almost got married. I don't really want to be tied down to a boyfriend right now," Kurt said, a sprinkle of sass lighting up his eyes. "I just need time."

"I almost gave you up forever. I can definitely wait a few months."

Kurt took a step forward, pulling Blaine into his arms. "I just… I need to be by myself for a while. I need to live without relying on someone else. I want to know that I still can. So when I say that I need time, I need time on my own."

Blaine pressed a kiss into Kurt's hair and nodded against it.

July

Rachel was driving Kurt up a wall. He kept mentally thanking Blaine and Alek for saving him from living with her, which would have happened eventually if he hadn't lived with both of them. Ever since the wedding, Kurt's kept his distance from Alek, so his apartment was off limits unless he wasn't an awkward run-in. He missed a lot about his apartment – namely, his own closet and bed.

"Rachel, you need to stop using my hairspray! This costs $40 a bottle. That means you owe me a dollar for every time you hose down your Shirley Temple locks," Kurt said, ripping the bottle out of Rachel's hand.

"Kurt, I was just reaching across the counter and grabbed whichever one I got to first. It wouldn't be a problem if you didn't have so much stuff junk for your religious moisturizing routine," Rachel fought back, wrapping another piece of hair in her curler.

"As opposed to your cheap CVS brand face wash?"

Rachel pointed her iron at Kurt. "I may choose very soon to stop being so nice to you!"

Kurt placed a single finger on the covered top of Rachel's curler, pushing it away from his face.

"I may choose very soon to stop hiding your hideous animal sweaters."

"Oh please because my closet is half empty now, and I never have anything to wear anymore!" Rachel said sadly.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Your closet's half empty? I- I didn't even realize!" he gasped. "You know what, let me go to my old apartment and get some more of my clothes. Don't want to have the space go to waste!"

Before Rachel could argue, Kurt shut the bathroom door in her face and charged out of the apartment. He had to be quick. If he timed this right, Alek would be in his only summer class, and Kurt could be in and out without seeing him.

Truthfully, Kurt missed Alek. He was so used to him being around everyday, and all of a suddenly, he wasn't. Technically it was a breakup. Technically it felt like one. Still, somewhere inside, Kurt felt okay. This was probably because he knew Blaine was waiting for him.

He missed Blaine too. Kurt's gotten used to dealing without his friend because ever since getting engaged, they've spent a lot of time apart. It didn't stop Kurt from missing him though.

Kurt just needed time, still needs time, to see if he can function without someone always there holding his hand. He hasn't been single since sophomore year of college. Somewhere in that time lapse, he lost himself a little, and that scared him.

His old apartment building was familiar. He kind of missed that too. Everything was so new that he missed the old; he missed the little things he'd grow so accustom to, that until they'd gone he hadn't even noticed them there, like a working elevator or food in the fridge that wasn't for rabbits.

He pulled out his key as he reached his apartment door.

Alek's apartment, Kurt thought sternly. I really need to find somewhere to live. Then again, I can strangle Rachel and have the place all to myself.

The thought comforted him.

Pushing inside, he noted that the lights were on. Gripping the knob really tight, he realized that Alek was home and that he needed to book it, fast. Stepping out quietly, he pulled the door with him.

He heard a yelp and caught a glimpse of a man running towards him with an umbrella. Kurt yelled, falling to the floor.

"Shit, Kurt, I thought you were a burglar!" a familiar voice said.

Pulling his eyes and himself up, Kurt met Eddie's gaze.

"Eddie, what the hell?" Alek and Kurt said in unison.

Hearing each other's voices, both men froze. Locking eyes over Eddie's figure, Kurt gave Alek a small wave. He returned a smile.

"What are you picking up today?" Alek asked pleasantly, approaching the pair, ripping the umbrella out of Eddie's hand. "This is dangerous," he said to Eddie, batting him on the head.

"The rest of my clothes," Kurt answered. "I've been secretly burning a lot of Rachel's ugliest sweaters; she'll thank me one day. Now, I actually have space for more of my things."

"Burn her charge card to Forever 21 while you're at it," Alek joked, leaning against the couch. Eddie gave him a shifty look.

"I'm sorry you're here. I thought you'd be in class. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable," Kurt quivered.

Alek shrugged. "It was bound to happen eventually."

Kurt nodded and walked into his old bedroom. It still looked the same. Alek didn't tear up their expensive Ralph Lauren Bedding, thankfully. Actually, a lot of the things Kurt had put in the room were still there. It kind of killed Kurt a little. Wasn't Alek mourning? Didn't Alek accept that Kurt wasn't coming back? He reached down and absentmindedly touched the silky sheets.

"I'm glad you're getting your clothes, actually," Alek said from the doorway. "I can finally buy more stuff now. Never could before. Never had anywhere to put it."

"You can hate me, you know," Kurt said abruptly. "I really hurt you."

"I actually plotted six different ways to throw you out the window in a matter of two minutes, believe it or not," Alek said seriously, eyes dark. "I'm kidding," he laughed, when Kurt stared gaping at him. "I don't hate you. I am slightly disappointed because we could be on our honeymoon right now, but…"

"You should have went," Kurt said sadly, turning all of his attention to the closet.

"It'd be a very bitter honeymoon," Alek said, mostly to himself. "So, you're living with Rachel?"

Kurt looked over his shoulder to find a genuinely good-humored Alek.

"Yes, and she's a miniature Jewish devil."

Alek smiled. "I've been shacking up with Eddie," he said casually, looking into the living room for a second.

Kurt gave him an Oh-My-Freakin'-God!-What? look which made Alek laugh.

"Again, I am kidding," he said clearly.

Kurt laughed in a relieved kind of way.

"So, I don't know if it's out of place for me to ask…" Alek started then trailed off.

"Am I with Blaine?" Kurt finished before he could stop himself. Alek shyly nodded. "No, I'm not."

Shock was evident on Alek's face, and although he was trying to hide it, it wasn't working.

"Wait!" Eddie yelled from the living room. "You aren't with Blaine? Are you shitting me?"

Now, Kurt was the one to be surprised. "I just… I didn't want to rush into things. I just needed time to myself."

"And Blaine's okay with that?" Alek questioned.

"Probably not, but I haven't talked to him since the wedd- for a while."

"Well, I hope it all works out," Alek said.

"Really?" Kurt couldn't help but ask.

"I just want you to be happy, Kurt. Not everything is black and white."

Kurt felt like a ton of bricks collapsed on his heart. "Why can't you be awful? This hurts so much more than you being all pissy!"

"Maybe that was the plan," Alek said smugly.

"Touch�," Kurt said with a smile, wrapping his arms around his clothes.

As Kurt heading out into the living room, ready to walk out of the apartment, he turned.

"I am sorry. I'm sorry to both of you," Kurt muttered then spun around before either of them met his eye.

"All I can say is, you'd better not let Blaine get away or all of this will have gone to shit, and then we'd actually be really ticked off at you two," Eddie said roughly.

Kurt smiled, nodding his head.