Chapter Fourteen

You're not supposed to make me feel like this.

53 Days Until Kurt's Wedding – 12:03 AM

You're not supposed to make mefeel like this, Blaine's eyes read. Kurt stared at him, unblinking, his mouth slightly ajar. Blaine tore his eyes away. Did he realize he'd just sent Kurt one of their infamous silent messages?

'You're not supposed to make me feel like this.' What did that even mean? What was Blaine feeling?

"Blaine…" Kurt whispered, placing a gentle hand on Blaine's arm.

There was a rattle at the door and then a loud bang.

"What are you doing up here?"

Oh no.

54 Days Until Kurt's Wedding – 9:19 PM

Kurt was checking his and Alek's Wedding Registry for the sixth time that day. Leaning against the kitchen table over his laptop, he shot a look over at Alek, who was washing the dishes.

"I was thinking of heading out with Blaine tonight," Kurt spoke, his fingers grazing of the keys. "I still want to know what he and Eddie talked about."

"You're positive he didn't get back with him?" Alek asked, scrubbing down a bowl.

"As positive as I am that someone bought those toasting flutes from our registry," he answered, peering at the screen. "I've been keeping tabs on Blaine. He hasn't done anything out of the ordinary."

As Alek rinsed his hands, he added, "Except not tell you what Eddie said."

"He said he needs time to process it. I just don't think he's ready to face the facts. I'll never stop feeling bad for him."

"I feel bad for Eddie too," Alek said warily.

"He shouldn't have left Blaine," Kurt said plainly, shrugging. "What did he say to you while you were waiting that you're all sympathetic to him now?"

Alek stacked the plates. "We just talked about our wedding. He was really interested once I told him. He did say one thing that leads me to be sympathetic though."

"And what's that?" Kurt questioned.

"He told me to be careful – not good luck or anything. It was like a warning. Maybe he had a reason to leave."

"And you think that's what they talked about?"

Alek perched at Kurt's side, staring at the computer screen. "I do and that Blaine hasn't come to terms with what he's done."

Kurt rested his head in his hands, thinking. "What did he do to get left at the altar?"

Alek shrugged. "Something really bad."

Kurt thought about this when he texted Blaine to hang out, when he got in a taxi to take him to Blaine's apartment on the outskirts of the city, and when he was knocking on Blaine's door.

As soon as it opened, Kurt demanded, "Come on. We're going out."

Blaine leaned against the door frame looking apprehensive. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see. I have a taxi waiting," Kurt said frantically, pushing Blaine back into his apartment.

Rushing back to their cab after Blaine locked his door, they jumped into the car, and Kurt leaned towards the driver, saying, "33 Washington Square West, please," and then he leaned back, grinning.

Blaine took a second to think about the address. "Isn't that our old dorm address?"

Kurt bounced happily. "Yup! We are going back to Hayden."

"Why?" Blaine asked, amused.

"You will see!" Kurt retorted, sternly but playfully.

Blaine leaned his head against the cold glass and stared into the city lights. Sighing, he knew what this was. Kurt wanted to get him alone so he could talk about Eddie. Blaine realized he couldn't keep stalling. He had to tell Kurt.

Blaine tried to be unselfish. He wanted for Kurt to be happy, but what Eddie said to him flooded his thoughts all too often. Did Kurt once have feelings for him? Did he still have feelings for him? And if so, how strong were they? Were they strong enough to stop himself from marrying Alek? Oh, Blaine wanted that answer so badly but thinking of it only make him hurt. Thinking about Kurt at all made him hurt.

Kurt was watching Blaine out of the corner of his eye. His insides were melting into a puddle. He wished his friend would stop hurting. A sudden thought flashed across his brain though. Did Blaine do something to deserve this pain? If so, what had he done?

Abruptly, both boys caught each other's eye. Both of their hearts leapt, and they looked away. There were so many unanswered questions lingering between them.

The cab pulled up to Hayden Hall. Kurt pressed money into the driver's hand and exited the car. They looked up at their old dorm and a rush of memories washed over them – endless nights dedicated to cramming for tests, chugging down cups and cups of coffee just finish one more page on their overdue papers, long nights just talking about nothing – so many memories they'd never trade in.

Waiting until the appropriate moment, Kurt and Blaine snuck behind a small group of students rushing into the doors. Without their keys, they wouldn't have access to the dorm, but if they tailgated, which was a normal occurrence during their college days, they'd get in just fine. Walking past the R.A. on-call, they snuck up a flight of steps to take the elevator away from the eyes of security.

Thankfully, they rode to the top alone, the machine dinging on the last floor. They knew the route by heart. Soon, they opened the exit door with a loud gust of wind to welcome them.

They always took a moment to look over the city below. It was always breathtaking and the view never got old.

"One of the main things I miss about college," Blaine admitted, his eyes glittering for the reflecting lights.

Kurt was already unfolding the blanket, snapping it through the air to spread across the roof. He sat down and Blaine followed.

Kurt leaned back. Blaine did the same, their shoulders touching. Kurt looked sideways. Blaine mirrored him. Looking into Blaine's face, Kurt knew he couldn't lie to him.

"I was going to tell you there was a meteor shower, and that's why I brought you here, but I can't," Kurt said suddenly, his stomach feeling heavy.

"What's the real reason then?" Blaine questioned carefully.

"Blaine," Kurt starting, shooting up then peering down at his friend, "tell me what happened with Eddie."

Blaine crossed his arms, looking to the sky. "He just told me some stuff. Why do you need to know?"

Kurt pulled Blaine's hand loose. "So I can help you."

Blaine grabbed his hand away. "There's nothing to help me with."

Kurt made a frustrated moan. "You haven't been the same since the wedding, and since Eddie visited, you've been tiptoeing around me. What are you hiding?"

Kurt bit down on his lip, hard. It wasn't supposed to spill out that way, but he'd been thinking about what Eddie and Blaine talked about constantly. It just kind of happened. Blaine shifted uncomfortable.

"I-" Blaine muttered.

He could say one of two things: 1.) We kissed on New Year's, or 2.) I'm in love with you.

What did Eddie want him to say? Did he want Blaine to confess that New Year's happened and was the reason they weren't married now? Or did he want Blaine to confess his feelings so Kurt knew, so Kurt could really think about marrying Alek? Eddie never made it clear. Blaine didn't know which confession was worse. Both would ruin everything though.

Blaine picked himself up.

Kurt mumbled, "It's me, Blaine. You can tell me anything."

Blaine's heart sunk deeply into his chest and his mind had one thought: You're not supposed to make me feel like this.

Realizing his eyes were fixed on Kurt's, he pulled them away.

I'm not supposed to love you, Kurt. Blaine thought sadly.

"Blaine…" Kurt whispered, placing a gentle hand on Blaine's arm.

As his insides combusted, there was a rattle at the door that shook them into reality. Then there was a bang and loud footsteps.

"What are you doing up here?"an unfamiliar voice bellowed.

Looking up, Kurt and Blaine recognized campus security.

The two were escorted out of the building. On the street, Kurt tried to hail a cab as Blaine paced next to him.

"I can't believe we got caught!" Blaine confessed, bewildered.

Kurt wanted to laugh, but what happened before security came threw him off. What was Blaine thinking? Had he misread Blaine's eyes? They've been having silent conversations for years, but of all the other messages, this one was the loudest. It couldn't be wrong.

Once they got into the cab, Kurt turned to Blaine. "Come back to my apartment?"

Throwing him a questioning look, he answered, "Why?"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Blaine…"

Blaine slumped into his seat, shutting his eyes. "Kurt, I can't…"

He touched Blaine's hand, and Blaine's eyes zipped open. "I won't judge you or think any less of you."

Blaine shut his eyes again and gripped Kurt's hand. They rode home in silence. The silence lingered until they were at Kurt's apartment door.

"Alek should be awake, studying or doing something productive. I'll make up the couch for you, and when he goes to sleep, we can talk."

Blaine nodded understandingly. Only a little while until their friendship would be wrecked.

What Blaine didn't realize was that a little while was much sooner than he imagined. On the other side of the door was Eddie.

Kurt was shocked. His face raced with that emotion and Blaine immediately reached to hold him back. He'd snap or attack or do something violent.

Trying to push Blaine away, Kurt spat, "Where's Alek?"

Eddie pushed himself off the couch. "He's asleep."

"What are you doing here? I'm not Alek; you're not allowed in my apartment," Kurt grunted, face screwed up in rage.

"I came to talk to you, Kurt," he answered simply, looking over at Blaine as well.

"I don't want to talk to you."

Maybe Blaine did something to end their almost-marriage but Kurt would have a hard time gaining back respect for Eddie.

Eddie held up his hands defenselessly. He weaved his way along Kurt until he reached Blaine's side.

"Did you talk to him?" Eddie asked softly. Kurt heard, obviously; he was right next to the pair.

"I was going to," Blaine stated, "tonight."

Eddie nodded thoughtfully. "Well, that's why I came."

As Eddie started to leave, Blaine pulled away from Kurt and grabbed at Eddie's hand.

Speaking in the softest whisper he could muster, Blaine asked, "What am I telling him, Eddie?"

"New Year's."

Eddie pulled away. He tried to give Blaine a reassuring smile but just couldn't. So, he left.

Kurt somehow found his way next to Blaine and placed his head on Blaine's shoulder. A fluttering in his stomach told Blaine how right this felt, but the pang in his heart told him how wrong it was. He remained still though because this might possibly be the last time they'd have this kind of relationship.

"Do you remember anything about New Years?"

Kurt picked his head up. "No, you know I black out whenever I get drunk."

Blaine looked into Kurt's eyes, begging him to remember. "What's the last thing you remember?"

Kurt racked his brain, pulling himself down onto the couch. Blaine sat on the coffee table in front of him, grasping his hands.

Kurt laughed. "I was talking to these two girls, bragging that I could tie cherry stems with only my tongue."

"Then…"

Kurt shook his head. "I drank one too many drinks and can't remember the rest."

"Nothing?"

Please remember, Blaine's eyes pleaded. Kurt, again, questioned if Blaine meant to send this message.

"I can't," Kurt said, looking away. "What's going on? What happened that you're not telling me?"

Blaine sucked in a rickety breath and stood up. "I'm going to tell you what happened the rest of your night, okay?"

"Why are you telling me this now? If it's so important, why didn't you tell me then?" Kurt fought, feeling slightly defensive.

"It wasn't important, not until recently."

Blaine sat next to Kurt. Without looking, he began, "I kept losing you. Every time I'd try to find you and did, you'd slip away. The one time you slipped away, you caught Alek and Eddie taking harmless shots from each other. Jealous, you did your own body shots – off me."

Kurt's mouth drew open. Guilt flooded his eyes. "Did…did Eddie catch us? Is this why he left?"

If Blaine said yes, ended the story there, he'd have found a loophole. But looking into Kurt's eyes, to live in that guilt would kill him. Blaine couldn't do that to his best friend.

"Yes and no. You dropped the lime into my mouth and had your lips pressed to mine, trying to retrieve it when Eddie saw. So, ultimately, he thought we were kissing. He stormed off. I tried to find him the rest of the night but couldn't, and I thought I looked everywhere, but I missed this one specific place."

Blaine sighed and continued, "The night was winding down. I lost Eddie. You lost Alek. And the countdown to midnight started, and we found each other. You don't remember any of this?"

Kurt shook his head, blankly.

"Kurt, don't- what happened next… It's not- This isn't your fault," Blaine insisted. "Right as the lights clicked off, I felt hands on my shoulders. I turned, thinking it was Eddie. Then there were lips on mine, and I was kissing this stranger, but…he wasn't a stranger."

Kurt slapped a hand over his mouth, eyes sparkled with tears. "I kissed you?"

"It was a midnight kiss," Blaine said, trying to make it sound like nothing.

"Is that all?"

Blaine could have stopped, ended the story, but again, he felt like Kurt deserved the truth – the entire truth.

"No," Blaine whispered, looking for a brief second at Kurt. He looked empty. "No, Kurt, that's not all. We were kissing, and it…it got more intense, like neither of us wanted to stop. So, we didn't. I lead you up the steps, and we found an empty room."

"Did I sleep with you?" Kurt said, his voice barely there.

"No, but we were together all night. And we weren't alone. Eddie was in the closet in that room. That's why he left me. At the rehearsal dinner, when I left with you, that made up his mind."

Tears slipping down his face, Kurt sobbed, "I'm so sorry, Blaine."

Blaine went to grab Kurt's hand but decided against it. There were boundaries forming between them.

"It's not your fault."

"Did you tell Eddie it wasn't real, that I probably didn't even realize I was kissing you?"

Blaine swallowed a lump in his throat. "We knew we were kissing each other," he muttered finally.

"H-how?"

"I said, 'I'm not Alek,' and you replied, 'I know, Blaine.' We knew who we were kissing."

Kurt finally looked at Blaine. Catching his eye for a moment, Kurt went numb.

'You're not supposed to make me feel like this.'

Kurt knew what Blaine was feeling. He saw it in his eyes.

Blaine loved him.

Kurt choked back a sob.

Blaine loved him.

Somewhere in this mess, Blaine had fallen in love with Kurt.

Oh my God, Kurt thought desperately.