Before he had started dating Kurt, Adam could count on one hand the number of times he'd purposely listened in on someone else's phone conversation. To be fair, he doesn't think that Rachel's screaming match with someone last week technically counted as eavesdropping considering that even the neighbours one floor down could have heard. This call, however, did.

And listening in on Santana talk about Kurt is probably worse than listening in on Kurt himself.

"Well of course he seemed happy!" Kurt practically growls into his phone as he paces his room. "You were there, and you're obviously a spy!"

Adam realizes that when Rachel let him into the loft on her way out with a "he'll be done in a minute", she'd probably meant for him to wait in the living room while Kurt finished his call, not hover outside Kurt's room.

Santana, thankfully, was nowhere to be found. She seemed the type to literally rip his ears off for eavesdropping, even if it wasn't her conversation (this time), just because she could.

"I don't want to hear about the irony! I want to hear what his doctor's said, because dad isn't going to tell me anything other than "I'm fine" regardless of his actual wellbeing. You are seriously the worst spy I have ever met, and so help me if you mention forgetting a jacket or the word 'endearing' I will burn your entire wardrobe."

Well. This seems like a very personal family issue and not any of Adam's concern.

"Yes, Blaine. That includes your damn bowties. I will use your hair gel as accelerant. Tell me about the appointment."

Adam wondered if he should be more concerned that Kurt was still in such close contact with his ex or with the fact that he was actually terrifying when his voice got that cold.

"Stop dumbing this down for me, I've been researching this constantly; I know what the medical terms mean."

Well, at least it sounded like they didn't get along very well. From what he'd gathered, Kurt's stepbrother wasn't exactly the brightest, and all of Kurt's other close friends had graduated and moved away. Maybe Blaine was the only person still in town who knew the Hummels well enough to not only get information on Burt, but still understand it. This didn't mean that they were still close, right?

"Okay... that's good... yeah... So he won't need surgery then?"

The sigh of relief that came from Kurt's room was a wonderful sound. His father's health had been a touchy subject, and getting information about him from Kurt was like pulling teeth. This was the most Adam had ever heard him talk about it at once.

"Don't be condescending," Kurt snapped. "I know that he told me it was easily treatable, but he doesn't always tell me the truth and this stress can't be good for his heart either! He could go into a coma again and not wake up, and— fine."

Kurt took an exaggeratedly deep breath and let it out in a huff.

"There. Breathing."

Adam had to smile at that.

"I know. Okay, I know. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be horrible to you about this. I promise. It's just... I love Carole. I really do. And despite the reasons for it, I'm so glad I set them up. And I know that I'm grown and out of the house, but... I don't want to be an orphan. I'm not... I'm not ready for that. I don't think I ever will be, and... and... just... Blaine."

The smile didn't last long. What was proper protocol here? Should he pretend that he'd just showed up, heard Kurt sniffling, and come to check on him? He could fake ignorance on what had upset Kurt, but offer comfort nonetheless.

"No, no. I'm fine. I'm sorry. It just hits me sometimes. I'm fine. Tell me more about the appointment. What did they decide about the radiation?"

Adam slid down the wall outside of Kurt's room (a bad idea, really, because it was much easier to pretend like he had just arrived and was about to walk in when he was, you know, standing) and leaned against a wall to settle in and wait this out. His medical knowledge was limited to what he had picked up from watching old reruns of ER, and with only Kurt's questions there wasn't much he was really going to learn, but he was hearing more about Burt Hummel's health this way than anyone in the loft had picked up from actual conversations.

"What do you mean you don't know?!" Kurt's shout was as unexpected as it was loud. Adam was briefly concerned if he should move his spot because from the sounds of it, his boyfriend was now pacing.

"I don't care about 'family only policies', Blaine. Unless dad has to get undressed or something you stay in the damn room! He's not going to remember or tell you actual information!"

In an absent part of his mind, Adam wondered if being as close to his father as Kurt was more rewarding or nerve-wracking. At the very least it sounded vaguely awkward. How desperate for news did someone actually have to be for them to resort to a yelling match about nudity with an ex?

"Well why don't you just sleep with him then?! That's what you usually do when you don't get your way! Or is my father's health less important than me not answering a god damn phone!"

In the ringing silence, Adam took a moment to feel (slightly guiltily) smug. Then made a mental note to never, under any circumstances, make Kurt angry because it sounded like Santana wasn't the person he should be most afraid of.

"I didn't mean that."

Yes! You did! Own it!

"Blaine. Blaine I'm sorry."

No, don't be sorry! You were right! Come on!

"I call a do over."

A... what?

"No. You said I get one do over every time we had a medical related conversation where I could take it back and you had to forgive me. You promised."

Repeatedly banging his head against the wall would be so gratifying, but noisy. Is the satisfaction worth the risk of getting caught?

"I only said it was stupid because I didn't think I was actually that mean! I'm just frustrated and upset and you were there and I didn't mean to take it out on you and I'm so so—ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME?!"

Adam hated his life.

"You are! You are actually laughing at me!"

This would be more enjoyable if Kurt sounded more outraged than amused.

"You were going to let me go on with that horribly long winded apology, weren't you? I can't believe you."

Hypothetically, could one cause themselves enough bodily harm to pass out without making any noise and still be able to be awake and functioning by the time someone got off the phone?

"I should just hang up on you. I'm supposed to be getting ready, anyway."

This was promising. He should stand up. Maybe go into the entryway, and announce his presence.

"Yeah, Adam's coming over, we're doing... Yes. He is."

Yes! An actual mention of him! Things were looking up!

"Oh don't start. How is Sam doing?"

... Who?

"Wait. What? That's an actual thing? That people do outside of grade school?"

There was no reason to stand back up, was there?

"He did me? I'm not sure if I'm flattered or creeped out. Did it at least look nice?"

Well, if children were doing whatever it was that this Sam person just did, he could at least be content with the knowledge that it was probably not a nude portrait. Though, it was America...

"That's... oddly sweet. I knew I liked him."

Oh for the love of all that is good in the world, please say there weren't multiple people from that godforsaken town in love with Kurt. It was bad enough competing with one.

"Wait, you told him about your crush? How'd he take it?"

Crush? That Blaine had on someone? Who was not Kurt? Oh happy day.

"He... wow. That well? I'm kind of jealous."

Ouch.

"No, not like that!"

Oh good.

"I just mean... Sam's a great guy. Even with the obviously dyed hair. I mean, really? He was not fooling anyone. I'm getting sidetracked. I just mean... I sometimes wish he was around sooner, you know? That whole mess with Finn and all? I know I was misguided and I don't regret how everything turned out in the end, I swear. I love the moron. He's a pretty decent brother when he tries."

What did any of this have to do with Blaine's interest in someone who was not Kurt? How was Adam supposed to properly celebrate when Kurt sounded so sad?

"I just sometimes wish that it had been Sam instead. Not because my chances would've been better or something equally horrible, just... I mean, obviously he would've let me down easier. And I know I didn't handle things with Finn very well, but... that was still my first real crush and it hurt so bad after that argument in the basement and just... Sam wouldn't have done that. I get that first heartbreak is supposed to feel horrible, but it didn't have to be bad like... like that."

Though horribly confused and in no way capable of offering any coherent thoughts on the subject other than, "please tell me that your crush on him was before you were related," it was still entirely unfair that whatever Blaine said in response could get Kurt to laugh like that.

"I'm feeling nostalgic and my dad is sick. I can monologue if I want to, don't make fun of me!" A pause, and Kurt laughed even harder. "Yes, but you also made me sing back up to a horribly inappropriate song to some guy at the Gap with ridiculous hair, on Valentine's Day, you ass."

Though if he wanted to be completely honest with himself, Adam had never heard Kurt laugh like that.

"Oh, you did not sing that to me. You sang that to an audience that I set up." Pause. "Yes. You should have." Another pause. "Yeah. You did fine the next year."

Kurt's voice had gone soft in a way it hardly ever was. Adam didn't like it.

"This year didn't count, Blaine. It was just sex."

Ouch. It wasn't like they'd ever said they were exclusive, but it still would've been nice to know that the guy he was dating hadn't really slept with someone else. He'd kind of held out hope that Santana was just trying to cause problems.

"Yes. It was."

A pause, followed by a coughing fit. Adam was briefly concerned for Kurt's wellbeing.

"Please do not ever say that phrase again, oh my god."

Had Mr. Dapper actually managed to say something offensive? Well. Probably not. Kurt was laughing again.

"No. Blaine. No. Just... just... remember Animal?"

Animal? What animal?

"And the resulting conversation, which, by the way, I still haven't forgiven you for."

Did Blaine murder a puppy?

"Well after you decided to speak with my dad—that I will never forgive you for—and he gave me The Talk—again, I hate you— that was the exact phrase he used."

Blaine made Kurt's dad give him a sex talk? That was... awkward. And weird. He made a mental note to never go to Lima.

"I just realized that I was trying to hang up on you like... ten minutes ago. You're a sneak."

He was remembered!

"I'm not changing the subject! I'm ending the subject! Like I tried to ten minutes ago and now I'm going to look hideous when Adam gets here."

They were going to start using him as an object to flirt over, weren't they?

"Flattery will get you nowhere. At all. I'm hanging up now. For real."

Yes. They were. He should probably leave his spot. Or he could stay, have Kurt find him, they could have a heart-to-heart and Kurt could agree to stop flirting with other people.

"I know."

He stood up.

"I don't know who those characters are. You're spending too much time with Sam."

They weren't going to hang up, were they? Adam walked over to the door to the loft, before turning around and shouting, "Kurt? You here?"

There was a sound of movement before a head popped out from behind the room divider. "I'm so sorry, my hair is not cooperating and I need like... two minutes, then we can go. Promise."

"You already look lovely."

Kurt smiled at him, "That's a lie and we both know it, two minutes."

A bitter part of him noticed that when he complimented Kurt, he was dismissive and changed the subject. When Blaine did it, he got extended flirting time.

You're the one he's going on a date with, he reminded himself firmly. But when Kurt emerged a few minutes later as promised, his smile wasn't aimed at his date, but a text message he was quickly replying to.

"Ready?"