"Ugh. That is such bullshit. It's creepy and so are you!"

Adam paused. He would like to think that Santana wasn't talking to him. He knew that for whatever reason he wasn't her favourite person, but that hardly gave her an excuse to insult him (though to be fair, she insulted everyone else without excuse). Besides, he and Kurt had honestly been studying; there wasn't anything creepy about that. He wasn't sure who else she'd be talking to, though. Rachel was out doing... something and Kurt was still stretched out on his bed, half asleep with his face in a text book, there really weren't many other options. He'd have heard the door opening if someone had come in and it wasn't like Santana had made an effort to make friends since she'd moved in, so there—

"Whatever. I'm tired of talking about this; it's giving me horrible flashbacks of being a sophomore. What else is new at that hell hole? I know your brother from another mother is giving you updates."

Oh. Or she was on the phone. That would make sense. Adam wondered if he'd be able to finish his journey to the kitchen without drawing attention to himself. Despite the fact that he hadn't done anything wrong and really hadn't been eavesdropping, Santana usually managed to make him feel weirdly guilty anyway.

His vindictive side would like to point out that he was at least invited to hang out at the apartment, so someone who showed up with no warning to move in really shouldn't make it seem like he had no right to be in her space.

"I don't want to hear about them, you jackass."

Well that was an especially bitter tone. Adam recalled Kurt and Rachel having a conversation about a girl named Brittany who was not, under any circumstances, to be mentioned in front of their roommate and he wondered if whoever was on the other end of the call had broke the rule.

Rather than wonder about it, he should probably just go get the glass of water he'd promised Kurt.

"What, is there trouble in paradise? I thought those two would be together forever. Their love would be eternal. And creepy. Really, really creepy."

There was another lull where the other person replied, and Santana let out a long laugh. "I've been thinking that for years! It wasn't until Coach pointed out that Mr. Schue needed adult friends that I realized it wasn't just me being horrible." A shorter pause. "Well, obviously, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong."

Wasn't Mr. Schue their old choir director? The one who was left at the altar? That would imply some serious relationship problems, why was this surprising to her? And what about his relationship was creepy? His musings were cut short when Santana spoke again.

"It was a horrible wedding, but the reception was great. From what I remember, anyway." She let out a thoughtful hum, "Though I don't remember seeing you there."

Another pause. And Adam had now officially crossed the line from "overhearing" to "eavesdropping".

"Sounds like a stupid reason to leave. And I can't believe you weren't there when everyone was hooking up. Everyone." Though he couldn't make out any words, the excited murmuring from the other end of the phone call was easy to make out.

"Yup," Santana said, a smirk evident in her voice. "Even Frodo and Legolas. I was starting to think Hummel was going to wait until marriage or something, but I guess not." A pause long enough that Adam should really just go into the kitchen already, but then Santana was laughing again. "Seriously?! I didn't think Kurt was the biting type. Damn. I would have braved the stench of the boys' locker room to see that."

Well this was clearly none of his business and not something he particularly wanted to hear anyway. Casually, so very forcibly casually, Adam strolled out past the living room, smiling at Santana who raised an eyebrow at him, and into the kitchen to find a cup.

"Hold on, Puck," Santana said before moving the phone away from her mouth. "Hey, Downton Abbey."

"That's a place, not a person," Adam corrected, grabbing a pitcher of water from the fridge and filling two glasses with it.

She waved a hand at him dismissively, "Is there any cranberry juice left in there?"

"No, Kurt used the last of it this morning."

"What the hell?! I thought his diet consisted entirely of rainbows and show tunes, he doesn't need to drink anything!" She let out an aggravated sigh before turning her attention back to her phone call. "Yeah, I'm back."

Now came the awkward game of "how long can I linger before an angry Latina throws something at my head for spying on her conversation?" If he dug around in the fridge that kept his back to her, which gave the illusion of ignoring her, right?

"No, it's the guy he's possibly sleeping with."

Even from his place in the kitchen, his head firmly inside the refrigerator, Adam could make out the indignant shout of "WHAT?!" coming from Santana's phone.

"Jesus, Puckerman! I think my ear drum is bleeding! What the hell?"

More angry muttering. Though fairly sure they were talking about him, Adam really wasn't sure why Santana's friend hated him.

"I don't know? A couple weeks? Before I moved in, hold on. Hey! Dalek!"

With a sigh, he abandoned his sanctuary, closing the fridge door before turning to shouting girl on the couch. "How do you even know what that is? And those are the villains."

She ignored him. "How long have you and Lady Hummel been dating?"

"He's not a lady, and I don't see why you ca—"

"What's that?" Santana asked, frowning at nothing in particular. "I have no clue. I think he knows?"

"Are you still listening to me?"

The continued silence gave him his answer. Sighing, he grabbed the glasses of water, and made his way back to Kurt's room. Or. Well. Towards the direction of Kurt's room until he was out of Santana's line of sight.

"Yeah, they met at NYADA or something. I don't remember the details. Honestly, I feel bad for the guy."

Angry sounds from the phone.

"Oh, don't be so dramatic, I'm not jumping ship. Berry's already got that down. I guess she was all in favor of it. But really. The guy's not that bad!"

Well. That was... something? While she'd never actually said that she hated him, he'd always got the impression that it was true.

"Come on. It's not his fault! And Kurt's... you know. Pretty decent when he's not being bitchy. And I guess he's fairly good looking if you're into that kind of thing. You can't blame the guy for wanting to get into his ridiculously tight pants."

Was this her way of saying she approved of him? Or at least tolerated him? Should he be offended on Kurt's behalf for the objectification?

"But really, it's only a waiting game. I mean, Kurt and Blaine didn't even have to rehearse for their song at the wedding, they just had numbers preplanned. They're kind of sickeningly adorable."

Oh. Maybe not.

"No, it's bad. Like, I had Peacock stuck in my head the other day and was humming it, right? He flipped his shit. I mean, he didn't start yelling at me like I thought he might, he just got all cold and told me, under no uncertain terms, that Katy Perry songs weren't allowed."

What was wrong with Katy Perry? Well. Apart from the obvious.

"I know! I didn't even think about it! And it's not like I was singing Teenage Dream!"

What was special about that song?

"Waitwaitwaitwait. You did what?" A disbelieving scoff. "I'm surprised Frodo didn't punch you. Candles, Puck? Really? Were you trying to be a dick?"

Whatever Puck (whoever that was) had to say in his defense was long winded and amusing enough that Santana scoffed several times. It would also be an excellent time to just stop listening in, but hearing half formed bits of information about Kurt and his ex was fascinating in a vaguely masochistic way.

"Okay, I'm going to stop you now because the stench of your bullshit is so strong I can smell it from here. You did not set them up!"

Puck, apparently, disagreed.

"By that dumbass logic, Karofsky set them up by creeping on Kurt."

Angry sounds.

"The amount of thought you have put into this worries me, Puckerman. And it's a moot point. Even if they were high enough to believe that, they still wouldn't let you be the best man at their wedding."

Well. Ouch. Everyone really believed that those two were not only going to get back together but married? That's ridiculous. Blaine is still in high school and he cheated, Kurt wouldn't just – just go running back to him!

"Oh please. Blainers would pick Trouty Mouth for his best man. He could keep the rings safe in his gigantic lips so that they wouldn't get lost. Because you know Blaine would be stroking them, muttering "my precious" and end up late for the ceremony. And Kurt will probably pick Rachel or something suitably stupid. I'm kind of holding out hope the whole "he's your brother!" thing wins out, he picks Finn, and then he and Sam have to walk down the aisle together."

A pause, then laughter. "No, because this is idle musing. You would actually pick color schemes and, like, flower arrangements. But what I can't decide is who I'd put money on for water works. I think you'd go for 'stoic badass' and try not to cry, but you'd still end up shedding a manly tear. Or ten. And Man Hands will be crying loudly and obnoxiously to try and upstage the happy couple. Blaine's brother will be pointing at everything, and then yelling about how unfair it is that he wasn't best man."

Adam is starting to agree with Puck. Far too much thought is being put into an imaginary wedding for two people who aren't even together.

"But Kurt's dad."

Oh. Please no.

"I know! You remember him at graduation? Hollering about how that was his boy and everything? I can just picture him all teary eyed and tellin' everyone that those are his boys."

This is stupid. Why would someone be that thrilled over their son marrying someone who already broke their heart!

"I know he flew Blaine out here for Christmas... it's like he's handpicked his son-in-law or something."

Well. Shit.

"Have you heard anything about him lately? Kurt gets all... weird when anyone brings his dad up. I'm afraid he's going to start bawling one of these days."

Mr. Hummel's cancer treatment is hardly idle gossip. How would Puck know about this? Is he a close family friend? But Kurt's never mentioned him.

"Are you seriously asking me that? You have better connections than I have!"

Oh. Puck must have the same questions.

"I thought you and Finn were friends or whatever. Or does he just not have a clue? And besides, you talk to Blaine more than I do."

How would Blaine know anything?!

"Because he's keeping an eye on his treatments, idiot."

For a brief moment, Adam is terrified that he said that out loud and Santana only answered out of reflex.

"Yeah. Anderson is like... I don't know. Going to appointments or something? Or just visiting him and getting information. Then he reports back to Kurt because his dad won't give him real answers. I don't know. Kurt doesn't talk about it, but I hear him Skyping Blaine about it."

The fact that she listens in on someone's Skype conversations isn't that surprising considering that she went through every drawer in the house for fun. And he really has no room to judge, considering how much of her phone call he's listened in on.

"Actually, no. We're changing topics. I know you have no problem with talking about Kurt and Blaine's magical love story for hours on end, but it's not really my thing."

A brief pause.

"No. It's weird to date vicariously through people who aren't actually dating. Next topic."

Adam takes that as his cue to leave, wandering back into Kurt's room before he ends up dropping the water that's considerably less cold now. The room's owner looks to be entirely asleep now, face relaxed even though there's an imprint of the book he used as a pillow on his face.

He wonders, while studying the younger boy's profile, if Kurt's assurances that he's not just a rebound are empty promises. Santana's laughter drifts into the room, seeming to mock him, but reminding him of something she'd said.

Quietly, because he doesn't want to wake Kurt up all the way, he starts singing.

"You make me feel like I'm living in a teenage dream..."

Kurt must have heard him even in his sleep, because a small smile appears on his face. He rolls over, muttering quietly as he reaches for a pillow that's fallen off the bed. Adam grabs it instead, putting it near the sleeping boy's head as he continues his song.

"My heart stops, when you look at me..."

Kurt finally finds the pillow, wrapping his arms around it and burrowing his face in. The smile gets a little bigger as he mumbles a finally coherent, "Blaine."

And that answers almost every question he's had since he first started listening to Santana's conversation.