(last time)


He was just about to head out after his shift when Rachel burst in through the door of the shop. After giving Blaine a hug she asked, "Is Kurt not here?"


Blaine wasn't sure how much she knew about everything, but the fact that she hadn't known Kurt wasn't at the shop was a sign that she was probably unaware. "Er.. no. He's having a bit of time off.. I guess."


Rachel didn't catch on to the fact Blaine not knowing where Kurt was, was strange in itself. "Oh I'm dying to know," she said excitedly, bouncing on her feet, "did you say 'yes'?"


Blaine rummaged in the depths of his brain to try and figure out what she was talking about. A lot had happened in the last few days, but he was sure he didn't know... "Did I say 'yes'," he repeatedly blandly. "Sorry Rachel.. I'm sure it's just me, but did I say 'yes' to what?" He gave her a helpless smile.


"Oh he didn't ask you, did he? Wait til I see him... he was going to ask you to move in to his apartment with him. I'm moving in with Brody and well, we discussed it on Saturday, and he was going ask you..." she tailed off when she saw Blaine's watery eyed expression.


"Oh honey," she said gently, slipping an arm around him, "Come and sit down." She led him over to sit at a table along the edge of the room. "You stay there. I'll get us both a drink, then we need to talk." She gave him a small kiss on the forehead before heading off up to the counter. That's all it took, one small act of kindness, then the tears began to fall.


◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊


By the time Rachel returned to the table Blaine had managed to sort himself out a bit with the help of a few napkins. He thought he'd been holding himself together quite well since his break up with Kurt, but maybe he wasn't as okay as he'd thought. He was supposed to be going to class, but he wasn't sure he was fit for that at the moment and maybe it would be good to talk to someone. His friends tried, but to be honest he didn't think they could understand what he saw in the 'scary guy from the coffee shop' in the first place. Rachel had been friends with Kurt for a long time and probably understood him better than Blaine did, and Blaine also liked her.


"I thought tea may be better in the.... circumstances," she said, almost apologetically as she put the tray down on the table, sitting down opposite Blaine.


"Thank you Rachel," Blaine said nodding in agreement at her choice of drink. "This is perfect."


"You're always so polite," she smiled across at him. "No matter what the situation, even when you're upset you still remember your manners. You know what? It's my pleasure to do something for you." She reached over and squeezed his hand. Blaine looked down, willing himself not to start crying again.


She poured out their tea, giving Blaine a bit of time to get himself together, then forced a mug into his hand. "Drink it, while it's hot, then tell me what's happened."


Blaine gulped down some of the hot drink. In a strange way it did kind of help. He remembered his own mother, usually a coffee drinker, would always drink tea whenever there was a crisis or a stressful situation. There'd been plenty of those at his parents' home in the last few years he thought wryly, mainly caused by himself. Maybe it was him he suddenly thought. He'd kind of thought he was pretty blameless with his and Kurt's current situation, but how many other people did he know who'd been disowned by their parents? None.


"Blaine," Rachel said kindly, touching him on the hand again. "It might just help to talk about it.. if you'd like to.."


He nodded at her words and then he just told her everything. From the moment he'd kissed Kurt goodbye at his apartmenton Saturday morning,to everything that had happened with Sebastian at rehearsals, to Kurt storming out shortly after he'd arrived. He told her how he hadn't been able to get in touch with Kurt and how he hadn't been at work all week, and that although in the beginning he'd thought it'd all blow over, he was now fearing that it might be the end for him and Kurt. He then admitted that after Kurt's behaviour he'd been so angry that he'd done a stupid by offering the room to Seb anyway. "I just thought all I've ever wanted was for Kurt to be happy, to make him happy, I'd never do anything to hurt him. And then all that happened.. and I started to wonder what was the point..."

Rachel was quiet for a moment as she sipped her tea, contemplating what to say. "Kurt and I are quite alike in some ways," she started, "and he's honestly my best friend.... but I know that he can often feel insecure.. and the way he deals with those feelings, let's just say, is not always the best way." She looked up at Blaine's sad expression, smiling softly, "I knew him before he met you Blaine... and I've never seen him so in love. He usually keeps his feelings to himself, always under control, but with you... He's different."


"I really hope we can come through this," Blaine said quietly. "I just miss him.. so much."


"You will," Rachel smiled. "I know you're feeling pretty beat up about everything at the moment, but, well I'm already planning what I'm going to wear to your wedding. Everybody knows you two are forever."


Blaine allowed himself a small smile. As if Kurt would ever let Rachel choose her own outfit to their wedding 'if' they got married. 'When' they got married, he amended. He wasn't giving up yet.


Seeing Blaine smile for the first time, Rachel felt a small sense of achievement. Blaine was always so happy and vibrant, and she really hated to see him so down. "Don't worry," she said, "I wouldn't dream of wearing anything that didn't have Kurt's approval."


*********


Kurt may not know how to sort out the mess he'd made of everything, but he was at least man enough to admit he'd made a mistake. A terrible mistake. He'd thought he'd known what it was to be miserable, only to discover that he'd never in his life felt as awful as he had since he'd walked out on Blaine. It was only his stubbornness that actually stopped him from crumbling completely. He sighed to himself as slipped into his seat at the back of the theatre just as the lights dimmed for the start of the show. Even though he didn't feel ready to face everyone, there was no way his wanted to miss the college production. He felt guilty that he'd been avoiding everyone's calls, knowing there'd be people who were worried about him, but he couldn't do it yet.


He'd survived one week without Blaine, barely sleeping or eating, but he'd still survived. Everywhere he turned in New York there were reminders of things they'd done together, keeping open a wound that would take a long long time to heal. Straight after the show today he was going to catch a flight to Chicago to spend a few days with Mercedes. Maybe it wouldn't take away the pain, but it would be a distraction and a friendly face. He slipped back out of the theatre just before the end of the show, hopefully unseen, knowing he couldn't hide from everyone forever. He would have to face his friends, especially Blaine eventually - when he came back to New York he hoped he'd be ready.


Back at his apartment he wrote a short note to Rachel explaining that he was going away for a few days, promising to contact her when he got back. He still hadn't seen her since he'd broken up with Blaine and felt bad for ignoring her calls. If he was a stronger , braver person he'd be calling Blaine right now and apologising for being such an idiot, but instead he grabbed his suitcase and went outside in the street to wave down a cab, wondering if Kurt Hummel actually deserved to have any friends, never mind a boyfriend.


******


Blaine was getting used to life without Kurt, or rather he was getting used to the dull ache that settled on his chest from the moment he woke up up in the morning and remembered he no longer had Kurt, to the moment he managed to get off to sleep at night. He'd probably only managed the equivalent of one whole night's sleep in the last two weeks, but he was surviving. On the outside, most of the time, he was his usual friendly charming self even if he was badly hurting inside, but he couldn't afford to give up on himself, he had too much to lose.


He'd come to realise that this might truly be the end for him and Kurt and somehow he had to live with that idea. Everyone had told him he needed to give Kurt time and space, but Blaine wasn't so sure. He wasn't against the idea of making the first move in contacting Kurt if only he knew he would be welcomed. With a heavy heart he went and handed in his notice at the coffee shop, giving the girls now running it a short explanatory note to give to Kurt when he next came in. They were all happy to cover his shifts, glad of the extra money. Blaine really didn't see the need to work at the shop now that he had the extra rent coming in and knew he would be able to make good use of the extra time it would allow him.


With only just over a week to go until he was due to fly to Ohio with Kurt to spend an extended Christmas break with Kurt's family, he changed his flight to LA, planning on spending a bit of time with his brother instead. He knew it wouldn't be the same, but it would take his mind off things, his brother always welcoming, if not a little over enthusiastic at times. However Blaine had learnt to appreciate him over time, especially since he was the only family who still wanted to see him. He knew Cooper had other plans with his girlfriend's family for the actual Christmas festivities, so Blaine thought he'd just see what happened. It didn't really make much difference if he spent Christmas Day alone in New York or LA, he would still be alone.


*******


Last day of term, over lunch, Sam and Mike put all of their efforts into persuading Blaine to go out to a bar with them and the rest of their friends that night.


"Come on Blaine," Mike pleaded, "I know you're not over Kurt yet, but at least it'll take your mind off things... and we miss you and you haven't been out with us for ages."


'I dont know, I mean I'm really tired. It's been a busy semester and I feel like I just want to curl up and sleep for a week solid." Blaine hadn't slept more than a couple of hours at a time for the last few weeks, but even if he didn't sleep he'd be happy to stay home and wallow. He'd been trying to keep himself busy to keep his mind off things, but he was exhausted and the thought of doing nothing actually sounded very appealing.


"There's karaoke," Sam offered. "You never used to turn down karaoke." Blaine smiled weakly as Nick and Jeff came over to join them. "Hey guys," Sam said, addressing the newcomers. "We're trying to persuade Blaine to come out with us tonight.He's not even tempted by karaoke."


"It'll be fun," Nick offered, "and the girls are coming too... and you know how much they love you..." Laura and Erica were Nick and Jeff's girlfriends, and Blaine did really like the them. They always cooed and fussed over him, and in turn he put on his dapper gentleman act, always asking them to dance with a dip of his head and a kiss on the hand. They loved it.


Blaine began to waver. Maybe he should go. It would probably do him good. "Okay," he sighed breaking into a smile, "I'll go. Maybe it'll do me good." He hoped it would.


"Yay," Sam said, slapping Nick on the back in congratulations for getting Blaine to agree to come out with them, "We'll have a great time."


*********


A few days after getting back from Chicago, Kurt had plucked up the courage to call Rachel. He entered the coffee shop round the corner from her theatre where they were meeting, with some trepidation. He was sure she was going to give him a telling off, but that would be everything he deserved if he were honest. She was already seated with her drink when he arrived and Kurt was glad of the excuse to queue up for his coffee and prolong the inevitable chat.


"Hi," he breathed as he arrived at the table, kissing Rachel on the cheek before sitting down opposite her at their small table. He slipped off his jacket, taking his time to carefully hang it over the back of his chair.


"Kurt......" Rachel began when he turned round to face her.


"Don't," he interrupted, "Just don't. There's nothing you can say that I don't already hate myself for. If you want to make me feel bad go ahead, but you won't be able to make me feel any worse than I already do..." He stopped suddenly, noticing the alarmed look on Rachel's face.


"Please, Kurt... don't do this. I was only going to ask how you are... but I can see you're not alright." She got out of her seat ready to come round and give him a hug, but he shook his head at her frantically, holding up his hand.


"No, sorry..." he blinked away a few tears, "I'll probably cry if you're too nice to me." Kurt fished around his bag for his phone, just for a distraction really, pretending to check his emails before looking back up at Rachel.


"I saw Blaine," she said quietly, obviously deciding to go in for the kill.


Oh. "Um... How was he?" Kurt winced at the stupidity of his words, but what else was there to say?


"A mess." she said a little harshly, "It was in the first few days after you'd split up, but yeah, he was a mess." Then she softened a little. "But I've kept in touch with him since then and he is a little better now... but not a lot better than you really..."


"I shouldn't be allowed to mix in civilised society... I'm no good at it.." Kurt gulped down some of his coffee to stop himself drowning in self pity.


"Kurt," Rachel said firmly, "don't be silly. It'll all be okay..... I promise. I'm not working tonight,so you, me, Santana and Brody are going out... and I'm not taking 'no' for an answer... you need to get out. I know it won't change anything, but at least it'll be a distraction.


"No, Rachel, I really don't think I can. It's really kind of you but I've caused enough trouble already.... " Kurt just wanted to stay home and watch some mind numbing tv and stave off his imminent headache, however Rachel was not to be put off.


"Kurt. No arguing, we're coming round to pick you up at eight o'clock.Go home and find something fabulous to wear, not that you don't always look fabulous, and I promise you'll feel much like your old self again."


Kurt sighed in resignation. He could see he wasn't going to get out of this.


*****


Blaine was sat at the table his group had managed to snag, slowly drinking his beer. He could not get drunk tonight,he didn't want to take the chance of the evening ending extremely badly. The last thing he wanted was to find he'd left a drunken message on Kurt's voicemail or something. He was just about holding himself together and was actually quite enjoying watching the karaoke with Laura and Erica, while the boys all went up to put their names down for some songs. He didn't think he would be getting up to sing tonight,but he could enjoy watching everyone else at least. He'd still been having to fulfil his commitment to sing at Lionel's and that had been enough of an effort, so he really wasn't going to be putting himself forward.

He'd just settled down, enjoying the idle conversation, when he looked across the room... and that's when he saw him. Kurt walking in, flanked by Rachel and Santana, and he looked wonderful. Maybe a little tired and drawn, but still wonderful. As much as he didn't want to stare, Blaine couldn't take his eyes off him. All of the anger and resentment he felt over what had happened seemed to melt away and he just wanted to see him, talk to him, touch him. He didn't know if Kurt would want to see him, but he couldn't lose this chance.


Suddenly Blaine saw Kurt's startled eyes reach his own and he seemed to freeze, a sense of panic spreading across his face. After, what felt like minutes, but was in reality probably only a few seconds, he saw Kurt turn to speak quietly to Rachel before spinning on his heels and turning to head back outside. Everyone else had just returned to the table as Blaine leapt up from his seat to follow Kurt before he lost him... again. Several pairs of confused eyes followed Blaine across the bar, completely unaware of what was happening.


Blaine flung the door open, frantically looking up and down the street to see where Kurt had gone.. He ran his hands through his hair in frustration when he couldn't see him, disbelief that Kurt could have got away so quickly. Then he spotted him just a few feet away, leaning against the brick of the building. His head was in his hands as he hunched over, his breathing laboured, and although he'd never seen one before, he was pretty sure Kurt must be having some kind of panic attack. He tried to push to the back of his mind that Kurt might be like this because he'd just seen him, but he'd seemed fine when he walked into the bar and it was only after he'd spotted Blaine that his behaviour appeared to have become a little erratic.


"Kurt," Blaine said softly, going over and carefully placing his hands on the top of Kurt's arms, near his shoulders. There was no reply from Kurt, just a big gasp if breath. Blaine had no idea what to do, but he needed to help and so just went with his instincts. "Come on Kurt, you're going to be okay." Kurt didn't seem to object to Blaine being there with him, so he carried on, gently trying to reassure him with "You're going to be okay" and "everything's going to be alright. Come on Kurt." Eventually Kurt raised his wide wet eyes to look at Blaine. A sob escaping his mouth as he did so, his whole body heaving as he fought for breath.


Blaine had to hope he was doing the right thing as he clasped each of Kurt's hands in his own. "Breathe with me Kurt, come on... you can do it. Big deep breaths. Keep in time with me." Blaine kept breathing and holding on to Kurt until eventually Kurt's breathing grew quieter and steadier as Blaine reassured, and his pale face began to look a little more back to normal. "That's it Kurt, well done. Let's just breathe together for a bit longer. That's right."


"I think I feel alright now," Kurt said quietly, after several minutes, still sounding a little breathless. "Thank you..... you.. don't have to stay anymore.."


"Kurt..." Blaine's eyes widened, "I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here until you're completely better and then.... Kurt? Can we just go home? We need to talk at some point, but...." Blaine hadn't even wanted to come out this evening in the first place and whilst he was glad he'd found Kurt here, now he just wanted to go.


Kurt nodded weakly, leaning in to Blaine a little, "Home?"


"Yeah." Blaine smiled, "Your place okay?"


Kurt nodded as Blaine wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close. "Is that because of your new.... roommate? he asked. "The reason we're going to my place?"


"No.. well yes," Blaine sighed, "yes, but it's not what you think. I'll tell you about it later," he added as Kurt looked at him a little quizzically, feeling too weary to ask any more.


*****


The cab ride back to Kurt's apartment was pretty much in silence, which should have felt awkward, but it just didn't. Blaine held on tightly to Kurt's hand as they sat side by side in the back of the cab and was relieved that Kurt felt comfortable enough to lean his head against his shoulder.


"I'm sorry," Kurt whispered as Blaine helped him sit on the edge of the bed in Kurt's bedroom, "I know I'm socially incapable, I'm a rubbish friend and I'm certainly not what you need in terms of a boyfriend..."


"Woah Kurt," Blaine said slightly alarmed at Kurt's words, as he knelt in front him to start removing his boots, "stop that." Blaine needed to think carefully what he wanted to say. He'd rehearsed a thousand times the things he'd say to Kurt when he did see him, but now his mind had gone blank. "I just missed you so badly... I know we need to talk, but tonightcan we somehow forget all this .... this break-up thing, or whatever it was..... please." Blaine took a deep breath. "Look, Kurt... What happened at the bar back there?"


Kurt shrugged his shoulders helplessly. "I don't know. I've regretted walking away from you, since I stupidly did it really. But you know me, I'm too stubborn to admit my mistakes," he huffed. " I think seeing you.. tonight, Ikind of panicked.... Just about what I was going to say to you, how I was going to pathetically explain myself. Or even worse.. What you were going to say to me."


Blaine nodded in understanding, giving a half smile. "We really do need to talk, but I think we're both exhausted and this may not be the best time." He put Kurt's boots neatly beside the bed, moving to sit next to Kurt, grasping hold of his hand as he sat down. "I'll go and make you a hot drink and let you get changed." He kissed Kurt on the cheek before getting up to leave the room to go and search out Kurt's favourite camomile tea.


Kurt frowned as Blaine turned to leave the room. He felt torn and confused. On one hand he wanted to hold onto Blaine and never let him go, but there was also the voice in his head telling him that this beautiful, gorgeous man really didn't need a jealous, difficult boyfriend like himself, he deserved better. He loved Blaine, so much, and he knew Blaine felt pretty much the same about him, but in the end would that be enough? Nobody knew he guessed, but loving each other was definitely a good start. Hearing Blaine making the tea outside shook Kurt from his thoughts and he quickly grabbed pyjamas out of his drawer, not wanting to be still getting changed when Blaine came back in.


Blaine was pleased to see Kurt snuggled under the covers when he came back in with the steaming mug of hot liquid. He put the drink on the nightstand, bending down to kiss Kurt gently on the lips. "Here, this might help you sleep. Better than coffee would anyway." Kurt looped his arms around Blaine's neck, keeping him close. "Um.. what time shall I come back in the morning?" Blaine asked reaching to gently toy with a piece of hair that had flopped over Kurt's forehead.


"Stay? Can you?" Kurt whispered, "Please... um only if you want to ..of course."


Blaine kissed him again. "Of course." Another kiss, still chastely on the lips, "I want to stay... Actually I don't want to let you out of my sight ever again," he said softly. Blaine undressed to his underwear and shirt, hesitating whether to look and see if Kurt still had any of his t-shirts here, or whether to just keep his shirt on.


"You're t-shirts are still in the drawer," Kurt said, looking over at Blaine, "but just underwear is fine with me if you prefer.."


"Is that wise?" Blaine raised his eyebrows, "I mean I bet you're wearing about twenty layers under the covers there. I don't want to be at a disadvantage." Kurt flipped the bedcover back, revealing his favourite soft blue pyjamas. He began peeling them off until he was just sporting his tight bright red briefs, quickly pulling the cover back over himself.


"Now I'm officially wearing less than you," Kurt smiled cautiously, glancing at Blaine's thigh hugging boxers.


"So... is this a competition now?" Blaine said, smiling briefly as he sat on the edge of the bed and started unbuttoning his shirt, quiet and still for a moment once his shirt was completely open. He stood again to put his shirt with the rest of his clothes, rubbing his face over his hands with a sigh. "God Kurt!" A brief look of alarm spread briefly over Kurt's face at Blaine's exclamation.


"I'm sorry," Kurt whispered from between the sheets. "So sorry."


"Don't be. I don't want you to be sorry.... I just... ugh," Blaine almost growled, "I've felt like crap since that day you ran off... and I don't want you to be sorry, but you need to tell me if you're unhappy about things, anything. Talk it through." Kurt nodded in understanding. "I'm torn between on one hand just being so happy to be here with you, to on the other hand trying to stop myself from ripping off your stupid brightly coloured underwear and spanking you so hard for everything you've put me through.. put us both through....."


Kurt cheeks burned red as he wriggled around beneath the covers. "Do it," he said softly, holding his now removed underwear in his hand, before flinging it across the room. "Do it. I deserve it."


"It's supposed to be a punishment... " Blaine smiled pulling back the sheet to climb in beside Kurt. The familiar smell a swirl of wonderful and painful all at once and it hit him like a ton of bricks as his head touched the pillow. He swallowed the wave of fear that spread over him, wanting to appreciate every moment with Kurt, regardless of however it came to him. "So maybe not today.."


"Are we.. are we allowed to ... cuddle? Kurt asked a little carefully, testing the waters.


"Of course...." Before Blaine had finished talking, Kurt had spooned himself back snuggly against Blaine's hard to hide growing erection, his bare bottom resting on the top of Blaine's thighs. This position was hardly conducive to relaxation and sleep Blaine thought to himself helplessly. However, he closed his eyes, willing himself to drift off so that he and Kurt could sit down tomorrow and talk properly about everything that had happened. He felt like he was almost getting there when he felt steady gentle movements begin from Kurt. It was impossible not to, they were pressed so close together.


Blaine held his breath for a few seconds. "Kurt? Are you jerking off? Or if not what the hell are you doing?"


"I know it's all because of me," came a small voice from in front of him, "But I missed you.... and your cock is kind of pressing against the crack of my ass.."


"Whose fault is that?" Blaine mumbled. He heard a sniffle from Kurt. God, he hated to see him upset.


"I wish it were you... touching me. Please?" Kurt sniffed. "I think it might relax me - help me sleep a little."


Blaine couldn't help the small laugh that escaped his lips. "Really!" Then he grew serious. "You do realise you made me cry in front of Rachel," Blaine said reaching round to wrap his fist around Kurt's cock, which grew quickly at his touch. "And as well as that I don't know if I should, after all you have been quite poorly this evening, Kurt." Kurt squirmed silently as Blaine ran his thumb persistently across the tip of his cock, completely aware of what he was doing to Kurt. "I mean, I'm not sure if you should be partaking in any sexual activities in your condition. I've heard panic attacks require complete rest for at least twelve hours after they happen." Blaine removed his hand.


Blaine had been teasing, but Kurt turned round to face him. "You're right. I'm lucky that you're even here with me right now... and I think if you just hold me I might be able to get some sleep now."


"Kurt." Blaine smiled. "I was just teasing you." He gave Kurt a chaste kiss on the lips. "After we've talked everything tomorrow though and we're both happy with everything, I'm going to fuck you until you can't remember your own name.... if that's something you might like.."


Kurt's stomach did a funny little flip, reminiscent of that special evening at the bar when he'd realised he was in love with Blaine and had brought him home to his bed for the first time. He'd been ridiculously stupid to almost lose this. What on earth had he been thinking?


"So," Blaine said, "If you want me to take care of you, as a kind of prelude to the big event so to speak - I think that would be okay.."


"No," Kurt said firmly, rummaging around under the covers to find his pyjama pants, "I think we should wait." He slipped the pants back on, curling himself into Blaine's side. "We should talk first. That's something I need to get a lot better at."


*********


Unable to lay in bed after he'd woken up the next morning, Kurt busied himself in the kitchen. Even though he'd only had a few hours sleep, it was the best sleep he'd had for a while and his body was grateful for the extra rest. Luckily he had a good supply of food in his fridge, mainly because he knew the right sort of food he needed to eat to keep himself healthy, it had just been his lack of appetite that had been the problem over the last couple of weeks. He doubted Blaine had been eating very well either, so he set himself in action to make them both a good breakfast. The fact that it was also a distraction from the inevitable was merely a coincidence.


Blaine appeared from the bedroom some time later, bleary eyed but smiling broadly at him. "My God Kurt," he exclaimed, surveying the chaotic scene in the kitchen. "How many people are coming for breakfast?"


Kurt smiled shyly at him. "I figured we couldn't suffice on coffee alone for our... for this morning," he said quietly, as he stirred the eggs on the stove. "And also," Kurt felt tears threatening all of a sudden, "I may just be a bit nervous..."


Blaine was at his side in an instant. "Please don't be. Don't be scared. This is just you and me.... and at the end of the day it isn't even anything to do with anyone else. So providing we both want the same things, which I think we do, there's really nothing to worry about." Kurt nodded, taking the eggs off the heat and grabbing the plates he'd had warming, ready to start serving up.


"The good thing is," Blaine grinned, moving to help put some things on the table, "I'm absolutely starving. I haven't ... um. This looks great Kurt."


"I want to... I'm going to make it up to you," Kurt said quietly as they sat down with their full plates. "I'm going to change...."


"I don't actually want you to change," Blaine said as Kurt looked a little surprised. "It takes two people to make a successful relationship Kurt. I mean I'm sure we've both made mistakes, but that's just what happens in relationships and I happen to like you just the way you are." Blaine shrugged, shovelling in a big mouthful of food.


Kurt already felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He suddenly realised how hungry he actually was. He'd been so pleased when Blaine announced that he was hungry that he'd completely forgotten about himself.


After breakfast had been cleared away, Blaine made some fresh coffee and there'd been a short discussion about where they were going to talk. In the end, Kurt had gone along with Blaine's reasoning that the bedroom would be the best place as they were still in their pyjamas and Blaine hadn't forgotten his promise from last night for after the 'talk', so being at arm's reach from the lube would be easier all round. Kurt wasn't going to argue with that, so he went and straightened the bedding and plumped up the pillows while Blaine poured the coffee, carrying it through to the bedroom.


"Where to start!" Kurt commented taking a sip of coffee and looking at Blaine.


Blaine turned to face Kurt. "I do have some things to tell you first," he confessed. "When.... that day.." Blaine sighed. "This isn''t a good start. Look that was all Seb saying he was going to move in with me that day at rehearsals - I hadn't agreed to anything. But I was so annoyed with you after you left that I just went and told him the room was his if he wanted it....you have to understand I was upset at the time and wouldn't have done it otherwise."


Kurt felt tears welling up in his eyes at the memory of how he'd got so unreasonably upset. This was going to a difficult, long morning, but Blaine pulled him in close - he knew.


"The good news is that Seb isn't my roommate after all though. His parents are loaded and when they found out he was going to be sharing a small apartment I think they were horrified and insisted on renting him his own place, twice the size of mine." Blaine placed a kiss on Kurt's forehead before carrying on. "I happened to be telling the story to a girl in my drama class and as luck would have it, she was looking for somewhere to live, so my new roommate is now a really nice girl called Tina."


Kurt inwardly sighed in relief, tipping his head to look up at Blaine's face. He looked hopeful that Kurt would be happy with the current situation, but Kurt tucked his wet eyes into the crook of Blaine's neck. "Kurt? is that not a good thing?" he asked worriedly.


"It is," Kurt sniffed, 'It's just lucky though. I still have to learn to trust you. Even though I know Seb is only saying these things to get to me, I still react - and that's just what he wants. He more or less admitted a few weeks ago, when he was being inexplicably nice to me, that he only behaved like he did to get me riled up. And yet I played right into his hands yet again."


By now, Blaine had pulled Kurt into his lap, wanting to comfort him any way he could. "And the worst thing," Kurt continued, "is that I had something important I was going to ask you that day...." He didn't bother to try and hold back the tears as he spoke.


"I know," Blaine said softly as he rubbed soothing circles on Kurt's back beneath his pyjama top. "Rachel told me... Not on purpose," he quickly explained, feeling Kurt tense, "She didn't realise I didn't know you were going to ask me to move in with you. I honestly think she regretted saying anything after I turned into a crying mess and ended up having to tell her everything that had happened."


"Don't be fooled," Kurt tried to sound haughty through his tears, failing miserably. "Rachel loves a good drama."


"I hope we can still do that at some point, Kurt. I really do," Blaine whispered, near to tears himself.


"I need a break," Kurt sighed after a few moments, flinging himself down on to the bed and burying his face in the pillow. After a few deep breaths he turned to face Blaine. "This is harder than I thought.. and although I love it when you rub my back like that it's, well.... not very conducive to concentrating on our conversation."


"Sorry." Blaine laid down next to Kurt, turning so they were facing each other. "Maybe we don't really need to talk anyway..." Kurt was a bit surprised at Blaine's last statement, he thought he was pretty adamant about the whole 'talking' thing. Kurt had only shown his enthusiasm for it because he thought it was what Blaine wanted as it definitely wasn't something he would choose to do. His own approach was morestick your head in the sand, which was obviously why he wasn't so good at the whole relationship thing.


"I do trust you, Blaine," Kurt said softly, decidingto have a go at the 'talking' thing, despite what Blaine had just said. He lacedthe fingers of one hand with Blaine's. "It's just this jealousy thing I have about you. I feel like you're mine and knowing someone else wants you in the way that I have you... god, a red mist just comes down over me and I no longer seem to be able to behave like a normal human being. It's my problem though, not yours. Your only problem is that you're too nice to everyone...."

"It's actually really hot when you're jealous," Blaine smiled, kissing Kurt's knuckles on their joined hands, "well obviously not when you walk out on me... but generally..."

"I wasn't sure it was an attractive trait exactly..." Kurt nudged himself a bit closer to Blaine's body. "I didn't realise you liked it.." Kurt felt himself blushing.


"I really love the sex we have when we get back home... You know, after you've shown your possessive streak," Blaine whispered seductively, close to Kurt's ear, sending a shiver down his spine. "...when we're tearing each other's clothes off in the hallway.. And usually we're up half the night..you're just so sexy when you want me that badly... " Blaine cleared his throat. "I wouldn't want that all the time, but you have to admit Kurt, some of the nights we've had - I can't imagine why you could ever think I'd want anyone else..

Kurt actually wanted Blaine quite badly right now, but he did have some things he needed to tell him first. Not bad things, just if he was going to start telling Blaine everything, he needed to explain a few things now. Kurt just hoped he could ignore the erection tenting his pajama pants which had popped up while Blaine had been reminding him about a particular activity he had been missing for the last few weeks. All it needed was a bit of selfcontrol - not so easy whenyou'rein bed with the person who's going to be fucking you later..

"Kurt baby?" Blaine said, pulling him in closer.Right. Throbbing erection probably not a secret now."Ooh. That's inviting," Blaine smiled,earning himself a smack on the arm. "Um...I was going to ask about the shop. Why youhaven't been there and also I left you a note there - Iwasn'tsure ifyou'dseen it."

"I have seen your note, just a couple of days ago," Kurt said softly, "and I don't mind. I knew it was only for the money and..." Blaine slipped his hands inside the back of Kurt's pants, gliding over his buttocks. "Blaine! Talking remember."

"Sorry," Blaine offered sheepishly, leaving his hands where they were, but keeping them still. "We've nearly finished talking haven't we?.... and it's all begging to be touched...by..me...and I promise I'll listen.."

"Well, I'm not sure I'll be able to talk coherently...if you keep that up." Kurt's voice came out a little higher than he'd intended. "It's a good job I like you, otherwise I might be offended that you don't want to listen to what I have to tell you."

"Okay, okay. I really want to know what you'vebeen doing.... Where have you been all this time?" Blaine moved in to kiss Kurt, eagerly demanding entry with his tongue. The kiss was sweet and soft and Kurt became a little lost, having missed thissomuch. They panted into each other's mouths, the kiss quickly turning dirty and a little desperate as everythingbecame more intense.

Kurt's eyes were wide when they pulled apart. "I'll tell you later," he breathed, "You're going to have to make me come first. I don't care how..."

*******

Blaine had taken Kurt at his word, not asking him what he wanted. The truth was he wanted anything and everything, all at once, so whatever Blaine chose was fine withhim. He had thought he was going to be coming down Blaine's throat, but after his pants had been briskly pulled off and thrown across the room, Blaine had given a couple of sucks on his cock and then proceeded to reach for the lube in the drawer beside the bed.

Kurt thrashed about as he was slowly and tortuously prepared with Blaine's wicked fingers. He may have pointlessly begged for Blaine to 'hurry the hell up', having forgotten how Blaine liked to slow down even more when Kurt made remarks like that. He gave himself over as his cock dripped and his balls ached, and just when he thought he couldn't take any more his legs were sitting on Blaine's shoulders, his ass, willing and open on Blaine'smusclythighs and Blaine's glistening cock was pushing inside him.

"Oh fuck," Kurt cried out as Blaine bottomed out. "Blaine...I'm not going to last long."

"Come for me Kurt," Blaine panted as he began moving in and out. "I want to see you come.. I just love you so much."

Kurt gripped the sheets between his fingers,throwinghis head back into the pillow as he came, completely untouched. "I love you," he cried as Blaine came deep inside him straight after. They collapsed, wrapped up together, too exhausted to move for several minutes.

As he came back to reality Kurt felt Blaine shudder, rapidly rubbing away tears from his reddened eyes. "Blaine?"

"Please don't leave me again Kurt."

"Never."

*********