Morning comes in reds and yellows as the sun rises and shines softly into Kurt's room.

Somehow, Blaine has managed to completely wind himself around Kurt. He smells like alcohol and sweat, but there's the faint Blaine scent, so Kurt lets himself breathe it all in. This might be last time he does, after all.

It's just hurts so much around him now.

Kurt's arms fall asleep, so Kurt inches his way out of Blaine's grip. In his sleep, Blaine whimpers, but Kurt gives him his pillow and Blaine smiles as he cuddles it. Kurt sees Blaine breathe deeply and sigh at the smell.

Puppy. Kurt smiles sadly and strokes Blaine's soft curls. A vision of Blaine wrapped up in Rachel with his tongue down her throat flashes across Kurt's eyes and Kurt fights down a surge of anger and nausea.

He can't deal with that yet.

Blaine wakes up later and shuffles into the kitchen, looking very much like a shamed puppy. Kurt wordlessly holds out a glass of water and Motrin. Blaine takes them, gratefully and nervously. Bacon is frying in the pan on the stove and Kurt busies himself with making breakfast while Blaine awkwardly sits at the island.

Neither speaks. Kurt makes up a plate of bacon, sausage, and eggs and puts it in front of Blaine along with a cup of coffee. Then he leans against the counter, taking small bites of his toast.

"Thanks," Blaine says softly. He takes a few bites. Kurt can see Blaine glancing at him every few seconds, but stays silent. The toast tastes like ash.

He has no right be angry at Blaine. Blaine has every right to kiss anyone he pleases, guy or girl. Kurt won't stop him.

But it doesn't help that every time he looks at Blaine, his heart cracks again.

Blaine doesn't want him. No one does.

Kurt eats his toast.

Finally, Blaine's plate is clear. He looks ready to cry, but he lets Kurt take his plate to the sink. Kurt scrubs it with more force than necessary, pretending it's Rachel fucking Berry's face under the sponge. Bitch.

She, Kurt can be mad at.

Because what kind of friend listens to her friend confess to liking a boy and then makes out with him for hours?

No, Kurt feels completely justified in hating Rachel.

Finn comes in, rubbing his face sleepily. He starts at the sight of Blaine meekly sitting at the island.

"The fuck are you still doing here?" he snaps, shooting Blaine an angry look.

"He's eating." Kurt says before Blaine can answer. "There's bacon and sausage on the stove. I can make you an omelet if you want." He scrubs the plate harder. Christ, why hasn't Blaine left yet? Kurt just wants to run upstairs and cry into his covers.

Finn grunts but grabs a plate and begins piling food on. He sits next to Blaine. "So what's the deal with you and Rachel?" he asks bluntly.

Kurt doesn't turn around, though his shoulders tense. How much does Blaine even remember from last night? Does he remember spending half the night crying in Kurt's arms? Or does he only remember kissing Rachel and thinking that girls are awesome? He hears Blaine sigh.

"Nothing." Blaine says insistently. "Nothing, Christ, I'm gay, I was just having a really bad night and I get stupid when alcohol is involved. I don't like Rachel; she's all yours."

Finn shrugs and mumbles something about how he and Quinn have been seeing each other, so Rachel's free. Kurt rolls his eyes. God, their love triangle is frustrating. He wishes his stepbrother could see he could do so much better than either of those girls. "So is Kurt mad at you?" Finn stage whispers to Blaine. Kurt freezes.

"Yeah." Kurt feels Blaine's eyes on his back. "Kurt, come on, please look at me. I'm sorry."

Kurt realizes he's gripping the plate with enough force to crack it, so he forces his hands to relax. "There's nothing to be sorry about." Kurt says in clipped tones. He dries the plate and shoves it into the drying rack. "You can kiss whoever you want."

Blaine actually growls and Kurt wants to slap him. "Fuck, Hummel, why are you so mad at me? We aren't dating!"

Kurt finally looks at Blaine. He still wore his clothes from the party, and they are rumpled from sleeping in them. Blaine's curls stick up at odd angles. But his eyes are red-rimmed and Kurt was almost certain there are tears in them.

Which was completely fucking stupid; because if there was ever someone not worth crying over, it was Kurt Hummel.

"No, we aren't." Kurt whispers. Every word cuts deep and he crosses his arms. Keep it together, Kurt. Finn watches them with wide eyes, and the kitchen is silent until the doorbell rings. With one last look at Blaine, Kurt leaves to answer it.

Rachel Berry is on his doorstep, smiling brightly.

In the brightest pink cape he has ever seen. Kurt almost slams the door in her face, but forces himself to be polite and settles for just looking at her, daring her to speak.

He has to be a masochist.

"Hi, Kurt! I know you took Blaine home last night, and I didn't have his number so I thought I'd stop over here to say hi!" She steps past Kurt and begins unbuttoning that hideous cape in his foyer. Kurt feels his heart start pounding because there is no way Rachel is actually in his house with Blaine and Finn in the next room. It's too early for this shit. A headache starts to pulse against his skull and Kurt slowly shuts the door.

"Rachel—"

But she's already walking to the kitchen, and Kurt can only follow. He hopes no one else notices how much he wants to murder her. She smiles brightly at Blaine's suddenly pale face and Finn's shocked expression.

"Good morning, Blaine! And Finn." She gives her ex-boyfriend a cursory glance before leaning on the island next to Blaine with a winning smile. "I came over to discuss with Kurt how we can get Mr. Schue to do more songs from musicals in Glee, but you are more than welcome to join us, Blaine!" Kurt shakes his head at Finn's quizzical look. Be more obvious, Rachel. I dare you.

"Yes," Kurt drawls as he walks past. He starts putting the extra food away. "I mean Mr. Schue never lets you sing what you want. It's a travesty." He scoffs bitterly when Rachel agrees and begins talking Blaine's ear off. When Kurt finally turns around, he has to fight not to laugh.

Blaine has the most miserable expression Kurt has ever seen, and Rachel chatters on and on about possible musicals she could sing from. Finn has long since made his escape. Finally, Blaine snaps.

"Rachel, seriously, you sing enough in Glee already." He says impatiently. Rachel's eyes widen in shock, but Blaine keeps talking. "Can you like, go away, though? I have to talk to Kurt about something." Blaine shoots Kurt a desperate look, and while Kurt is still pissed, he'd never subject Blaine to a smitten Rachel Berry.

Kurt nods slightly. "You left some stuff in my room. We can talk up there." He gestures for Blaine to go up first. "Rachel, I'll be down in a couple minutes. There's some soy milk in the fridge and cereal in the pantry if you're hungry." He follows Blaine without another word.

Kurt's room is just as awkward as the kitchen. Kurt closes the door, thankful that his father had to leave for work early that morning. He turns around, arms crossed. Blaine rubs his face and collapses backwards on Kurt's bed groaning loudly.

"What the actual fuck." Blaine's words are muffled by his hands.

Kurt shrugs. "You made out with her for over an hour last night. She thinks you like her." He takes some perverse pleasure in the look of absolute horror on Blaine's face. "Honestly, Blaine, what did you expect?"

"I was drunk. I'm still gay." Blaine pouts. "Fuck." He grabs Kurt's pillow and hugs it. "Do you hate me?" Blaine finally asks in a small voice.

It breaks Kurt's heart a little more. "What happened to the 'badboy' that doesn't give a shit about what anyone else thinks?" Kurt teases gently, but he sits next to Blaine.

"He realized he cares what one person thinks." Blaine watches him carefully.

What the hell can Kurt say to that? And he has forgiven Blaine, he really has. "I'm not mad at you." Kurt finally says. Blaine starts to smile. "But." Blaine freezes. "I'm still…upset. Can—Can you just give me some time?" Kurt's throat closes up.

"Yeah. Yeah, of course." Blaine smiles and grabs Kurt's hand. "But we're ok?"

"We're ok."

"Good." Blaine stands up. "Where the hell is my phone? Mom must be freaking out…"

Kurt fishes it out of his pocket. "I called her earlier. She knows you spent the night. But I think you should spend the day with her."

Blaine nods. "Thanks." At the door, he pauses. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah." Kurt forces his face into a smile. "See you tomorrow." He keeps it up until Blaine leaves. Then sighs.

Time for a day of dealing with Rachel Berry and trying not to kill her for flirting with Blaine in front of his face.

When Kurt walks into school the next morning, he considers walking out again.

Blaine is waiting at his locker, like always, but Rachel is there too. Then Kurt squares his shoulders. If he won't be chased out of school by a closeted homophobic jock, then a kitten-sweater wearing loudmouth will not scare him either. He forces his legs to walk forward.

Rachel is lecturing Blaine about the differences in Elphaba in the musical and the book, and Blaine clearly does not give a shit. His face floods with relief at the sight of Kurt. "Hey, Kurt!"

As horrible and childish as it is, Kurt dances inwardly at the glare Rachel sends him before masking it with a grin. You won't get him, Rachel. Not this time. "Kurt! Hi!" She shifts awkwardly, glancing at Blaine then back to Kurt. "W-what are you doing here?"

"This is my locker." Kurt raises an eyebrow and points at the locker she's leaning on. She blushes and moves so Kurt can open it. "Hey, Blaine."

"I brought you coffee, but she kind of took it." Blaine glares at Rachel, but she pretends not to notice. There's an empty coffee cup from The Lima Bean in her hands. The top of a K is visible just over her fingers.

"Coffee isn't good for your vocal cords anyway." Rachel says flippantly.

"But you drank it." Blaine deadpans. Kurt snorts.

Rachel sputters, flushed. "A-anyway! I have a song I want to sing today in Glee, and I need a duet partner, but Finn's voice isn't right for it, and we clearly have amazing chemistry as evidenced on Saturday night, so here's the music!" She hands Blaine a sheet of music. "You will sing Bryan Adams's part as I was born to sing Barbra." Rachel grins widely. "See you later, Blaine!" She turns on her heel and walks off down the hall, shoes clacking on the linoleum.

Blaine watches her go with a strange expression. "She's certifiable." He says grumpily, scanning the music. Kurt just shrugs. He switches his books around, taking out history and English. "Oh my god, Kurt, look at this song! 'I finally found someone/that makes me feel complete.'" Blaine looks at Kurt, stricken. "We aren't together!"

"Might want to tell her that." Kurt says lightly. He closes his locker with a sigh. "Look, you just have to be very clear with her. And do it soon, because I swear I'm going to strangle her if she sings Barbra one more time." He starts off for his first class, leaving Blaine to think. Karofsky walks past the other way, and his hand darts out to stroke Kurt's leg, high on his thigh. Kurt yelps and jerks away, knocking into a girl. Through stuttering apologies, Kurt tries to find Karofsky, but he's gone.

Kurt wipes his face and tries to stop shaking. It's going to be a long day.

Glee is hell.

Blaine flat out refuses to sing with Rachel, but she takes it in stride and sings I Finally Found Someone as a solo, but directs it to Blaine. The rest of the club either stares at her or Kurt, and Mercedes actually looks even angrier than Kurt. She was there the night of the slumber party and she knows exactly what Rachel's doing. Breaking the 'girl code,' or something. Kurt wants to melt into the floors and never show his face again. Blaine just looks uncomfortable and keeps shooting Save me! looks at Kurt, which doesn't help. Only Quinn is any kind of pleased, probably because Rachel singing to Blaine means she's finally given up on Finn.

Rachel finishes with a flourish, grinning widely. She darts back to her seat next to Blaine as Mr. Schue starts talking about love songs. Kurt tries not to jump up and rip out her hair. She scoots her chair in closer to Blaine, winding an arm around his. Blaine is practically in Kurt's lap by the end of Mr. Schue's speech in an effort to get away from her when Kurt flips.

"Rachel! What the hell is wrong with you?" He rips himself away from Blaine and stands up, glaring at her. He has had enough and by God, everyone is going to hear about it. Rachel gapes at him, and Blaine takes the opportunity to move away from her. The room falls silent; even Mr. Schue seems reluctant to get between the club's two biggest divas. "Blaine is not interested in you! Stop making him uncomfortable!"

She flushes but stands up as well. Kurt savagely takes pleasure in the fact that he's taller. "Kurt, that is extremely rude. Blaine and I have a connection, and while we may not be dating, we can be friends. He's not only yours, you know." The words have a sharp bite to them. She ignores Mercedes soft oh no she didn't.

"You sang a love song to him. Blaine is gay. He likes dick. Stop throwing yourself at him; you're only embarrassing yourself." Kurt says venomously. Blaine watches with wide eyes and Santana smirks, but Kurt can't stop himself. "Leave Blaine alone." Kurt growls.

Rachel is almost in tears. "Stop it, Kurt! Just because I found a potential boyfriend and a duet partner doesn't mean you get to mad at me!"

"Oh, God, Rachel," Blaine says softly, but his words get lost when Kurt sees red.

"He's not a potential boyfriend, you moron, he's gay!" Kurt shouts. God, why doesn't she get it? Why does she feel the need to take everything from him? "He was really drunk and in a bad place at the time! I'm sorry Finn dumped, you, I am, but you brought this on yourself by making out with Puck! For once, you're not going to get what you want, so suck it the fuck up and deal with it!"

"Well, he's not into you, either!" Rachel screams. Her face is bright red and furious and embarrassed, and Kurt feels all the blood drain from his face, because he suddenly knows exactly where Rachel's going with this and he's not ready for Blaine to know this. The rest of the Glee club and Mr. Schue stare at the warring friends with open mouths.

"Rachel, wait, let's talk about this somewhere private—"

"You've been hanging around Blaine for months and he's never made a move on you! Not once! At least I got to second base!" Rachel shakes with fury. "He kissed me, not you, so maybe you should just accept the fact that guys like me better!" Then her eyes widen and she claps a hand over her mouth, like she realizes what she's said. The room is so quiet that Kurt is pretty sure everyone can hear his heart pounding.

Kurt feels like he's been slapped. Like his stomach dropped fifteen feet. He's going to throw up if he doesn't get out, he can't think with the crushing feelings of hurt and betrayal squeezing him dry.

"K-Kurt, wait, I didn't mean it like that, I—" Rachel starts crying quietly. "I'm so sorry, Kurt, I'm sorry!"

"Yeah, I've been hearing that a lot lately." Kurt says hollowly. His eyes sting and he will not cry in front of these people. He can't face Blaine, not after this. Without a word, Kurt leaves.

As he walks out the door, he hears Santana.

"That was a bitch move, Man-hands."

Typical of them to defend him after he walks away. Kurt holds himself together until he gets to his car.

Lying on his bed, Kurt feels completely numb.

It's so much better than the pain of the afternoon.

Fucking Rachel.

He's been so stupid. Blaine was always only going to be a friend. Maybe he should thank Rachel for breaking the news to him before he fell too deep.

There are three cracks on his ceiling.

His phone had been ringing nonstop until Kurt turned it off three hours ago. Finn tried to talk to him earlier, but Kurt ignored him. Blaine came too; and only left after Burt assured him that Kurt just needed some time. Though even Burt looked worried. Finally, blessed silence.

Kurt really likes silence.

What was he thinking? Why would Blaine ever like such shitty damaged goods like Kurt? Karofsky ruined him, Kurt knew this. No matter what Kurt did, no matter how long he hit a heavy bag, Karofsky could turn his knees to jelly with one look. Karofsky could whatever he wanted, and Kurt can't stop him. Kurt shivers when he remembers that touch on the inside of his leg. He couldn't stand up to that bully, couldn't talk to adults about the harassment, so why would Blaine want to be with someone so weak?

He is so tired.

And Rachel. Anything he wanted, she got. Finn. Defying Gravity. Kurt wonders if she knew he blew that note the year before. Every competition solo. Blaine. She's probably already worked out how to hook her harpy claws into him and keep him for herself.

She's right; guys don't like him. Finn practically ran screaming and even Sam left as soon as Kurt gave him and out from their duet. And somehow, Rachel Berry, a girl, was more attractive to Blaine than Kurt could ever be.

He can't believe she spilled his secret to the whole club. No, he can believe it. She gets torn down by everyone else; why shouldn't she tear down someone else? But why him. He can't see Blaine now. Can't look into his eyes.

Kurt thinks about the cracks in the ceiling. He's been falling through the cracks his whole life. Maybe he should just stop fighting it.

He closes his eyes and falls deep into the sweet embrace of sleep. He dreams of razors and oblivion. It's the best dream he's had in months.

"I have a song I want to sing." Kurt announces at the next Glee practice.

He ignores the sudden whispers; ignores everyone; as he has for the past full day. His phone is still turned off, thrown somewhere on his bed, and he hasn't spoken to anyone but his father since he woke up.

Blaine hasn't taken it well, pelting Kurt with notes every one of their shared classes and even following him to their rare separate ones. Rachel mostly cried the whole day. He knows Mercedes has given Rachel the cold shoulder all day along with Tina, and even Puck glared at the Jewish girl. She usually had a good amount of the club mad at her on any given day, but this time it looked universal. Kurt can't care anymore.

Over the summer, Kurt had his wisdom teeth taken out. He saved a few of the Vicodin pills, hiding the orange bottle in the back of his medicine cabinet. Pain was such a constant in his life that he didn't need all the prescribed doses. He took one that morning, then another at lunch, and the numbness is wonderful. The locker checks had barely registered. There's still half a bottle left, waiting in his night table. Next to the razor.

"Of course, Kurt," Mr. Schue smiles understandingly.

Kurt nods faintly before taking his place at the mike stand. He's already told Brad his song, and Brad waves as if to say Whenever you're ready.

Brad is kind of awesome.

In the front, Blaine watches him. Kurt almost falters at the sight of Blaine's intense hazel eyes, but fuck it, he's going to be brave for once in his shitty life. Kurt grips the microphone, the Vicodin coursing through his veins.

He opens his mouth.

"Two to one,
Static to the sound of you and I
Undone for the last time…"

It's terrifying, baring himself before these people. His friends. Even as most of them have screwed him over in a million different ways. He wonders if any of them understand this song. He thinks Blaine might.

"I can hear it, the jet engine
Through the center of the storm
And I'm thinking I'd
Prefer not to be rescued…"

Kurt loses himself in the song. The swell of the notes, the sad tone of the lyrics.

"I'm finally numb,
So please don't get me rescued."

He opens his eyes, looking at each of his friends.

"And it's unclear
But this may be my last song
Oh, I, I can tell
She's raising hell to give to me
She's got me warm
So please don't get me rescued"

Why do they look so guilty? This isn't their fault. This is all Kurt.

He's just so tired. But he's okay.

He knows what to do.

"And I feel alright, so please
Don't get me rescued..."

Kurt feels the last notes echo in the choir room. Brad lets them trail off into silence, and Kurt just stands there in front of everyone. Most are worried; a few are crying. Blaine frowns, and Kurt suddenly wants to run. He doesn't want Blaine to guess his thoughts.

He makes his voice work.

"Thanks."

Then he leaves.

It's for the best.