Everyday he battled.  He wanted a fix, no, needed a fix.  Everytime he'd look out the window of the apartment he'd remember his days on the curb and what that entailed and feel a rush of desire go through him for that white powder.  So Kurt avoided looking through the windows and when his need was the worst he'd go have a nap.  Napping replaced the need with dreams and by the time he woke up again, he felt okay.

Well, as okay as he got anyhow.

After this particular nap he blearily let his eyes open and turned towards Romeo, faithfully at his side on the bed as always and snoring wheezy little snores as he slept.  Kurt wrapped his arms around the dog and snuggled against him, the dog only adjusting a little in place at the shift beside him before dozing off again, tongue falling out of the side of his mouth.  Kurt had to chuckle at the sight and took another moment to cozy up to the dog before begrudgingly getting up as his stomach growled.

Blaine was in the kitchen when Kurt wandered in, making something, probably supper.  He was an excellent cook and Kurt knew he would end up fat and complacent if he ate what Blaine made every day.  There was going to come a time when Kurt would have to work out or at least watched what he ate.  For now though, he grabbed a granola bar out of the cupboard and mumbled a groggy ‘Hey' to Blaine before moving to his favourite place in the whole apartment - the living room.

Since moving in he had been reacquainting himself with TV.  Cole always had shit on at his place and no one was ever allowed to change the channel.  Here though, Kurt was free to immerse himself in old guilty pleasures - romantic and dramatic series and reality TV.  Courtesy of Blaine's Netflix account, he caught up on shows he had started watching a few years ago and now knew how they ended.  He also caught up on the big movie hits and finally got some of the quotes and references people had been making while he was out of it.

Blaine came in once Kurt had settled on watching one particular movie and asked if he could join Kurt, who gave him a shrug and told him, as he always did, that it was his place.

Kurt was sure Blaine was a lot more uncomfortable with this set-up than he was.

While dinner baked in the oven, Blaine sat on the other end of the couch, watching the movie quietly and, when he thought Kurt wasn't looking, glancing over at him.

“What is it?” Kurt finally said, having enough of the silent face stalking.

“I just… how do you know I'm a virgin still whenever I go out with Sebastian?”

“Because you still look all pent up and tense, and because if you had a good lay you wouldn't always be home so early.” Kurt noted matter-of-factly, never taking his eyes off the screen.

“Oh.”

Quiet for a couple more moments and then Kurt couldn't handle it, “What now?  Just ask for fuck's sake.”

“Well… I don't feel pent up and tense, so how do I look it?”

Kurt groaned and paused the movie, turning to look at Blaine.  “Well you sure as shit aren't relaxed are you?”

Blaine's bushy brows bunched on his forehead and he gave a little shrug.  “I… I don't know.”

“You would know if you were.”

“Oh.  Okay….”

“Look.  I get it.  You have a guy in your home that's useless and not trustworthy.  Believe me -”  He held up a hand to silence Blaine when he saw he was about to respond, “- I know what I am Trust Fund.  So you're tense and worried about your shit and for whatever fucking reason you feel responsible for me and that can't be relaxing…. in addition you apparently, according to Wes, have parents and a sister that have high expectations and no trust in you so you're always doing your best to try and please them.  Then of course you have a boyfriend that won't put out and that's got to be hard… or not hard as the case may be.”

Blaine's cheeks flushed pink and Kurt smirked.  He had him pegged.  It wasn't really all that hard though, Blaine was more of an open book than the kid thought he was.

“He'd put out.. I'm just not… there.”

Kurt snorted, “Why?”

“Because… I'm just not… it doesn't feel….”  Blaine sighed in exasperation and shook his head, “I'm just not.”

“Maybe you should take up smoking.” Kurt teased, though the questioning look in Blaine's eyes told him he didn't get the joke.  “Kidding.”

“Oh… and Kurt…. you're not that bad to have around.”

“Right.”  Kurt turned back towards the television and set the movie to play again.  

That seemed to be the dynamic of their rooming situation.  Blaine would tiptoe around Kurt and Kurt would call him on it.  Wes would come in to bring some life to the apartment, telling Kurt exactly the kinds of things Kurt needed to do while giving Blaine a break to go out with his boyfriend.  Kurt had yet to meet the guy, but he had a feeling any guy that left Blaine that unsatisfied after every date wasn't going to last.  

Wes came in one day with a limp, hobbling awkwardly while Blaine prepared for one of his loveless dates.  

“The fuck happened to you?” Kurt asked, grabbing Wes' jacket when he handed it over.

“I tripped on the curb coming in… pretty sure I gave myself a sprain.”

Kurt rolled his eyes and shook his head.  Of all the injuries he had sustained over the past couple years, spraining his ankle on a curb had not been one of them and he had been out on the curb most night for hours at a time.

Blaine left and Wes and Kurt started up a game of chess.  After about an hour of getting his ass kicked by Wes, Romeo insistently came up and whined at them, circling in place to let them know that he needed out.

“Uh…”  Kurt looked from Romeo to Wes.  Shit.

“Just wait until Blaine gets back boy.” Wes cooed.

The whining continued and intensified until Kurt was sure Romeo was crossing all four paws.  The noise was irritating and he finally stood up, “I'll take him out.”

Wes looked at him skeptically, “Are you sure?”

Kurt nodded, making his way to the door and slipping on his shoes.  “It'll be quick.  I can do it.”

He was convincing himself more than he was Wes, but the dog needed to go out and before he let himself chicken out, he was going down the stairwell with Romeo in tow on his leash.

Kurt knew Blaine took Romeo over to a little green area a block away, and luckily Romeo seemed to know where to go, dragging Kurt along until he got there.  Kurt pointedly avoided looking at any around.  He didn't want to recognize anyone - or anything for that matter.  Instead he focused on the feeling of the warm, humid air on his skin and the smell of the outdoors.  He tried to ignore how free he felt.  Free was scary, being free had led him to making dangerous choices in the past.

“Come on Romeo.  Hurry it up.” Kurt coaxed the dog as he sniffed around to find the perfect spot to empty himself on.

“Oh beautiful doll….”

Kurt froze.  That voice.  THAT voice.  Millions of people living in dozens of boroughs and suburbs of New York City and THAT voice with THAT person was at the same place he was at this moment in time.

“Beautiful, beautiful doll…. risen from the dead….”

Kurt's head snapped to the side, eyes going wide and jaw growing slack as he saw Big G there before him.  At least, he looked like Big G even though he was wearing a suit and tie and looked so put together compared to the Big G Kurt had known at Cole's.  Kurt knew he should run.  Bolt for it and never look back until he got back to the safety of the apartment, but his feet were rooted in the ground and he couldn't look away.

Big G grinned, closing the space between them as he stepped forward.  Kurt could smell him now.  He smelled the same.  If cocaine had a smell then it smelled like Big G, and vice versa.  He shuddered as the want came over him.  

It felt Kurt left his body and then watched from above his empty shell as Big G took Kurt's hands, taking the leash from him and letting it drop to the ground.  Kurt was led away, leaving Romeo there behind him, still sniffing around, and taken to the alleyway nearby.

“You missed me yes?  Needed me at least?”  Big G asked, pushing Kurt up against the wall and pinning him there.  Kurt could feel the man's arousal as he was ground against and then awkwardly palmed though his pants with a too big hand.  Some semblance of his sanity was still within him though as he looked away, shamed by the fact that he was here, so easily reduced to what he had been before - a weakling.  No matter how much Big G tried to entice him though, he wasn't aroused - quite the opposite in fact, but that didn't help him find the courage to try and escape.

“Don't you worry.  I've got all you need little doll.”

Kurt just stood there, letting himself be vacant and blank.  Letting himself not exist as he heard a zipper being pulled down and his body was turned around to face the gritty, dirty wall, shutting his eyes closed as tight as he could.  If he couldn't see anything, maybe it wouldn't be real.

“Cole will be happy to know you're alive.” The voice of doom behind him spoke as it worked to pull down his pants.  It wasn't hard.  Despite eating well, there was only so much weight he could put on in the time since his hospital release and his hips weren't that good at holding his pants up on their own just yet.  Big G shoved his legs apart, the cool air hitting him hard, trying to draw his mind back into his body with the shock of it.

Kurt whimpered.  Why was he allowing this?  Why couldn't he fight back?  Did Big G have some kind of power over him?  Was he really just going to let himself go back to that place and time?  He had come so far…. at least he thought he had.

Clearly he hadn't.

Big G's head dipped down to speak right into his ear, “Once I give you your punishment for getting me dragged to the cop shop, I'll give you a reward for taking your punishment so well.  You look like you need a hit.  So tense… and far too pretty to be so tense…”

That was it then, Kurt's time in the hospital and at Blaine's had been nothing more than a vacation away from his reality.  He was doomed to a life he thought he'd escaped from.  One run out into the world away from the safety of the apartment had shown him that clearly enough.  He knew Big G wasn't going to use anything to make the stretch easy.  Kurt would be torn up and used and probably wouldn't even live that long after that if Cole had anything to say about it.  

And he couldn't even move.