I Have Nothing, If I Don't Have You
misslaurielou88
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I Have Nothing, If I Don't Have You: Epilogue


T - Words: 5,317 - Last Updated: Sep 04, 2013
Story: Complete - Chapters: 16/16 - Created: Jun 28, 2013 - Updated: Sep 04, 2013
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Author's Notes: Thank you so much to everyone who has read this story. It means so much to me. Thank you once again.

When Madam Tibideaux dismissed the class, I immediately grabbed my bag and headed out the door. I didn't have any further classes that day so it meant I was free to go. I glanced at my watch and saw that I had three and a half hours to kill before my shift started at the Spotlight Diner. I had originally planned to just head back to the loft in Bushwick and just relax, but I realised that I hadn't really walked around the streets of New York City in quite a while. I had simply been too busy to do that. I had enough time so I could go and explore the city, like I did when I first arrived nearly three years ago. I immediately decided to head to Times Square. I just loved it there and it always made me smile.

Life had been a complete whirlwind since I had moved to New York and so much had happened. It was actually insane how much had happened. I still couldn't quite believe some of it.

Blaine and I had survived the year apart. We had kept our relationship alive by constantly communicating and visiting one another when we could. My first few weeks in New York had been hectic as I was adjusting to college life at NYADA and I got a part time job at Vogue. com. I didn't have to work but I wanted to make some extra money so I didn't have to worry about my finances and so I could treat myself if I wanted to. Everyone knew how much I loved clothes and how much I liked to buy them. I missed a few phone calls during this period and I was too busy to talk when I did pick up the phone. I did feel like a bad boyfriend and I was worried about how Blaine was feeling. I sent him some flowers, along with a message that I was sorry how busy I was but that it would die down. I was just getting to grips with my new life but that didn't mean he wasn't part of it. I managed to get some time to call Blaine that evening and we talked for hours. He did tell me that he was starting to feel alone but that he understood that at first it wouldn't be easy as I had to settle into life in New York. I told Blaine that I loved him and that I would never say goodbye to him. My boyfriend told me that he loved me too and that he would never say goodbye to me either. After that conversation, we seemed to go from strength to strength, understanding that sometimes we would get busy but that didn't mean that we didn't love each other.

I loved classes at NYADA as they really challenged and pushed me to be the best I could be. Rachel was utterly shocked that she was worshipped by everyone at the school, including the teachers. When the dance teacher, Cassandra July, had criticised Rachel's technique, Rachel had immediately started ranting. Miss July actually threatened to kick the diva out of her class if she carried out with this behaviour. When the teacher realised that I was friends with the girl she called 'Schwimmer', she would often praise my dancing skills or give me constructive criticism to help me improve. This annoyed Rachel so much and she actually tried to make me fall over in one class. Miss July saw her and told her that she didn't want her in the class that day. Rachel did eventually apologise to me and she told me that she found it difficult when her teachers didn't love her. I knew Mr Schue being practically obsessed with Rachel would do her no good. It didn't help matters when word got around that Rachel had choked in her audition twice and basically stalked Madame Tibideaux. Cassie July used this as extra knowledge to taunt Rachel with and other students in NYADA were not nice to her. I did stick up with Rachel but she made it difficult when she tried to undermine me and look better than me.

I came home one day to find that Finn had randomly turned up in New York. I hadn't heard from him since he left for the Army. I was a little annoyed at him when I found out that he had been discharged from the Army and had just been backpacking around Georgia. I had been worried about him but I was relieved that he was out of the Army. Rachel kept telling me that Finn was going to move into the loft with us and that he was going to find his calling in New York. After graduation, Finn had told me that he was going to join the Army and that he wasn't coming to New York. I had known that he wouldn't come to New York after he had been rejected by the acting school. When I had asked if Rachel knew about his plan, Finn had said no and that he was going to let her go. He still loved her with all his heart but he had to let her explore New York on his own. I quickly reminded him that Blaine had tried to do that to me and how that had all turned out. Finn had took that into consideration but was adamant that this was the best way to do it. He asked me to get the train to New York with Rachel so that we had the opportunity to figure out where we were going to live and look at accommodation. I asked Blaine to come with me as I didn't really want to be apart from him during the summer. Finn drove Rachel to the train station and told her what was happening. She later told me that she had thought that they were going to get married. We were only in New York for a few days and when we returned, Finn had already left.

Finn and Rachel broke up again as she admitted to him that she had kissed a guy called Brody that she had met at NYADA. Her defence was that she hadn't heard from Finn in months so she had to move on. I didn't really agree with her but I stayed out of it and refused to take sides, despite Rachel's pleas. We went back to Lima to see our old school put on a production of 'Grease' and Miss July gave us her air miles, which surprised me as she gave them to Rachel too. Blaine had been cast as Danny and Artie had said that Blaine was his dream Danny Zuko, which did not surprise me. Blaine also played the role of Teen Angel. He was phenomenal as both. I got to spend some time with Blaine but I had to fly back to New York the following morning. When we got back, Rachel told me that she and Finn were no longer talking as she got upset about Brody sleeping with Miss July while we were in Lima. That shocked me but I guessed that Cassie had done it to show Rachel that she was better than her.

I went home for Thanksgiving while Rachel stayed in New York with Brody. I had guessed that she had forgiven him but I didn't really dwell on it. I got to spend time with Blaine, my family and all of my friends who had come home too. Finn was taking over for Mr Schue and he was doing a great job. We all helped the newbies in the room prepare for Sectionals. I was horrified when the new girl Marley Rose collapsed after the performance 'Gangnam Style' and it later came out that she had been starving herself. I felt so sorry for her but I felt even sorrier for Blaine when the New Directions were disqualified.

When I returned home to New York, I was invited to sing in the Winter Showcase. I was the first freshmen to be asked in a really long time. Rachel was absolutely livid and actually went to Madame Tibideaux to demand why she hadn't received an invitation. Madame Tibideaux simply said that Rachel wasn't good enough to sing in the Winter Showcase. I was terrified for days that she would try to send me to a crack house or something, but luckily she stayed out of my way. I chose to perform 'Being Alive' as it was a song that I truly loved and it reminded me of how I used to feel before I met Blaine, also reminding me of the time Blaine had thought that we wouldn't make it long distance. Needless to say, I blew the audience away and I won the Winter Showcase.

When I went home for Christmas, I was devastated to discover that my Dad had prostate cancer. He reassured me that it was curable but I was too scared to think that I might lose my Dad. Thankfully he went into remission and his health has been fine ever since.

The rest of my first year in New York seemed to crawl by as I started to count down the days that Blaine would join me in New York. He visited me often and he applied to NYADA as well. I picked up another job to make some money, joining Rachel and Santana at the Spotlight Diner. Santana had moved in with us after she dropped out of college and headed to New York. I loved having her around and we became a lot closer. The whole deal with her finding me after the Sebastian ordeal really cemented our friendship and she became one of my very best friends. The same couldn't be said for Rachel, especially when Santana accused Brody of being a drug dealer. It later turned out that he was a gigolo, showing that Santana's Mexican third eye was one to be trusted as she knew when something was fishy.

When I was at home for my Dad's test results and we found out he was in the all clear, Blaine proposed to me. I suspected something like that might happen but I would never have guessed everything he planned. My Dad drove me to Dalton where Blaine was waiting outside for me. He serenaded me with 'All You Need is Love' by the Beatles and led me through our old school. He had gotten help from the New Directions, the Warblers and Vocal Adrenaline, though I will never know how he did it. He proposed to me on the staircase that we met, giving such a romantic speech about how we were soulmates and how our hands were meant to hold fearlessly and forever. He got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I was so overwhelmed and of course I said yes. A couple of days later, I proposed to Blaine myself, keeping it simple and presenting him with a matching ring.

I went back to New York happily engaged. Rachel got the role of Fanny Brice in the revised production of 'Funny Girl', something she had basically been born to play. I hadn't been back in New York that long when my Dad called me with some devastating news. Finn had died. I had been in the loft when he had called and I had literally collapsed to the ground. I could barely breathe. Santana came out of the bathroom and immediately pulled me into a hug. I had to tell her. Even though she had made fun of him, they were friends. Santana and I cried together, before realising that we had to tell Rachel. Unfortunately she came home at that moment and was desperate to know what was wrong. I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell her. Thankfully Santana sensed this so she broke it to Rachel gently. The scream that came out of Rachel was something that would always haunt me. She sounded so broken. She collapsed to the floor and Santana and I held her as she sobbed hysterically. It was a long time before any of us were able to stop crying.

We went back home for the funeral and I honestly don't think I would have been able to cope if it wasn't for Blaine holding my hand all the time. Mr Schue led a memorial for Finn in Glee and practically everyone came back to celebrate Finn's life. I just couldn't believe my stepbrother was gone. It felt unreal and wrong.

Life had to carry on and at times it was really hard. I was so glad that I had Blaine to help me through it. I felt bad for Rachel as I knew how much she was struggling. She threw herself into preparing for her first Broadway role. We both felt like we were stuck in a rut. This led to the two of us getting quite drunk and getting tattoos. I had 'It Gets Better' written on my back, before deciding to get a tongue piercing as well, even though I took it out after a few days as I couldn't speak. Rachel at first said she didn't have a tattoo but I later discovered that she had Finn's name inked onto her hip.

The New Directions came second at Nationals so that mean the Glee club was disbanded. We all returned to celebrate our time in the choir room, as well as trying to find a way for it to stay. Unfortunately there was nothing we could do but we just had to remember Glee club and the New Directions as it was.

Blaine graduated and joined me in New York. In the loft there was me, Blaine, Rachel, Santana, Brittany and Sam. It was starting to get very crowded. Not long after everyone moved in, Santana and Brittany went off for an extended vacation to Lesbos and Hawaii. Sam was sleeping on the sofa, claiming he was looking for work when he was doing nothing. Eventually he did start finding some modelling jobs and he also moved in Mercedes, who had come to New York to record her album.

Rachel decided to drop out of NYADA as she claimed she was too good for the school and needed to spend all her time preparing for 'Funny Girl'. The two of us had gone for dinner at a local restaurant and I had tried to get her to see that it was stupid but nothing was going into her head. She said that I needed somewhere like NYADA as I could never be brave and didn't take risks. I actually wanted to slap her, like Quinn did at our junior prom. She was wrong on so many levels.

When I left the restaurant, I heard someone calling for help and I saw a young man getting beaten up by two others in an alley. There had been a similar incident the previous week when someone I knew at NYADA had been attacked because of his sexuality. Without really thinking, I charged into the alley and pushed the guys off him. The victim quickly ran away while I confronted the two Neanderthals. It quickly turned to a fight and I fell to the ground when I was hit over the head with a brick. I carried on fighting even though my vision was getting hazy. I was hit in the face several times and I could feel hands on my neck choking. I was starting to lose consciousness and I could barely fight back. The two guys quickly got off me and ran to their truck, driving off and leaving me lying in an alley, fighting to stay awake. I thought of Blaine as I drifted into unconsciousness.

When I woke up, I was in hospital with Blaine by my side. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. He yelled at me for being so stupid, before crawling onto the bed and hugging me. He told me he was so proud of me but he had been scared that he was going to lose me. I told him that I wasn't going anywhere. Rachel, Sam, Artie and Mercedes were all in the waiting room and rushed in to see me. There was a lot of hugging and I was told several times that I was a brave idiot. Sam thought that I was secretly Diehard or someone like that. Rachel deeply apologised, telling me that she couldn't lose me and that she loved me. I forgave her after reminding her that she said I wasn't brave and didn't take risks. She told me I was braver than she ever could be and that she hadn't taken any risks like I had. Rachel told me how wrong she was to say that. I could see how upset Rachel was by what had happened to me and I told her that there was nothing she could have done. Even if we hadn't fought and she was with me, I still would have run into the alley. My Dad showed up later that day and he yelled at me, before getting all emotional. He told me not to do it again, unless he was there and we could take them together. He told me how proud he was to be my Dad.

After I was released from hospital, I had to perform a song by Sondheim for my midterm grade. I chose 'I'm Still Here' from the musical 'The Follies' as I found it rather fitting. I loved performing in front of all my friends and my Dad. I could see Madame Tibideaux smiling away as I performed and gave it all I had. I got a standing ovation at the end and I found out that I had received full marks.

Rachel debuted as Fanny Brice on Broadway and she was amazing. It truly was the role she was born to play. I was holding off looking for roles as I wanted to finish my education first. I was stunned to find out that Rachel was getting bored of doing eight shows a week. She ditched one of her shows to go and audition for a TV pilot in LA. Of course there were problems and Santana, who had been the original understudy, had to go on instead. The directors and producers behind 'Funny Girl' found out and threatened to fire Rachel if anything like that happened again. Rachel was upset, before she found out the writers at Fox in La wanted to a show about her. That became all she talked about and Blaine and I kept trying to make her understand what she was risking but she wouldn't listen to us. A writer actually came to New York to write a script and it was awful. Rachel luckily got her to rewrite it and it was actually quite a nice story. The pilot was commissioned and Rachel left for LA. Of course the people behind
'Funny Girl' were furious and told the diva that she would never work on Broadway again. Rachel didn't seem to understand this as she kept saying that she would do the TV show, maybe a film then go back to Broadway. I tried to explain that she had been blacklisted but she kept saying that it was fine.

After Rachel left for LA, it was just Blaine and I in the loft and it was perfect. It had been amazing living for him but we had had to share it with several of our friends. Living together with just the two of us was better than I dreamed it would be. I had been worried that I might feel overwhelmed or claustrophobic just living with my fiancé, but that wasn't the case at all. We were actually talking about selling the loft and moving into a smaller apartment closer to Manhattan as it was just the two of us. Mercedes was touring malls across the country and Brittany was her backup dancer. Santana was filming yeast commercials and was joining her girlfriend and Mercedes. Sam had moved back to Ohio after achieving his dream of appearing nearly naked on a billboard on a bus. Artie was constantly busy but still tried to see us when he could. Blaine and I were the only ones left in the loft and I just loved it.

I walked through Times Square, just taking in the atmosphere. I truly loved the city. I was proud that I could call myself a New Yorker after living there for over two years. I lived in the most magical city on earth and I was happy and in love. I started heading up Broadway, not really knowing where I was going but still put one foot in front of the other. I stopped a few times to pop into the shops and just browse for a while. I loved just having some time for myself and being able to relax between classes and work. I really enjoyed working at the Spotlight Diner as it was a place where the waiters and waitresses sang songs. It was truly an amazing place. I knew I couldn't work there forever but I always liked to have the extra money. Blaine and I were saving up for our wedding and we wanted it to be just perfect. We had been engaged for a year and we had decided to get married when we were both twenty one. That meant we would have to start planning soon.

I smiled to myself as I took in the sights of New York. I loved living here and I hoped to live here for the rest of my life. Rachel was currently living in Lima and she kept calling to beg me to come and live there. Her pilot had done relatively well but the few episodes after that had been panned by critics, so the show was cancelled. The critics wondered why anyone would want to watch a show only about a selfish and obnoxious girl who wanted stardom and didn't care about how she got there. The show was basically an hour of Rachel on TV, mostly just her on the screen. Blaine and I did watch it but we didn't really enjoy it.

Rachel had left LA and had returned to New York for a short while, hoping to get her role back as Fanny Brice. Of course she was rejected so she went home to Lima. She found out that her Dads were divorcing, before deciding to start a new version of the 'New Directions' and fight against Sue Sylvester. The Jewish diva had asked me to come back to Lima and hope to lead the new Glee club, but I had refused. Rachel had insisted that she needed me there but I knew she just wanted me there so I could support her and tell her how well she was doing. I asked her what made her think that I would just leave New York, quit college and leave Blaine behind to help her. Rachel did suggest that Blaine could come too and help out, but that she would do all the singing in the choir room. I predicted that the new Glee club wouldn't last very long due to Rachel's love for herself and her voice. She needed an audience to perform to after losing the role of Fanny and her TV show being cancelled. Glee club was once again the perfect opportunity for her.

I wasn't paying attention to where I was going when I suddenly bumped into someone. This motion caused me to go flying backwards and I would have fallen over if the person I had knocked into hadn't reached out and grabbed my hand to pull me back.

As I looked up to thank them, my mouth dropped open in surprise, "Sebastian?"

Of all people, I had bumped into Sebastian Smythe. There were millions of people in New York City and he was the one I had happened to bump into.

"Hello Kurt," the Warbler said softly, looking at me with an amused expression.

I realised Sebastian was still holding my hand so I quickly pulled it out of his grasp.

"Sorry for bumping into you," I apologised, not really knowing what to say, "I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

Sebastian simply smiled at me, "It's quite alright Kurt. I'm to blame as well. I was too busy concentrating on where I needed to go. You look... you look amazing, Kurt. You seem to be more handsome every time I see you."

"Thank you. You look good too," I suddenly paused, wondering what he meant, "Wait, the last time you saw me was that day in the choir room when I punched you."

Sebastian chuckled at that, "Oh yes. Yeah that was not a good day for me. Of course you were sexy and beautiful then, but time really has been kind to you."

I tried not to blush at his compliments as I tried to focus, "When did you last see me?"

"It was at Dalton," Sebastian said quietly, avoiding looking at me, "It was when... Blaine proposed to you. It was mandatory for all the Warblers to support two former Warblers getting engaged at Dalton. I thought I could do it. I was there and I saw you come in. I kept my distance from the two of you and the New Directions as I knew there would be hell to pay. I heard Blaine's speech but I couldn't stay to hear your answer. I didn't want to hear your answer. It would have been too painful. Of course I eventually heard you said yes, which is good as I want you to be happy Kurt. Congratulations on the engagement."

I didn't know what to say to that. I had to admit that my heart ached for the man in front of me a little. I knew all about unrequited love and I knew that his version was worse. He had to know that we would never be together, especially since I was engaged to my high school sweetheart.

"I'm so sorry Kurt," Sebastian suddenly blurted out, "When I think about how I hurt you and the excuses I made for it... I'm just so sorry Kurt. I can't believe I did that to you and I'm glad you punched me in the face. You can do that now again if you want to."

I had to laugh at that, grateful that he had broken the tension a little, "I'm good, Sebastian. I know you're sorry and I forgive you. I'm glad you've learnt from all that."

"Thank you," Sebastian whispered, "Kurt... are you happy?"

I nodded as I unconsciously caressed my engagement ring, "I am."

Sebastian smiled at me, "That's all I ever wanted for you. I've heard how you're taking New York by storm and I'm so proud of you. You deserve everything Kurt Hummel and I'm so happy you're getting it."

I couldn't help but smile at Sebastian's words, unable to wrap my head around that the boy I had known in high school was being so sweet.

Sebastian suddenly cleared his throat, "Well I had better be heading off. I've got a meeting I can't be there for. Goodbye Kurt Hummel."

Without warning, Sebastian leaned in and placed a soft kiss to my cheek, before pulling away and walking away without looking back. I just stared after him, still unable to comprehend everything that had gone on. I eventually shook my head and carried on walking myself, making my way to the Spotlight Diner for my shift.

I quickly got changed into my uniform when I arrived and clocked in for the start of my shift. I went about my business, taking orders and serving food and drinks to the customers. I was still puzzling over Sebastian's words and behaviour when I saw my fiancé come into the diner and take a seat.

I immediately went over to him, "Hi honey, what are you doing here?"

Blaine smiled as I leaned in for a quick kiss, "Hey baby. I thought I'd pop in and see you, as well as getting a vanilla milkshake.

I quickly scribbled that down in my notepad, "One vanilla milkshake coming right up. I'll just go and make it then I'll be right back."

It only took me a couple of minutes to make Blaine's milkshake and serve it up for him. I glanced around the diner and knew that as it wasn't so busy, I had some free time to talk to my fiancé.

"Blaine, you won't believe who I just bumped into?" I said, trying to keep my voice down in case Gunther came by and realised I wasn't taking an order.

Blaine frowned at me, "Who?"

I hesitated, wondering how he would take it, "Sebastian Smythe!"

I could see Blaine's jaw clench as he tried to remain calm, "He didn't try and do anything, did he?"

I immediately shook my head, "No! He apologised for everything he had done and asked if I was happy as that's what he wanted for me. It was a brief encounter but a bit of a weird one. He congratulated me on the engagement and admitted he was actually there for it as the Warblers all joined in with your proposal. He was fine Blaine, I promise you."

"Okay then," I watched as Blaine let out a sigh of relief, "I wouldn't have hated to been able to bear it if he had touched you inappropriately or hurt you. I would have had to find out so I could make him pay."

I rolled my eyes at my fiancé's protective manner, "That didn't happen. He actually asked if I wanted to punch him as a way to get back at him for everything that had happened."

"I would have done," Blaine muttered under his breath.

"I know sweetie but I didn't see the point," I explained, hoping he understood where I was coming from, "He's apologised and I've forgiven him. I don't condone violence and we were able to leave everything in a civil manner. Now I can sit back and enjoy my life with you."

Blaine grinned at me, his eyes full of love, "I love you so much."

"I love you too," I whispered as I leaned in to kiss him, "Right I had better get back to work. I hope you enjoy our next performance coming up."

As if on cue, the music to 'Shake It Off' by Taylor Swift came blaring out and all the staff jumped on the counters or empty tables to perform. I winked at Blaine as I jumped on the table next to his, shaking my arse in his direction and causing him to laugh.

As I sang along, I couldn't help but smile. I had come so far since I had left high school and I had shown everyone that I would go on to achieve great things. However to me, the greatest thing of all was loving Blaine and him loving me. I knew that we would have our happily ever after and that all my talk about us being a nursing home together would be a reality.


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