Sept. 4, 2013, 2:12 p.m.
I Have Nothing, If I Don't Have You: Chapter 10
T - Words: 5,691 - Last Updated: Sep 04, 2013 Story: Complete - Chapters: 16/16 - Created: Jun 28, 2013 - Updated: Sep 04, 2013 249 0 0 0 0
I sighed as Blaine and I slowly swayed to the music coming out of the speakers. I rested my chin on Blaine's shoulder as the lyrics of Etta James' 'At Last' washed over me. Blaine and I were slow dancing to all the songs that had reminded either one of us of our relationship. This moment felt so perfect and I never wanted it to end. I wanted to stay in Blaine's arms forever. I sighed with content when Blaine started singing along softly, his mouth near my ear. I wrapped my arms tighter around him and couldn't stop the grin from spreading across my face. I was so happy.
I suddenly felt Blaine press a gentle kiss to the tape covering the bite neck on my neck, causing me to wince slightly. Blaine moved his head so he was kissing all the other marks Sebastian had left on my neck. My boyfriend lifted his head so we were looking into one another's eyes, still holding one another as we swayed to the music. Blaine leaned in and placed a kiss on the stitches on my face, as well as the other minor cuts on my face. He let his hands slide down my arms until he was gently holding my hands in his. He slowly brought my hands up to his lips and placed a kiss on every finger before kissing my bandaged palms and wrists. To my surprise Blaine crouched down so he was level with my abdomen. He lifted up my top and pressed a kiss to the place where my ribs were. I giggled as Blaine's lips touched my skin.
Blaine stood up and kissed my nose, "Does that feel better?"
I nodded with a smile on my face, "Yes it does. You missed one though. I have a cut at the back of my head. I need you to make that feel better."
Blaine immediately left my embrace and walked behind me. He found the cut at the back of my head and pressed a kiss to it. I closed my eyes and sighed at how amazing Blaine was. A second later Blaine was back in my embrace, leaning in to kiss me softly. I kissed back, keeping the kiss chaste as I couldn't exactly do any strenuous activity. Blaine pulled back and rested his forehead against mine but it was putting pressure on the cut on my forehead which caused me to whimper. Blaine immediately pulled away with a look of horror on his face.
"Oh my God Kurt I'm so sorry!" Blaine exclaimed, inspecting my face for further damage.
"It's okay Blaine, it wasn't your fault," I said softly, wanting Blaine to see that he was not at fault.
Blaine shook his head, "I should have been more careful. I just got caught up with the fact you're here and we're back together. I'm so sorry Kurt."
"Blaine it is not your fault!" I cried, wanting him to stop blaming himself, "None of this is your fault okay?"
Blaine let out a frustrated sigh, "Yes it is! I'm the reason you're hurt. I was a stupid fool and broke up with you. I caused you to run away and you ended up hurt."
"Blaine it's not your fault," I tried again, wanting him to see this. He was not to blame.
"Can we talk about what happened the night before last?" Blaine asked, sounding timid.
I took a deep breath and took Blaine's hands in mine, "Of course we can. We need to get everything on the table. However I want you to get this stupid idea that you are to blame out of your head! It upsets me to hear you think you caused me to be hurt."
Blaine traced my bandages with his fingers, "I don't want to upset you Kurt. I promise I'll try to stop blaming myself and listen to what you have to say about what happened to you."
I nodded, "That's all I can ask for."
I smiled sadly at Blaine as he took a deep breath. If he was blaming himself before he heard what happened, I knew he would be beating himself after I told him what had happened to me. I just hoped that he would remain calm while I told him what happened.
Blaine took a deep breath and exhaled loudly, "I don't know how to prepare myself for this. How can someone prepare themselves to hear what happened to the love of their life which ended with them covered in cuts and bruises?"
"Blaine please can you try to remain calm during this?" I pleaded, knowing I wouldn't be able to talk if Blaine was getting angry, "I understand that it may be difficult but please try... for me."
Blaine let out a sigh, "I promise I'll try Kurt. Please can you tell me what happen baby? Please don't delay it any longer."
I nodded as Blaine led me over to the sofa once more. We sat down next to each other, entwining our hands and tilting our bodies so that we were facing one another. I needed to be as close to Blaine as possible to get through this. Blaine gently squeezed my hand as I readied myself.
"You obviously know what happened with you then I was singing in the auditorium. I was pushed into a locker by some Neanderthal before I headed home. I had a nap before Finn woke me up for dinner. I didn't feel hungry and Carole was trying to encourage me to eat. Dad kept getting angry at me and saying he was sick of my teenage crap. Finn tried to defend me but Dad was just furious. He ended up shouting at me and telling me to eat 'my fucking dinner'. I knew Dad had had a long time but I just panicked. I was scared that he was getting sick of me and didn't want me as a son. I just ran out. I didn't know where I was going but I just kept running. I don't know how long I was running but I needed to get away. I eventually stopped and leaned against a wall to catch my breath. I had no idea where I was and was freezing without a jacket. I didn't have my phone or any money on me. I heard footsteps coming towards me and I glanced up to see... Sebastian," I explained hesitantly, not knowing how my boyfriend was going to react.
Blaine just stared at me, his face completely void of emotion, "Sebastian as in Sebastian Smythe?"
I nodded shyly, waiting for Blaine's reaction.
Blaine let out a frustrated sigh, "I don't want to jump to conclusions but it's hard. I'll let you explain."
"Thank you," I replied softly, feeling happy Blaine was letting me talk even though he most likely knew it involved Sebastian.
I remembered where I had got to before starting again, "Sebastian asked me if I was all right and I asked why he cared. He started being nice to me which I found extremely weird. He apologised before giving me his jacket and sitting down next to me. He told me he lived nearby and that he was heading to Scandals before inviting me to join him. He didn't want to leave alone plus I thought it might be good for me to have some fun after such an emotional time."
Blaine was shaking his head which caused me to stop, "What Blaine?"
Blaine was still shaking his head, "I just can't believe you went to Scandals with Sebastian."
"I know," I let out a humourless laugh before sighing, "It wasn't my best life decision I have to admit."
"I'm sorry for interrupting you. Please continue my life," Blaine said gently, with a weak smile indicating he wasn't looking forward to what I had to say. Neither was I truth be told.
"Right," I said, hating that I had to recap this again, "Sebastian bought us some shots and drinks..."
I could see Blaine's disapproving look, "Excuse me, like you haven't drunk before! Anyway I wanted to decline them at first but Sebastian told me I deserved to have some fun. We did the shots and Sebastian told me to use his tab for any more drinks. He disappeared briefly and came back looking up to no good. Next thing I know there was an announcement for the Scandals karaoke night and I was the first to sing. Sebastian had signed me up. I went up to the stage and decided to sing 'Titanium', dedicating it to anyone who has been made to feel crap when they don't deserve the hate. The performance went so well. I had everyone screaming and cheering for me. When I finished the owner of Scandals grabbed me and told me he wanted me to perform regularly. He didn't care that I wasn't twenty one plus he wanted the chance to get to know me better. I declined his offer but he decided to slip his card in my jeans pocket, giving my arse a squeeze as well."
I felt Blaine gripping my hands even tighter, causing to wince and cry out, "Blaine you're hurting me!"
Blaine immediately loosened his grip, "I'm so sorry Kurt. The thought of that creep touching you like that sickens me."
I just grimaced at Blaine, "I know love. Sebastian was weird about it as well. He got us more shots before asking me to dance. I was surprised but accepted. It was actually quite a lot of fun. That was until another person went to sing and they chose 'Teenage Dream'..."
I saw Blaine's eyes soften in understanding when I mentioned our song, "Oh."
"Yeah," I murmured before continuing, "Obviously it got to me and I ran out of the club. I needed some air so ducked into an alley nearby. It hurt so much to think of you and I didn't understand why you had broken up with me. Sebastian followed me out and told me to talk to him as he was my friend. I yelled at him and said he was not my friend. I told him that my life sucks as you and my Dad didn't love me. I know that that's not true but that was how I felt at the time. Sebastian said it was a good thing you didn't love me because he was in love with me."
I stopped there, wanting to let Blaine absorb this information. He was just staring at me, looking like he was in shock.
"Blaine sweetie are you okay?" I asked, feeling concerned.
Blaine just continued to stare at me, "Sebastian Smythe told you he was in love with you!? The boy who tried to throw a slushy at you with rock salt in? The boy who constantly insulted you and tried to break us up?"
I nodded, giving his hand a gentle squeeze and focusing on our entwined hands, "I know. Sebastian said my bitch attitude ignited a fire inside him and he looked forward to our insulting banter. He said his feelings started to change and it scared him so he continued to be horrible to him. Sebastian said he didn't want to feel this. It wasn't until Karofsky tried to... kill himself that he accepted his feelings and that he had fallen in love with me. I told Sebastian I was flattered but we needed to talk in the morning when we were sober as Sebastian was drunk and I was on the way to being drunk. He wasn't listening to me so I thought the talk should wait. Sebastian grabbed my face and kissed me: his lips hard and forceful against mine. I pushed him off and yelled at him. The next thing I knew Sebastian had lunged at me and we fell to the ground. I whacked my head and I could feel the blood trickling down my face. Sebastian's body was pinning me to the ground and he grabbed my hands and held them next to my head. I kept trying to wriggle free but it was no use. Sebastian kissed me again and I bit down hard on his bottom lip so he'd pull away. He glared at me and said I was a kinky bitch which he liked."
I couldn't help but glance up to see how Blaine was holding up. His face was contorted with anger and he was breathing heavily. He too was staring down at our hands, obviously trying to hold himself together.
I had to continue, "Sebastian kissed me again forcefully but I managed to get my head free, my wrists aching from how tightly Sebastian was holding them. Sebastian jolted my body against the ground and I remember the side of my face slamming against the ground. He moved onto attacking my neck and suddenly bit down on it, causing me to scream out. Santana later said that he drew blood. He let go of one of my hands and moved them to undo the opening of my jeans..."
With those words said, Blaine released my hands and was immediately on his feet as he was pacing around the Anderson's living room. I could tell how angry he was and I knew after this he would need to spend several hours beating up his punching bag. Blaine gave me a quick nod, indicating for me to continue my tale.
"Your voice came into my head, repeating the words you told me on the first day I met you about refusing to be the victim," I blurted out, needing to let Blaine know that he helped me that night, "You gave me courage Blaine."
Blaine stopped his pacing before turning to look at me. He was immediately kneeling in front of me, taking my hands in his.
"I love you so much," Blaine whispered, sounding choked up, "Can you tell me what happened next?"
I nodded before taking a deep breath, "I grabbed at Sebastian's hand but he grabbed mine and moved it back to beside my head. I moved my head towards mine and Sebastian's hand and managed to bite down on his hand. He pulled away in surprise and I managed to move my hand back so I could punch him in the face as hard as I could. I managed to manoeuvre my leg in between his and I brought my knee up to knee him in the privates. Sebastian was howling in pain and I managed to push him off me. It was so painful trying to stand and remaining standing. I remember glaring down at Sebastian and telling him to rot in hell. I ran away as quickly as possible and was almost hit by a car in the Scandals car park. I heard Sebastian scream my name but I just continued to run. I had to get away. I thought about a lot while I ran. I thought about how God was supposed to love everyone equally if he existed but that was a load of crap. I thought about how my senior year was supposed to be magical but instead that plan had fallen apart. I thought about how elements of my life sucked in general and I thought about you and my family. I tried to convince myself that none of you cared about me but I knew that wasn't true. I knew you would all be worried sick and would be looking for me. I started getting tired and dizzy, just wanting to go home. I had to stop the throw up and sat down on a bench. Next thing I know, there's a car pulling up and Santana's there. She took me home and she and her father patched me up. Now you know."
I could feel tears prickling in the corner of my eyes as I replayed what had happened in my head. I still couldn't believe Sebastian had confessed his love, attacked me like that and had seemingly planned to rape me. It had been such a horrific night. I glanced down at Blaine to see his eyes were shining with tears as well. Blaine stood up after a moment before gently pulling me to my feet. His eyes were immediately wrapped around me and I returned the embrace, closing my eyes as I breathed in Blaine's scent. I really needed him to hold me. I don't know how long we stood embracing but the two of us really needed it.
Blaine was the first to pull away, tears leaking out of his eyes, "Oh baby I can't believe that happened to you! It physically pains me to think that someone hurt you like that and that they could have... I'm so thankful that it didn't go any further than it did. What that bastard did was horrific enough!"
I cupped Blaine's face with my hands, "I know honey, I know. I'm okay now I promise you. I'm here and I'm with you. Everything's okay."
Blaine rapidly shook his head, knocking my hands off, "Of course I'm so happy you're okay, safe and here with me but everything's not okay. It is not okay what that fucking dickhead did to you. I need to go and beat the crap out of him for hurting you!"
"Blaine calm down please," I demanded, knowing this was not going to end well, "Look I know you want to go in with guns blazing but I think I should probably talk to Sebastian before you or Finn or anyone else goes to beat him up."
"What!" Blaine exclaimed, looking completely puzzled but still angry, "Kurt why you want to talk to that piece of shit? He deserves nothing from you!"
"I want to know why he did what he did," I explained, hoping Blaine would see reason, "Obviously I won't go alone to speak to him but I really need to do this. I need some sort of closure on this and want to know what on earth was going on inside Sebastian's head."
Blaine let out a sigh, "I see your point but I don't like it. I'm not trying to be a controlling boyfriend but I am definitely going to be there when you speak to him."
I just rolled my eyes, "I knew you would want to be there. You have to try not to let yourself get angry at his words or if he tries to torment you."
"I'll try," Blaine muttered under his breath, "I just wish I could kick the crap out of that stupid meerkat."
"Hey meerkat was my invention," I joked causing Blaine to smile, "Is there anything else you would like to know or shall we continue dancing? Or is there anything you would like to tell me?"
"A few more questions if that's okay and I'd like to say something. Maybe dancing afterwards?" Blaine replied as he manoeuvred the both of us back onto the sofa.
"That's absolutely fine," I responded, smiling tentatively at my dapper boyfriend, "What would you like to know?"
Blaine took my hands in his once again, "What happened at Santana's and what happened after I saw you briefly at school?"
I let my mind wander back, "Well she got me into her and took me back to her house. She examined my body to check me over and to see what had happened to me. Santana went and got her Dad to keep me an official medical check-up as he is a doctor. I was bandaged up as well as having stitches in the cuts on my face. I told Santana everything that had happened as she deserved to know and I needed someone to talk to. It was around half four when we finally got to sleep. We woke up for school but Santana's Dad made me promise that I would go to see everyone in the choir room before returning home as I needed rest. I kept wanting to sleep but Santana wouldn't let me as she was worried I had concussion. You obviously know what happened next when I arrived at school. We went straight to the choir room and saw everyone."
"I was so happy to see you," Blaine whispered, his thumb brushing over my bandages, "I was terrified that I would never see you again or that you had been in a horrific accident. Seeing you in the choir room made me feel alive once more."
"I'm so sorry you felt that way Blaine," I replied, dipping my head.
Blaine sighed, "Kurt it's not your fault at all! Please don't apologise. Can you tell me what happened after you left school? I know Santana said that you collapsed but did you sort everything out with your Dad?"
I nodded in response, "I was surprised I didn't actually pass out at school. I know I nearly did but I still managed to cling to consciousness. Santana was really worried about me but I just told her that I'd sleep when I got home. When we got to the house, Dad and Carole came outside and that was the first thing I remember as I collapsed and was knocked out. When I woke up, I talked things over with Dad and he apologised. I told him everything that had happened to me and he was furious. He wanted to find Sebastian and knock him senseless. He wasn't too happy about Scandals and the fact it was my second time. The Doctor came to see me and told me I was concussed and needed to rest. Later on when Finn came home, we talked about everything but Dad let slip about Sebastian. Finn was yelling and I was waiting to see if he would kick a chair like he usually does. He wanted to go and beat him up too but I told him I needed to talk to you first. Finn was adamant I told you everything but I had already planned. That's pretty much everything and now I'm here with you."
Silence surrounded us as Blaine and I just stared at one another, gazing lovingly into one another's eyes. I felt so happy knowing that Blaine and I were okay. I needed him and knew he needed me.
"I was such a mess Kurt," Blaine suddenly blurted out, looking slightly uncomfortable, "I went home from school that day feeling like the worst person on earth. I couldn't get my head around the fact I had broken up with you and I wasn't your boyfriend anymore. I was such a fucking idiot. I went home and wallowed in self-pity all evening. My Mum rang me and I told her everything. She told me she just wants me to be happy and everyone could see you made me happy. Mum said she'd support me no matter what but she hoped everything would be okay between us. I continued watching 'The Notebook' but it just reminded me of what I had lost. Next thing I know, your Dad is calling me to tell me that you're missing. He told me he upset you and you ran out the house. No one knew where you were and you hadn't been found. I think that was the worst moment of my life."
I watched as Blaine paused there, trying to control his emotions and will himself not to cry. My heart broke at the sight of him.
Blaine took a deep breath, "I rushed round to yours and got all the information from your Dad and Finn. I just wanted you found. I remember frantically calling my Mum and crying down the phone to her. She told me to have hope and that you would be found. I drove around all night, often checking in back at your house to find that you were still missing. Your Dad eventually forced me home around half three in the morning. I was determined to go miss school and continue searching for you but once again I was convinced not to. Your Dad said my schooling was important plus Carole said you wouldn't want me getting myself into a state like this. I went home and got up for school, praying to whatever is out there that you would be in that choir room. I basically just spent the morning crying at the back of the room. No matter what anyone said, I couldn't stop crying and wouldn't allow anyone to console me. That was until you walked in with Santana. God I'm so grateful to Santana for everything she did for you. I'm so grateful that she found you."
"It was lucky she found me," I concluded, knowing that it was the truth, "For some reason she decided to drive a different way home and saw me sitting on a bench."
"What would you have done if Santana hadn't found you?" Blaine asked curiously, reminding me of the fact Finn had asked me this very question.
I pretty much gave the same answer, "I would have tried my very best to head home. I didn't have my phone on me or any money but I was hoping to find a taxi and get a lift. I would have been able to get money from the house. Other than that I probably would have passed out while walking and hopefully I would have been found and taken to hospital."
"Kurt!" Blaine exclaimed, looking and sounding appalled, "Do not say things like that! That's what we were all worried had happened to you that night. Your Dad kept saying he could just picture you lying in a ditch in the middle of nowhere, unable to call for help or get home. I never want to think of you like that Kurt! It physically pains me! I don't know what I'd do if you were... or if you had been..."
My heart broke at the sight of Blaine getting himself so worked up. I let go of one of Blaine's hands and brought my hand up to caress Blaine's face. He was getting himself worked up when I was fine and I was safe.
I moved my hand to cup Blaine's face and smiled sadly at him, "Blaine sweetie please calm down. I'm sorry but I was only answering your question. I was extremely lucky Santana found me so none of this happened. I was looked after and cared for. Please don't get yourself worked up over something that didn't happen."
"I'm sorry," Blaine whispered, sounding choked up, "I just hate that any of this happened to you. I hate that you were in a situation where you could have been stranded with no way to get home. I hate what that fucking bastard did to you. I know you want to speak to him but I... I just want him to pay for what he's done to you. He can't get away with this."
"He won't," I replied, trying to sound brave, "I won't let him get away with this but I do want to talk to him first. I promise you that I won't seek him out on my own. I'm not that stupid."
Blaine nodded and let out a sigh, "I know you're not. I just can't stand that he's hurt you. You're my everything Kurt and I can't believe this has happened to you!"
"You're my everything too," I replied, leaning in and resting my forehead against Blaine's, "I love you so much. Look we're both worn out and feel drained from this talk. How about we save the rest of this talk for another time?"
"I think you're right," Blaine said, his breath fanning across my face, "You're supposed to be resting anyway."
"One last dance and then bed?" I requested, hoping that Blaine would give into me.
Blaine's beautiful smile appeared on his face, "Anything for you, my love."
Blaine left my side momentarily as he went to sort out his iPod and speakers. I wondered what song he'd choose for us to have a final dance too. I watched as Blaine scrolled through his iPod before pressing play and turning the music up. I couldn't help but smile when I recognised what the song was. Blaine returned to my side and swept me up in his arms.
"I remember when we sang this song in Glee Club. We didn't need to practice as we had sung it so many times in the car together," I said, letting the memories wash over me.
"What can I say? We're perfect just like the song indicates," Blaine laughed, pulling me closer.
We slow danced as Pink's voice filled the room, singing about how you should never feel less than perfect. Blaine and I had always seen this song as a song that helped us when times were hard. I couldn't help but let out a laugh as Blaine slowly twirled me, obviously trying not to hurt me. The moment itself felt so perfect. I loved being in Blaine's arms and wanted to stay there forever.
The song came to an end and Blaine and I shared a short and sweet kiss, pouring our love for one another into it. Blaine let go of me and quickly moved to turn the music off.
Once the music was off, Blaine turned to me and held out his hand, "Shall we adjourn to the bedroom?"
I couldn't help but giggle as I accepted Blaine's hand, "Yes we shall Sir."
Blaine just threw me a smile, "Do you need some help going up the stairs? I could carry you?"
I just gave Blaine my bitch glare, "You don't need to carry me but some help would be brilliant."
Blaine wrapped his arm around my waist as I wrapped mine around his shoulder. We made our way up the stairs and into his bedroom, taking it nice and slow. Blaine led me over to the bed and didn't let go until I was sitting down.
"I think you have some pyjamas here? I'll just check for you," Blaine said as he headed over to his chest of drawers.
When Blaine and I were constantly at one another's house, we had decided to let the other person have a drawer at our own house. We had both cleared out a drawer and as we spent time at each other's house, the drawers were slowly filled. This idea came around the time I was always at Blaine's as my parents were in Washington and Finn constantly had Rachel round. That was the week where I met Sebastian, went to Scandals for the first time and had my first time with Blaine, as well as performing in West Side Story. All that seemed so long ago.
I watched as Blaine pulled out a pair of my pyjamas but I told him to stop, "How about we just sleep in our boxers or even naked?"
Blaine raised one of his triangular eyebrows at me, "Are you trying to seduce me Mr Hummel? As much as I'd love that, you are in no position for anything like that and you need to rest."
"I know," I groaned as I laid back on the bed, eyes still on Blaine, "It's still an opportunity to snuggle up together without clothes on."
Blaine just laughed before he slowly stripped off down to his boxers.
Now it was my turn to raise my eyebrow, "Are you doing a striptease Blaine Anderson?"
Blaine laughed again, "Oh Kurt how you've changed from that innocent baby penguin."
I blushed at Blaine's words before closing my eyes. I suddenly felt my jeans being unbuttoned and pulled off my legs. My head shot up as I saw Blaine undressing me.
He just grinned at my bewilderment, "I'm not being the only one in my boxers."
I laughed as I let Blaine undress me down to my boxers. He picked up my clothes and chucked them in his laundry, knowing that they'd end up in my drawer. Blaine pulled the covers back and gently lifted me up and placed me underneath the covers before sliding in next to me. Blaine pulled me to him and I wrapped my arm across his torso. Blaine wrapped his arm around me and pressed a kiss to the forehead.
"Oh shit!" Blaine suddenly cried out, "Do you need to ring your Dad?"
I laughed at Blaine's panicked expression and shook my head, "No it's fine. Dad said if he didn't hear from me he'd assume that I was sleeping round here. He did say that we shouldn't be inappropriate."
Blaine chuckled at that, "Typical Burt. I'm glad you're allowed to stay with me tonight."
I let out a sigh as I nuzzled into Blaine's chest, avoiding my injuries, "Me too. I couldn't be apart from you tonight after everything that we've talked about. I love you and I'm so happy we're okay once more."
Blaine kissed my forehead again, "I love you too. You're my world Kurt and I can't be without you."
Blaine pulled me closer as we snuggled down under the duvet. This was where I was supposed to be. Blaine was the love of my life and I was meant to be with him. I wished I could stay in this moment forever, not wanting to deal with what I knew would be a very awkward confrontation with Sebastian.