Suddenly the lights turn on and with that ends the most beautiful dream that I have ever had. I was in my bed, with Blaine in my arms and we were sleeping and happy and everything was just the way it was supposed to be.

"Carson?" I hear my moms voice. I grimace at the bright light and try to turn a little when I notice a weird weight on my stomach and chest. The memories from this afternoon suddenly come back and I open my eyes quickly and its just what I expected. Blaine is wrapped around me, currently blinking and looking around the room, confused. His hair is messy and he looks adorable, Id totally kiss him right now if it wasnt for the one other person in this room - my mom.

"Oh my God, mom?!" I shout. I didnt expect to sleep long, but outside is already dark and... my mom is actually out of the couch. The only time she chooses to actually leave the living room and come to check on me and it just has to be today.

"Whos that?" She asks and points to Blaine who just realized what is happening and is staring at my mom wide-eyed.

"Wait here," I tell Blaine, actually kiss him on his forehead (mom may be unstable, but shes not stupid, I bet she already knows whats going on, so theres no point hiding it anyway) and get out of bed, leading mom downstairs.

I think were going to have to have that talk. What is it called again? Oh yeah, coming out.

As soon as shes back in the living room, she sits into the couch in front of the TV and looks at me, expecting some answers. I sigh and sit on a chair in front of her.

"Mom," I start and suddenly my mouth goes dry. Ive never done this before, is this what coming out feels like? Maybe I should have asked Blaine about it first, hes already come out to his parents. Mom stares at me, apparently getting tired of waiting, so I just shake my head and start again. "Mom," I say. "Im- Im g-gay." I say. I try to sound normal, its not a big deal anyway, look at Nicholas and Scott, theyre gay too.

"Okay," she says and then looks up to the ceiling where my room is. "Is that your boyfriend?" She asks then and looks back at me.

"Maybe," I answer. "What would you do if I said yes?"

She turns around to grab some pills from the table and opens a new bottle of wine. "Nothing, I guess," she says before swallowing them and getting comfortable on the couch again. "Its your life Carson," she continues. "I dont care what you want t get out of it, just make sure you dont get hurt... and all that parenting shit."

"Okay." I say a bit unsure if she really was okay with it or just drugged again.

"God Im an awful parent..." she whispers, looking in front of her. I stand up and turn to leave, but look back at her again.

"And can he stay?" I ask.

"What?"

"Can he stay here? Overnight?" I repeat. My mom looks up at the ceiling again and then back at me. She nods after a while.

"Overnight." She agrees.

"Great," I say and hurry back into my room.

"Carson?" She stops me just before I start walking up the stairs. I turn to her.

"Yeah?" Seriously, what does she want again, I want to go back to him finally.

"Whats his name?" She asks, looking at me. I swallow.

"Blaine." I smile then. "Blaine Anderson."

xoXOXox

The door to Kurts room open again and for a second I think its his mom coming to kick me out. When Kurts head appears though, I stand up and fling myself at him, relaxing into his warm embrace. Because what if she doesnt want me here and Kurt is just about to tell me that I cant stay? Kurt was right before, I have nowhere else to go.

"Hey, its okay," He smiles and hugs me back. "You can stay here." He laughs.

"Really?" I ask and pull away slightly, looking into his eyes.

"Sure, my mom doesnt care." He says and kisses me. I moan into the kiss and close my eyes almost immediately. He pulls away then, takes my hand and leads me to a free chair in front in his table. "Come on, lets finish the homework."

"What time is it?" I ask and look for a clock. I cant find it anywhere, where could it possibly-

"Shit," Kurt courses. "Its almost midnight."

With that he quickly pulls out his algebra homework and together we finally manage to solve the problem with the imaginary number. It still makes no sense, but at least we have the homework. Then he writes down a few names of the people he wants to blackmail tomorrow (I still dont agree and I will not take part in this plan, but it seems like theres nothing I can do to stop him).

Before I even think about it, its 1:30am and we both took a quick shower (separately, I dont think were ready for that yet and Kurt agrees.) Were both cuddling in bed now. I never knew what a cuddle whore I am before I met Kurt. Ive never cuddled with anyone before, and when I do with Kurt now, it just feels so nice! I dont think Ill ever want to stop doing this.

Hes lying on his side and were spooning. He has his arm over my stomach under the blanket and his nose is in my hair. I breathe slowly in and then out, enjoying the moment of comfortable silence. It feels like home when Im here with him, but... Im not home.

"Kurt?" I whisper and already feel my eyes starting to burn. "What do I do if your mom doesnt let me stay here after tonight?" My voice trembles a little and I entwine our fingers under the blanket. He tightens his hold on me.

"She will let you stay here." He says. Im not sure if he wants to make me believe that or himself. I take a deep breath.

"But what if she doesnt?" I ask him and turn around to look into his eyes. He looks at me and instead of answering he kisses me and presses his forehead against mine, holding the back of my neck with his hand.

"Ill take care of you," he promises. "I swear that Ill take you with me to Northwestern and that well live together so we can cuddle like this every night.

I feel myself smiling. "Id like that." I whisper.

"Me too." He smiles and I kiss him goodnight. Its time to sleep after all and when I feel Kurts presence right next to me, I feel safe and I dont have any troubles falling asleep.

xoXOXox

Clovergate Day Two has been better than Day One! Today I blackmailed Dwayne and Vicki. For Dwayne Malerie prepared a fake weed and for Vicki I googled some Satan-worshipping cults. And you know what? It worked! She might not hide this from her peers, but she definitely doesnt want her parents to find out. They teach Sunday school and something tells me they wouldnt be very happy if certain photos of her daughter with a whip in her mouth got in their hands.

I managed to do so much today, I think I didnt even go to the classes! I dont care though, I got chills that are telling me that my Northwestern acceptance letter would soon be on its way!

As yesterday Im leaning against my car in the student parking lot, waiting for Blaine. I look at my wristwatch and then to the schools entrance. I sigh and close my eyes. Its really bad what happened to Blaine. It makes me so angry with his dad. My dad left me and mom and his dad kicked Blaine out. That would probably be one of I dont know how many things we have in common – shitty dads.

I look up again and see him walking towards me. Hes wearing a bright violet top with green and red striped bow-tie and green trousers. As always, he looks gorgeous.

"Hi," he smiles at me, takes my hand and gives me a quick kiss. Since his dad already knows that his son has a boyfriend and my mom knows Im gay, we dont have a reason to pretend. Blaine said that he was already out at his old school, and I dont care what people think about me, so thats one less problem for us. We can hold hands and kiss in public.

"Hello Mr. Handsome," I grin and kiss him again.

"Oh, so that makes you Ms. Handsome or Ms. Pretty?" He laughs and I open the door for him.

"No, Im always Mr. MoreCleverThanYou," I answer in my best serious voice. But then we both laugh and I start the car, heading home.

The ride is mostly silent, but its not the uncomfortable silence. Its comfortable like this, just him and me sitting next to each other, happy. Mostly happy. Okay, I admit it – Im worried that my mom wont let him sleep in my room, theres still a chance that shell say no. But shes drunk most of the time, so Im almost 80% sure shell say yes. Im still worried though.

When we finally arrive home, mom is watching TV again and doesnt mind me and Blaine at all, so I check the mail as I do every day – still nothing. After that, we go to my room. Blaine pulls out his guitar from a big bag and after he tunes it and sits on my bed, he starts playing. Hes not singing though, just playing. I dont know the song, but its really nice.

"What song is that?" I ask after a while of listening to him and doing my homework.

He smiles to himself and answers. "Its Cough Syrup." Then he finally starts singing and I look up so I can watch him.

Lifes too short to even care at all oh woah oh,
Im losin my mind, losin my mind, losin control.
These fishes in the sea, theyre staring at me waoh oh,
Oh oh oh oh,
A wet world aches for a beat of a drum,
Oh.

If I could find a way to see this straight
Id run away
To some fortune that I should have found by now
Im waiting for this cough syrup to come down, come down.

He stops playing and looks at me. He laughs and then I realize that my mouth is open and Im staring at him. I laugh too. "You have wonderful voice." I say and he blushes a bit. I chuckle at that.

"Thanks," He smiles then. "Hey, dont you want to try to sing too? Im sure your voice is just as amazing." He suddenly says and I smile again. Wait, wh-what? He wants me to do what?

"What?" I stutter and blink a few times. He laughs again.

"Cmon, Kurt," He says and stands up to take my hand. Weird enough, I dont refuse and let him lead me to the bed. We sit down again and he smiles at me. I suddenly panic.

"Blaine, I c-cant sing." I say. "Ive never tried it, Im horrible at singing."

"If youve never tried it, how do you know youre horrible then?" He says and gives me an old folded paper – the lyrics.

"O-okay then." I stutter again and prepare myself for the worst humiliation in the history of Carson Kurt Phillips. He doesnt take his eyes off of me, he just starts playing. It makes me wonder how does he know where exactly to put his fingers on the guitar to make it sound the way he wants. I hesitantly take a deep breath and in the next second Im singing.

I dont know the song, but thanks to Blaine I remember the melody. At least bit.

Lifes too short to even care at all oh
Im coming up now, coming up now, out of the blue oh
These zombies in the park, theyre looking for my heart
Oh oh oh oh
A dark world aches for a splash of the sun oh oh

I stop because I forgot the melody. Im looking down, but when I hear no response from him I look up just to find Blaine staring at me with his mouth open. I bet he looks like me just a minute ago.

"I know, I know. It was awful," I say and actually cover my face with my hands. Then I feel Blaines fingers brush against my wrist. "What?" I ask and look at him again. "I know youre better, no ones ever taught me how to sing."

"Kurt," he starts and suddenly a huge smile appears on his face. "That was amazing!" He laughs and carefully puts away the guitar to give me a hug.

"You think?" I ask, my mouth against his shoulder.

"Kurt, I know it." He smiles and pulls back. "Your voice sound magical. I guess youre a countertenor."

"Which means?" I ask, Ive never heard this word before, actually everything around music is foreign to me.

"That you can sing/hit really high notes that even I cant hit." He explains. I dont know whats gotten into me, but Im happy about it. I dont have to say that I sound like a girl anymore, Im a countertenor and that sound really cool.

Blaine continues playing and I continue singing with him. Were having a great time, but after about half an hour we both get tired so we stop and start working on our homework again. I sit to my table with Blaine next to me and we start with Chemistry.

xoXOXox

"Do you have water or something?" I ask after a while. "Im thirsty."

"Yeah, of course. You can take the glass from a cupboard above the sink down in the kitchen." Kurt mumbles and continues writing on the paper. Its Chemistry and it involves pH and some acid and well... Ill leave him to it, that would probably be the best.

As I go down the stairs, I hear Kurts mom. "Blaine?" She says. I tense a bit, but come to the living room anyway.

"Yes, Ms. Phillips?" I ask. Im nervous, Ive no idea what does she want to say.

"How long do you know Carson?" She asks, but doesnt look at me, the programme on the TV is probably more interesting for her.

"Um, about two weeks." I answer. Now that I think about it, it isnt really that long and look how far in our relationship we already are.

"Well that didnt take long," She mumbles. Then she looks at me. "Just dont hurt him, okay? I dont think he would take the betrayal of two men in his life very well, and who would wake me up in the morning then."

"I wont," I answer. Honestly, I dont know what else to say, but after I see that Ms. Phillips has turned her full attention to the TV, I just go to the kitchen for the water.

In all the mess around I manage to find the cupboard and I take one glass that looks less dirty than all others and fill it with water. Then I turn around and lean against the sink. Their kitchen is messy, like the rest of the house, but its still better than in my old room at old school.

The trash can is right on the other side of the kitchen and when I look at it, something catches my attention. I go closer and closer until Im standing right next to it.

It looks like a...

I reach my hand and pull it out. Its a letter, suspiciously looking letter. I turn it around to read who is it from and gasp.

Its from the Northwestern University.