He's lying on the floor in the den, eyes wearily tracking the dust motes that glisten in the pale light filtering through the top window. Flash is sleeping in the corner and oh how Blaine envies that. Sleep is something Blaine hasn't gotten in a long while now and it's draining him, but he'll fight it for as long as he can because god knows what will happen the moment he closes his eyes.

He's glad there's a lock on the door because he really doesn't want to talk and a lock would certainly keep his mother away from him if she needed to speak with him. Not that his mum ever spoke to him much anyway, it's more of a precautionary measure, though he does enjoy the security it affords. The den is his, his father's too busy to come down, his brother's moved out and is only visiting for the holidays, and his mother never had any use for it. It's his and he's content to just lie on the floor, Matty's old records and player perched on an out of place looking ornate coffee table.

He's locked himself away to wait for Matty and Helena to come and pick him up. He's heading out to New York to spend most of winter break there and Blaine is relieved he can escape Ohio and everything that troubles him, at least for a little while. He's thinking about going to school in New York after graduation and yes he is thinking that far ahead, because he sure as hell doesn't want to think about the present. Blaine's going to ask Matty and Helena if they'll let him stay with them, maybe they could help with tuition just a little, only if he doesn't earn enough from his job down at the record store. He wouldn't ask but he really wants to pursue art, it's his passion, his life and there is no way in hell his parents would actually support him through an art degree or at all really.

He dreams of a way out. Living a life in New York, class, friends (because now that he's out he really doesn't have those) and maybe a boyfriend. Someone and he's embarrassed to admit after years of being hollowed out and toughened up, someone who'll sweep him off his feet and make him forget the fallacy that is Jake.

And then he's done it. He thinks about him and it's the only downfall of shutting himself away like this. That there's so much time to just think. He's desperate to escape him, Jake who's a liar, a goddamn fucking liar. He's taken everything from Blaine, and Blaine hates himself for it because he knows he just lets him. Jake is the reason Blaine is battered and bruised, Jake who's charmed his way into Blaine's life only to use him and trap him. Blaine starts to shake and not even the fast paced rock and roll blaring from Matty's record player can soothe him now.

Jake has his number of course, no matter how many times he manages to convince his parents he needs to change it. Any relief that it's the holidays and he doesn't have to meet him every Wednesday in the locker rooms after school is washed away by the texts he receives, filthy and sickening, or the threats left on his voicemail. He switches it off when he's at home, but it's on when he leaves and he's hit with a barrage of degradation and abuse.

That's why he's thrown it across the room and it's now lying in pieces. He thinks that maybe he'll tell Matty and Helena what's going on. He knows they'll help him, he knows it. Maybe they'll take him away, pull him out of school and enrol him in some high school in NY. Matty started to teach him how to box shortly after the incident on his thirteenth birthday so he must care and Helena was the one who patched him up afterwards. Matty and Helena are his chance.

He's drifting again and it's not helping him forget. Molly, his best friend Molly Baker, says she has her ways of forgetting but he knows exactly what those ‘ways' entail. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't tempted. He's numb, working on autopilot just to get through the day. But at least he has hope, without that he wouldn't be functioning at all. He'd be rotting away or even dead.

But there's an urgent knock on the door, he's up off the floor so quickly that all the blood rushes to his head and he stands still for a couple of second until the dizziness passes. Flash has woken up apparently, less able in his old age but no less enthusiastic. He bounds/lopes along Blaine's side as he stumbles to unlock, and wrench the door open. Blaine, for the first time in ages genuinely smiles, small and a little crooked, only a shadow of that cheeky grin he shares with Matty but it's still a smile. It's bright and excited until he notices Matty isn't the one on the other side of the door.

"Hey Coop", Blaine starts hesitantly "Are Matty and Helena here yet?" Cooper just shakes his head "Can you um- maybe come into the living room for a minute?" Blaine is confused as he follows Cooper into the lounge and seats himself next to Flash on the couch. His mum and dad are no where to be seen and that makes him wary. It's rarely only him and Coop.

"What's going on?" Blaine asks agitatedly, arms folded tight across his chest. Cooper just sighs and god how Blaine wishes he'd just get it over with, if this is another friendly brotherly chat then he's out of there. But something tells him this isn't. He's never seen Cooper so distressed, breaking out of the mould of perfect and proper first son. His shirt is loose and his hair is a mess and is he... is he crying?

"Cooper" Blaine whispers, eyes softening "per favore".

"There's been an accident little B".

"A-an accident? I don't understand".

"The roads are covered in ice and-"

"And what Coop what? Stop fucking around and just tell me!"

Cooper takes a deep breath and swallows thickly. He doesn't want to say it, curses his mother and father for making him the one to break it to him, to break him. He knows something is wrong with Blaine, always has, but he just doesn't know what to do. He knows, knows for a fact that this is the end of the Blaine he's always known.

"Blaine... Matty he- Matty's dead B"

"No"

"The car hit black ice-"

"No no no no"

"They lost control, skidded into oncoming traffic and-"

"No NO YOU'RE LYING COOPER, SEI UN BUGIARDO!"

"I am not lying to you Blaine! Matty was killed on impact and Helena's in critical, she is comatose Blaine show some decency!"

Blaine feels like he's been slapped, and doused in ice cold water. How dare he, how fucking dare he.

"Decency?" he yells, and he's on his feet, towering over his brother when in actuality Cooper towers over him. He's trembling with hatred and anger and fear as everything he has hoped for tumbles down around him. "Fuck decency Cooper! You didn't have the decency to stick around when you know I was getting the shit kicked out of me at school. You didn't have the decency to stick up for me; you're baby brother, when our own dad threatened to ‘make me straight'".

"You have no right to preach to me now. Matty and Helena are-" Blaine broke off, choking on a sob "were everything to me". Cooper takes a step forward, trying desperately to wrap Blaine up in his arms but he's wrenched himself away from his grip. "They're gone".

He can't stand another minute in the house, so he runs. Cooper follows him to the door but doesn't go any further, torn between giving Blaine his space, and going after him to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. Blaine runs and doesn't look back. No sweater or coat or scarf, it's below freezing and snowing but he doesn't feel the cold, almost doesn't feel anything at all. But almost, only almost, because as he sprints, feet slipping and sliding across the icy sidewalks, his chest feels like it's been crushed, like something has been ripped right out of his ribcage.

He skids to a halt outside the park, there are no kids out today, it's quiet, a storm brewing and the adults have kept their children safe and warm inside. He breathes deep and when he pushes the gate open the tears begin to fall, stinging his cheeks as the freezing air whips at them. Steps heavy, tired and defeated he makes his way to those monkey bars, climbs them with unsteady feet and numb fingers and shivers under the weight of his fallen world.

He thinks of the last time he was there, with a boy, pink cheeked with rosy lips and beautiful eyes. It was three years ago, he can't remember his name but he remembers the fierceness that emanated from him, the warmth and care that he bestowed on little roughed up Blaine who came to save him. And god does Blaine want to know him now; maybe he could return the favour.

But Blaine doesn't know him, there's no knight in shining armour or Prince Charming waiting for him now. His chance, his only chance and the only people who made him feel like anything at all are gone. He considers visiting Helena but he can't bear seeing her so lifeless. Lifeless is far from what Blaine will ever think of Matty and Helena. But it's true. Matty is dead. Matty is dead. And Helena might as well be too. He refuses to hope for her, because he hoped before and look where it got him.

He wraps his arms around himself trying to hold what's left of him together. He doesn't want to think anymore so he makes the decision, the decision to see Molly Baker about her ‘ways' as soon as possible. Nothing is worth it anymore; everything he had wished for is gone. Everything he dreamed of is gone. And so are they.