Aug. 30, 2012, 3:53 p.m.
Masterpieces
Be My Muse: Chapter 17
E - Words: 2,155 - Last Updated: Aug 30, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 35/35 - Created: May 30, 2012 - Updated: Aug 30, 2012 2,004 0 5 0 0
Kurt didn't cry as he told Blaine about his run in with Zach, he'd decided he'd cried enough. Blaine on the other hand was both touched and livid. The fact that someone was willing to protect him and care for him and do anything to make him happy was indescribably alien to him but oh so welcome. It was all he'd ever wanted and more. Kurt was all he'd ever wanted, and the fact that Blaine had this angel in his arms, that Kurt was with him, him of all people, made him so giddy he was practically euphoric.
But the reality of what had happened, what Zach had done, hit so close to home that it left Blaine reeling. He held Kurt tightly to him as he whispered his story into his shirt and Blaine practically vibrated with rage. Images of beautiful, strong Kurt, his Kurt, terrified and helpless as he struggled against Zach who thought Kurt was his to touch, his to taste and his to claim, and take against his will. Blaine was shaken to the core by his protectiveness of Kurt and the urge to just wrap him up and take him far away so no one could touch them or hurt them was overwhelming. Before the attempt even registered, he was at the door, vision swimming and feeling light headed because he'd moved too fast, much too fast.
Kurt had to pry his hand from the door handle, Blaine all the while swaying dangerously on his feet, looking pale and muttering things like ‘never again', ‘biggest mistake you ever made', ‘no-one', ‘angelo mio' and a litany of various Italian profanities, as well as something that vaguely resembled ‘I'll fucking tear you limb from limb'. He admitted defeat and tugged Kurt back into his arms as Cooper entered the living room and, along with Kurt, managed to convince him that he wasn't going to be defending anyone's honour looking and feeling like death warmed up.
Cooper left to collect Arabella only after a lot of reassurance from Kurt and Blaine that they were going to be okay, that they'd look after each other. As the door to the apartment closed they stood in the entryway hands linked together in the darkness, and silence smoothed over them like a balm, soothing wounds both new and old.
There are moments in life when there is so much to be said that it can all be translated into silence. Not a hushed word or grave whisper is required when you're in love. Of course verbal communication is required eventually, is vital in making everything seem real, solid and concrete. But when it comes to comfort or forgiveness no words need be exchanged to make you whole again.
Kurt shifted in the cold and dark of Blaine's apartment and pressed his body close, Kurt's arms winding around Blaine's neck as his came to rest at Kurt's waist. The darkness enveloped them but there was still just enough light, just enough so they could see each other, raw and unadorned. Then Kurt was leaning in and their lips met, eyes slipping closed and clinging to one another that much tighter. It was slow and powerful, their lips moving slick and soft and achingly sweet. It was shy and so painfully careful that Blaine just wanted to cry and tell Kurt that it was okay now, that they were letting go. There were no cacophony of fireworks or explosions of light only a feeling of closeness and calm, like threads being woven together and binds being strengthened, a connection forged in iron and a devotion to togetherness.
.oO0Oo.
Through the dark they made it to Blaine's bedroom. Curled together, fully clothed and under the covers to escape the bitter air. Blaine's body fit perfectly into Kurt's side, his warm breath puffing out in sighs against Kurt's neck from his place nestled between his shoulder and clavicle. Kurt combed his fingers through Blaine's unruly curls smiling at Blaine's expression of utter bliss and the soft contented noises resonating from the back of his throat.
"You don't have to be scared of telling me, you know. You're not gonna lose me because of this. I'm not leaving you." Kurt whispered into Blaine's curls. He sighed through his nose, readying himself for that final step. "I'm not scared of that, I-I trust you. I'm just... scared of reliving it."
"But you won't be. You'll be here, with art and me, like always."
"I'm pretty sure those two things are the same-" Blaine replied with a watery smile.
"Flattery will get you everywhere Mr Anderson."
"Well you're already in my bed so-"
"Blaine!"
"Woah okay sorry!"
"Just please Blaine, for us."
Blaine took a deep breath, planting a soft kiss to the skin of Kurt's shoulder and snuggling closer, steeling himself to tell his story.
"The bullying started early," Blaine started shakily "at first it was just the regular stuff, stupid names, the odd pinch or scuff of dirt, making fun of my hair or that I spent most of my time alone at the drawing table. I was a shy kid and I tried so hard but that just made it worse. When I got older it's like they could just tell. Everything escalated from then on." Blaine paused fighting back tears.
"What happened?" Kurt spoke softly, gently prompting Blaine to carry on, to battle through.
"There was name calling, fag, homo, and queer, behind my back, spat in my face. The older boys, especially Tommy and Max, they were the worst. They'd knock me to the ground and step on my hands so I couldn't play any instruments for weeks at a time. Slammed me into lockers. The older we got the more frequent it was until I was getting beat up at least once a week."
"But your parents-" Kurt interrupted, eyes welling with tears as he caressed every inch of Blaine he could get his hands on, as if checking for any bruises, wounds or scars.
"-didn't give a shit." Blaine continued, as he tried to take full steadying breaths. "Dad just told me to suck it up, that I should throw a few punches of my own or be more careful and stop ‘flouncing' around, mum just put some ice on it or turned a blind eye and by the time Cooper started to worry I'd learnt to just shrug it off, to lie. A hand caught in a door here a stray open locker there. It was easier."
"But surely-" Kurt begged, desperate to know that someone was there for Blaine, anyone at all. "I tried everything, Kurt," Blaine choked out, his tears starting to slip free "but nothing worked."
"After school each day I'd wait until everyone had left and just sit, crying my eyes out in the locker room and that's where I met-" Blaine broke off "where I met J-Jake, God I can't even say his name." He sobbed, shaking in Kurt's arms as he curled around him impossibly tighter. What Blaine said next broke Kurt's heart entirely.
"He told me I was way too pretty to cry." Blaine whimpered "He told me that he'd seen me around and had wanted to talk to me before. He told me he thought I was cute and- and he asked if I wanted to maybe go on a date with him. I was shocked. I-I thought he was straight and did anyone even know?"
"He said no and that they didn't need to. A secret. That it would be better that way. Just us. I said yes." Blaine tightened his grip around Kurt's waist, his tears staining his silver shirt a dark sinister grey.
"Oh Blaine" Kurt choked out, trying to hold Blaine together through tears and sobs of his own.
"I know, I know. I was so stupid, I shouldn't-"
"No honey, no" Kurt stopped him "It's not your fault Blaine, none of this is your fault, don't ever think that".
"But if I'd-"
"No," he interrupted "you didn't do anything wrong. We can stop now if you want. Do you feel okay to tell me any more?"
Blaine nodded reaching for Kurt's hand and lacing their fingers together. Kurt brought their hands up to his lips to brush kisses across Blaine's knuckles. There was silence as they paused to collect themselves and Blaine drifted almost into a stupor of numbness, desperate to find a way in which to cope with the next chapter of his story.
"We dated. Back row of the movie theatre and restaurants out of town. Kisses in empty class rooms and glances in crowded corridors. I was young and naïve and it was exciting. I was happy. I told Cooper and he was happy for me. The thing was that even though Jake was my world, Tommy and Max never stopped."
"Jake was on the football team with them so I asked him if he could get them to back off and at first he did. I hardly ever saw them. It wasn't until about a month in that things got far more... complicated between us."
Blaine paused momentarily. His voice had become monotonous and dull as if he was far away. Kurt had to force him to look up at him every now and again to refocus, to stay in the present and not drift entirely into the past.
"I lost my virginity pressed up against him in the janitor's closet and then I told him I loved him. He said it back but he didn't even look me in the eye. I tried to convince myself that it wasn't significant, that he still meant it, but something didn't feel right."
"I stopped giving in to him and he stopped keeping an eye on Tommy and Max. Eventually they kicked the shit out of me so bad that I barely made it to the locker room before collapsing. I passed out. When I woke up Jake was staring down at me. He said-"
Blaine drew in a shaky breath his voice shattering and his tears falling fast and hot and as sharp as razorblades. "He said that if I had just given him what he wanted then it wouldn't have happened. That he loved me and that all he wanted was for me to love him properly in return. It made me sick."
"But I just couldn't take it anymore Kurt, I couldn't, I did it, I let him use me." Blaine was convulsing in Kurt's arms, the force of his sobs wracking both their bodies. Kurt just held on, barely breathing through the onslaught of pain and anger and sadness in light of what Blaine was telling him. What Blaine was saying was almost unintelligible and Kurt had to strain to understand each gruesome and devastating word.
"I had to wait for him afterschool in the locker room every Wednesday. If I was lucky he just wanted to look or touch but other times he-he wanted my hand or m-my mouth or just anything and he took it, it didn't matter if I wanted him or not."
"I begged him to stop until I just couldn't anymore. I was just as damaged as I was when I was at Tommy and Max's mercy. I was at my breaking point and when he-he"
Blaine stuttered out, unable to continue. "Shh baby shh. It's okay you're with me. Me and art remember? You're so brave Blaine. It's alright you can say it." Kurt cooed, voice thick and trembling.
"He-he tried to fuck me and I snapped. I wasn't going to do it anymore, I was on the verge of killing myself and everything just needed to stop and it did. Until the Sadie Hawkin's dance. Max, Tommy and Jake knew I was going to go with a friend and they crashed it. I was waiting for Cooper to pick me up when they found me."
Kurt gasped and let out a quiet pained whine before settling down eye level to Blaine on the bed in order to be able to watch him more carefully. "Multiple head injuries, broken wrists, four broken ribs a fractured clavicle and a ruptured spleen, I wasn't out of the hospital until after they'd graduated."
"They left me in pieces Kurt and I tried so hard but I couldn't fix it."
"We will Blaine," Kurt whispered vehemently, stroking over Blaine's cheeks and trying to brush his tears away "we'll get through this. You'll get through this. You're amazing Blaine, so strong and brave. It's going to be alright, you're not alone anymore."
"Thank you." Blaine whimpered and finally he could breathe.
.oO0Oo.
They didn't say anything else after that. They cried and shared gentle touches and soft kisses until a sense of calm finally wrapped around them like the warmth of Blaine's bed covers. They were entwined so closely together that there was barely a hairsbreadth between them, never daring to look away from one another.
Kurt broke the silence with three little words that could only signify strength and a new beginning.
"Ti amo, Blaine." Kurt whispered against his lips and Blaine's answering smile was beatific, his eyes shining with happiness.
"Ti amo, Kurt."
Comments
oh my lorrrrd. This update makes my heart hurt! You have captured the pain so vividly in your writing, but also managed to convey the significance and beauty of Kurt and Blaine's relationship. So so so glad i found this fic- you have not at all ruined my day, infact the ending of this chapter was absolutely perfect and had me squealing. Thankyou thankyou thankyou! (oh and yes, justice achieved- very much so)
This chapter explained a lot. Thank you for the update can't wait to see how they cope with his past as a couple. :)
No. It was beautiful. The ti amo's at the end made it all perfect. Thank you. Can't wait for more!
Poor poor Blaine, I feel so bad for him but I'm glad he has Kurt.
No. It was beautiful. The ti amo's at the end made it all perfect. Thank you. Can't wait for more!