Sept. 9, 2013, 9:17 a.m.
A Picture for a Poet: Chapter 11
E - Words: 2,108 - Last Updated: Sep 09, 2013 Story: Complete - Chapters: 21/21 - Created: Nov 16, 2012 - Updated: Sep 09, 2013 138 0 0 0 1
"Do you hate me?"
"Are you insane?"
"-cause I'd hate me if I were you."
"Kurt how on earth, after all these months after everything I've done with you, said to you, could you think I would ever be able to hate you?" There was a lengthy pause as Kurt stared down at his coffee, brow furrowed with regret and confusion. "I broke your lamp." He said lamely. "Yep, and you still owe me another one." Blaine beamed, reaching across the table and taking his hand. "You're too good for me B."
"Funnily enough you're not the first person to think so."
It was a coffee date that wasn't really a date but kind of was anyway. Blaine had insisted that no matter how much he seemed to have meant it at the time he didn't want Kurt gone for good. He was happy to have him back, as good of friends as they could be. That's what Blaine continued to try and convince himself, they were just friends. He was adamant that he wasn't going to just accept Kurt's apology and fall straight back into his arms. Kurt had hurt him, the memory of that night a salted wound, still stinging, still fresh and open. The memory of his voice cutting and cold as he'd referred to him almost as a possession, a trinket to be kept and admired, hurtful because it came from the lips of someone he had trusted, someone who had always vowed to respect him. He needed more than an apology.
"I'm sorry" Kurt mumbled for the thousandth time.
"I know sweetie," Blaine replied solemnly, "I just- I need you to learn from this. I'm scared that the moment we've been out a few times and I invite you back into my life we'll fall back into the same routine. I don't want to be your trophy Kurt. I'm not some pretty face that's a prize on your mantel or another notch on your bedpost."
"I've never thought of you like that Blaine. I have never wanted you to be that for me god I- I don't know what I wanted you to be to me but I know now that I don't want to lose you, I can't lose you." Kurt rambled clutching Blaine's hand tight between both of his own.
"You won't," He stated "you're not gonna lose me. I thought I'd lost you once and I guess it's partially my fault too." Kurt opened his mouth to protest but was silenced by Blaine's pained expression. "I wasn't honest with you. I just let things happen without telling you how they made me feel, what they made me want with you. I let you go because after all the happiness and love and peace I had felt I still thought that I was just another chapter in your story. You made me feel special but at the same time I couldn't help but dread the moment you'd turn around and say ‘hey it's been fun bye' and then walk out the door."
Kurt sat silent for a long time watching as Blaine stared down at the tabletop, eyes tracing the grain of the wood as his eyelashes cast long shadows across his slightly pink cheeks. He could see that it was hard for Blaine, to finally be truthful about how Kurt had made him feel during those months, the months that had seemed so wonderful then yet were now overshadowed with the knowledge of how much hurt and confusion he had been inflicting.
"That's exactly what I did," he said ashamed "with nothing but a note to say goodbye." Blaine's silence said more than words ever could.
~*~
They didn't talk much after that, drinking their coffees and exchanging shy glances until Blaine had to go to work. Kurt walked with him to the bookstore, waving at Maggie through the window before giving Blaine a tight hug and leaving.
Blaine sighed deeply as he entered the shop, revelling in the chime of the bell and the smell of books and wood polish. He was tired and stepping inside Maggie's bookstore, to his plush armchair and the warm atmosphere felt like coming home. He settled himself in smiling slightly as he watched Maggie make her way down the stairs, graceful and spritely no matter how much she tried to convince everyone she was ‘as creaky as a door with old hinges'.
"Good afternoon Maggie!" He beamed, unable to hold her searching gaze as she made it down the last few steps. He fiddled with his satchel, dragging out his sketchbook and fumbling with his glasses as he waited for her to speak. "Cut the ‘good afternoon' crap Anderson." She laughed.
"Mags!" He exclaimed, surprised but still smiling.
"When did Peter waltz back into town?" She continued regardless, striding toward the door and flipping the sign to closed. "Maggie we only opened an hour ago."
"Yeah and now I'm closing. How about we just catch up, I'll make the tea you pick the music and you can tell me all about what's going on with Peter?"
"His name's Kurt, Maggie."
"Yeah, well no offense to his mother, God rest her soul, but I think Peter fits him better."
Blaine rolled his eyes at her fondly, pulling himself out of his chair and kissing her on the cheek on his way to the record player. He settled himself on the floor, legs crossed as he rifled through the old box of vinyl. He was grateful that she had decided to close the shop for the afternoon. He was so tired and elated that he doubted he could serve a customer without ensuring that they'd never return and scarring them for life. There was something about the old bookstore, empty but for Maggie and himself, that comforted him and calmed his nerves. Since the phone call with Kurt that had changed everything between them he'd been yo-yoing somewhere between ecstatic and terrified. He was unfathomably happy that Kurt was in his life and that they were working toward building a relationship that wouldn't end up hurting one or even both of them. He was happy that they were learning and discovering everything about each other that had been left unsaid or concealed the first time around. He was grateful they got a second chance.
He smiled as he heard Maggie humming and making her way back down the stairs, tea tray in hand with two cups and saucers from her favourite set of china. ‘Only the best for my boy' she'd said the first time they'd had afternoon tea together, holed up in the store as James mumbled good naturedly about all the business hours they were wasting together with ‘that damned record player'. It had become a tradition, a tradition that only the closest of friends could keep. She placed the tray neatly on the barely big enough mahogany coffee table and nudged his cup gently toward him. "This isn't camomile is it?" he asked, she only made him camomile when he really needed it. "No it's caramel almond amaretti herbal tea, smells divine, a little weak but wonderfully sweet." Maggie said, settling herself in the armchair across from him, her usual cherry blossom white tea in hand. "Sweet like me?" Blaine chuckled as he set the record on the turntable. He'd picked a Nat King Cole record, noticing that it featured a song that he'd always adored but hadn't heard since the winters he'd spent with his grandparents in New England.
He stood, collecting his tea from the tray and sat in the armchair across from Maggie, the one that she always fondly referred to as ‘James' chair'. He clutched the delicate tea cup with both hands, and closing his eyes he inhaled the sweet scent of almonds and freshly baked raisin oatmeal cookies. When he opened them again he smiled serenely, listening intently to Maggie's gentle words as the sonorous sound of Nat King Cole continued in the background.
‘They try to tell us we're too young
Too young to really be in love
They say that love's a word
A word we've only heard
But can't begin to know the meaning of'
~*~
"Shhh quiet now he's asleep." Maggie hissed as Kurt stumbled over the stoop and into the store. "He's sleeping? I can just go, come back tomorrow?" Kurt whispered, trying to close the door gently behind him without letting the bell overhead ring. "Indeed." Maggie replied bustling him toward the front desk "He drifted off not long after five, and I'm not surprised, the poor boy's been working himself to the damned bone. Doing this for school and that for the store and going to coffee with the so-and-so back from Chicago." Kurt stood motionless at Maggie's subdued tirade. "I- He told you, about that?" He asked. "Honey, if he hadn't told me I would've been able to see you from across the street anyway." Maggie added as if Kurt was being exceptionally dense. "He tells me everything."
"Has he- has he said anything, about me?" He whispered hesitantly, huddling closer to Maggie as Blaine shifted in his sleep, his form hidden by the back of the chair. "He said he's happy you're here mostly and that he's a little scared of how it could end again but he said trying and experiencing everything he can with you is and was worth it."
"Wow." Kurt muttered closing his eyes and inhaling sharply. His voice sounded strangled "Is that all?"
"He said that he loves you, but of course you already knew that." She said bluntly but still speaking softly "Do you love him?"
"I do," Kurt replied immediately "but I'm not- I mean we're not- ready we're not there yet, and I'm waiting I want to do this right."
"Well," she said thoughtfully "don't wait too long Peter."
"I wouldn't dream of it Mary."
Kurt leant over and hugged Maggie tightly as he mumbled a tired sounding ‘thank you' into her shawl covered shoulder. She gave him a sweet smile, her blue eyes twinkling in the late evening light as she pushed him gently toward a sleeping Blaine. He knelt carefully by the chair, lifting his hand to brush the curls from Blaine's forehead, to stroke the sleep warmed skin of his cheeks. He leant forward and placed a soft kiss at the corner of his mouth and smiled as he watched his eyes begin to flutter open. "Hi sweetheart" he whispered as Blaine blinked sleep away, his big brown eyes, gold in the dimming light, widening as he took in who was in front of him. "Mmm hi," he whispered back, a slow, sleepy smile curving his lips "what are you doing here?"
"I came to surprise you and maybe walk you ho- I mean to your apartment. I felt like our coffee date was cut a little short." Kurt stammered, blushing a bright pink that matched that of the bouquet of peonies he'd bought to give to Blaine. Blaine's smile grew as he took them, fingertips stroking across the delicate petals. "Thank you." He said simply, so sincere that it made Kurt's heart ache. Glancing at his watch, Blaine unfolded himself from the armchair and stood, stretching out his sore and cramped muscles. "So you're going to escort me home?" He questioned with a grin, reaching for his belongings.
"If you're in need of an escort?" Kurt added, holding the door open for Blaine and waving goodbye to Maggie over his shoulder. "I'm not," Blaine replied, and Kurt's shoulders slumped in disappointment "but our coffee date did get cut a little short."
"Then let me walk you home and maybe we can continue another time. Okay?" Kurt said holding out an arm. "Okay." Blaine replied, looping his own arm through Kurt's.
They walked slowly, talking quietly all the way except for when Blaine would pause every few feet to duck his head and inhale the scent of the peonies still clutched to his chest. Soon, they reached the apartment and Blaine stood on the step outside the building, biting his lip and holding his peonies so tightly Kurt feared their stems would snap. Blaine took one of Kurt's hands in his, eyes bright and cheeks tinted a dusky pink. "Would you like to come up for that coffee?" He asked shyly. Kurt tilted his head up and kissed him gently, palm cupping his jaw as their lips slid together, cold and a little dry but perfect. He pulled back and watched enraptured as Blaine smiled, eyes blinking open again. "I'd love to." He whispered, breaking out into a grin as Blaine tugged him inside.
‘And yet we're not too young to know
This love will last though years may go
And then some day they may recall
We were not too young at all'