He couldn’t believe it. The words on the letter were there, and they were real; they just couldn’t be meant for him. He’s worked so hard for everything he’s ever gotten in life, but this is what it comes down to, the sad little gay boy with this epic story of overcoming homophobia at a small town’s public school. It’s not even that rare, but it still made him proud of his life. Knowing he made at least one kid’s life better for the next couple years, and maybe even the kids after that.

In the end, he knew it would be like this. Rachel Barbra Berry, star of the glee club, multiple school clubs, with tons of experience on her shoulders. In the end, it would likely always be Rachel. Because she was safe. A less controversial choice. Even with the two being so similar, they were so, so different.

Kurt couldn’t blame Rachel for anything, though. She worked just as hard for the attention she got, just in different ways. It wasn’t her fault that NYADA was missing out.

*******************

Kurt decides to wait out the summer instead of diving head first into New York like Rachel. If he stayed back, he’d have a clearer head. Even though time went by at the same pace, things would be less rushed. Wherever the summer lead would be fine with him, because college or no, he would inevitably end up in New York by the end of 2013.

Kurt felt as if he had just bought himself ten years instead of maybe half of one. When he was applying for NYADA, everything was fast paced because he waited too long. Waited too long for bulking up his credits; waited till the last minute to send in his application; waited way, way too late to solidify his audition song. The only thing that was memorized for a long time was his monologue piece.

Kurt tries a lot of things for the first couple weeks of summer. He tries the hardest recipes, and even though he cooks them somewhat successfully, it’s not what he wants to make a living off of. He plays around with untouched programs on his computer, making little six second animations before he realizes that he’s just wasting time. Blaine lends him one of his expensive cameras, the ones on the very top of his bookshelf that are only pulled out for really special events (there was one at graduation), and he lets Blaine teach him a little bit of photography. After a couple days, he gets in front of the camera and does the tiniest bit of modelling. He soon stops because he feels silly.

It did remind him of another option he had, though. He owned sketchbooks full of designs that never saw daylight. Design sketches wasn’t something he’d done since the previous year.

When Kurt gets home, he pulls out his favourite sketchbook; it had a leather cover and a ribbon to mark your place. It looked very professional, and that’s why he liked it. Some people told him it looked like a journal or a bible, and it kind of did, in some respects. It certainly acted like one back then.