Chapter 4 pt.2:

Kurt couldn't decide if he hated Blaine more, or himself. Hating Blaine for being a heartless dick, as Kurt would like to think, or hating himself for feeling so much after so much as a few kisses.

Kurt knew it wasn't just about the kisses, but he refused to think otherwise. He refused to think about how Blaine held him when he spilled his heart out. About the way he stared at Kurt with such concern, like he was the most precious thing in the world, or about the way Kurt felt at home in Blaine's arms. No, he refused to think about those, and he refused to shed any more tears over someone who didn't seem care about him. Enough.

Sure, he was hurt by what Blaine did, – Heck, he spent the whole night crying about it - but most of all, he just felt hollow. Hollow, because it wasn't the first time someone's hurts him like that. Hollow, because he's always had his emotions toyed with, taken advantage of for the sake of pleasing one's dirtiest desires.

When Blaine came back to the room, a few hours after leaving so abruptly, Kurt didn't even acknowledge his existence. His exterior feigned indifference about Blaine's entrance, but on the inside his heart was still a raw, open wound, regardless of the fact that he told himself he wouldn't beat himself up over this. Funny how he's managed to hurt me almost as much as Karosky in less than 24 hours.

He was pouring his soul out for Blaine, breaking down his walls, letting him in like he didn't let anyone else in, and Blaine just went and stomped all over that. What were you thinking, Kurt? It's basically your fault for being so naïve. His friends practically warned you that you was just a toy for him to play with and throw away when he finally got bored.

Kurt got up from his place on the bed where he had his back to Blaine, who was now sitting on his bed with his back against the wall, and padded softly to the bathroom, ignoring the piercing hazel eyes directed at him.

Once inside, he pulled out his razor once again, letting out a relieved sigh as soon as the blade broke his skin. He rested his back against the door and shut his eyes. Drop after drop, the pain slowly subsided.

To say Blaine felt guilty was an understatement. He felt completely and utterly horrible.

When he went back to the room, he walked in on Kurt, who lay motionless on the bed, staring off into space with his back to the world. He contemplated apologizing to him, but his inner voice told him an apology would be useless, and decided against it.

You screwed up. I wouldn't be surprised if he just ignores your existence altogether.

He padded to his bed, taking off his blazer along the way and throwing it on his chair. He flopped onto the bed and backed up until his back was against the wall. He rested his head against the wall and shut his eyes slowly.

It wasn't that there was anything wrong with Kurt. In fact, Blaine couldn't see any flaws whenever he looked at Kurt. Sure, his attitude could use a little adjustments, but he found him to be beautiful on both the inside and outside. It was just that he didn't think he was ready for another relationship. Not after what happened with Scott. And Kurt reminded him too much of the boy he once thought was his everything. The boy who promised to never break his heart, to never hurt him.

"Scott? Scott! Please wake up! Please wake up, please! Oh god, oh god," Blaine pleaded hysterically, holding the boy's limp body in his arms. "Please, don't leave me, Scott. Please, you're all I have. Wake up, please wake up. Somebody help!" He yelled out to no one in particulate, hoping someone would hear him.

"You promised me you would never leave. You promised you wouldn't break my heart. You promised," He whispered urgently, begging for any type of movement from the motionless body he held tightly against his body, an endless stream of tears running down his face and neck, staining his collar. "You promised."

Kurt suddenly got up, interrupting his train of thoughts, and Blaine mentally berated himself when he caught a glimpse of Kurt's face, which was all puffed up from what he guessed were hours of crying. His eyes were red rimmed, there were tear stains on his cheeks, and his nose was red.

You did that to him. He's like this because of you. You stabbed him right where it hurt.

He looked up at him, trying to catch the blue eyed boy's eyes, but he just stared ahead, staring at nothing in particular as he walked to the bathroom and shut the door softly behind him.

Blaine pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them, resting his chin on his arms, his eyes filling with unshed tears. Kurt looking so hollow and void, practically emotionless, worried Blaine even more than if the gorgeous countertenor were yelling at him for being such an asshole.

That's probably because he's been hurt so many times that he's used to it.

He cringed at that last thought.

Okay, you know what? Stop it, Blaine Anderson, this isn't like you. You swore you wouldn't get emotionally tangled up with anyone after Scott, so what's the problem? Blaine straightened up, wiping his eyes. His inner voice was right. This wasn't like him. If Kurt wanted to pretend like he didn't exist, then he would do the same.

He gradually ignored the ache he felt in his heart.

The next couple of days were a blur. Kurt hasn't said a word to Blaine since the 'incident'. His riends noticed the change in Kurt's demeanor, but whenever someone would ask him what happened, he would reply with 'Nothing, I'm just tired'. He knew they could see right through the lie, but thankfully they knew better than to question him further about it. Seeing as Blaine seemed to be perfectly fine and unfazed by what happened, it made it both easier and harder to avoid him. Whenever his eyes would – randomly, of course - spot Blaine in a crowd, laughing and joking with his friends, he would feel more angry than hurt.

Angry because Blaine clearly didn't care that he broke both Kurt's heart and Kurt's trust.

Classes passed by in a haze. People still eyed him in what seemed to be disgust, but he just couldn't bring himself to care. He would go day by day staring at nothing in particular, never really there, avoiding everything.

Everyday he would tell himself that he needed to stop acting like this and actually hang out with some of the friends he's made, but that thought would immediately vanish as soon as he saw Blaine. But eventually, after three days of religiously avoiding the curly haired boy's existence, he decided to accept Nick and Jeff's requests of hanging out with him. Both Nick and Jeff seemed excited and relieved, knowing Kurt needed any kind of distraction, which made Kurt feel a little walked alongside them as they made their way outside the dinner hall to head up to their dorm room to watch a movie. This is good. It'll help you stop all of your pathetic moping.

What he didn't notice, though, were the hazel eyes that always seemed to be glued to him whenever he wasn't paying attention.