August 7th, 2020

A baby. A baby! Blaine couldnt have another kid. He loved children, dont get him wrong, but right now he felt like a single father. He couldnt be a single father to two children. He felt a melancholy feeling settle in his chest after the doctors appointment on Thursday had confirmed it. He would love the child, no doubt about that, but it didnt really feel like his child. Maybe it just hadnt hit him yet.

Sophia was ecstatic. She had already decided on a name; Butterfly. Blaine had stifled a laugh while Natalia had rolled her eyes at her daughters "stupidity." Natalia had been... quiet. She offered to go pick up Sophia at daycare the rest of the week so Blaine could work later. He was in the midst of helping with an album for an up and coming artist that Jeff had called "a devilish angel from hell above." Natalia would come home from work with Natalia and eat dinner in silence. Then they would split ways for Sophia to watch some child show and Natalia took a nap upstairs. It was all very strange since Natalia was quite talkative.

 "Hey! Anderson! Did you hear me?" Blaines friend and boss, Jeff, said as he snapped in front of Blaines face. Blaine scrunched up his face and pulled away, "What?" "Our little singer is coming in to talk to you. She just got here. Ready?" Jeff asked, jumping a little on his toes. Blaine looked around his messy desk. He sighed as he ran his hand through his hair. "Yeah. Ill talk to her," Blaine nodded. Jeff grinned, "Great. Ill go grab her." Jeff left his office. The new artist walked in a moment later.

"Hello, Mrs. Lopez," Blaine said as she stood to shake her hand. She ignored it and sat down gracefully on the chair. "Really? Formalities? Ive been here for two weeks. We dont need to shake hands every time I walk through those doors. Oh, and dont call Mrs. Lopez. You know my name." Blaine sat back down with a small smile, "Hi, Santana." "Better," Santana said with a grin.

"Uh, what did you need to talk to me about?" Blaine asked leaning back in his chair. "My wife. I really want her to sing a song with me for the album," Santana said. "Can she sing?" Santana rolled her eyes, "No. I just want my tone deaf wife to sing on my debut album for the hell of it. Yes, she can sing." Blaine laughed awkwardly, "Right. Uh, yeah. I really want this album to be your own, Santana. If you want her to sing on the album Ill make sure she does."

Santana smiled somewhat gratefully, "Great. Now I have another question to ask. Why do you look like you havent slept in ten years and then was ran over by a semi?" Blaine burst out laughing. "Um, I have a five year old and my wife is pregnant with our second child," Blaine said. Santana raised, "Wife? Wow. My gaydar has failed me. I thought for sure you were gay." Blaine gulped and looked away. Santana stayed quiet for a moment before speaking.

"My wife and I just adopted our first child. Its a little boy," Santana said happily. Blaine was thankful that his sexuality was no longer the topic. He perked up a little at the sound of her talking about a baby that wasnt setting up camp in his wifes stomach. "Ooh, thats exciting. Name?" "Hunter. He is the calmest baby to ever live," Santana said proudly, "I thought it was funny that right after we adopted him, one of my friends called to say he was moving to the city. Hes supposed to be coming over Saturday with his daughter to see him."

Blaine nodded his head, "Its nice having friends close by to see your kids grow up. My friends live all throughout the city so they see my daughter, Sophia, on a regular basis." Santana laughed, "Also great babysitting service. Im watching my friends daughter tonight. Something about ‘A hot guy asked me to go for a drink and Im never one to turn down my friends who have a shot at getting laid." Blaine grinned at Santana.

"Well I should get going. Brittany might be adorning my son in curtains and I want my child to love us," Santana said grabbing her purse and standing up. Blaine stood to and rushed to open the door. Santana paused as she was about to walk out. She turned to Blaine and smiled softly. Repeat; Santana smiled softly! Blaine knew he was either going to get a hug or get stabbed.

It turned out to be the former when she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Thank- you, Anderson. Youre a pretty incredible guy," Santana said quietly. Blaine hugged her waist and said, "How I wish that was true." Santana pulled away and smiled sadly. Neither needed to say it. They both already knew.

Santana walked out without another word as Blaine shut the door and plopped back down behind his desk. The door opened not even a second later to show a giddy Jeff. "So?" Blaine rolled his eyes, "Calm down. She just wants her wife to sing a song with her for the album." Jeff stopped jumping and frowned slightly, "Well thats not nearly as exciting as I wanted it to be. Well, maybe we can get her wife to do an album too. I mean, think of the cash-" "Not everything is about dollars and cents, Jeffery. Santana just wants a song with her. Thats it," Blaine said irritably.

Jeff stayed silent for a moment before shutting the office door and moving to sit on the top of Blaines desk, right in front of him. "Whats wrong?" Then there were tears. Blaine started sobbing and stood to hug Jeff. Jeff quickly pulled him into a hug and let Blaine cry freely. "Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry," Blaine chanted into Jeffs shoulder. Jeff offered no words. What do you say when your best friend of eleven years who never breaks does break in your arms? What words do you say when you dont know what happened? When you have none?

They stayed like that for ten minutes before Blaine finally pulled away and wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand. "God, Im a mess," Blaine laughed wetly. Jeff just frowned, "Why?" "Natalias pregnant and I dont know if I can do it. Raise a second child," Blaine said as he twisted his wedding ring. It had recently started to feel like a cage rather than a sign of commitment.

"Blaine, youre a great father. Sophia is safe and smart and so so kind. What makes you think itll be different with this child?" Jeff reassured. "I just feel like Im doing at all on my own. Natalia is always so busy at work and when she is home she isnt really there. I dont even think she loves Sophia. I mean she does but like how a person loves their favorite shirt now like its their daughter. Being a single parent is one thing, but being a single parent and still having a wife there with you... its like hell. I just feel like I cant breathe anymore. How am I supposed to be a parent to another child if Natalia pretends they dont exist? How do I watch their heart break when it could be such an easy fix if she would just smile their way? I cant. Not again. Not another child."

Jeff bit his lip, "Have you considered filing for divorce?" Blaine quickly shook his head, "Shes pregnant, Jeff. I cant put that kind of stress on her. Plus, we have kids together. Its also not part of-" "I swear to god if you say plan I will fire you," Jeff warned. Blaine sighed, "We just need to reconnect. Get away for a while." "Sex is always a great way to reconnect. Nick and I can take Sophia this weekend if you want," Jeff offered. Blaine grimaced. Sex was not much fun for him. He always thought there was something wrong with him, but he decided he just wasnt a ‘sex for fun type of guy. But if it helped save his marriage it was worth a shot.

"I think- I think thats a good idea. Ill have to talk to Nat first but I think it will help. Thanks Jeff," Blaine said. Jeff smiled happily, "Glad I could help." There was a knock at the door and Blaine walked over to open it. He grinned when he saw Nick standing there. Nick walked in and handed a bag of food to Jeff and kissed his lips chastely. Nick was also holding a bouquet of flowers that were bright yellow.

Nick brought Jeff new flowers every week so he would always have something to put in the ugly vase Nick made him his senior year of high school. It was sickly green with red polka dots that had faded to a dull brown. People always asked him if he had any kids when they saw it. Jeff would then be forced to tell them that his artistically challenged boyfriend made it for his birthday. They would always force a smile and say it was nice when really they wanted to say that he should have jut said his kid made it.

"Hi, babe," Nick said as he pulled away, "I brought you a hamburger and onion rings from work. Jeff made a sound that sounded like a high pitched ‘yipee as he tore open the back. "Not in here, Sterling," Blaine said as Jeff was about to open the burgers wrapping, "You eat like a baby and I dont want your greasy fingerprints everywhere." Jeff pouted but kissed Nick quickly as he hopped down from the top of Blaines desk.

"Ill be right back, hun. Jackass over there is kicking me out. Ill be in my office," Jeff winked flirtatiously as he walked out. Blaine rolled his eyes, "Sometimes I forget hes an adult." Nick laughed, "Sometimes I wonder how I love such a dork." Blaine smiled. Ten years later and the two were still going strong. "You plan on marrying that ass head soon?" Blaine asked. Nick grinned, "Someday. Soon, I hope. He deserves a ring on his finger." "There not all that theyre cracked up to be, Duval," Blaine mumbled. Nick frowned.

"Well now you have to talk about it," Nick said taking the spot Jeff had sat. "Ask your boyfriend," Blaine said. Nick nodded, "Will do, Anderson." Nick looked at Blaines face sadly. Blaine shook his head, "Dont. I dont want to talk about it." "Youre twenty-six, Blaine. Isnt it time you start being honest." "Nick. Stop," Blaine went back behind his desk and sat down. "I havent said anything. Ever. Not even to Jeff. I know it wasnt part of the pla-"

"Youre right. It isnt part of the plan. It will never be part of the plan," Blaine said firmly. He just wanted Nick to leave his office but the other part of him wanted Nick to stay and yell at him until he cracked. "Neither was kissing me, but you did that," Nick whispered.

August 23rd, 2009

Nick Duval and Blaine Anderson were the best of friends. They had met at the beginning of freshman year last year and had quickly grown closer. They went everywhere together. Nicks mom, Lidia, had said she had never seen friends quite like those two. They were so in synch and were often mistaken for brothers because of their similar mannerisms and facial expressions they had picked up from one another.  

It was the last week of summer vacation and the last day of the Duval and Andersons week at the lake. The lake house was the Andersons purchase but had gladly invited Lidia and Tristan Duval as well as their son and the twin girls to join them. Blaine was overjoyed on the first day. He would spend one whole week in the middle of nature with his best friend. On the last day, the two boys had gone to their favorite spot by the lake which happened to be underneath a large willow tree that was open on one side so you could see the entirety of the lake.

Blaine was sitting on a branch wearing only his blue swim shorts. His hair was free of gel and he had never felt freer. Nick was skipping rocks across the water, making small plopping noises. "Nick? Have you ever thought about moving to a place like this?" Blaine asked. Nick paused for a moment before shrugging and throwing the rock across the water, "Sometimes. But I think I like cities too much to ever live in a place like this." Blaine nodded in understanding.

"Excited about being a sophomore?" Blaine asked as he pulled a leaf off the limb. "You know my answer," Nick said tossing another rock, "We get to join the warblers this year so hell yeah Im excited." Blaine laughed as he hopped down from off the branch. He grinned mischievously before lunging at Nick and knocking him to the ground. "Ow! Ow! I think you broke my wrist!" Nick cried. Blaines eyes widened as he crouched down to take a lake. "It looks-whoa!"  

Nick had jumped onto Blaine until he was straddling his chest and had his arms pinned to the ground. The two were laughing loudly. "You won! You won," Blaine laughed as Nick tickled his side. Nick stopped long enough to look down and see Blaine staring at him. Nick quickly rolled off and dusted off his white swim trunks, "Sorry." When Blaine didnt answer he turned to see him sitting on his knees staring at his face.

"Blaine?" Nick asked. Blaines eyes darted to his eyes then down to his...lips? Blaine looked back up to Nick and he nodded a little. Blaine leaned forward and put his hand on Nicks shoulder before kissing him quickly. Blaine pulled away quickly and looked to Nick. Nick shifted so he sat on his knees to. Nick moved first this time; putting his hands on Blaines bicep and capturing his lips. As Nick moved to pull away, Blaine stopped him by setting a hand on the back of his head to hold him there. Nick happily obliged and let his lips slide against Blaines a little.

Blaine moved his hands to Nicks back to pull him on top of him. Blaine laid on his back in the soft grass while Nick hovered over him. Blaine worked up the courage. He was going to do it. His tongue began to ease out of his mouth and- "Nick! Blaine! Dinners ready!" Nicks little sister, Maddy called out. Nick jumped off Blaine and Blaine quickly sat up and scurried farther away. Maddy walked into the willow overhanging just on time. The kiss wasnt talked about again until after dinner and everyone was in bed.

"Blaine?" Nick asked from his bed that was across from Blaines. "Yeah?" Blaine asked quietly. "We kissed," Nick whispered. "I know," Blaine said attempting to block his talking out. "Im gay, Blaine," Nick whispered. "Cool," Blaine said squeezing his eyes shut. It was quiet for a solid minute before Nick spoke again, "Im going to tell people." "Im not," Blaine said instantly. "Why?" Nick asked sadly, "I thought we could be boyfriends." "I cant be gay," Blaine whispered harshly. "But... you are. Arent you?" Nick asked. Blaine was quiet before he spoke just barely above a whisper, "I cant be gay."

They didnt talk about it again. When school started up, Nick told his parents. They took it well, yet it butchered the friendship between the Anderson family. Nick and Blaine still talked but it wasnt the same. It was strained and tense. They both joined the Warblers. Nick met the new kid, Jeff, and Blaine met Natalia. Nick would watch his friend sadly as he kissed Natalia goodbye, then turn around and look at some guys ass.

It would be five years before they could have a conversation without there being an awkward atmosphere. But even after that, there would still be that feeling of ‘what if.

August 7th, 2020

"Were not talking about this, Nick. Please go. Find Jeff," Blaine pleaded. Nick sighed and stood up. He walked to the door before pausing to look at Blaine. "Can you do me a favor? Replay that day over in your head again. I know you werent ready to really come out then. But now? Make yourself happy, Blaine. For me," Nick said. He walked out and shut the door as Blaine let himself hold his head in his hands. What was he going to do?

"Hey, dude. Beer?" David Thompson asked as Blaine sat at the bar. "Yes, please," Blaine said tiredly. David sat it down, "You havent been here in a while." "Yeah, well, Im meeting a friend tonight," Blaine said. David raised an eyebrow, "Who?" "Me," Kurt said as he sat down next to Blaine, "Sorry Im late. Charlotte was crying because I was leaving her with ‘strangers. I wasnt by the way." Blaine laughed, "You want a beer?"

Kurt nodded and David grabbed one and sat it in front of him before going to help some other customer. "So I have some news," Kurt said happily. Blaine raised an eyebrow as he took a sip, "What is it?" "Youre helping one of my friends become a star," Kurt said dramatically. "Oh yeah? Who?" Blaine asked trying to not get lost in the mans eyes. "Santana Lopez."

Blaines eyes widened. Everything finally clicked into place. Wait- that means he was the ‘hot guy who asked him out for a drink. Blaine blushed and looked at his beer, "Wow. Small world. She has an incredible voice, by the way." "I know. We were in glee club together," Kurt said drinking from his beer. Blaine laughed, "I was in glee club, too. Lead singer of the Warbler in Westerville, Ohio." Kurt choked a little on the beer and coughed loudly, "Ohio? Im from Lima, Ohio." Blaine smiled a little. "Duh. Thats where Santana said she went. I know that, silly," Blaine thought.

"Small world indeed," Blaine said as he took a large gulp of the beer. "I have had a really hard day," Kurt said with a sigh, "I just dont think Im cut out for Vogue." "Of course you are. Youve only been there, for what, a week? Just give it time," Blaine said happily. Kurt smiled slyly at Blaine, "I dont have work tomorrow and Santana said shell keep Charlotte until Im ready to come get her," (Read, "When youre done fucking.") "So I sort of want was wondering how much youre drinking so I dont make a fool of myself."

Blaine looked at is beer. He was always weary of drinking too much. He was afraid it would make him do something stupid like confess things he didnt want to confess. But tonight, he didnt care. Jeff took Sophia for the weekend, Natalia was at home, and his life sort of sucked. Tonight, he was going to get shit-faced.

Blaine took a large gulp of the beer and held it out for Kurt to clink with his own. "Lets see how long I can remember my name," Blaine grinned. Kurt laughed and tapped his glass against Blaines, "Cheers to that."

An hour later, Kurt was the only drunk one between the two. Despite Blaines earlier declaration of getting drunk until he couldnt see straight fell through when he couldnt get himself to down the tequila shots. He just couldnt get drunk like that. Honestly, he had never been drunk like that. His parents would have killed him if he did that in high school, he skipped out on the college parties in favor of studying, and then he was married and had a kid. There was never time nor did it seem like something that he wanted to do.

Kurt began laughing hysterically and Blaine looked over at him, confused. "I-I-I wa-was j-j-just sitting here. T-then I thought about how N-ate is up past his b-b-bedtime. Then I remembered. H-Hes d-de-dead," Kurts words slurred together with laughter and alcohol. Blaines eyebrows furrowed together. Who was Nate?

  "Oh. Ha," Blaine said. Kurt suddenly glared at him and stopped laughing. He swatted at Blaines arm but was of by about two inches. "Thats not funny, asshole. Thats my son," Kurt slurred. Blaine frowned. What was he- "Whoa! Geez, Kurt. Dont fall off the chair," Blaine said as he righted Kurt up again. Kurt giggled a little, "Oopsie daisy." Blaine sighed and looked to David helplessly. David walked over and Kurt grinned when he saw him.

"Can I get another tequila shot?" Kurt said unclearly. David looked to Blaine who sighed and stood up, still holding Kurt up. "Come on, Kurt. Were going home," Blaine said pulling Kurt up. "Home? You dont live with me," Kurt mumbled. Blaine drug him to the outside and grabbed his phone from his pocket. He clicked on Santanas name and waited until she answered, "Blaine? Arent you supposed to be out with Kurt?" "I am. Where does he live? Hes a little drunk and I dont trust what hes saying."

"Whats he saying?" Santana asked. "Kurt. Kurt. What- no get your hand out of my mouth- where do you think you live?" Kurts speech was slurred but was not hard to realize what he was saying. Santana snorted, "Yeah he doesnt live there." "Didnt think he lived on P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. So where does he live?" Santana gave him the address and as Blaine was about to hang up Santana said his name.

"Blaine... he always gets really drunk when he wants to tell someone something but then he always ends up regretting it the next day. Please dont listen to what he says." Blaine nodded before realizing she couldnt see him, "Of course, Santana. Bye." He hung up and hailed a cab. Ten minutes later, they were stumbling inside Kurts apartment.

"Wow. This is pretty. Do you live here?" Kurt asked. "No, you live here," Blaine said pushing Kurt lightly towards a room that he guessed was Kurts. "Nope. I live in London. I have a husband and son. A dead husband and son. They went boom! Into a pole." Blaine felt himself swallow the bile that had rose in his throat. He was drunk. He didnt really have a dead husband or son. Okay, maybe a husband but not a son.

Blaine pushed him onto the bed softly and began to untie and pull off his knee high boots. When they were both off and Blaine was pretty sure Kurt was done singing ‘How much is that Doggy in the Window he got off from the bed. His eyes widened as Kurt began shuffling out of his jeans. "What are you doing?" Blaine asked as he turned away. "I dont want jeans on," Kurt was pouting. Blaine turned back around to see the jeans stuck and unmoving from around Kurts knees. Blaine chuckled and went to assist. As he began to help, Kurt began to talk quietly.

"I loved him. I loved both of them. I shouldnt have complained. I should have just made the damn dinner. But she was so new and I was tired and hungry. Stupid little girl. Now she can live but my son and husband cant. How is that fair? She ruined my life. How can a six year old ruin my life so damn easily? Blaine? Do you feel like giving up sometimes?" Blaine was quiet for a moment but nodded as he pulled Kurts leg out. "Why?"

"Because I made a stupid plan that doesnt make room to breathe," Blaine said as he focused on Kurts other stuck leg. "Write a new plan," Kurt said quietly. "Its too late to rewrite, Kurt. Ten years too late," Blaine said. Kurts other leg was free and he moved his legs around freely. "I never had a plan. I mean I did but my plan changed. Charlotte wasnt part of my plan. Nate and Aaron wasnt part of my plan. You werent part of my plan. My plan went to hell. Im happy it did, too. I would have burned the plan years ago if I knew what I knew now," Kurt said in a low voice.

Blaine was quiet for a moment before, "Me too." Kurt sat up, "We should change it. Together. Burn all the plans and hope for the best." Blaine shook his head, "I dont know, Kurt." Kurt bit his lip, "Can you just forget your plan tonight. Whatever it is." Blaine looked at Kurts hopeful face before sighing and yanking off his shoes. He left the room and returned with an aspirin and glass of water that he sat on Kurts night stand. He went to the other side of the bed and laid down next to Kurt. Kurt plopped his head on Blaines chest while Blaine placed his arm around Kurts back. "What are you doing?" Kurt asked as he drifted off.

"For tonight, Ill pretend I never made a plan."