March 9, 2013, 1:01 p.m.
Some Things Are Uncontrollable: Could This Be Love?
E - Words: 1,287 - Last Updated: Mar 09, 2013 Story: Closed - Chapters: 17/? - Created: Aug 13, 2012 - Updated: Mar 09, 2013 136 0 0 0 0
In love. Did Blaine really just say those two words? Together? About me?
By the time that I had even comprehended what had just happened, he had pulled away and was staring at his book harshly. I know that asking him anything wasn't a good idea but I couldn't stand to see him retreating like this. Anytime that we would take one step forward, we would end up two steps back. I know how scary it is to come out. I know that I was terrified. Terrified that I wouldn't be accepted, that I would never find someone, that my dad would be angry. So many things went through my mind.
I wouldn't say that I was accepted, being bullied everyday was not acception. Nonetheless, I had my friends, Mercedes, occassionally Rachel, on her good days, and eventually even Finn came around, Puck too, along with the rest of the Glee club. It was everyone else that was a problem. My dad was accepting. He loved me no matter what. It took him some time to get used to the idea but now he has come around and even trying to educate himself more on the whole aspect of it all. I am really proud of him.
But Blaine, he doesn't have any of that. When I look at him, I see a scared little boy that is putting on a brave face for the rest of the world to see. He is searching, constantly, for any sign that someone will accept him for who he really is. Not bully Blaine, but Blaine Blaine. When he is with me, he drops that guard, but he immediately puts it back up when he notices himself doing it. Overall, what he really craves is acceptance from his family, his father in particular.
I don't ask much about those things. i know that he wouldn't respond or he would get defensive and I would lose him immediately.
As strange as it sounds, after all that he and i have been through, I find myself feeling drawn to him. As much of an ignorant ass he can be, I can't help but find myself falling for him harder and harder the more that he opens up, the more I see his walls begin to crumble. Now, I know that there is a chance that he may feel the same way. I feel protective of him. I don't want him to get hurt. Physically or emotionally. He is damaged as it is and I knew that going into all of this, I just didn't know exactly how damaged.
"Blaine..." I noticed him lift his head slightly.
"I know...I shouldn't have said th-" He kept his gaze directed down.
"Stop." He looked at me quizzically.
"Kurt..."
"No. Blaine. For once, you are going to just shut up and listen. You try to stop me and I will leave right now and not look back, no matter how hard that would be for me."
"Okay." It was barely a whisper that he let out.
"I know that what you have going on right now is complicated. I know you don't want labels or and form of PDA. I know that you are scared-"
"I'm not scared." I shot him my best 'dont test me' glare, it stopped him pretty quickly.
"Yes. You are. I know that you don't have a support system. That's what I want to be for you. I see you...wanting...to open up, to express yourself. I see you holding it back and it isn't just hurting you, Blaine. It is hurting me too. Believe it or not, because I sure can't, I have feelings for you. They are stronger than I wish they were or than I ever thought that they would be. There is just something about you. Something that makes me want to know everything about you. Something that makes me want to just...hold you...everytime you feel insecure or afraid, anytime that you don't want to tell me something. I want you to be able to tell me things that you wouldn't tell anyone else. I want you to know that I am not afraid of you, of us, of what we have."
"I am already telling things I haven't told anyone else. I'm doing things I've never done with anyone else. Kurt, you...you are more important to me than you know. I don't want to be afraid. I want to be open, Kurt. I just-it isn't that easy. When I am at risk of being beaten by my own father if anything were to come out...it's hard for me to just choose to trust someone that I barely know."
"Barely know...?"
"Kurt. We have been in school for a few weeks. You punched me within the first week. I was beating you up until like a week ago. Somehow we ended up making out in the back of a car. Now, I am here, having a heart to heart with you. i don't know...anything about you. Isn't that how these things work? How trust is built. We share facts about eachother and become best friends and slowly develop some form of trust?"
"You... don't think we are friends?" I was surprisingly hurt by that.
"No...I mean...I don't know! We did everything weird and out of order. This was never supposed to happen in the first place. I wasn't supposed to fall in love with someone-"
"You have already fallen in love?"
"Shit. I didn't mean-you know what? Yeah. I did mean that. I, Blaine Devon Anderson, have fallen in love you Kurt Hummel."
"Devon? That's your middle name? That's so prep school."
"That's what you got out of that statement, Kurt. Really?"
"Blaine. I heard you. i did. What I just don't get is...what does it mean?"
"That you are the first person that has ever tried to get to know me. The first person to see through my facade. You don't know how much that meant to me. To be honest, from the first time I saw you in Glee, I knew that you were something special, someone that I would want to know."
"Blaine..."
"I want us to be...us. I'm ready. I'm not ready for telling anyone, but I am ready."
I stared blankly. It all happened so fast. Blaine Anderson really was in love with me and I was speechless because, in all honestly, I was in love with him too.
"Kurt, umm, what's your middle name?"
"Elizabeth."
"Kurt Eliza-and you made fun of my middle name?"
"It was my mother's name."
"You'll have to tell me about her sometime."
"I will, I promise, she was wonderful."
"Was?"
"That's a story for another time, Blaine."
"Anyway. Ahem...Kurt Elizabeth Hummel. Will you officially be my...boyfriend?"
"Are you...really? Yeah yes, of course!"
"Now. Kiss me."
I didn't have to think twice before I was out of my desk and pressing my body against Blaine's. His lips captured mine in a warm, gentle, passionate kiss. I let my mouth gently fall open when his tongue traced my lip. The kiss felt like it lasted for ages, warm and smooth, tongues fumbling, and kisses getting sloppy, before we broke apart.
"Will you go on a date with me, Kurt? Like, a real date? Where we can just...learn about eachother?"
"Of course." I never thought that something like this would happen. Blaine wanting to be open. Me, not having to force it out of him. He was slowly becoming less afraid and it was wonderful.
"It might be a drive because we can't stay in Lima where we could go out and run into anyone. We have to go out of town."
"That's fine, as long as I spending time with you."
"I'll pick you up at 6:30 Saturday night."
I nodded, confirming the plan.
I placed a quick kiss on his lips before the teacher came in allowing us to leave once again.
It was out last detention.
I really didn't know what I was going to do without them.
In love. Did Blaine really just say those two words? Together? About me?
By the time that I had even comprehended what had just happened, he had pulled away and was staring at his book harshly. I know that asking him anything wasn't a good idea but I couldn't stand to see him retreating like this. Anytime that we would take one step forward, we would end up two steps back. I know how scary it is to come out. I know that I was terrified. Terrified that I wouldn't be accepted, that I would never find someone, that my dad would be angry. So many things went through my mind.
I wouldn't say that I was accepted, being bullied everyday was not acception. Nonetheless, I had my friends, Mercedes, occassionally Rachel, on her good days, and eventually even Finn came around, Puck too, along with the rest of the Glee club. It was everyone else that was a problem. My dad was accepting. He loved me no matter what. It took him some time to get used to the idea but now he has come around and even trying to educate himself more on the whole aspect of it all. I am really proud of him.
But Blaine, he doesn't have any of that. When I look at him, I see a scared little boy that is putting on a brave face for the rest of the world to see. He is searching, constantly, for any sign that someone will accept him for who he really is. Not bully Blaine, but Blaine Blaine. When he is with me, he drops that guard, but he immediately puts it back up when he notices himself doing it. Overall, what he really craves is acceptance from his family, his father in particular.
I don't ask much about those things. i know that he wouldn't respond or he would get defensive and I would lose him immediately.
As strange as it sounds, after all that he and i have been through, I find myself feeling drawn to him. As much of an ignorant ass he can be, I can't help but find myself falling for him harder and harder the more that he opens up, the more I see his walls begin to crumble. Now, I know that there is a chance that he may feel the same way. I feel protective of him. I don't want him to get hurt. Physically or emotionally. He is damaged as it is and I knew that going into all of this, I just didn't know exactly how damaged.
"Blaine..." I noticed him lift his head slightly.
"I know...I shouldn't have said th-" He kept his gaze directed down.
"Stop." He looked at me quizzically.
"Kurt..."
"No. Blaine. For once, you are going to just shut up and listen. You try to stop me and I will leave right now and not look back, no matter how hard that would be for me."
"Okay." It was barely a whisper that he let out.
"I know that what you have going on right now is complicated. I know you don't want labels or and form of PDA. I know that you are scared-"
"I'm not scared." I shot him my best 'dont test me' glare, it stopped him pretty quickly.
"Yes. You are. I know that you don't have a support system. That's what I want to be for you. I see you...wanting...to open up, to express yourself. I see you holding it back and it isn't just hurting you, Blaine. It is hurting me too. Believe it or not, because I sure can't, I have feelings for you. They are stronger than I wish they were or than I ever thought that they would be. There is just something about you. Something that makes me want to know everything about you. Something that makes me want to just...hold you...everytime you feel insecure or afraid, anytime that you don't want to tell me something. I want you to be able to tell me things that you wouldn't tell anyone else. I want you to know that I am not afraid of you, of us, of what we have."
"I am already telling things I haven't told anyone else. I'm doing things I've never done with anyone else. Kurt, you...you are more important to me than you know. I don't want to be afraid. I want to be open, Kurt. I just-it isn't that easy. When I am at risk of being beaten by my own father if anything were to come out...it's hard for me to just choose to trust someone that I barely know."
"Barely know...?"
"Kurt. We have been in school for a few weeks. You punched me within the first week. I was beating you up until like a week ago. Somehow we ended up making out in the back of a car. Now, I am here, having a heart to heart with you. i don't know...anything about you. Isn't that how these things work? How trust is built. We share facts about eachother and become best friends and slowly develop some form of trust?"
"You... don't think we are friends?" I was surprisingly hurt by that.
"No...I mean...I don't know! We did everything weird and out of order. This was never supposed to happen in the first place. I wasn't supposed to fall in love with someone-"
"You have already fallen in love?"
"Shit. I didn't mean-you know what? Yeah. I did mean that. I, Blaine Devon Anderson, have fallen in love you Kurt Hummel."
"Devon? That's your middle name? That's so prep school."
"That's what you got out of that statement, Kurt. Really?"
"Blaine. I heard you. i did. What I just don't get is...what does it mean?"
"That you are the first person that has ever tried to get to know me. The first person to see through my facade. You don't know how much that meant to me. To be honest, from the first time I saw you in Glee, I knew that you were something special, someone that I would want to know."
"Blaine..."
"I want us to be...us. I'm ready. I'm not ready for telling anyone, but I am ready."
I stared blankly. It all happened so fast. Blaine Anderson really was in love with me and I was speechless because, in all honestly, I was in love with him too.
"Kurt, umm, what's your middle name?"
"Elizabeth."
"Kurt Eliza-and you made fun of my middle name?"
"It was my mother's name."
"You'll have to tell me about her sometime."
"I will, I promise, she was wonderful."
"Was?"
"That's a story for another time, Blaine."
"Anyway. Ahem...Kurt Elizabeth Hummel. Will you officially be my...boyfriend?"
"Are you...really? Yeah yes, of course!"
"Now. Kiss me."
I didn't have to think twice before I was out of my desk and pressing my body against Blaine's. His lips captured mine in a warm, gentle, passionate kiss. I let my mouth gently fall open when his tongue traced my lip. The kiss felt like it lasted for ages, warm and smooth, tongues fumbling, and kisses getting sloppy, before we broke apart.
"Will you go on a date with me, Kurt? Like, a real date? Where we can just...learn about eachother?"
"Of course." I never thought that something like this would happen. Blaine wanting to be open. Me, not having to force it out of him. He was slowly becoming less afraid and it was wonderful.
"It might be a drive because we can't stay in Lima where we could go out and run into anyone. We have to go out of town."
"That's fine, as long as I spending time with you."
"I'll pick you up at 6:30 Saturday night."
I nodded, confirming the plan.
I placed a quick kiss on his lips before the teacher came in allowing us to leave once again.
It was out last detention.
I really didn't know what I was going to do without them.