March 9, 2013, 1:01 p.m.
Some Things Are Uncontrollable: Shaken
E - Words: 1,810 - Last Updated: Mar 09, 2013 Story: Closed - Chapters: 17/? - Created: Aug 13, 2012 - Updated: Mar 09, 2013 547 0 4 0 0
I left detention shaken. My mind was going at a hundred miles an hour and that wasn't because of all the coffee that I snuck in at lunch. It was Blaine. Everything that he said. Everything that he did. There was a reason. There was something wrong. The way that the hardness of his voice faltered. The way that his gaze lightened. He wants me to know but he can't...for some reason. He can't trust me. I mean, why would he? He barely even knows me. I'm just the gay kid that he is obliged to push into lockers, his English project partner, and the jackass that punched him in the face. If I was him, I probably wouldn't trust me either. But that needs to change. I want him to be able to trust me-I need him to be able to trust me. He needs to be able to trust me.
~~~~~~~
The next day at school, I expected nothing. I figured that it was just going to be a repetition of the day before. Classes, lunch, classes, detention. And for some reason, one...reason, detention was the highlight of my day. No matter how bitter my mouth tasted after admitting it, I enjoyed detention because of the simple fact that I was able to get close to Blaine Anderson.
But today was going to be different, better. We had Glee rehearsal today, which had been postponed for a while. Mr. Schuester had a serious case of the flu so he hadn't been at school and obivously, none of the teachers were willing to cover for him since Sue had only gotten worse over the summer months.
I knew exactly what I was going to do in Glee Club though. I knew how I was going to get Blaine to trust me.
~~~~~~
The day went by quickly. My excitement continued to build as I watched the clock. As soon as the bell rang, I bolted from my seat to my locker so that I could gather a few things for Glee. I had to get the 'okay' from Mr. Schuester first anyway.
I entered the choir room, noticing that some people were already there.
"Hey Kurt. How's your day been?" Mr. Schuester asked, looking up from his lyric sheets.
"Adequate. I want to sing a song today, it's really important that this person, whose name will remain unmentioned, hears this and understands."
"If it means that much, I'm sure we can find some time for you, Kurt."
"Thank you." I was excited to have my first solo of the year, but more importantly, I was excited to see if this worked, if now, Blaine would be able to come to me, to trust me.
Speak of the devil. He walked in the room, his letterman jacket slung over his shoulder. He took his seat as I took note that his white shirt had a few holes in it, large enough that I could see the olive skin peeking through and for a moment, I forgot how to move. I noticed that my mouth was gaping open and I was standing in the front of the choir room, my eyes fixed on his chest. And obviously, there was no way that I was going to get away with that one, I brought my eyes up to his face, and our eyes met. Yup, he noticed. He definately noticed. I turned around quickly, making sure that the music was ready.
"Alright. Guys! So it's good to be back! I missed all of you." Mr. Schuester kept talking, no one really paying much attention, well, with the exception of Rachel.
"...Now, Kurt has a song prepared for us!"
I inhaled deeply and rose from my seat. I took one glance at Blaine before I turned my back, ready to signal the band members. Blaine looked as if he had just taken a deep breath too, but hadn't exhaled. For a moment, I thanked myself for remembering to wear my super skinny jeans today. Not that I was trying to get him to notice me or anything.
I nodded towards the band members as the music began to play and I turned around to see everyone staring at me. Everyone, but Blaine, whose eyes were once again, darting in every direction but at me.
Looking back it makes me shiver
Don’t be scared to kick the past
Selling lovers down the river
Nothing built for speed will last overnight
All those years of desolation
Pretty boys and damage done
Not the way to find salvation
Looking after number one
I hit the chorus, and this time, Blaine's eyes were on me. They were shining, as if no one had ever tried to connect with him that way before. Like no one had ever tried to connect with him period.
Trust me
Try rolling with the flow
Trust me
I’ve been there don’t you know
I’m giving you a chance, so take it
I got all you want, you’ll make it
Standing there in front of me, you’re naked
You can’t hide a thing, you’ve got no choice
Trust me
Too many years your heart has wandered
Scared to make a final move
Too many nights those boys have squandered
You got nothing left to prove
I had tried my best not to direct my attention directly at Blaine for too long, not wanting anyone to get any ideas. But as the song began to come to a close, I looked directly at him, making sure that he knew that this song was for him, and that I wanted nothing more than for him to trust me.
I’m giving you a chance, so take it
I got all you want, you’ll make it
Standing there in front of me, butt naked
You can’t hide a thing, you’ve got no choice
Trust me
Trust me
Trust me
Trust me
Trust me
I finished up the song. Rachel was practically bouncing in her seat. Santana had wrapped her arms around Brittany and they were rocking back and forth in eachothers arms, completely oblivious that there were other people around. All the guys seemed pretty unmoved, except for Puck who looked like he was going to be crying his eyes out. And then there was Blaine. The boy who looked like all of his walls had been knocked down. The boy who looked ready to talk. The boy who had tears pushing at the corners of his eyes but he was fighting with all of his strenght not to let them fall.
I took my seat once again in the front row next to Rachel as Mr. Schuester continued to explain his expectations for Sectionals even though they were a considerable amount of time away.
My mind wasn't in the choir room at that point. My mind was focused on Blaine, and detention, and if the day was almost over so that we could talk.
~~~~~~
The bell rang and I went to my locker, packing my books into my satchel, ready to run to the detention room, ready to see Blaine.
When I got in the room, he was already there, sitting in the back of the room, eyes shut, bag thrown across the top of the desk in front of him, feet propped next to his bag.
"Boys," Principal Figgins walked in. I was certainly not expecting him. "I have more important business to be attending to, such as finances and repairing the hole in my window from where a brick was rudely thrown at me this morning. I will be doing those things this afternoon. I want silence. I will be back when it is time for you to leave."
Figgins left the room and I looked back at Blaine who had his eyes cracked open slightly.
"What do you want Hummel?"
"Okay. I'm sorry...you were the one that wanted to be civil yesterday...what's going on?"
Blaine stood up quickly, knocking his bag off the desk in the process.
"Why the hell did you keep looking at me during your song?"
"Because...it was for you." I felt myself shrinking in my seat. I knew it had been a mistake.
"Why? Do you think that you can sing to me and I'm going to come and be your boyfriend? Is that what you think?" His face was inches from mine.
"No...I just..."
"What! What?"
"I was trying to help! I'm sorry that I was trying to be nice to you! Yesterday you seemed kind of fucked up if I do say so myself! I wanted you to be able to trust me or at least know that you can trust me! There was something you wanted to tell me but you couldn't! I want to help you!"
"Why? Am I one of your little charity cases so that you can get into some fancy college?"
"No! Damn it Blaine! Why can't you just let someone help you! Why can't someone be nice to you without you freaking out!"
"Because anytime that I get close to someone, Kurt, they pull away. They learn...everything...I have been stupid...and made mistakes...and no one should know them."
His voice had calmed as he sat down in the seat next to me. His face softened into a look of submission, he had given up.
"Blaine," I reached out to touch his foreare reassuringly, but he pulled away, "I know how it feels be alone, to feel like you have no one. I don't want you to feel that way. No one deserves to feel that way."
'You don't understand. I do. I deserve to feel that way. I push people away. Literally."
"Then don't do that anymore."
"It's not that simple."
"Why not?"
"Because if I stop, then I am just like everyone else...an easy target."
"There is no reason that you would be a target..."
"But there is! If I don't do what Azimio tells me, I'm going to be shunned, bullied...if I quit football and...tell everyone my secret...I'm going to be shunned and bullied. Either way I turn, I'm going to be miserable."
"Then just tell me. And your parents must know if it's this big and they love you and..."
"No. That's where you're wrong. They know. Oh, believe me, they know and they hate me for it."
"Then tell me and I promise that no one will know, Blaine."
"I don't know..."
"If there is no one there to support you, you will at least have me and that's better than nothing."
"I..."
"Nevermind, it's fine. Take your time. I'll wait."
Blaine looked back at me. I knew what his look meant. It was his way of saying thank you. His way of letting me know that he was glad that there was someone there to listen to him, someone there to accept him, to understand him.
"Gentlemen. You may leave." Figgins peeked his head through the door, dismissing us.
~~~~~~
I walked to my car which was parked all the way at the back of the parking lot. As I neared my car, I searched my bag for my keys.
That was when I felt a strong hand on my shoulder. I turned, shocked. The first thing that I saw were Blaine's sparkling honey eyes looking back at me.
And within to seconds, my back was pressed up against the driver's door, and Blaine's lips were on mine.
Comments
No!!!!!! You can't end there!!! No no! Gahhh I love that there is a kiss!! Can't wait for the next chapter and for Blaine to start trusting Kurt! Gahhhhhh
:)
I just started your story and now I am out of chapters! Great story...looking forward to more ;)
Awww thanks sweetie!