2010, still

"I've been carrying it with me all the time. Wes says it looks 'sophisticated'. David says I'm a grown-up now, which is bullshit. I still can't believe my dad gave me a pocket watch. You know how much that means to the family. I explained it to Trent the other day. He thinks it's sweet that my family has an object that basically represents family and its bond. Cooper still has his too, which is remarkable since he has the tendency to lose everything. I knew my dad wasn't as bad as yours, but I never expected him to give me this. I never expected him to care about me again.

Lillie drove me back to school last week. Apparently I'd been crying for an hour or so when she came to visit her late husband. She found out that I was crying because I was happy. Then she managed to give me a birthday present: flowers.

I didn't get orchids from a boy I like, but lilies from a woman named Lillie. It's good enough. No, that sounds ungrateful. Let me rephrase that: I am very, very happy that she gave me lilies. I can't really explain it, but the party, the pocket watch, and the flowers… something has changed within me. It's weird to think that people genuinely care, I'm not used to it anymore.

Is it bad that I want to be loved that badly?"

No answer.

"But really, Lolo, I'm not doing well, but I'm doing better. That's a start! I just wish I could share this moment of contentment with you, but you're dead. Now, if you don't mind, I have to run. Sorry for the short visit, but we're rehearsing a new song today and I am lead!"