2012, still

Blaine sighs. "Still no luck. But of course, he's not speaking to me. The worst thing is that Sam asked me over to hang out, and he's still living at the Hummel-Hudson house. How can I face Burt Hummel after I did this to his son? He's going to kill me. But I deserve it.

How could I do this? Why did I do this?

Wes, who has been meeting Kurt every now and then, updates me. But Kurt hasn't spoken to him either. I guess he knows Wes will tell me everything. Wes isn't mad at me, but I know he's disappointed in me. He's not the only one.

I know why I did this, but I just- I can't even say it out loud. If I do, it'll become real. This problem will become real and I don't want that. I don't want people to look at me in a different way because of that.

And everyone is too busy cheering Finn up to notice that I'm drowning. Rachel was right to break up with him, though. I'm sad for them, but she just had a point. And who knows… They might end up together after all. No such luck for me and Kurt.

Brittany is sad too. Since she's great friends with Sam, I see her often. Sam and I are getting friendlier too. But like I was saying, Brittany and Santana broke up too. Long distance wasn't working. It wasn't working for us either, but instead of ending it, I ruined everything. Why wasn't I smart like Santana?

But like I said, everyone's focusing on Finn, even Brittany. They ignore me. It's been so long since someone ignored me, it makes me feel horrible. It's such a shame. I was finally feeling at home with the New Directions, because I spent a lot of time with them during summer. I was finally part of the family Kurt used to talk about, and now the shut me out."