When Kurt gets home, he kicks off his shoes and runs to his room. The school day ended on a more positive note with a great time at glee club, but he’s still fuming about Azimio. The one time he’s not vigilant, this happens.

This kind of bullying isn’t new, unfortunately, but he can’t stand thinking about Blaine standing there.

So when his phone dings to notify that Blaine has sent a new message to Eddie, he almost wants to throw it against the wall. Against his better judgement, he opens it.

Blaine Anderson: What do you do
when you realise you’re
not the person you thought you were?

Blaine Anderson: Or the person
you wish you were?

That was not the message that Kurt was expecting.

Eddie Andrews: Wow.

Eddie Andrews: What?

Blaine Anderson: Sorry. That must’ve come off weird.

Eddie Andrews: Is everything okay?

Blaine Anderson: No.

Blaine Anderson: I did something terrible.

Blaine Anderson: I’m bringing the entire
gay community shame.

Kurt sits up straight. Is Blaine talking about what happened?

Eddie Andrews: ????????

Eddie Andrews: Explain????

Blaine Anderson: So, I told you about Kurt, right?
The other gay kid at McKinley.
Kurt. That’s his name.

Eddie Andrews: … yes?

Blaine Anderson: Okay here’s the thing.
And hear me out.
I know how this sounds.

Blaine Anderson: Or actually,
I now know how this sounds.

Blaine Anderson: I don’t like him.

Blaine Anderson: Kurt is that kind of gay guy
that just annoys everyone.

When Kurt reads that sentence, his entire body goes stiff. He knew it! Blaine looks down on him. Blaine thinks he’s better than him.

Blaine Anderson: He’s walking around in
corsets and laces and what not.
He talks about fashion and skin care.
He’s never done anything remotely
manly in his entire life.

Blaine Anderson: He doesn’t just wear his
sexuality, but he also flaunts it.

Blaine Anderson: He is a walking stereotype.

Blaine Anderson: And I hate him for it.

For a second, Kurt feels so angry that he doesn’t care about upholding the façade. What would Blaine do if he knew that he’s directly talking to guy he’s looking down on? What if Blaine cannot hide behind anonymity? Kurt starts to type furiously.

Blaine Anderson: Or at least, that’s what I thought.
That’s what I told myself.
But I don’t hate him at all.

Kurt blinks. Wait, what? Backspace. Backspace. Hold down the backspace. Blaine doesn’t hate him? What’s going on? Kurt deletes his entire non-anonymous rant and instead he writes:

Eddie Andrews: I don’t understand.

Blaine Anderson: Something happened at school today
and it was an unwelcome wake-up slap.

Blaine Anderson: Some fucking jock just shoved him.
For being gay.
Called him a slur in his face.

Blaine Anderson: And I just stood there and let it happen.

Blaine Anderson: I hang out with that jock.

Blaine Anderson: He’s been at my house.
He’s met my gran and everything.
We’re not friends, since as you know,
I have no friends at McKinley, but
we’re hanging out.

Blaine Anderson: And he did that.

Blaine Anderson: In front of me.

Blaine Anderson: Me.

Blaine Anderson: A gay man.

Blaine Anderson: He hurt another gay man
for his sexuality in front of me.

Blaine Anderson: And I did nothing.

Blaine Anderson: Sorry if my messages are
a bit all over the place.

Blaine Anderson: My mind is fucking reeling.

Blaine Anderson: Thank God for autocorrect.

Blaine Anderson: But yeah, that happened and I’d
like to defend myself by saying that I was
too shocked to do anything and that that’s
why I just stood there but I think I’m wrong.

Blaine Anderson: And you know what happened?
That jock smiled at me.
Not in a malicious “you’re next”
kind of way, but in a
“hey buddy, didn’t see you there”
kind of way. And I returned that smile.

Blaine Anderson: That jock just did an act
of homophobia in front of me and I smiled back.
Because he still likes me.

Blaine Anderson: And that’s when it hit me.

Blaine Anderson: That jock would never hurt me,
because I am not that flamboyant gay guy.
I am a “good gay”.
So he smiled at me as if we were
sharing a sick inside joke.

Blaine Anderson: Like he looked at me
and basically said “you’re better than him”.

Blaine Anderson: And the problem is that he’s right.
For a long time, I thought I was better than Kurt,
since I am not “that kind of gay”.

Blaine Anderson: I hope Kurt didn’t see that smile.

Blaine Anderson: What must he be thinking of me?

Blaine Anderson: Because he saw me looking.
He talked to me. Called me out.
He was hurt and rightfully so.

Blaine Anderson: I heard him call me a coward.
And he is definitely right.

Blaine Anderson: And in that moment, I understood.

Blaine Anderson: I don’t hate Kurt.

Blaine Anderson: I never have.

Blaine Anderson: I never could.

Blaine Anderson: How could I when I have
been in his shoes?
Maybe even worse.

Blaine Anderson: But in that moment,
I saw the past two years of my life fly by.

Blaine Anderson: I don’t hate Kurt.

Blaine Anderson: I thought I did.

Blaine Anderson: But in reality, I am jealous.

Blaine Anderson: I am jealous of Kurt,
the flamboyant stereotypical gay guy,
because he is braver than I could ever be.
He doesn’t “flaunt” his sexuality or
“push it in people’s faces”.
He’s just existing.

Blaine Anderson: I don’t hate him.

Blaine Anderson: It’s worse than that.

Blaine Anderson: I want to be him.