2013

Kurt draws the curtains of his makeshift room in the loft. Kurt still has to unpack, but Rachel’s already doing vocal practises in the kitchen and the new academic year hasn’t even started yet. It’s nice to be back in New York, though. He loved being home for the summer, but he’s definitely outgrown Lima.

Kurt puts the duffel bag on his bed, but instead of putting away his stuff, his eyes fall on a collection of photo’s taped on the wall above his desk. It’s a row of photobooth photos and it shows Kurt, Blaine and Mercedes smiling and posing in different ways. In some photos, it’s almost as if Kurt and Blaine are ignoring Mercedes, since they only have eyes for each other. Honestly, Kurt’s almost embarrassed at the thought of Blaine having the same photos, since it’s so clear that Kurt’s pining, but Blaine never mentioned it.

Where has that time gone? They used to be able to be around each other with such easy smiles on their faces.

Underneath the photos, Kurt’s placed his good luck charm on his desk. Kurt walks towards it and he picks up the little clay figurine. He turns it around in his hands with a sad smile on his face. He rubs the figurine’s face with his thumb. Then Kurt’s hand reaches towards the photos, ready to take it down.

But he stops himself just before the fingertips reach the photos. Kurt puts the clay figurine back in its place. He shakes his head. Kurt doesn’t have to erase Blaine, just because he ditched him. He meant what he said in his voice message. He’s quite looking forward to being able to look back on the nice memories without getting angry.

He thinks back to that day in the photo booth. They’d gone shopping in the mall and Mercedes insisted on making tacky photos. They printed three copies, one for each of them. Kurt hopes that Blaine and Mercedes still have theirs.

He taps the clay figurine’s head with a smile. Blaine said that it’s a good luck charm. Kurt’s never been a pious or superstitious man, but looking at Blaine’s gift calms him and Blaine looked so proud when Kurt unwrapped it on his fifteenth birthday.

This is a good thing, Kurt keeps telling himself. He’s been repeating that phrase in his head all summer. This is the best thing you’ve done in a long time.

It will still hurt, though. Kurt knows that once he walks past the Circle in the Square Theatre, or the Nederlander Theatre, or the Gershwin Theatre, or the Booth Theatre, he’ll feel sad, even though Spelling Bee, RENT and Next to Normal have closed by now. Kurt knows that there will be moments where he will reach for his phone to text Blaine something, only to realise that he can’t. Kurt knows there will be missing moments and birthdays and achievements.

“Goddamnit, Blaine Anderson,” Kurt mutters when he looks to Blaine’s smiling face, “When will I ever stop crying over you?”

Kurt puts on some music and he lies down on his bed. It’s familiar, but completely new now that everything’s changed.

Kurt turns his head to look at the row of photos with a smile. It’s one of the many photos of him and Blaine, and occasionally Mercedes, that he has. And he will keep them. Kurt might’ve closed the door on a possible future, but he will always have a past.

And who knows, maybe one day they will see each other again. Kurt highly doubts it, but it’s nice to think about.

2021

January brings a lot of new things. There’s a new chill in the air. There’s a new term starting at EUR. There’s a new year.

Kurt’s lying next to Blaine on Blaine’s bed and they’re listening to showtunes. It’s reminiscent of the many times they just hung out in one of their rooms. Only this time, Blaine’s head is resting against Kurt’s chest and Kurt’s arms are around him.

This is also new.

Femke, Adeola and Bella left when they woke up. They all crashed at Blaine’s apartment after they stumbled in when the Nationale Vuurwerk show ended. They had their own afterparty with oliebollen, borrelhapjes and champagne. Bella couldn’t let go of Adeola. Blaine couldn’t let go of Kurt. Femke jokingly lamented that she’s been reduced to a fifth wheel and everyone laughed. Then, when the sun started to rise, they went to sleep and Blaine took Kurt’s hand and they decided that Kurt and Blaine were not going to sleep in the living room with the girls after all.

Now it’s almost 3pm and they haven’t gotten out of bed yet. Blaine wants to stay in this cocoon of warmth and happiness, with Kurt rubbing his thumb over Blaine’s arm. But all good things come to an end.

“Blaine?” Kurt asks, sounding a bit nervous.

“Hm?”

“Is this- What are we doing?”

Blaine lifts his head from Kurt’s chest to face him. Kurt looks afraid and nervous and it fills Blaine with dread. The past few hours have been blissful, but now Kurt’s mood might change it all.

Blaine decides to put on a brave face.

“We’re… we’re being together,” he says confidently. It’s a bit vague, and Kurt can interpret that however he want, but it’s true. They’re together here in this moment, either as ‘being together in a relationship’ or as ‘being together in the same space’. Or both. Hopefully both.

Kurt nods.

“Right.”

“Right,” Blaine echoes, “And I like this.”

“Yeah?”

Blaine nods and maybe he’s bullshitting his way through this or maybe he’s feeling genuinely confident, because he blurts out: “Yeah, I like you.”

That makes Kurt chuckle, and the dread in Blaine’s stomach eases a little bit.

“Well, Blaine, you made that pretty clear when you stuck your tongue down my throat. If this had happened ten years ago, I would’ve accused you of some big no homo-ing, but now…”

“Yes homo-ing!”

The two of them burst into laughs again. Yes, sometimes Blaine’s still embarrassed by how long it took him to realise he’s gay, but sometimes it’s pretty funny, and now it’s funny. The earlier tension is gone now that they’ve had a good laugh. Blaine knows why Kurt is nervous though, but now it feels like they can actually talk about it, now that they’re not on the edge.

Blaine leans on his elbow so that he can have an even better look of Kurt’s face. When he realised he liked him, Blaine regretted that he never got the chance to openly admire it, but now here they are.

“You’re staring,” Kurt says with a smile.

“You’re beautiful.”

Kurt blushes a little bit. Blaine’s forgotten how much he liked it when Kurt looked flustered. Well, he didn’t forget it. He just tried to banish the thought.

“So are you,” Kurt returns the compliment, “If only the fourteen year old me could see me now!”

“You fell in love with me back then, huh?”

Kurt nods. “At my dad’s wedding. I thought you were into Mercedes, but you never showed any interest in her, or any other girl. Guess we now know why.”

“I think I fell in love with you then too. I just didn’t know.”

Now Kurt looks surprised and a bit in shock. His mouth is hanging open and Blaine laughs again. Kurt had that same look on his face at the party when Blaine told him he’s gay.

“Yeah. I now know that it’s another reason why I messed up, Kurt. I had all these feelings for you that I didn’t understand and it frustrated me and as those feelings grew, I took the frustration out on you. And then everything happened and I hated you, or I thought I did.”

“At the Suicide Club, you mentioned that you misattributed love as hatred,” Kurt says and Blaine nods, “I was wondering… Well.”

“Feelings are a mess!”

“I’ve wanted this since I was fourteen,” Kurt admits, even though it isn’t a secret. It never was. “Can we do this?” Kurt’s circling back to his earlier question. “I want this, still, but I also am afraid of getting hurt again.”

Blaine hums solemnly. He’s definitely broken some trust when he blocked Kurt twice and that is something they have to work on, but in the same vein, Blaine knows he also has a small complex about Kurt being so much better than him.

Yet, something’s changed. Blaine’s confident that it’s going to be different this time.

“I’m not your best friend,” Blaine says. Kurt’s eyes widen, but before he can say anything, Blaine continues. “Mercedes is. That’s wonderful. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t be something else.”

“God, you sound like a teen. You’re not my best friend! You’re more than that! You’re my boyfriend!”

“Am I?” Blaine says with a playful tone, partially to hide his hopeful tone. He doesn’t want to sound desperate.

“Yes,” Kurt says earnestly. He tightens his embrace. “I am admittedly a bit nervous, but yes, I want you to be. And I think it’s going to be different now. We’ve lived separately for seven years. We’ve changed.”

Blaine hums in agreement. He’s glad to hear they’re on the same page. They both want this. They both have wanted this for a long time. They both want to try.

Blaine leans up to kiss Kurt. They know they have to talk some things through, but right now they’re in their own comfortable little bubble and Blaine’s incredibly happy.

“We should have breakfast, or late lunch,” Kurt laughs when he looks at the time on Blaine’s Hema alarm clock.

“I have fully integrated. I have hageslakken in the cupboard!”

“Do you mean hagelslag?”

“Damnit. Guess I am not as integrated as I thought.”

“Screw hagelslag!” Kurt says, “Do you have apples, flour, milk and eggs? I’m craving appelpannenkoeken. These Dutch pannenkoeken are so much nicer than American pancakes.” 

“Are you going to make pannenkoeken?” Blaine asks with a big smile.

Suddenly, he can imagine it. Kurt standing in his kitchen with Blaine admiring from the side. Kurt sitting on his couch, watching some trash tv, with Blaine next to him. Kurt taking in the view of the city from the balcony, with Blaine pointing out the best things you can see.

Blaine’s showtunes playlist starts playing another song. All I’ve Ever Known from Hadestown always makes Blaine’s heart soar.

You take me in your arms
And suddenly there's sunlight all around me
Everything bright and warm
And shining like it never did before
And for a moment I forget
Just how dark and cold it gets

Kurt also relaxes when he listens to the music.

“Hmmm. Sure. But how about we stay here for five more minutes,” Kurt suggests and Blaine nods eagerly. They’re hungry, but the warmth is too nice, especially since the January weather is cold and grey outside.

January really brings a lot of new things. There’s a new beginning for the two of them and it’s off to a great start.