2013

Mercedes: wow

Mercedes: holy shit

Mercedes: for real?

Me: yes

Me: I’m done

Mercedes: That’s strong.

Mercedes: alright, I’ll let you know how it goes

On Saturday evening, Mercedes sends Kurt a text, telling him that a lot happened. So she’s coming round to talk about it.

On Sunday, Mercedes is sitting on Kurt’s bed and Kurt hates the sight of it. There were never any rules, but usually that’s Blaine’s spot. He doesn’t have time to complain, because Mercedes’s talking non-stop as if she’s gotten the latest juicy gossip.

But it isn’t gossip. Gossiping is fun. This isn’t fun.

“And I also majorly called him out on his blatant favourism,” Mercedes continues, “Like, I asked him why the hell he’s acting so differently to you and that absolute asshole tried to paint me as the better friend. So I reminded him of all the times you supported him and stood at his side and what not. Honestly, I should’ve snapped a photo of his face! He looked so embarrassed. I had him backed in a corner!”

“Nice,” Kurt says.

Okay, this isn’t fun, and none of this should’ve happened, but Kurt and Mercedes feel some sort of schadenfreude from all of this.

“But from what I’ve gotten, he got really angry at you when you said that you turned off your phone. He went on and on how I was there for him, whereas you did that. I corrected him and I reminded him that I was ready to ditch him the moment I sent my mean messages. You wanted to give him space. Again, oh man, Kurt… his face!”

Kurt nods to himself. He knows Blaine and he also understands that this is a deeper issue, but Mercedes is right. Kurt gave Blaine the chance over and over again. The last two years of friendship were basically on borrowed time. It never got better after the hemp canvas thing.

“But yeah, that’s that,” Mercedes finishes lamely, “What now?”

Kurt shrugs.

“We can’t do anything.”

“He knows you hear all of this. I told him so upfront. I think he wants to talk to me some more.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Mercedes frowns.

“I am ditching him, Mercedes,” Kurt says with more confidence in his voice than the confidence in his body, but he needs to keep this up. He needs to continue telling himself this is good. “Not you. If you two hang out, that’s fine by me.”

Mercedes looks doubtful and Kurt also wonders if Mercedes will do so, but it’s also true. The idea of Mercedes and Blaine being friends does sting, but Kurt’s not the boss of them.

“I just wish I could… I don’t know. Have the last word?”

“Last word how?”

“Now he just blocked me. That’s it. Done. I have no chance to say anything anymore. And I don’t know if I want that, but remember what happened two years ago? I told him I needed closure.”

Mercedes nods.

“You could write a letter?” she suggests, “I can hand it to him.”

Kurt shakes his head. He wants Blaine to listen, but he has no idea how. Kurt doesn’t feel like barging in unexpectedly, and a part of him is still too angry to do so.

Then, he has an epiphany.

It’s an ordinary day. The birds are chirping. The sun is shining. Cars are racing down the street. It’s such a shame that it is such an ordinary, normal day, because to Kurt, this day will change everything.

Kurt’s holding his phone at the speakers of his laptop. He’s playing Goodbye Until Tomorrow/I Could Never Rescue You from The Last Five Years. He saw the show earlier in the spring when it was running Off-Broadway.

I could never rescue you
All you ever wanted
But I could never rescue you
No matter how I tried
All I could do was love you hard
And let you go

Kurt listens to the lyrics and he hopes that Blaine will understand when he gets this voice message. It’s already fifteen minutes long. Kurt’s told Mercedes of his plan: Kurt needs to have the final word, especially since Blaine is being unfair. First he acts like a dick, then when people confront him, he decides to ghost them, and then all the weird thing with Mercedes happens.

Finn doesn’t trust it. He wonders if Mercedes and Blaine have their own plan behind Kurt’s back, but Kurt would never believe that. Mercedes is genuinely as baffled and angry as Kurt.

But yeah, a lot of unfairness happened. Kurt gave Blaine the time and space to reach out, but he didn’t and then he once again made Kurt feel like the bad guy by blocking him and not Mercedes. Kurt isn’t going to let that happen.

He started this voice message with anger. Kurt might have thrown some low blows in it, but he’s angry. He told Blaine to get the fuck over himself. He showed how unreasonable Blaine is being by being mad at Kurt for ‘not caring enough’ when Kurt said he needed to turn off his phone to help Carole, whereas Mercedes absolutely destroyed Blaine through messages and she is apparently the kinder one. At one point, Kurt spits out that he’s fucking done with this one-sided friendship, where Kurt and Mercedes are the ones trying to meet up and text and hang out, only for Blaine to bitch and whine when they do.

But now that Kurt’s listening to the song that he’s incorporating into his message, he feels sad. Jamie sings about how he has to let Cathy go for his own well-being.

Kurt hopes he isn’t like Jamie, though, since the musical portrays him as the asshole, but the song stands on its own.

The song ends and Kurt’s silent for a while before he has the time to compose himself. He was angry before, but now he’s actually said what he wanted to say, which leads to one last thing to do. He lets out a shaky breath.

“So. This is it, then?” Kurt says and he laughs bitterly. He can feel the tears stream down his face. Blaine won’t be able to see it, but Kurt’s voice alone exudes sadness. “This is goodbye. I didn’t expect it- I didn’t want it, but you’ve made your choice, so now I am making mine. I don’t even know if you’ve listened this far, or if you ever listen to this in the first place, but if you’re hearing this then know that I loved you. Love you.”

He wonders if Blaine will interpret this as platonic love, which is fair. That’s also true. Kurt’s already learned that he has two kinds of love in his heart for Blaine.

“And I will miss you terribly, but I also need to choose for myself here. Not only that, but I’m selfish. Our friendship in the last two years was on borrowed time and it was filled with anger and frustration. I couldn’t even think of you without getting mad and I don’t want that. By ending this, I hope I can now look back on the good parts without the additional anger. There was a lot of good, Blaine, there was. The last two years don’t sullen those good memories. Fuck, remember Spelling Bee?”

Kurt laughs a genuine laugh. The character of Chip made Blaine’s mom leave!

Speaking of…

“Say hi to your mom from me, since I probably won’t see her either. And say hi to Cooper and your dad. I don’t- I admit I never got to really know them, but give them my regards.”

Kurt lets out another sigh and he sniffs. He’s rehearsed what he wanted to say, but now that the end is nearing, he’s throwing all those plans out of the window.

“Well. I hope you have a great life. I am saying that without any hint of sarcasm. I genuinely hope you’re well. I hope you wish me the same. Goodbye.”

And then Kurt saves the recording and he sends it to Mercedes. That’s it. Blaine’s now in the past.