2011

Yes, it hit me just like a ton of bricks
Yes, my heart burst, now I know what life's about
One little touch and love's knocked me out

And I can hear the bells, my head is spinning
I can hear the bells, something's beginning

“I’ve always really liked this song,” Blaine says. He’s lying on Kurt’s bed, as usual, in Kurt’s new room. “Hairspray’s I Can Hear The Bells is just such a sweet song about being in love!”

Mercedes hums in agreement.

Kurt walks towards the bed so that he can fall down face-forward. He doesn’t need Blaine to see that he’s getting red. Honestly, lying next to the boy you’re in love with isn’t helping either, especially when that boy is your straight best friend of eight years. That’s why Kurt stopped doing it. He doesn’t know if Blaine’s noticed that he often jumps off the bed when Blaine tries to lie down next to him.

It’s just too much sometimes.

Kurt wishes he never realised that he’s in love with him. And he also hopes that Blaine will never realise.

Sometimes he’s afraid that he has, though.

Kurt allows himself to peek at Blaine. Blaine’s propped up on his elbows. He looks so good, even in that tacky Dalton blazer. He’s talking to Mercedes who’s sitting in Kurt’s new armchair and he laughs at something she says. It’s a nice laugh. Kurt hides his face again.

Blaine and Mercedes never got together. Blaine wasn’t interested. Blaine’s never really shown any interest in a girl before. Mercedes, on the other hand, seems to like this new kid at glee club called Sam. Since Kurt is not at all interested in or jealous of a possible relationship between Mercedes and Sam, he’s now certain that the jealousy is all about Blaine.

Kurt tries not to act differently, but he’s failed at times. That’s why Kurt’s sometimes worried that Blaine is aware of his feelings.

After all, there’s been a slight change from Blaine as well.

He’s now lying on Kurt’s bed, carefree and happy, clearly enjoying himself, but sometimes he gets moodier and sometimes he even acts like Kurt’s invisible. And, fair, they’re both under a lot of stress. They’re turning eighteen, they’re graduating, their adult lives are about to start.

Blaine has absolutely no plans.

It drives Kurt mad.

Which, in turn, drives Blaine mad.

But Kurt just wants Blaine to be happy. And he also, selfishly, wants to know if Blaine’s going to be in the area. Kurt’s planning on going to New York with Rachel. He’s already going to lose Mercedes, who hopes to go to LA, but he knows that and he can prepare himself for that.

But Blaine doesn’t budge. He assures Kurt that he’s talking about it with his supervisor at Dalton, but he never mentions what is being talked about.

And that worries Kurt.

“Kurt, dear, I know,” Mercedes sighs. They’re sitting in the Lima Bean. Mercedes takes a sip of her latte before saying: “But I am going to LA. We’re not going to stop being friends because of that! Why would distance break you and Blaine?”

“It’s different!” Kurt says. Blaine’s been in his life for eight years. That’s most of his damn life. And sure, the days where they saw each other every single days are long gone, but even though they have lives separate of each other and they’re going to different schools, they talk a lot. All the new technology has helped a lot. Even when they don’t see each other, they text or call.

Although that’s also becoming less. Kurt’s afraid to mention it to Blaine.

That’s another reason why Kurt’s afraid that Blaine knows about his feelings. Mercedes also knows, but she wouldn’t tell Blaine.

“What exactly are his plans for next year?” Mercedes asks.

Kurt shrugs.

After coffee they’re going to Mercedes’s house, since Kurt’s helping her out with some application work. The two of them are planning a lot, but Blaine never chimes in when they’re talking about their plans.

In fact, he seems to be actively avoiding it.

Kurt just wants to know what to expect.

“I don’t know where I want to go, Kurt. Stop pressing the issue.”

“Maybe New York?” Kurt suggests.

Blaine groans in Kurt’s pillow. They’re once again at Kurt’s house. They’ve stopped hanging out in Blaine’s house, because Blaine very much prefers being here. Kurt thinks that there’s something going on at Blaine’s house, but he waits for Blaine to bring it up.

Honestly, it’s kind of annoying that Blaine doesn’t seem to care about the future. He’s clearly more at home at Kurt’s house, or anywhere else than his own. Kurt kind of expected Blaine to be all over an opportunity to move out

Kurt tries to ignore the increase of his heartbeat and he sits down next to Blaine on the bed. He playfully pokes Blaine’s side.

“Come on!” Kurt says, “Rachel’s going. I’m going. Finn’s definitely considering it. The four of us could get an apartment together!”

Blaine rolls on his back. “What would I even do in New York?”

“I don’t know. That’s up to you,” Kurt says excitedly. He jumps off the bed with glee. “Let’s Google the options! Oh, this can be amazing!”

“Kurt, stop-”

“We can maybe both try out for NYADA,” Kurt rattles on. He’s moved to his desk to open his laptop. He starts typing rapidly. “I know you keep saying that you don’t know if you’re good enough, but you’re also singing lead at the Warblers.”

“Yeah, and we’re going to crush you!”

“Nah-ah!” Kurt laughs. He opens some webpages on education in New York. He looks over his shoulder to see that Blaine’s still lying there. “Come have a look.”

Blaine looks like he’d rather jump off a cliff.

“Come on!” Kurt says again and Blaine lets out a loud and annoyed sigh. Kurt wrinkles his nose in annoyance. He doesn’t expect Blaine to be overly grateful, but this isn’t very nice either. He’s doing this for Blaine.

Blaine puts his face on Kurt’s shoulder so that he can see the screen better and in that slight moment Kurt regrets that they’ve always had an affectionate friendship. Right now, he can feel his face heating up.

Blaine doesn’t notice. In fact, Blaine stares at the screen for a few seconds. Then he shrugs and he walks back to the bed.

“I’ll think about it,” he says lamely.

“The deadlines are soon, don’t forget!” Kurt says through his teeth. He really had hoped for a more enthusiastic reaction. “Don’t you want to be around me?”

“Kurt, what?” Blaine shoots him an incredulous look. It does relief Kurt. Blaine seems genuinely appalled at the thought. “Kurt, you’re my best friend, I always want to be around you!”

“Oh. Good. The feeling’s mutual.”

“But it might not happen, you know?” Blaine mumbles, “You’re definitely going to New York. I don’t know yet. I don’t really care, to be honest.”

“How could you say that?” Kurt says indignantly. He can’t imagine willingly staying in Lima. New York means freedom. He visited it last year for Nationals and it’s the city of his dreams. Blaine knows this.

“Look, I’ll check the deadline,” Blaine gives in, “But no promises, okay? If I forget, then I probably didn’t want it in the first place.”

“… Right. That makes sense,” Kurt says shortly.

Blaine groans in annoyance. “I’m not like you, Kurt. I just haven’t figured shit out yet. Give me time.”

“But the deadlines won’t care about that.”

Blaine lifts his head from the mattress and the two of them stare at each other for a while. It’s an awkward silence and Kurt’s not used to that. He’s about to say something more, but then Blaine lies down again.

“Whatever happens, we’re still going to be friends. I don’t need to be in New York to be your friend.”

“That’s true,” Kurt admits.

“See?” Blaine says, “We’re going to be fine.”