Klaine Advent 2018 Day 12: Language

Dimension ten: The Good Place

Welcome! Everything is fine.

Kurt wakes up and everything feels fine.

Well, that is until he realises the person lying next to him is not Blaine.

Kurt almost falls out of the bed when he sees that Adam Crawford is asleep next to him.

“What the fork?” Kurt says to himself. Wait. Fork? “Huh, I meant to say fork, I mean, fork.” Fuck. Did Kurt end up in a place where language has changed?

Kurt quietly sneaks out of the bedroom. He’s not in the loft. In fact, he has absolutely no idea where he is. It looks like a house, not an apartment, and even though Kurt loves the design and the furniture, it’s not his home.

He still remembers the last three words he saw on the page: the good place. What does that even mean?

Kurt’s confusion grows when he draws the curtains and he looks outside. This is not New York. Kurt sees a simple street with a lot of different houses. There’s a small cottage next to a gigantic mansion.

“Oh, you’re awake,” Adam says and he yawns, “I’m going to start on some pancakes.”

“Adam, what are you doing here?”

Adam smiles, as if Kurt’s joking. “We live here, remember? We’re soulmates.”

Kurt shakes his head. That can’t be right. Blaine is his soulmate and sure, they’re going through a rough patch, but Kurt’s sure Blaine’s his soulmate. Kurt doesn’t even know if he truly believes in soulmates, but if they’re real, then Blaine’s the one for Kurt, not Adam.

“Where is here exactly?”

Adam’s smile falters. “Kurt, we’re in The Good Place, remember? Are you feeling alright?”

“What exactly is this good place?” Kurt asks.

Adam looks worried. Then he says: “Hey Janet.”

Kurt jumps in shock when a woman appears out of thin air.

“Yes, Adam?” she asks.

“Could you please scan if Kurt’s ill or… I don’t know… he’s acting weird,” Adam says.

“Of course,” Janet says shortly. Then she turns to Kurt and she opens her mouth. Static noise comes out of it. Janet closes her mouth. “Adam, I can assure you that Kurt is totally healthy, which is understandable since this is The Good Place.”

What is this good place?

“Excuse me, lady-”

“Not a lady,” Janet says.

“Oh, uhm, excuse me, Siri-”

“Not Siri.”

“Excuse me, Janet,” Kurt says, a bit irritated, “What exactly is this good place stuff?”

“The Good Place is where you go after you’ve lived a good life on Earth. You, Kurt Hummel, have died and you’ve earned enough points to get you into the good place. Hooray.” Janet does a weird robotic dance.  

“Wait, I am dead?” Kurt yells out.

Adam grows more worried.

“Absolutely,” Janet says (too) cheerfully, “And since you’ve suffered a terrible death, we’ve decided to wipe your memories of your terrifying death, but do you want to know anyway?”

Kurt shakes his head. “Then, what are you?”

“I am Janet from the Janet-kind,” Janet says, “I am neither a human nor an Eternal Being, I am rather an anthropomorphized vessel of knowledge, a sort of Artificial Intelligence, and I am your assistant during the rest of your afterlife. I can summon almost everything for you and I am your source for knowledge. I also-”

Adam cuts in: “Janet, don’t you think it’s a bit weird that Kurt’s asking you this?”

Janet turns back to Adam with the same plastered smile on her face. She kind of creeps Kurt out. “Yes, I do, Adam, but he asked me for the information and I provide it to him without asking questions.”  

“Uhm, Janet?” Kurt says so that Janet turns her attention back to him, “Why is Adam here?”

“Because he is your soulmate,” Janet answers.

Kurt shakes his head. “That can’t be right. Adam can’t be my soulmate.”

To Kurt’s surprise, Adam seems crushed.

“If you have any inquiries about your life here in The Good Place, you can take it up to Gilbert. After all, as an architect, it is his job to make your afterlife as perfect as possible.”

“And this whole good place thing is another dimension?”

Janet shakes her head. “No. It is the afterlife.”

“No, wait, Janet, let me explain it properly.”

Kurt tells Janet (and Adam) about the dimension hopping, Blaine, and the book. This is the second dimension where Kurt has to explain it and he desperately hopes that the people in this dimension will believe him as well.

“… so to me, this sounds like a setting of a movie or what not, and I am put in it.”

Janet only blinks.

Adam sighs sadly. “Janet, scan Kurt again.”

Janet does and she comes to the same conclusion: Kurt is healthy, which is the norm in The Good Place.

“Janet, can you act as a lie detector?” Kurt asks.

Janet nods. “Yes, I know everything.”

“Then, was I lying?”

“No.”

Adam’s eyes widen and Kurt can feel a satisfied grin spread on his face.

Janet still has a happy face, but she says: “I am confusing myself. I have no knowledge of this dimension hopping you speak of, and I know everything, so I also know you are telling the truth. I am broken.”

Janet walks over to a wall and she starts banging her head against it. She’s still smiling during the process.

She suddenly disappears and Kurt is left alone with Adam. By now, Adam has fallen down on the couch and he is in shock. Despite everything, Kurt feels a pang of sadness for him.

“Adam, I’m sorry, but I cannot be your soulmate.”

“It’s okay,” Adam says weakly, “You’re not him.”

Kurt shakes his head. “No, I’m not, and honestly I have a hard time accepting that one version of me has you as a soulmate, not Blaine. I have to ask, but don’t you think that there’s something wrong with us, or your Kurt and you, being soulmates? If I am correct, this whole afterlife is a system, and systems can be corrupt.”

Adam remains silent and Kurt prepares himself to get hit in the face. Maybe he is overstepping. Maybe he did fall in love with Adam in one dimension.

But to his surprise, Adams sighs. “I’ve wondered… I am in love with you- I mean, him, but sometimes I can’t help but wonder if the feeling is mutual. He likes me, but I don’t know if he loves me.”

Adam doesn’t cry, but he radiates sadness.

Kurt can’t show Adam that he’s feeling hopeful, so instead he sits next to him, hoping that his presence comforts him in some way.

“You know of me, though,” Adam says.

“We actually dated in my dimension, but I left you for Blaine,” Kurt says.

Adam nods. “This Blaine must be someone special if you’re literally hopping dimensions for him.”

“You are taking it relatively well, compared to the version of you in my dimension,” Kurt says, “I wonder what he’s up to these days.”

Adam takes a deep breath and he blinks some tears away. Kurt looks away to give him some sort of privacy.

“Okay, your Blaine. Let’s find him,” Adam says.

Kurt looks a bit shocked. “You’re okay with that?”

Adam smiles sadly. “I love you, Kurt. I love every version of you, and if you love someone, you want them to be happy. So let’s find this Blaine. According to you, he must be in this dimension as well and he’s currently taking over the life from the Blaine in The Good Place.”

“Adam, I’m-”

“Don’t,” Adam says shortly. Then he says: “Hey Janet.”

Janet instantly appears. “Yes, Adam?” Janet still looks happy, but there’s something different now that they’ve broken her. Janet seems a bit tired.

“Can you help us locate the resident named Blaine…”

“Anderson,” Kurt says.

“Blaine Anderson?”

“I can, but that would violate Blaine Anderson’s privacy,” Janet says happily.

“Can’t you, uhm, go and ask him if he wants to share his location?” Kurt asks and Janet nods. She disappears. “Wow, she really is a living Siri.”

“Except for the fact that Janet is not alive,” Adam says.

They wait for a couple of minutes, but Janet is still absent.

“So…”

“So,” Kurt says back.

It’s awkward. It feels like Kurt just broke Adam’s heart. In his dimension, Adam was just a bit pissed off, nothing more. In this dimension, Adam is actually in love with his version of Kurt, but his version of Kurt is not in love with him. After all these dimensions, Kurt knows that he cannot feel responsible for the thoughts and actions of his other versions, since they’re technically not him, but he really does feel like he’s the one who just crushed Adam.

“What are you going to do after I leave?” Kurt decides to ask.

Adam shrugs. “Hopefully, my Kurt will reappear. I think we need to talk to Gilbert about the soulmate calculations.”

“Again, I truly am sorry.”

“Not your fault,” Adam says automatically.

Kurt decides that not talking is the better option. They wait in silence for a couple more minutes till Janet reappears in front of them.

“What took you this long, Janet?” Adam asks.

“Sorry for the inconveniences,” Janet says cheerfully, “I had to ambush Blaine Anderson in his house. He was very worried about the situation, since he doesn’t know how The Good Place works. I had to explain everything to him, which only confirms your story about dimension hopping. I am more broken than ever and you should probably kill me. Hooray! Death!”

Janet does another cheery dance. She really weirds Kurt out.

“… This place is forking crazy!”

Janet nods. “That statement is correct. Good news is that Blaine is expecting you at the froyo place in the neighbourhood. Oh, look at the time.” Janet looks down on her wrist. She isn’t wearing a watch. “If I were you, I’d get dressed as soon as possible. Bye.”

Janet disappears again.

Kurt blinks a couple of times. The afterlife is weird.

“Well, good luck,” Adam says.

“Aren’t you coming with me to the froyo place?” Kurt asks.

But Adam shakes his head. “And watch you be in love with someone else? I don’t think I can.”

Kurt wishes he’d tried to persuade Adam to join him after all, because he’s hopelessly lost. He walks around the gorgeous neighbourhood. Kurt can’t believe that he’s been proven wrong about life after death. He wonders if his mom and Finn are here.

He doesn’t want to dwell on it. He’d love to summon Janet and ask her about them, but he has to go on. After all, this isn’t real.

He knows that seeing Finn and his mother would crush him, despite it not being real.

So instead of ambushing Janet, he walks around the neighbourhood until he finally finds himself in a plaza. It’s all very picturesque. He sees a frozen yoghurt place and Blaine’s waiting for him outside. He’s holding two froyos.

Blaine smiles when he sees Kurt approaching. “Hey, how’s life, or death in this case?”

“You’re very cheerful about being dead,” Kurt says, but he’s joking.

“Eh, it’s not real,” Blaine shrugs, “We’ll move on to another dimension quickly. I do have to admit that Janet freaked me out this morning, especially when she started asking me to kill her.”

“While smiling?”

Blaine shudders at the thought. “That was the creepiest thing.”

He holds out the froyo and Kurt takes it. They walk to the big fountain and they sit down. “This place is beautiful. It’d almost be a shame to go,” Kurt says. So far, he hasn’t seen a setting like this before. The Harry Potter one was majestic, and Kalos and Sinnoh were beautiful as well, but it just feels so peaceful here.

“I assume heaven is supposed to be beautiful,” Blaine says and he looks around as well, “Or whatever this is. According to Janet, heaven doesn’t exist, and since Janet knows everything, I trust her. She has infinite knowledge and she can summon everything we want. This is so weird.”

Kurt suddenly has an idea. “Do you think Janet can really summon everything we want?”

“Yeah, why?”

But Kurt calls out: “Hey Janet.”

Janet appears in front of them and Blaine almost falls backwards into the fountain, but Kurt stops him from falling.

“Yes, Kurt?”

“Can you summon the book from the antique shop?” Kurt asks.

Blaine shakes his head. “Kurt, Janet admitted that she doesn’t know about the dimension…”

He trails off when he sees that Janet is holding the book. “This mysterious object?”

Kurt nods eagerly but Blaine is confused. “How did you know where to find this?”

Janet, still smiling, says: “Oh, I didn’t. I have no knowledge of this book, but I can summon everything you ask me for, including puppies. I am still broken and I should totally get murdered!”

Kurt takes the book out of Janet’s hands and Janet starts dancing happily. Blaine’s staring at her.

“Thank you, Janet,” Kurt says and Janet disappears. Kurt sets down his froyo on the fountain ledge and he opens the book. All their memories from the previous dimensions are in it, so it really is the book from the antique shop. It’s really confusing, so Kurt can’t blame Janet from claiming that she’s broken, although he really wishes she’d stop asking to be killed.

“Let’s take this somewhere else, because I don’t want people to look at us.”

“This is the afterlife, Blaine. They’re probably used to weird stuff. After all, this neighbourhood has some sort of Alexa that can summon anything.”

“Still, let’s go. Do you live nearby, because my house is on the other side of the neighbourhood.”

“Uhm, yes, but we shouldn’t go there,” Kurt quickly says.

“Why not?”

It’s no use hiding the truth. “Because I apparently live there with Adam Crawford,” he answers.

Blaine’s face blanches. “Oh.”

“And I just broke his heart this morning by making him realise that the Kurt from this dimension probably does not love him, so my place is currently off-limits.”

They’re walking to Blaine’s house and Blaine asks: “What did you say to Adam?”

“Why do you care?”

Blaine grumbles something. Did Kurt hear that correctly.

“… are you jealous?” Kurt laughs.

“Maybe,” Blaine admits.

Kurt laughs even harder. “Blaine, I just broke the guy’s heart! You have no reason to be jealous of him in any way.”

“Sorry, it’s a reflex,” Blaine says.

“Well, if you really want to know, I broke his heart by telling him about you. After Janet confirmed to him that I wasn’t lying about the whole dimension hopping thing, he knew I was telling the truth. I made matters worse, because apparently, this was also a confirmation that his Kurt is not his soulmate.”

“And you think the Kurt from this dimension has Blaine from this dimension as soulmate?” Blaine asks.

“Oh definitely.”

Blaine seems happier after that. They continue their walk to Blaine’s house and Kurt watches him. Yesterday, in the superhero dimension, Blaine was so worried about their relationship and yes, there were some worrisome parts, but hearing that Kurt believes in them must be a motivator for Blaine to get home.

Kurt also can’t wait to go home and when they do, they will change things. Kurt’s decided this in the famous dimension: he’s going to set his pride aside and quit his job. It’s time to fix things that can be fixed.

They continue their trip in comfortable silence till they arrive at Blaine’s house. Blaine lives in a beautiful brick home, next to a wooden cabin. Inside, Kurt immediately flips to the right page.

“What are those supposed to be?” Blaine asks when he sees the two outlines.

Kurt traces the one on the right. “Is this supposed to be a cactus? What does a cactus have to do with this place?”

“And we have another rectangle shape,” Blaine says, “What are these and how do we find these things?”

“Maybe we could ask Janet?” Kurt asks, “She’s supposed to be all knowing.”

“But she told us she’s broken because she doesn’t know a thing about the dimension hopping,” Blaine says back.

“Yeah, but she still managed to summon this book for us. We can try.”

“Well, if this works, then it’s gonna be really easy.”

“We deserve some easy after yesterday, Blaine,” Kurt says and then he calls out: “Hey Janet.”

Janet appears. Blaine still jumps, even though he should’ve gotten used to it by now. “Yes, Kurt and Blaine?”

Kurt holds up the book and he shows Janet the two shapes. “Can you summon whatever those are supposed to be for us?”

“Of course,” Janet says and she holds out a small cactus and a book called What We Owe to Each Other by T.M. Scalon.

Kurt takes the objects out of Janet’s hand and Blaine asks: “What does all of this mean? What is the significance of these objects? Where are we?”

Janet smiles as brightly as ever. “I don’t know. I suggest-”

“I’m not going to kill you, Janet!” Blaine interrupts.

Kurt puts the book on the page and just like the fedora, it shrinks before it disappears into the page. Then he puts the small cactus on it as well. Kurt flips the page and he frowns when he sees three new words. It’s oddly specific.

“Teachers at Dalton?” Blaine reads out loud and there’s a hint of excitement in his voice.

Kurt nods and he turns to Janet, who’s still smiling.

“Janet, watch and learn,” he says as the words begin to grow.