Klaine Advent 2018 Day 20: Transaction

Dimension eighteen: Skydiving in an aerial show

Kurt wakes up because he hears an awful sound.

It’s Santana’s singing.

There are two possible explanations for this. She either can’t sing in this dimension, or she just wants to annoy everyone. Knowing her, it’s probably the second option.

Kurt throws the sheets off him and he groans. It’s time to get up. Whatever happens, Santana will be in this dimension.

He’s not in the loft. He’s not even in an apartment. It looks like he’s in one big collective sleeping room. The other members from The New Directions are here and some are yelling at Santana to shut up.

“We’re up, jeez,” Sam yells.

“Guys, today is the big day,” Santana says, “No way in hell I’m gonna let us be late.”

“So you wake us up with your awful singing at-” Quinn looks at her phone “-six in the morning? Santana!”

“The show isn’t till noon,” Rachel says, sounding annoyed.

“Look, if we get there on time, we have more time to inspect our drop zone and what not. I’d like to be prepared,” Santana says back.

“Again,” Quinn falls back on her bed, “Six in the morning.”

“We can put up the best aerial show without waking up this early,” Puck says and he also lies down again.

Santana opens her mouth to sing again.

“Okay, okay!” Puck shoots up, “We’re done sleeping.”

The sun is shining. There’s no wind. The air is clear. And people are jumping out of airplanes.

The New Directions aren’t a singing glee club in this dimension. Oh no, in this dimension, they’re skydiving performers. The group is split up in smaller groups and Kurt’s paired with Rachel, Santana, and Mercedes.

Kurt watches some of the other practise and he gulps. He really has to jump out of a moving plane?

He has to trust them with his life.

Sure, he knows there will be parachutes and at least this body is trained for jumping out of a plane at a certain height, but Kurt himself has never done this before and no one can know about it.

There’s also a sort of skydiving simulation that blows wind from beneath so that you can at least float. This way, you can practise your tricks. Kurt hopes he’ll get comfortable with the feeling while practising in that simulation, because there’s no way to go back. The New Directions have worked incredibly hard to get here. He can’t blow it for them.

Luckily, Santana discusses all their tricks with the others and they’re relatively easy. They have to grab each other every time in different formations.

Unfortunately for Kurt, the moment they practise their tricks in the simulation, it becomes clear that it is not easy. It only look easy. Holding each other isn’t necessarily difficult, but being able to float towards each other in the right formation is more difficult than Kurt had expected.

And this is a simulation!

Later this day, he has to do this while falling down.

The others notice that Kurt is having problems.

After the practise, Rachel scolds him and Santana shoots him a disapproving look. Only Mercedes asks Kurt if he’s okay, but he can’t really tell her that he’s literally never done this before, because he’s from a different dimension.

Instead he thanks her for asking and he avoids answering.

Mercedes clearly notices, but she seems to think that Kurt needs some time alone, so she lets it slide. She does pat him on the shoulder while she passes him.

Today is going to be a disaster.

There’s another kind of practise.

Namely the one that involves them jumping out of a moving plane a couple of feet up in the air. Kurt’s scared shitless. He can’t remember the last time he’s felt this anxious.

“Tell Gilbert to slow down!” Puck yells and Sam nods. He then goes to talk to the captain of this small plane.

The plane slows down and Puck, Mike and Sam get ready to jump. They all have a laugh and they talk as if they aren’t planning on jumping out of a plane.

Then again, this is probably normal for them. They have no reason to be afraid. They’re trained.

The four of them jump out of the plane and the others cheer. Brittany, Tina and Quinn are next.

And after that, it’s time for Rachel, Santana, Mercedes and Kurt.

He knows what lever to pull in order to get the parachute, but it still feels terrifying. Rachel, Santana and Mercedes stand by the opening. They’re clearly waiting for Kurt to join them.

“Let’s do this,” Rachel says with a lot of confidence.

But Kurt feels frozen. He knows he can do it, since this version of him is trained for it as well, but the thought of Kurt falling from the air with nothing to hold on to is the worst. Oh God, he’s going to throw up.

What the hell is he feeling? Why is he suddenly so anxious? It’s as if he’s about to pass out. He’s having trouble breathing.

Santana notices something is wrong and she whispers something to Rachel, who nods. She goes to Gilbert to talk to him.

Mercedes crouches next to him. “Kurt, what is it?”

A part of Kurt still wants to shrug it off and pretend that he’s fine, but he knows that it will not work. He’s literally curled up in a ball, trying not to panic.

“I can’t do it,” he chokes out.

“We’ve done this before,” Santana says and she also crouches next to him. Kurt half-expects her to make a snarky comment, like she did earlier today, but then he sees the worry in her eyes.

Not me! he wants to yell out, but he bites his tongue. These versions of Rachel, Mercedes and Santana can’t know that Kurt isn’t their Kurt. That, and Kurt has the feeling that there’s more to it.

Kurt wishes he could explain it. It feels like it’s more than fear of jumping out of a plane. He doesn’t like having the feeling that there’s nothing to hold on to. Kurt needs some sense of stability, also in literal sense.

What do you think it’s like to fly for the first time?

The pigeons. Blaine was feeding them in New York, right before his big showcase with June Dolloway. They talked about flying and trust, since they had that fight.

Suddenly, Kurt gets reminded of it. Now, Kurt’s about to find out what it is like to fly.

Mercedes puts her hand on Kurt’s chest. “Kurt, I think you are having a panic attack? My brother gets them as well. Okay, Kurt, you need to breathe. Breathe with me, okay?”

A panic attack? Great. That’s usually Blaine’s forte. Gosh, this is stupid.

Kurt follows her lead, but he hates the fact that she has to see him like this. Kurt doesn’t like being vulnerable, especially in front of people he loves. He’s fine. He’s supposed to be fine.

Overall, he can’t even understand why he’s suddenly feeling so terrified. He’s seen worse. Hell, he worked in a hospital wing in an apocalyptic dimension where he watched the New Directions rescue team bring in people with missing limbs.

And why is he suddenly thinking about those damn pigeons?

“It’s okay,” Mercedes says when he’s calmed down. She pulls him into a hug.

Relationships are like that. You give someone your heart to look after and you tell yourself that you’re safe, but you never know if today or tomorrow’s going to be the day they drop it like a stone.

The words, his words, ring in his head. He mentally replays his conversation with Blaine about flying and trusting each other.

This isn’t about Blaine.

At least, it didn’t start with Blaine.

He slowly relaxes in Mercedes’s embrace. Kurt needs some sense of stability and flying isn’t stability. And that freaks him out, and him freaking out in front of his friends makes it even worse. The jumping isn’t necessarily the problem, but feeling like he’s just falling endlessly is.

He knows he has to land, but it feels so far away.

“We know our profession is kinda scary,” Santana says, “And we know that sometimes the nerves we felt at the beginning can come back, but we won’t let you fall, Kurt.”

“Yeah,” Rachel, who’s still on the other side of the plane, says, “Trust us, Kurt. You can trust us. We’ve never let go of you.”

Then I realised that trust is a choice.

Kurt takes a deep breath. He watches his friends. They are all so worried. Kurt’s first instinct is to turn away in embarrassment, but that’s part of the problem, isn’t it? He still remembers the conversation in New York. Kurt was talking about the importance of trust, and yet, he still doesn’t fully trust Blaine.

Wait, no.

He does trust Blaine, but he doesn’t trust himself.

The realisation suddenly hits him like a freight train. He does trust Blaine, but he doesn’t trust himself to be completely open with him yet. Despite everything, he still doesn’t like feeling vulnerable in front of Blaine. He still doesn’t like asking for help. Kurt has disregarded Blaine wanting to help him because it felt like a sign of weakness.

He’s seen a lot in these past couple of dimension. He’s seen how much Blaine means to him. After all, they literally spend most of the time trying to find each other, because they don’t want to go on without each other.

Kurt has also realised how busy he is. He has also seen how Blaine feels. He understands Blaine better now. Back in his own dimension, he was under the impression that they knew each other through and through, but the rift between them kept growing.

Now that Kurt sees things differently, he knows for sure that this rift will close.

He slowly begins to calm down, just a little bit.

Santana squeezes his arm. “Alright?”

“Alright,” Kurt mutters.

Rachel helps him up. Kurt knows he’s red in the face, but he takes deep breaths until he feels like he can sort of do this. Yup, he’s about to jump out of a moving plane. This really isn’t weird at all.

“Let’s do this, then,” Mercedes says.

The four of them move to the opening.

Kurt looks down and he feels a bit nauseous when he sees how high in the air they are. He can see small specks that are representing his friends. They’re on the ground. They’ve landed safely and they’re probably all wondering what is taking them so long to jump. Gilbert keeps flying in circles.

It’s still terrifying because they are this high up in the air.

But then Santana takes his hand. Mercedes takes his other hand and then she grabs Rachel’s hand. The four of them stand hand in hand. They’ve got each other’s backs. They have to trust each other and oh boy, Kurt trusts these women with his life.

Literally, since he’s about to jump out of a flying plane.

The trust he feels for them is permanent, and not some transaction he can undo.

I choose to trust and to love you through everything.

Together, they jump.

Kurt still feels like throwing up every time he’s this high in the air, but after some practise, he now knows that Rachel, Mercedes and Santana would rather die than let Kurt fall.

The time for the big show nears. The stands are filled with people who are here to see them. The New Directions aren’t just some skydiving performers, oh no, they’re well-known skydiving performers. Kurt can add that to his nerves.

Everyone’s chatting happily. Some others are nervous as well, but for other reasons. Mercedes constantly keeps her eyes on him.

One more hour and Kurt’s up in the air and everyone will be watching him.

He’s walking around, trying to find the book. Now that he’s somewhat calm, he can focus on his main mission: find the book, find the objects, find Blaine. He has the feeling Blaine is somewhere on those stands, waiting for him.

Why didn’t they sell VIP tickets? Blaine could’ve bought VIP tickets.

They’re not that kind of performers, apparently.

The lot is empty for the most part. Only the essentials are here. There are no books lying around. Usually, the book is found between other books. That’s why they often find it in libraries, but there is no library close by.

Kurt’s also been holding on to small clutter. He knows the drill. The book will want something and Kurt has the feeling this is a dimension he ought to remember. He needs the reminder of his epiphany. He can’t wait to talk about Blaine about it, since communication is the key and they’re striving to be better at it.

He’s still walking around when suddenly, someone basically tackles him from behind.

He half expects it to be Blaine, but Blaine is not this tall. It’s Mike.

“Hey Kurt,” he says.

“Hey Mike, you ready for the big show?”

Mike nods eagerly. “Oh yeah, Artie did such a great job directing it. My parents are in the crowd and they are very excited. Dad even brought the good ole zǔfùmǔ with them to show them that having a grandson who jumps out of planes for a living is great. Still sucks to hear that Burt couldn’t be there.”

“Oh yeah, he’s busy,” Kurt says easily. Knowing his dad, he’s devastated that he can’t attend a show.

“Tell him we all miss him, right?” Mike says. It looks like his dad is basically a foster father to the entire glee club in every dimension. It warms Kurt’s heart.

Mike is still looking at him, and there’s something in his facial expression that tells Kurt that Mike is not here to talk about family.

“What is it, Mike?”

Mike looks around to see if no one can hear them. Then he lowers his voice: “Santana told me what happened in the air during the first practise round.”

“Oh.”

Kurt can feel the embarrassment come back.

“Look, I have anxiety. Not many people know about it. Tina knows. Santana found out by accident, so there’s no judgment from her,” Mike says.

Mike and anxiety?

Kurt feels a pang of sadness for this Mike, but then he wonders if his Mike might have it as well? He knows Mike was under a lot of stress from his family. He can’t dwell on it for long, because Mike keeps talking.

“If you wanna talk about it, it’s okay? I can talk with you.”

Kurt’s first instinct is to lie and tell Mike that he’s fine, but then he remembers his epiphany. It’s time to trust himself.

So instead, he swallows his pride and he nods. “I would appreciate that, Mike.”

Mike claps him on his back. “Alright! No judgment, okay?”

“No judgement,” Kurt says in agreement.

“Cool.”

Then Mike awkwardly walks away.

“Mike!” Kurt calls out.

“Yeah?”

“Random question, but have you seen a weird looking book lying around here?”

But Mike shakes his head.

They finish the show and they get a standing ovation. Kurt never thought that skydivers would be so loved by people.

He couldn’t spot Blaine in the crowd, but he hopes Blaine’s somewhere.

The New Directions all go back inside to talk with some of the crew members. Everyone is in a great mood. Kurt can’t believe he just did a successful aerial show. Before today, he’d never tried it.

Inside, Rachel is holding up a basket.

“I got all of us something, a small gift, to celebrate!” she yells out.

The basket is filled with very small handmade parachutes. They look terrible, but it still warms everyone’s heart that Rachel put effort in making small parachutes. It’s the message that counts.

Kurt accepts his small parachute. It has his name on it, the date, and the words ‘New Directions Aerial Extravaganza!’

He has the feeling that the book will want this and he feels a bit sorry for taking this gift from the Kurt from this dimension, but he needs it.

If only he has the book.

Brittany takes his arm and the two of them decide to go on a stroll around the drop zone. Brittany keeps on talking about her elaborate plan to let Lord Tubbington skydive with her.

Blaine is standing outside.

“Excuse me, Britt,” Kurt says. Brittany doesn’t seem to mind and she goes to Tina to continue her talk.

“That was amazing!” is the first thing Blaine says.

“You saw that, huh?” Kurt says, trying to play it cool, but he also feels a sense of pride.

“Fuck, I admit I was afraid to witness your possible death, but you’re always graceful, even in the air,” Blaine says excitedly.

“I’ve been practising all morning,” Kurt says. He doesn’t mention the panic attack. That will have to wait, since he doesn’t want to dampen Blaine’s mood.

“Oh, that explains why I am the one who found the book,” Blaine says playfully.

Kurt’s face lights up. “You found it?”

“Yup,” Blaine says happily, “I woke up this morning and I saw a flyer for the show. You were advertised on it, so I knew where to find you. I originally planned on trying to talk to you before the show, but when I was in the bus on my way to the aerial show, I passed a bookstore and saw the book! I left at the nearest stop and bought it, but this obviously meant that my time getting here got longer than expected.”

Blaine opens his bag and he hands the book to Kurt.

“I did buy a limited edition copy of The Perks of Being a Wallflower, so I don’t mind that much. They have limited editions in this dimension that don’t exist in ours, Kurt! It’s extra limited!”

Kurt laughs and he looks down at the book.

“This thing can be found at weird times,” he says.

“It needed the flyer that I mentioned,” Blaine says.

Kurt’s about to open it when he hears Sam calling his name.

“Yo Kurt, we’re about to head out for dinner! You ready?” he yells from the lot.

“Be there in a sec!” Kurt yells back. Then he turns to Blaine. “Looks like we have to leave right now.”

The two of them find a private spot and Kurt opens the book. As expected, the small parachute is the object that it needs. He takes it out of his pocket.

“That thing is hideous, but also cute,” Blaine says.

“Rachel made it for all of us,” Kurt says back. Then he turns to Blaine again. “Before we go, I have to say two things. First, Gilbert flew the plane.”

“… I forgot about him.”

“Second, something happened in the air.”

With great difficulty, Kurt tells Blaine what happened. He leaves out some unimportant details, since they don’t have much time, but Blaine gets the point. Kurt doesn’t look at him while talking. He knows Blaine won’t judge him, just like Mike, but it feels weird.

“Hey,” Blaine puts his hand on Kurt’s shoulder, “You’re shaking, love.”

“Oh.” Kurt looks up and Blaine’s warm eyes greet him. There’s no judgement or pity. Kurt didn’t think it’d be there, but he still feels relieved.

“But thanks for telling me,” he says, “We’ll talk about it in the next dimension, or when we get home, but we’ll talk.”

“Yes. Of course.”

Blaine takes the ugly parachute out of Kurt’s shaking hands and he puts it on the page. It disappears and Blaine flips the page.

“Huh. ‘Bodyguard’,” he reads out loud.

“Bodyguard?”

“Bodyguard,” Blaine confirms, “Looks like it’s time for action.”