Klaine Advent 2018 Day 22: Vegetarian

Dimension twenty: Check, Please!

Kurt wakes up in a bus.

He’s on a bus and the New Directions boys are all with him on that bus. To Kurt’s surprise, even some newer New Directions boys are on the bus, and so are Matt (wow!), Joe, Rory and Jesse. Kurt hadn’t seen them before in these dimensions. It’s always Mike, Puck, Sam and Artie only.

No Finn.

Never Finn.

To Kurt’s bigger surprise, there are also strangers on this bus. They’re all wearing some sort of red and white varsity jacket. Sam’s in the seat next to him and he’s asleep.

Kurt knows he’s wearing one of those jackets, but it’s hard to take it off because of the seatbelts. Instead, he stares at Sam’s jacket, since he won’t notice. Two crossed hockey sticks are displayed on his jacket and the name ‘Samwell’ is on it as well.

They’re a hockey team?

Kurt looks around. Not everyone is sleeping. Mike and Matt are playing a game on their Nintendos, Artie is discussing strategy with Mr. Schue and Coach Beiste, who seems to be the coaches. Puck is listening to music, and Jesse and Rory are talking to some of the strangers.

Some other strangers are also talking about hockey.

Kurt has a bag with him and he finds a student card of himself. He’s a senior at Samwell University. There’s also a phone in the bag with a calendar. Since Sam is sleeping, no one can see that it’s kind of suspicious that Kurt is trying to figure out what is going on.

It’s a Friday and the first days of the week leading up to Friday are all marked as ‘roadie’. Many people think Kurt’s absolutely clueless about sport, but he was raised by Burt Hummel. Kurt sure knows what a roadie is in the sports world.

They must be on their way back to school given it’s the end of the roadie. Since everyone looks quite happy, Kurt assumes they’ve won.

Kurt’s still on his phone when someone pokes his side.

“Pssst, yo, Hummer!”

Mike is sitting in the seat on the other side of the aisle. He’s done playing his video game and now he’s poking Kurt for attention.

Hummer?

“What, Mike?”

“Do you wanna go on a murder run with us when we get back to the Haus? We still need to buy some snacks for the upcoming Kegster tomorrow.”

“Dude, Hummer was going to help Trouty secure the Reading Room so that the tub juice won’t leak down our roof,” Matt reminds his friend.

“Oh yeah, ‘swawesome. I thought we’d put the Frogs or the Taddies on that.”

“Wait shit, you’re kinda right. The Waffles are on it.”

It’s almost as if they’re talking another language, but Kurt just nods along. It’s basically turned into a conversation between Mike and Matt anyway.

Sam has slowly woken up.

“Kegster plans?” he mumbles, half-awake.

Kurt nods again. He really has no idea what this Kegster is.

“Fuck, that means that we have to listen to Tina and Rachel’s bragging again,” Sam sighs and he rubs his eyes.

“Uhm, that’s not that bad,” Matt says, “After all, they’re kind of right? The Samwell Female Hockey Team is arguably better than the Samwell Male Hockey Team, but don’t tell them I said so.”

“Even worse will be Rachel and Tina hanging over their boyfriends. I don’t want to watch Rachel and Saint make out all evening and I don’t want seeing Tina all over Wheels either,” Mike says. Oh, okay, Tina and Artie are still dating in this dimension.

Mike doesn’t seem too happy about it, but it’s none of Kurt’s business.

“Whatever, I’m still mad at you two for not giving me dibs on the attic,” Sam says jokingly.

“Fuck off, Hummer gave you dibs,” Matt says.

“Right. Yeah. I did,” Kurt says when he sees Sam giving him a very happy look. Dibs must be something good.

“But so yeah, since the Waffles are on Reading Room duty, can we go to the Murder Shop & Stop?” Mike asks Kurt.

“Racist is better than Murder when it comes to snacks, though,” Sam says and both Matt and Mike shoot him an ‘are-you-kidding look’, so Sam quickly realises what he was suggesting and he apologises.

“Trouty, you and your white ass can go to the Racist Shop & Stop whenever you like, but Changling and I’d rather go the Murder one since the others are, you know, racist,” Matt sighs.

“Back to the snacks, guys,” Mike says before it gets out of hand, “Don’t forget to buy some vegetarian snacks for Rachel or she’ll have a diva fit.”

All men, including Kurt, groan at the thought of Rachel being a diva.

They keep talking about snacks. Then, strangely enough, the conversation changes into a heated debate about finding a thousand roaches or a person in the attic.

Jesse St. James works harder than God in every dimension. This means that he demands a practise the moment they get back on campus.

“We literally just won a game, man,” Puck sighs as he unlocks the door to an awful looking frat house, “And he wants to have another morning practise tomorrow. Saint is fucking nuts. I don’t even know why we made Saint captain. He’s not even our best player. He’s on the second line with me.”

“He just wants a shit ton of ice time since he’s graduating,” Rory says.

“So am I but I am not that fucking stupid,” Puck says and he opens the door to this place.

“Haus sweet Haus,“ Matt says and he and Mike immediately go upstairs.

Kurt shakes his head when he sees the state of this place. Artie laughs when he sees it. “It’s not coming home without Hummer hating the state of the Haus,” he says and he wheels past him. They’ve made make-shift ramps for him everywhere. “Gotta be honest, dude, sometimes I’m really happy I don’t live in this hell hole.”

“Hey! No bad-mouthing our humble abode,” Sam says, “I can’t wait to live in here. Ganzy, I’ll be your neighbour next year. And Lynner and Puck Jr. will take the attic. ‘Swawesome.” Sam pats Rory on the back. Kurt has trouble distinguishing everyone due to the nicknames.

Saint is Jesse, Changling is Mike, Puck is Puck, Trouty is Sam, Ganzy is Rory, and Kurt assumes that Puck Jr. refers to Puck’s younger brother Jake, but he has no clue who Lynner is. Artie is Wheels, which is not very original.

“I thought you wanted the attic,” Artie says but Sam just sighs.

“Hummer’s room in the Haus is better than no room in the Haus, Wheels.”

Kurt fights the urge to tidy everything up and he goes upstairs to his room. It’s not hard to find, since he put a sign saying ‘KURT’S ROOM’ on the door.

Contrary to the rest of the Haus, Kurt’s room is very tidy. Kurt doesn’t have long to think about it, because the others are expecting him downstairs for practice and Kurt doesn’t know a thing about hockey. He knows about sport in general and he knows about football, but hockey?

He finds his computer and he Googles. Wikipedia has a lot of information, but Kurt soon finds out that he doesn’t know his position on the ice, so he can’t really focus on one section. He learns a lot in the small hour he has but then Kurt grabs a bag with hockey equipment and he joins the others.

They walk through campus, which is gorgeous. Eventually, they end up at a skating rink named Faber. Kurt’s expecting to go to the locker room, but instead they go to some kind of lounge. Other players are already there.

Jesse is holding a puck and he says with a posh voice: “Bring forth the player!”

Out of nowhere, people have their hockey sticks in their hands. Kurt’s happy to see that two strangers have pride tape on their sticks. He’s about to take out his stick when Ryder and Jake grab him by the shoulders and push him towards Jesse.

“Kurt ‘Hummer’ Elizabeth Hummel!” Jesse says, almost sounding proud, “Today, we honour your achievement by putting this-” he shakes the puck “-into the winning puck bin. This puck is especially special, because it barely happens that one of the d-men has the game winner.”

“Amen,” Joe says.

“Also, this puck sends us into the NCAA Hockey Division I Championship,” Jesse continues, “A successful streak during the ECAC playoffs will hopefully bring us an equally successful streak during the Championship, which will bring us to the Frozen Four, and that will hopefully bring us a national title!”

All the others cheer and hoot and Kurt feels some sense of pride.

He knows that technically it wasn’t really him who scored, but it’s nice to be appreciated by a group of jocks for a change.

Jesse hands the puck to Kurt so that Kurt can put it in the winning puck bin. When he does, everyone applauds.

“We’re gonna win this Frozen Four!” Jesse roars, “Let’s practise!”

Practise is…

Well, it is awful.

Kurt is one of the defensemen. He’s part of a pair. Mike is the other defenseman. Matt is the goalie, and Sam, one of the strangers, and Rory are forwards. Sam is a left winger, Rory is the right winger, and the stranger is the center.

The stranger’s last name is McCarthy. Kurt can read it on the back of his jersey. People also call him ‘Cheerio’.

They are the first line of the Samwell Male Hockey Team, and during practise, they are up against the second line and the back-up goalie.

Joe is the back-up goalie (and everyone seriously calls him ‘Jesus’, holy shit), Ryder and Jake are the defensemen, and Puck, Jesse, and a stranger are the forwards.

Now, Kurt knows how to skate, since he and Blaine go skating during the winter. He also knows that his body is trained for this sport, because the version of him in this dimension is a very good player. He can also use his hockey stick easily.

He just doesn’t know the damn rules, and he can’t just ask the others! Everyone’s still happy about him scoring the winning goal during the roadie. It’d be weird for Kurt to suddenly forget how to play hockey. Kurt’s sure that if he'd known the rules, he’d be a great player.

And sure, he’s looked up hockey on Wikipedia, but he only had an hour and he doesn’t remember everything.

He sucks, and everyone is confused.

But the thing is… everyone is also very supportive.

During the practise, people pat his back. Sam hugs him tightly. Some of the strangers give him supporting looks. Mike has told him it’s okay and even Jesse has reassured Kurt that it’s okay to have an ‘off day’.

Glee club is family.

Glee club has been family in every dimension so far.

But the Samwell Male Hockey Team truly is the definition of family.

Sure, it doesn’t fully take away the embarrassment, since Kurt has the feeling that he should excel in this, but it’s nice to know that these guys have his back. After all, the catchphrase of the team is #GotYourBack and these guys truly mean it.

Jesse gives Kurt some time to breathe by taking him off the ice. One of the strangers plays with Mike. The guy is not first or second line material, but for now, he’s better than Kurt.

Kurt decides to take a walk around the rink. Faber is wonderful. He’s at the stands and he watches his team play. There have been some more line changes, so that others can practise as well. Cheerio is still on the ice and he’s really fast.

“He’s named Mason.”

Kurt jumps in shock. A random guy is talking to him and he motions towards Cheerio. “His name is Mason McCarthy. He’s named Cheerio because he was a high school cheerleader before he changed to hockey. He’s a great player.”

Kurt is speechless. How does this man know that Kurt doesn’t know his own team?

“Then you got the center forward on the second line?” the guy continues, “That’s Spencer Porter. His boyfriend Alistair is the dude on the bench with the long ginger hair. He doesn’t have a last name since the glee writers never gave him one, so the writer of this current AU chose to give him a crappy nickname based on his first name. Next to him is Rodrick Meeks. He’s cool. No idea what position he has, though. It was never written down. The other strangers are all unnamed strangers who are here with the sole purpose to fill the team. They’re supposed to be unnamed strangers with no character arc and there’s no room in this AU for Myron or Skylar.”

“… Okay.”

Kurt kind of understood this guy up until the last part.

“Excuse me, but, uhm, how did you know that I-”

“Piss off, Johnson!” Mike suddenly yells. He’s walking towards Kurt and the guy who’s apparently called Johnson. “Now is not the time for your bullshit.”

Johnson shrugs, but he leaves.

“Sorry for that, Hummer. The last thing you need after a bad practise is his existential bullshit,” Mike says grumpily, “The dude’s just creepy and a straight-up liar. He claims that he’s the old goalie on the Samwell Male Hockey Team, but there’s nothing of him in our old roster. But then he says something like ‘oh, but I am from the other side of the crossover’, like, what does that even mean? Crossover of what?”

Mike leads Kurt back to the bench where they rest together. Others still shoot Kurt reassuring looks and Rodrick Meeks puts his arm around Kurt.

They got his back.

Matt and Mike don’t mention the awful practise during their trip to the ‘Murder’ Shop & Stop. Kurt appreciates it. Instead, they talk about the upcoming Kegster. Judging from the conversation, Kurt can safely say that a Kegster is a frat party.

Why else would they be talking about loud music, booze, sex, and a lot of unhealthy (and partly vegetarian) snacks?

Mike and Matt mostly talk, so they don’t notice Kurt’s confusion. Kurt likes it. He never really got to know Matt in high school and now he regrets it. He knows that the Mike from his dimension still talks to him. They talk a lot in every dimension.

In this one, they also talk about finals. After all, they’re college students.

“I am going to Founder’s tomorrow to study,” Mike says when Matt asks him about his study schedule.

“At least you go there to study. Man, remember when we found Port and Ali making out between the books in the sociology section?” Matt laughs at the memory.

“Waffle romance,” Mike says.

“I think it’s cute,” Kurt says.

He knows that Port and Ali refer to Spencer and Alistair. They are two of the strangers, together with their first line forward Mason, and another guy named Rodrick. Kurt now knows this thanks to the strange Johnson.

Spencer and Alistair were the other players with the pride tape and Spencer is the center forward on the second line. Kurt doesn’t know why they are part of the New Directions side of this story, but he likes them. Maybe they are future students? But that’s crazy, since the glee club no longer exists.

Well, maybe they only exist in this dimension. It’s weird, but Kurt’s not complaining. Spencer and Alistair don’t seem like a perfect fit, but they’re still cute together.

Kurt’s deep in thoughts while Matt and Mike continue to talk about Founder’s. Eventually, their reach the ‘Murder’ Shop & Stop and they basically raid the sections filled with snacks.

“After all, Puck invited, like, a shit ton of people. I think most of the collegiate sport teams are invited, except for the LAX bros.”

“Obviously.”

They load everything in their shopping bags and they are ready to walk back to the Haus.

“Alright, general plan for tomorrow!” Mike says.

“One, wake up in our ‘swawesome attic,” Matt says back.

“Two, breakfast and that shit.”

“Three, study because fuck college life.”

“Four, getting ready for Kegster.”

“Five, Kegster!”

“Sounds about right.”

Kurt’s plan will be different, though. Tomorrow, he’ll look for Blaine and the book. He can’t tell them that, so instead he just nods his head and Mike and Matt high five.

The next day, Kurt doesn’t find Blaine.

Oh no, instead he finds Wes chilling by some sort of lake called the Pond. He’s reading a book in deep concentration, so he almost topples over when Kurt calls out his name.

“Wes!” Then Kurt reminds himself that he might not know Wes in this dimension. “You’re Wes, right?”

Wes looks a bit disorientated, but he nods his head and makes an affirming noise.

“Hey, look, this might sound a bit random, but do you know a guy named Blaine? You know, kind of short? Black hair? Triangle-shaped eyebrows?”

Wes nods again. Now, he’s looking a bit confused.

“Well, uhm, I met Blaine during this seminar that we’re both taking and I once asked him for these crazy specific notes, but I live in a house filled with madness and one of my teammates put it in one of those paper shredders.”

Kurt had no idea where this story is heading, but now he’s just rolling with it.

“And the thing is, I don’t really know Blaine that well, but I did see him walk around with you around Founder’s and I heard him call you Wes and man, I know this is a long-shot, but could you maybe ask him to hand me those notes again? We need it for a group project that determines a huge part of our final grade.”

Great, now there’s also a project.

This story is getting more elaborate than expected, so Kurt’s not surprised that Wes still looks very confused.

“What seminar?” Wes asks. He’s shooting Kurt a suspicious look.

“Arts and Politics 101 from professor July,” Kurt straight-up lies. He hopes he’s said it with enough confidence to make Wes believe him.

Wes frowns. “Hm, I didn’t know Blaine was following a seminar like that, but it sounds like something he’d be interested in.”

But Wes takes out his phone and he gives it to Kurt. It has Blaine’s number on it.

“Thank you so much!” Kurt says and he puts the number in his phone. He knows Blaine’s number by heart, but this is a different one. He gives the phone back to Wes and says: “You’re a life saver.”

“Why would your teammate put notes through a paper shredder though?” Wes asks. He’s still a bit suspicious.

“Uhm, I am from the hockey team,” Kurt deadpans.

All the confusion and suspicion leaves Wes’s face. “Oh, that explains a lot.”

That confuses Kurt, but he thanks Wes instead. He walks back towards the Haus and he presses call.

Blaine doesn’t answer.

Kurt tries again, but no answer. Kurt tries several times, but Blaine won’t pick up.

Kurt’s this close to throwing the phone into the Samwell River in frustration.

It’s time for plan B: focus on the book first. He decides to go to the Samwell University library. Founder’s might have the book. He looks up a map of the campus and he sighs when he sees that Founder’s is located on the other side of the campus.

Kurt turns around and he finds his way to Founder’s. Luckily, he’s still close to the Lake Quad and the Pond, so he’s relatively close to Founder’s.

Founder’s is crowded with students preparing for their exams, so Kurt sees a lot of familiar faces. As expected, Matt and Mike are there. He sees Artie at the computers. Joe, Rodrick and Ryder are at the small coffee corner. They look like they need the caffeine.

Kurt’s not here for caffeine. He’s here for the book.

Founder’s is huge, so he decides to just ask a librarian for help. The book doesn’t have a title, but Kurt’s very detailed description of the book does ring a bell.

“Yes, part of the fictional section,” the librarian says. He types something in a computer. Then he shakes his head. “Unfortunately, someone else took the book with them yesterday. We can reserve it for you for when it gets back.”

It’s not the news Kurt wanted to hear, but it’s still great news. He really hopes that Blaine has found the book before him. Due to the roadie and practice and the murder run, Kurt didn’t have the time to go looking for it, but maybe Blaine did have the time.

Kurt politely declines the librarian’s offer and he goes back to the Haus. He tries calling Blaine again with no success.

Maybe, just maybe, he’ll run into Blaine later today.

It’s nine in the evening. Kurt’s holding a beer and he’s asking if anyone has heard of someone named Blaine Anderson. No one seems to really listen, since the music is deafening and many are tipsy.

It’s only nine o’clock.

This Kegster is off to a great start.

There are a lot of people kissing as well. As expected, Rachel and Jesse are making out on a gross looking green couch. Even though he’s captain, Jesse doesn’t live at the Haus, since he’s a snob, but he’s still around for the parties. Tina is sitting on Artie’s lap. Spencer has Alistair pushed against a wall. Kurt saw Puck go upstairs with three other women. Brittany has taken off her shirt and Santana is yelling: “That’s my girlfriend!”. Mercedes and Sam are keeping it light compared to others, but Sam has his hands underneath Mercedes’s shirt. Mason is trying to flirt with a woman from the Samwell Female Hockey team named Jane while his sister Madison looks unhappy. Even Rory has taken off his shirt so that some women (and probably also men) can admire him.

The New Directions.

Horny as ever.

Rodrick had already asked Kurt if he was looking for a puck bunny. Kurt would love to join the party, but Blaine really is nowhere to be seen. Kurt finishes his beer and he almost decides to try this weird tub juice that Puck and Jake are brewing in the, well, tub, but he decides to stay sober in case Blaine does show up, so he gets a glass of water in the kitchen.

He looks outside the kitchen window and he knows he’s made the right decision when he sees Blaine walking towards the Haus.

He looks very scared when he sees the state of the Haus. The Haus is already gross and fragile, but now it’s filled with a lot of people.

Kurt runs towards the entrance just in time. The door opens and Blaine sees him.

“Kurt!” he yells over the music.

“Blaine!” Kurt yells back and he points up, “Upstairs?!”

Blaine nods and he follows Kurt upstairs. The guys have put tape upstairs to show that this area is off-limits for people who are uninvited. Puck’s room is across Kurt’s room, so they hear some noises they wish they could unhear, but when they’re in the room and the door is shut, it’s relatively silent.

Blaine lets out a deep breath.

“Wow, that was intense and I was only in the party zone for five seconds.”

“Welcome to the Kegster,” Kurt says, “How did you find me?”

Blaine’s giving Kurt a look he can’t quite understand.

“What?”

“Kurt, you’re on the hockey team,” Blaine says as if it’s obvious, “You just had a successful ECAC playoff run. I apparently follow sports in every dimension, since it’s on my phone. Your face is on the official Samwell website. I found out you were on your way back from a roadie yesterday, so I started searching for the book and I found it in the library.”

Blaine opens his bag and he takes out the book.

“Yes, I was hoping you were the one who took it from the library.”

“I also already put my object on the page. It’s my keychain of the creepy school mascot,” Blaine opens the book and okay, yeah, that mascot is a bit weird. It’s a cartoonish well with big eyes and legs. It looks like a bucket is flying around. Its name is written on the keychain: Wellie the dancing well.

“I also read on my phone that the hockey team was throwing a big party so I assumed you’d be here and I was right.”

“Speaking of phones!” Kurt says loudly, “You didn’t pick up your phone! I kept calling you.”

Blaine’s eyes widen.

“That was you?”

“Blaine!”

“Look, a strange number starts calling me. I don’t want to mess up the life of Blaine from Samwell, so I decided it could wait. My own phone doesn’t work, but the Blaine from this dimension has a phone as well. If it were really important, he, or I, would’ve put a contact name in the phone!”

“Oh Blaine,” Kurt shakes his head. “This is why you can never get a job interview.”

“Oh.” Blaine frowns. “Yeah.”

Kurt looks back at the book and he immediately recognizes the simple shape. It’s a hockey puck. Kurt has a feeling the book is not looking for an ordinary hockey puck.

“I think it wants my game winning puck,” Kurt tells Blaine.

“Alright. Where do we find it?”

“At Faber.”

“That’s the hockey rink, right?”

Kurt nods.

Blaine claps his hands. “Alright. Let’s go!”

Kurt slightly tilts his head. “How about we wait for a little while? We have the room to ourselves. It’s time to party and you know how these New Directions parties usually go.”

“That’s a terrible pick-up line,” Blaine says, but he already starts unbuttoning his shirt.

Asking Artie for the keys to Faber was very easy. Artie was distracted by Tina anyway.

Kurt and Blaine walk hand in hand to Faber. The book is in Blaine’s trusty bag. The sun is slowly setting and the campus looks gorgeous in this light.

“Where exactly are we?” Kurt asks.

“Samwell, my love.”

“But what is Samwell?” Kurt continues, “I have never heard of a place called Samwell before, and from the looks of it, this place isn’t some kind of unknown community college. Samwell is part of the ECAC after all.”

“I think this is another fictional setting,” Blaine says and he looks around as well. They’ve just crossed the Samwell River and they’re close to North Quad. Faber is located a bit more up north.

“The words in the book are ‘Check, Please!’. I wish I knew it. I want to know more about this fictional setting. Same goes for Carry On and The Good Place and their settings.”

“And I really want to play The Sims 4,” Blaine says as a throwback to their time in San Myshuno.

“I want to play Pokémon for real this time.”

“Speaking of Pokémon, I found a name for the Sinnoh Region Book Guide. In this dimension, Gilbert is the Dean of Students. I heard David mentioning him,” Blaine says.

“Great. Now again, what is Samwell University?”

“Check, Please! does sound familiar,” Blaine says and he furrows his brow in thought.

They walk in silence so that Blaine can have some time to think.

“Aha!” he suddenly yells, startling Kurt a bit, “It is a hockey webcomic! At dance class, there are a couple of hockey fans and we’ve talked several times and one of them reads this comic. We’re in a webcomic. Oh my God, we totally have to look it up when we get home!”

Kurt nods eagerly. “First, we have to get home. I really am longing for my own dimension. I think we’ve been gone for almost a month.”

Blaine whistles. “Wow, I hadn’t realised we’ve been gone for so long. Time sees to fly by when you’re in a different setting every other day. Watching Wes die feels like ages ago. I still feel a weird sense of relief every time I see another alive version of him. And I will probably avoid the New York Public Library when we get back.”

“We’ve seen some bad stuff,” Kurt says. Heck, he was kidnapped in the previous dimension and held for ransom. Kurt doesn’t think he’ll be comfortable again in a locked room without having a key. He also has to work out a possible anxiety problem.

“Man, we need to find that puck.”

Kurt uses Artie’s keys to unlock Faber and he leads Blaine to the player’s lounge. “My hockey puck is in that winning puck bin.”

Kurt opens the lid of the bin and he sees a lot of rubber pucks. They don’t really mark the pucks in this team, so this is going to be a stretch.

Blaine also looks at the pucks. “Uhm, should we just start putting random pucks on the page?”

They don’t really have any other options, so they try putting a puck on a page, puck by puck. There are a lot of pucks in this bin. Sure, the Samwell Female Hockey Team might be arguably better that the Samwell Male Hockey Team, but the latter still knows how to score.

When one of the pucks finally disappears, they both let out a sigh of relief.

Blaine turns the page and Kurt quickly puts back the other pucks into the bin.

“’Parallel worlds’,” he hears Blaine says.

“Parallel worlds?”

Blaine makes an agreeing sound.

“Then what are all these?”