I've Been Looking Forever
loveandlearn13
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I've Been Looking Forever: Chapter 1


E - Words: 5,096 - Last Updated: Jun 25, 2012
Story: Closed - Chapters: 5/? - Created: May 12, 2012 - Updated: Jun 25, 2012
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Author's Notes: Don't kill me. Written with my friend, though she doesn't have an account on here. Chandler/Kurt in beginning. Blaine's troubles are a little far fetched, but it's a story. Light child abuse. I think the formatting went funky..
Harry Anderson was usually all alone. He was alone at school, he was alone at home when his daddy was gone, and he was even alone when he went to his favorite place, the park a few blocks from his apartment. But being alone was okay with him. His daddy had told him that being alone was sometimes good. He had never really understood it, but he had lived it. And if his daddy said it, it must be true, right?
True, being alone meant he was left to his own thoughts and he could do whatever he wanted-well if his daddy said it was okay, that is-but sometimes being alone transferred to loneliness.
However, he was never alone when he was with his daddy. He loved his daddy very much and his daddy loved him. His daddy would pick him up from school every day and he would cook dinner for him and sing and dance and he’d bring him to the park almost every night. After that, he’d take him home and read him a bedtime story and kiss him on the cheek before he turned off the lights and went to sleep.
Harry didn’t have any friends, but that didn’t bother him. Not too much anyway. Everyone at school had friends but Harry was different. He would sit at a table by himself and eat his sandwich that his daddy had made for him and he would sometimes watch the other kids talk. Some days he’d just stay in his own little world. Sometimes his teacher would come over and ask him if he was okay. He would smile and nod because he was, he really was.
His daddy didn’t have any friends either, and Harry wanted to be just like his daddy. He and his daddy had each other and that was really it. He knew that all the other kids at school had a daddy and a mommy, but he didn’t. He sometimes wondered if you can have two daddies or two mommies, it seemed okay to him. But every time he asked his daddy about it, his face would go stiff and he would say that they’d talk about it when he was older.
Harry sometimes wondered if he had ever had another daddy or a mommy. He had some faint memories of someone with brown curly hair and cruel eyes but he didn’t know if it was a dream he had or an uncle or something. He never brought it up with his daddy, though.
He however had black curly hair like his daddy but he had bright blue eyes. He didn’t have the harsh eyes that his other dad used to have. He didn’t have anything that his other dad used to have. And for that, Blaine would be forever grateful.
***
Sophia Hummel was sitting at home, helping her daddy fold the fabric for his newest designs. Her other daddy was at work, like he always was. Her favorite daddy she called ‘Daddy K’, and her other daddy was called ‘Daddy C.’ The letters are the first letters of their names, so it’s easy to tell them apart. Sophia was proud to look like Daddy K, sporting long brown tresses and blue-green eyes, much like her dad’s short brown hair that was always perfectly coiffed and his beautiful eyes.
“Daddy?” She tugged on Kurt’s pant leg.
“Yes sweetie?” Kurt asked sitting in the comfy chair and pulling Sophia onto his lap. He ran his fingers through her hair, getting out the little knots.
“I love you.” Sophia said, giggling as she wrapped her arms around her daddies waist.
Kurt presses a kiss to the top of her head, “I love you too my little bug.”
“Does Daddy C love me too?” Sophia whispers putting her little head in the crook of Kurt’s neck.
Kurt thought back to all the times Chandler had yelled at Sophia, telling her to grow up, saying that everything she said was nonsense. She’s five for crying out loud, she’s five years old and in Kindergarten.
“Of course, who wouldn’t love a cutie like you?” Kurt smiles, pressing a kiss to her head. “Do you want to go out for dinner tonight?”
“What about Daddy C? Isn’t he coming too?” Sophia climbed off her daddy’s lap, grabbing the coat she kept in his office.
“No, he isn’t going to be home until later tonight, so let’s go out. Do you wanna go to Breadstix?” Kurt asks, putting on his shoes in the hallway, and checking his hair one last time.
Kurt does the buckles on Sophia’s shoes, making sure they’re not too tight and not too loose. “Yes! I love Breadstix! Daddy, when are we going to see Auntie Rachel again? I miss her.”
The thought of Rachel and Finn makes them both smile, they come down at least once a month to visit them, and it’s nice to see more familiar faces. “Hopefully soon, c’mon. Let’s go buggie.” Kurt grabs her hand, and goes out to the car, buckling her up in the car seat and pressing more kisses to her face.
Sophia giggles, and picks up the picture book that she keeps in the car. She’s proud to say that she can actually read the book by herself, with no help from her dads. “You remind me of the prince in this story. Because you’re both really nice and handsome.”
“I do? Well thank you.”
After they ate their dinner, and left, Sophia fell asleep in her car seat. Kurt gently carried her into the apartment, only to be awoken by Chandler’s yelling.
“WHO’VE YOU BEEN SCREWIN’?” Kurt set Sophia down onto the couch.
“I’ve been screwing no one. Not even you.” Kurt calmly says, rolling his eyes.
“That’s not what your gaping asshole is saying. Now why don’t you come show me who you belong to,” Chandler winked, flicking Kurt’s ear lobe with his tongue.
“Chandler, please. I’m not talking about this with you anymore. Let me go put Sophia to sleep,” Kurt picked a half asleep Sophia up in his arms, carrying her down the hall to her room.
“Daddy, why is Daddy C acting like that?” Sophia asked sadly once they settled into her bed. Every night Kurt would cuddle with her until she fell asleep because she fell asleep better and it was sometimes good to get away from Chandler. He hadn’t been in Sophia’s room, or showed any sign of compassion towards her for as long as Kurt could remember.
Kurt sighed silently. “He’s just had a little too much to drink.”
Sophia curled up into Kurt’s chest, closing her eyes. “I don’t like it when he acts like that,” Sophia frowned.
“I don’t either sweetie. I don’t either,” Kurt kissed Sophia’s head. “Now, get some sleep.”
“Goodnight Daddy. I love you.”
“I love you too, Sophia.” Kurt smiled sadly down at his daughter. He sometimes regretted everything. He didn’t regret having Sophia at all, he regretted having her with Chandler. It wasn’t like Chandler was abusive or anything, but it was obvious that he didn’t give a damn about Kurt and Sophia. Kurt wondered why he was still around if that was true. He tried to tell himself that he wasn’t being used for his body, but deep-down, he knew it was true.
But as long as Sophia was happy and safe, so was he. He hummed various tunes under his breath until Sophia was calmly asleep. He laid her back down to sleep, being careful not to wake her.
He made his way back into the living room, hoping not to see his boyfriend there. Unfortunately for him, Chandler was sprawled out on the couch, beer bottle in hand. Their living room was small and stylish, just the way Kurt liked it. It had a couch and a matching loveseat and a flatscreen tv. It had always been one of Kurt’s favorite part of his home, but with Chandler in there, it seemed drastically less appealing.
Kurt settled into the loveseat opening up the newest edition of Vogue Magazine. It seemed to take Chandler a few minutes to notice Kurt was in there because neither of them said anything for quite a while.
“Hey babe,” came Chandler’s voice from the couch.
Kurt ignored his boyfriend, keeping his eyes trained on the words on the paper, his knuckles turning white on the page.
“I said hey babe,” Chandler said quite forcefully this time. Kurt heard him get off the couch and he could feel him standing over him.
“Is there something you want?” Kurt asked coolly, setting down his magazine.
“Just you,” Chandler whispered, his seductive tone returning. He climbed on-top of Kurt, despite his boyfriend's protests.
“Chandler, please. I don’t feel like this right now,” Kurt sighed, as Chandler ran his hands over his chest.
“Oh come on, beautiful,” Kurt flinched, just like he did every time Chandler called him that. It wasn’t that he minded being called beautiful, he loved it, actually. But, coming from Chandler, it was meaningless. He was always using dumb pick up lines Kurt to get what he wanted and Kurt hated it. “I want to be inside you. Just like I’m in your heart.”
Coming from anyone else, Kurt would’ve thought that was a sweet thing to say. But coming from Chandler, is was just as bad as his hollow compliments. “Why were you home so late anyway?” Kurt asked, even though he already knew the answer.
“I..uh, Sam wanted me to stay longer. But that’s behind us now. Now, you’re all mine,” Chandler attached his mouth to Kurt’s neck, surely leaving a mark. Kurt hated how the lips that were on his neck had been in other places on other people he didn’t even want to think about a few hours ago. He hated how Chandler would hook up with what Kurt liked to call his “behind the scenes boyfriend” every day after work instead of being home with him and Sophia.
Chandler worked at a school so he could be home at a decent time if he wanted to, but of course, Sam was more important. Kurt and Chandler had been dating ever since the beginning of college where they met, so about 9 years. About 6 years into the relationship, when Sophia was two, Kurt found out about Chandler cheating. He never wanted to feel like he did then again, but he stayed with Chandler for Sophia’s sake. And for his own. After all, besides Chandler, who was going to like and want him? He hated how he wasn’t good enough that Chandler had to go find someone else to satisfy him. But most of all, he hated lying to Sophia that everything was fine.
Chandler’s lips suddenly found their way to Kurt’s in a forceful kiss. Kurt, however, did not kiss back. He never struggled, but didn’t apply passion back. Chandler didn’t seem to notice, or care, though. “Come on, let’s move this to the bedroom.”
“But Chandler, Sophia is sleeping in the room right next to ours,” Kurt warned, but he knew it was no use.
“I don’t care. I just want you so bad,” Chandler whispered, dipping his hand into Kurt’s waistband. Of course he didn’t care. He never cared.

***
It was Harry Anderson’s favorite time of the day-when he got to see his daddy again after school. His daddy worked at another elementary school a few blocks down the road and he would always pick him up with a big smile and hug.
Today, however, Blaine did not look his normal cheerful self. He had his hands stuffed in his pockets and was standing stiff at the end of the sidewalk where he waited for Harry every day.
“Hi daddy!” Harry ran up to his daddy, extending his small arms in anticipation of a hug. However, Blaine didn’t hug him back like normal days. He instead extended his hand for Harry to take. Harry took it eagerly, but he could tell something was wrong with his daddy. And he didn’t like it.
“Hey bud.”
“Are you okay?” Harry asked, as they walked along, looking up at his daddy with sad eyes.
They walked a little farther and finally made it to the car before Blaine spoke up. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,” he said, giving a small smile that never made it to his eyes. “I just had a pretty bad day.” And he had. But that wasn’t all.
“Okay. I don’t like seeing you sad, Daddy,” Harry said simply as Blaine buckled him into his car seat in the back.
“Thanks, sweetie,” Blaine kissed Harry on the cheek before climbing into the driver's seat. “But enough about me. How was your day?”
Harry went off into explaining his typical Kindergarten day, and Blaine trained his eyes on the road, but his mind was elsewhere. He couldn’t stop thinking about that damn dream. He’d have it once in a while and it got him every time. Blaine hated having to see his face again. Even if it was just in a dream.
He hated having to see Harry crying even though he was too young to understand what was going on. He hated seeing the ugly bruises all over himself even though they had faded years ago. He hated how he had still let it emotionally affect him all these years later. But, most of all he hated him.
Him and his cruel voice.
“Daddy?” Harry asked.
That snapped Blaine out of his thoughts. Harry always snapped Blaine out of everything bad. Harry was his world and he was glad that he had him. He always brought Blaine out of his dark thoughts and he was the reason why Blaine smiled every day. He sometimes wished he had another person like that in his life, in maybe a romantic way, but last time he tried that everything had gone wrong and there was no way he was going down that road again.
“Mhmm?”
“What’s for dinner?” Harry asked curiously, fiddling with the straps on his seat belt.
“Oh, right. Well, you can pick. I picked last night,” Blaine pulled into the familiar apartment garage.
They pulled into their assigned parking spot and Blaine helped Harry up and out of his car seat, holding his hand as they walked to the elevator.
“Can we have pizza? Like, can we make it?”
“Yeah, sure.” Blaine said once they stepped into the apartment. Their apartment was small, two-bedroom, one bathroom and was rundown. It was all Blaine could afford, but he and Harry made the best of it.
“Let’s go, Daddy! Can we make pepperoni? I looovvee pepperoni,” Harry sang, trying to be like his daddy. He wanted to be just like his daddy.
“I think we have some pepperoni left, let me check. Why don’t you put on your little apron.” Blaine looks through the cupboards, eyes watering because he still hasn’t gotten his check for this week, and he can’t even afford to get more food without it.
Harry tugs at his daddy’s pant leg, asking him to tie the apron in the back. “Daddy, did I ever have another parent?”
“I’d rather not talk about that, Harry. There’s no pepperoni left, and we can’t afford to get anymore. We have cheese, sauce, and crust mix. That’s it.” Blaine says harshly, sitting down on the floor with his back against the counter. He closed his eyes and let the few mere tears escape. “I’m sorry I’m not that great of a dad, Harry. I try my best for you, and I know you deserve better than this.”
Harry frowned, he didn’t like not having pepperoni, but he understood. His daddy wasn’t a bad daddy though, why would he think that? Harry didn’t know what to say, so he just wrapped his arms around his dad, and said a simple, “I love you.” Sure, Harry might not have the best clothes, but they fit him correctly still, even though he might have to suck his stomach in a little to fit into his jeans, but doesn’t everyone?
“I just love you Harry, and I just want to give you everything. But I can’t, because I never have enough fucking money left over. I just want to be able to buy you nice, new toys, and some good books! But I can’t. And everyday that I find something I know you’d love, I realize we don’t have enough money to spend.” Blaine rubbed his hands up and down Harry’s back, hearing little sobs escape from Harry.
“B-b-but daddy, you are good. I have love and I have food and I have clothes, that’s everything I need daddy. I j-j-just wan-want you t-to be here for me.” Harry’s eyes are red, and he has tear tracks coming down his face. All Blaine can do is hold him, comforting him.
“Do you still want pizza? Or do you want something else?” Blaine rubbed Harry’s back, again, trying to calm him down even more.
“C-can we have chicken nuggets? Please Daddy?” Harry pouted, rubbing his little nose.
“Yeah, that sounds good. Then you need to take a bath and then bedtime after. I love you.” Blaine presses a kiss to Harry’s black curls.
Harry smiles, his daddy’s kisses were the best, even if they were on top of his head a lot. While his daddy placed the food in the small oven, Harry went to go read a book on the couch. Once upon a time, there was a princess named Cinderella. Cinderella had two evil stepsisters, who made her do everything. She had rags for clothes, and slept in a ratty room.
***
Sophia got up in the middle of the night; she was thirsty-and Daddy K needs to get her a glass if she wants something to drink. She quietly tip toes over to her Daddies room, being careful not to wake Daddy C. As she quietly opened the door, she only saw Daddy C in bed, but the light to the bathroom was on in the room. Daddy C was a heavy sleeper, so he shouldn’t wake up.
“Daddy?” She whispered as she opened the door, seeing that the shower was on.
“Sophia? What are you doing up?!” Kurt hissed, quickly turning off the shower, ignoring how his skin still smelt like Chandler, and how he was bleeding from what happened, though it was stopping.
“I couldn’t sleep and I’m really, really thirsty. Daddy, why is there blood on your legs?” Sophia sits on the toilet seat cover, pointing at the exposed part of his legs. Her daddy was gorgeous, and she didn’t understand why Daddy C treated him the way he did.
“Just give me a minute, okay? It’s nothing hunny, don’t worry. Daddy’s okay, just let me get on some sleep pants, okay?” Kurt whispers, careful not to wake Chandler.
Sophia nods as if she understands.
Once Kurt was dressed, he picked up Sophia and brought her to the kitchen. “Is something else wrong? You haven’t woken up in a long time.” He asks as he grabs a glass, filling it with cold water.
Sophia gulps down half the water, “I got scared Daddy C was going to hurt you. Was he the one who made you bleed?”
Kurt winced; his child was scared for him. Isn’t that a sign that he should leave Chandler? “You wouldn’t understand sweetie..”
“Why were you swearing in your room? Why was daddy C yelling at you and moaning? What were you two doing? Why was the bed hitting the wall?” Sophia asks all these questions quickly, wanting an answer to every, single, questions.
“It’s something adults do for fun, little bug. But only when they love each other.” Kurt fiddles with his thumbs, deciding to braid Sophia’s hair, so it’ll be wavy in the morning.
“You love daddy?”
“No. But daddy thinks I love him, so he uses me.” Kurt explains gently. “Never make the same mistake that I did. Never.”
“Okay, daddy. I don’t really get it, but that’s okay. I just don’t like seeing you sad or hurt. I made a friend at the park yesterday! He has funny hair.” Sophia giggles, making Kurt’s heart fill with warmth.
“A boy? Do I have some competition for being the guy in your heart now? What does he look like?” Kurt puts the empty glass in the sink, sitting back on the couch with Sophia.
“Yes, a boy! No, you’ll always be my favorite guy,” Sophia cuddles into Kurt, sharing his warmth. “He had these really big honey brown eyes, and black curly hair. He’s kinda my height, maybe shorter. His clothes were a little tight.”
“Ooh! Is he cute?” Kurt was happy for Sophia her eyes were bright. She didn’t have many friends.
“I guess. Boys have cooties though, but not you. I’m tired.” She closes her eyes, but immediately is awakened by the sound of Chandler walking down the stairs, yelling for Kurt.
“Slut? Where are you?! C’mon!” When Chandler spots Kurt, his eyes light up. “Hanging with your little girl? How sweet! But I need your asshole.”
Sophia whimpers, she doesn’t want her Daddy to get hurt. “Leave Daddy K alone! Leave him ALONE! You made him bleed!” She pushes Chandler, well, as much as she can.
“Sophia, make yourself useful and go. No one wants you here!” Chandler yells, pushing her over his knee. “Bad girls get punishments. And you’ve been a bad girl.” He slams his hand down onto her bum; “You get 5 slaps, for how old you are.” Kurt can’t do anything but watch, he knows how Chandler gets.
Slap.
Kurt feels the first tear roll down his cheek as Sophia lets out a strangled sob.
Slap.
Slap.
Slap.
Slap.
“Now get your fat ass out of here.”
Kurt picks up Sophia, bringing her to her bed after whispering, “I’ll be back.” to Chandler. “I’m so sorry, Sophia,” Kurt whispered, setting Sophia back down in her bed.
“It’s okay, daddy. Just cuddle with me, please?” Sophia asked softly, gripping onto Kurt’s sleep shirt.
“Of course, sweetie,” Kurt held her against his chest until she fell asleep, her strangled sobs turning into slow, shaky breaths. Kurt kissed her forehead and returned to the living room.
“Chandler, we need to talk,” Kurt said sternly, crossing his arms over his chest.
Chandler blinked slowly, not seeming to take in Kurt’s words. He just looked his boyfriend up and down, a blank look on his face.
“Chandler, I said, we need to talk,” Kurt repeated, hugging himself.
“And by that, you mean I’ll listen to you tell me what I did wrong, right?” Chandler asked, his face almost as unreadable as the blank wall he was staring at.
“Chandler, I’m serious,” Kurt said in a harsh whisper, still trying to keep his voice down. “So am I.”
Kurt rolled his eyes. “We’ll talk tomorrow, I’ve had too much for one day. Goodnight.” Kurt started to walk up the stairs, but he heard Chandler’s footsteps behind him. Suddenly, he felt a cold hand in his own. He looked sharply to see his boyfriend walking along side him, holding his hand.
“Relax baby, I’m just holding your hand,” Chandler whispered. Relaxing was the last thing that Kurt wanted to be doing when Chandler was talking like that.
“I’m still mad at you,” Kurt had always loved holding hands with people-he used to with Chandler too, but not when he found out about Sam. That basically changed his whole life around, even though he had never met the guy or knew the slightest thing about him.
People say that you feel sparks when you hold hands with someone you really love. Kurt had never felt that with Chandler. Kurt had never felt anything that he expected to feel with Chandler. Maybe he wasn’t in love, maybe he never was.
None of that had ever mattered to him. Until now.
***
When Kurt woke up, the sun was pooling into his room and something was gone. Chandler, to be more precise. Kurt was disappointed, but not shocked. Chandler was hardly ever there in the morning. Or at all, for that matter. Kurt stretched his arms above his head, the blood and cum covered bed he was in making him want to puke. There was something else on the bed-a note. Kurt picked it up, half dreading what was on it.
“Dear My Lovely,” Was written in Chandler’s scratchy rushed handwriting. Kurt hated it already. “I’m sorry about last night. I truly am. I had way too much to drink and I got way out of hand. It won’t happen again. I’m sorry again. For everything. I’ll be home early today to take you and Sophia out to eat, and then we can talk. I hope it makes up for it. Sorry again, Chandler xoxo.”
Kurt groaned, throwing the note aside. He wanted to believe him and accept his apology, but he couldn’t. He knew Chandler all too well for that.
Kurt wasn’t going to wake Sophia up yet-it was a bad night last night, she needed rest. Kurt hopped into the shower, washing his hair, and making sure that all the blood was off of him. Sophia would need a bath too, so he got out the amazing scented bubbles that he saved for special occasions, a gigantic fluffy white towel, and some nice soap for her.
It was Saturday, so he was in no rush. When he went to wake up Sophia, she was already up, sitting at the small table in her room, coloring in her coloring book. “Hi sweetie, how are you feeling?” Kurt pressed a kiss to her cheek.
“It hurts Daddy. It hurts a lot,” Sophia sniffed, wiping her nose on her sleeve.
Kurt sat down in the small chair across the table from Sophia. They were sitting at a round, pink table that was fitted with matching pink chairs. Sophia would often color or read books on it. It had been a while since someone else had sat in the chair that Kurt was now sitting in; Sophia didn’t have many friends. Kurt felt bad for her because he knew how hard it was to not have friends, but he knew that Sophia would make some soon. After all, she was only in Kindergarten.
“I’m sorry, sweetie.” He was in quite a bit of pain himself.
Sophia shrugged, still hard at work coloring a picture. “It’s okay. Don’t look, Daddy!” she covered up the page that she was coloring; obviously for Kurt.
“I won’t,” Kurt laughed warmly. “Can I color something too?”
“Sure, Daddy. You can pick from the Little Mermaid or Snow White. I’m coloring in the Cinderella one,” she explained.
Kurt picked out the Little Mermaid book, opening it up to a random page. The one he opened to was perfect; it was Ariel and Sebastian, Sophia’s favorite characters. He ripped it out of the book, and wrote “To my angel, Sophia” on the top of it with a crayon. They colored in silence for a few minutes before Sophia finally spoke up.
“Daddy, do you think that Daddy C would like it if I colored one for him?” She asked, looking up at Kurt with her beautiful eyes that were a bright blue today.
Kurt knew he wouldn’t, but he didn’t have the heart to tell this to her. “I’m sure he would, sweetie,” he lied.
Sophia ripped out a new page, diving into coloring again. “Done!”
Kurt was done as well, and he thought it looked pretty good; good for a coloring book and crayons anyway.
“I’ll show you mine first!” She displayed her picture proudly. At the top it said “To: Daddy K From: Sophia” followed by a big heart. The page had a picture of Cinderella and her prince at the ball, and it was surprisingly neat. Kurt knew that she had just picked the page that she thought was prettiest, but Kurt saw something more. Sophia was like Cinderella, and Kurt was the prince. No, they weren’t romantically involved, but to Sophia, Kurt was a princess. She was his princess. And of course, Chandler was the evil step mom, always trying to hold Sophia back and being unpleasant to her. Kurt laughed silently to himself imagining Chandler as an old woman.
Of course, he didn’t say any of this to Sophia. “It’s beautiful, sweetie. I love it,” he said simply, hugging her, at least as well as he could over the table.
“Thank you Daddy! I hoped you would like it. And I like mine too. It’s beautiful,” she said looking at her picture that Kurt had colored in awe. “I guess I’ll just leave mine for Daddy C on the counter,” she said sadly.
Kurt caught a glimpse of her picture that she had drawn. “I’m sorry for being bad.” It said. Kurt felt his heart break in his chest at those words. Sophia was getting down on herself for something she didn’t do. “I’m sure he’ll love it,” he said softly. “Now, how about a bath?”
“Okay!”
*
There was a park a few blocks away that Sophia had always loved to go to. It had a swing set and a playground, and Kurt loved it because it was in a safe part of town. He could read a magazine or a book and keep an eye on her without worrying about her. “Come on Daddy!” Sophia skipped down the sidewalk, a huge almost-toothless grin on her face. “Maybe my friend will be there!”
Kurt smiled, Sophia didn’t have many friends, but she didn’t shut up about her new friend during her bath. “Well, I think I need to meet this man.”
Sophia ran to the swings as soon as she got there, sitting in the swing next to a boy with curly black hair. Sophia tapped him on the shoulder, hoping it was her new friend. The boy turned around, and sure enough, Sophia was staring into golden-brown eyes that she had seen once before. And would hopefully see many many times again.
End Notes: Is it good? Sorry if there were spelling mistakes. Reviews appreciated!

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