March 10, 2012, 7:41 a.m.
What Difference Does It Make?: Endless white and honey cascades
M - Words: 718 - Last Updated: Mar 10, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 2/? - Created: Feb 27, 2012 - Updated: Mar 10, 2012 198 0 1 0 0
Most of the time he barely manage keep his eyes open, not that was any a reason to open his eyes anyway, everything that was waiting to be seen in that place was that endless ocean of milky white. But people kept saying to him that he should open his eyes, that he should look to the world outside.
What those people didn't understand was that there wasn’t anything left to be seen in his world, that Kurt's world didn't have vivid colors anymore.
The only colors he had in that place were the ones brought by the woman dressed up in white coats.
Three times a day they came to his room bringing him all those small pills, blue pills, red pills, yellow pills, such a colorful amount of different pills.
His dad also came to visit him sometimes, but not frequently as the woman in white, Burt came twice for week and sometimes Caroline came along too. He always asked for Kurt how he is feeling and he always answered “Fine” even if inside of his heart Kurt knew that the right answer for his dad’s question was “imperfect”.
But his dad didn’t need know that, in fact no one need know about Kurt’s imperfection, even the man dressed in white that Kurt was forced to meet three times a week. That man would write in his stupid copy note about his imperfection and then he would tell Burt that Kurt wasn’t ready to go back home making his dad cry again. And Kurt was so tired of all the crying.
Most of the people that were locked in that place like him, spend their days crying and doing all these stupid noises, and Kurt hated those people.
They were lifeless shadows with the same glazed look that he had himself. It was like look in shattered mirror, all those imperfect faces so similar to his own, all over the place corrupting the perfect white in the same way Kurt had corrupt the perfect life of the ones that he loved.
That was why Kurt didn’t open his eyes anymore, he didn’t want people crying, he didn't want to see more white.
His only wish was be drown and disappear in that ocean of milk white, being forgotten forever.
-------------------------------------------------
“Honey” that was the first thought the filled Kurt mind seeing the nervous man sat beside his doctor.
That young man also wore white, but didn’t seemed old and boring like his doctor, he seemed young and full of life, making Kurt miss the felling saw in that man honey eyes, the excitement, the youth.
He had lost years ago, when they broke him, making him imperfect.
“Your eyes look like honey” Kurt spoke surprising the young honey eyed man in front of him. He was Dr. Wong assistant and was studying to be just like his mentor, a renowned psychiatry.
His name was Blaine Anderson and he already had read the patient’s file.
Hummel, K. it said in the top of the white paper, the patient name's was Kurt Hummel, also known as case 123563-B, diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder, emotional disorders and some eating disorders as well. He had tried kill himself three times in last two years and his mental instability started after suffer a prolonged bullying during his school life. His first break down happened after a homophobic attack that left him close to death since then he have been suffering with an extreme sensitivity to negative evaluation.
All the nurses’ observations said that the boy had social inhibition and feelings of inadequacy , avoiding any kind of social interaction besides his dad’s visits.
Yes, Blaine knew everything about that patient what he didn’t understand was the reason why Kurt was interacting with him, when the Dr. Wong himself usually didn’t extract anything besides “Fine” from him during his sessions.
“Your eyes really look like honey” Kurt declaimed again closing his eyes.
He wanted keep those honey colors with him, he wanted remember that color before sleep and dream with honey cascades.
“T-thank you” Blaine answered not being heard.
Kurt was too lost thinking in honey cascades to pay attention.
Comments
Fuck. I'm exactly Kurt. When I read his diagnosis I was like 'Well, shit.' xD God, please update soon! I don't mind mistakes, this is perfect.