“Glad you made it, Blaine!” Nick grinned. “The gang ain’t the same without you.”

“Lies,” I teased. “I heard you replaced me!”

“Never! Well it wasn’t my idea,” he tried to defend himself, laughing.

“Yea it was all David’s,” Trent waved a hand.

“Yea – hey what!?” David laughed.

I just shook my head smiling. “So where is this newbie?”

“This ‘newbie’ is right here,” another Blazer-ed boy walked over. “So this is the famous Blaine Warbler, Mr. Sex on a Stick. You were right Trent, totally tasty.”

Trent nearly choked but I just laughed. Stupid joke with the Warblers was about how ‘sexy’ we all were. Sex Milkshakes, Sexiciles, FruityBooties; these were all nicknames we given ourselves. I was Sexipop, or ‘Sex on a Stick’. It was the small inside jokes we had.

“And you must be Sebastian?” I asked.

“Sebastian Smythe, at your service,” he smirked. “Glad to see the rumors were true – “

“Yes, my boyfriend is definitely sexy, isn’t he?” Kurt finally stepped out of the sidelines and hugged my good arm, glaring slightly at Sebastian.

“Hm cute,” Sebastian chuckled. “Aren’t you a little – “

“Hey guys! We still have a song to sing to Blaine,” Nick cut Sebastian off. And thank god because I swear Kurt was about to pulled a Lil’ Kim and throw a phone at him.

“Warblers, positions!” Jeff mocked David as they went to go sing. I laughed as David gave him a look and readied them for singing.

I smiled as I listened. Nick took the lead, and I felt so proud.

Part of my heart ached, as I watched them sing and move. As lovely as this was, I missed being here. With them. I don’t even need to be singing, I just miss them.

I quickly wiped away the tear that managed to escape. They were amazing as always.

“You liked it?” Trent bounced a bit, waiting my response.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I?” Sebastian doesn’t know. But these guys do. It wasn’t just ‘if I liked their singing.’ It was more like ‘we’re here for you so take advantage of that’. “It was amazing. Thank you guys.”

“Yea, these poor saps were pretty bummed you left,” Sebastian chuckled.

“Well, he was our lead Warbler,” Jeff said. “It was like losing a brother.”

It was more than losing a brother. Because it wasn’t like Blaine just transferred. No, we literally almost lost Blaine. And I’m afraid this wasn’t the first time.

I tried, I really did, to take care of Blaine. When he first appeared in my dorm room as my new roommate he looked like a kicked puppy. He was jumpy, and flinched when I went to shake his hand the first time we met. I should of caught it then. He was so exciting to be dorming, to be away from home. I shrugged it off as just wanting to be away from house rules, curfews, and the such. He dreaded, dreaded, going home on the weekends. He avoided it when he could. When he came out to me I just figured his parents didn’t fully accept him. I told him to give them time and maybe stay a few weekends here at Dalton. He was shocked when he learned he could do that. Like it was so amazing and the best thing ever in the world. I just blamed it on his coming out.

That’s what kills me the most. The signs. There were so many. Never wanting to come home. Flinching at the touches. The scared look when he had to go home. He way he hated summer and how he never wanted to talk about his parents. I should of reached out to him. I was his mentor. I should have known. I was his first friend here. His only friend in a while. And it kills me all the time.

I watch as everyone mingles. I’m not a Warbler anymore. Hell, I’m not a singer anymore. I’m a college student studying biogenetics. The Warblers … they were a hobby. Something to distress me in the choking hold that was Dalton’s workload. It helped. The Warblers were more than a group of singers and more than friends and more then brothers. We are eight hearts beating as one. Like a fraternity or what have you, these were friends you made for life.

“Wes! Earth to Wesley!”

“Huh?” I blinked, looking at a hand waving in front of my face. The hand that belonged to Nick. “Oh yea?”

“We’re going to go grab some sushi. Wanna come?” Thad asked as he threw on his jacket. Seven eyes waiting for me to response.

“Uh yea duh! In case you forgot,” I point my finger at all of them. “I’m the one who showed you the place.”

They all laughed and I just smiled. I can’t let the past deter me from helping Blaine fix his future. I grab my jacket and head out with the rest of them.

I lie wide awake in Kurt’s bed. I hear his steady breathing, and in a way it’s smoothing enough to nearly put me to sleep. But my mind’s working a mile a minute and it’s whizzing to much for me to sleep.

I think about the Warblers and I think about the song and Kurt and my friends and the New Directions and the group at church and the fact that maybe I’m not all alone in this. I think about my dad. I wonder what’s happening with him. I did all the police protocol and told my story, the doctors theirs and just everything. But the idea of confronting him. What if I have to go to court? What if I have to go talk to him? No no, it’ll be fine. I’ll live. I’ll be okay. I have Kurt and Burt and Carole and Finn and my friends and everyone. But what if what what if –

My heart is beating now, and I felt hot and like I’m having a panic attack. I’m afraid I’ll wake up Kurt. I slipped out of the bed and sighed. Might as well go do something. I slinked up the stairs and into the kitchen, pouring myself a glass of milk. I sit at the kitchen counter and drum my fingers against it. I need to occupy my mind. I need to. If I don’t I’ll do something stupid and I’m really trying not to because before we went to bed Kurt almost saw because I was stupid, stupid, stupid to forgot that I couldn’t change in front of him. But good old Burt. Good, good man and his rules and Kurt’s need to follow them and how we aren’t allowed to change in the same room. I rub the still healing cuts on my inner thighs, chewing the inside of my lip. They itch, they itch like crazy and the more I scratch the more they tear and the more I scratch the more they need to heal and the more they need to heal they itch –

“Blaine?”

I screamed that I have to cover my mouth, nearly knocking over my glass. I mentally slap myself. Kurt can have friends over so can Finn. The kitchen is filled with Finn, Mike, Puck, and Sam, all looking for midnight snacks.

“Whoa whoa chill it’s just us,” Finn reassured me. I just nod as I watched the boys raid the fridge.

“Want?” Mike offered me some leftover pasta. I shrugged and gave a nod as Puck grabbed a few forks. I grabbed one and stabbed some rigatoni.

“So you living here yet or what?” Puck asked with a mouthful of food.

“Not yet,” I mumbled, staring at the pasta on my fork.

“When?”

“A few more weeks,” Finn interjected. “Until then he’s at a home.”

I finally eat and put my fork down. “Yea. A home. Group home.” I keep my sentence short. I’m still on my insane rambles and I don’t need everyone knowing I’m crazy. My leg is shaking like I just drank a can of Monster and all I want to do is run. I know I must look crazy no need to sound it too.

“What’s that?” Sam asked, pouring himself some water.

“It means I share it with four other foster kids,” I muttered. “I hate it, hate it, hate it. Can’t stand it and I gotta go back tomorrow and I don’t want to I never want to,” I muttered faster.

They’re all staring at me with these looks and it’s killing me.

“S-sorry I-I just – “ I started.

“No don’t be,” Mike said. “There’s no reason to,”

“I’m beig ridiculous.”

“You’re being fine,” Finn said.

“Don’t lie to me it’s almost as bad when people pity me,” I sighed.

“We’re not – “

“I said don’t.”

“Fine fine. You actually do sound a little batshit insane,” Puck said.

“Ass!” Mike slapped the back of Puck’s head.

I just burst out laughing. I knew it wasn’t helping my case but still. I couldn’t stop. I felt them all staring at me but soon Puck joined and then the rest of them followed.

Finn quieted down enough to remind us we were the only ones up and if we woke up Burt or Carole we’d be in trouble. And if we woke up Kurt we’d be dead.

“Why are you up anyway?” Mike asked as we shoved more food in our mouths.

“Same as you. Hungry,” I lied.

“Then why were you just sitting here,” Puck asked.

“I wasn’t – “

“Not you stop lying to us,” Mike said.

I sighed. “Fine. I just couldn’t sleep. It happens.”

“Is everything okay?” Sam asked.

I played with the pasta in the container. “I guess. I could be worse. Just a lot on my mind.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Mike asked.

“No no I’ll be fine.” Lies lies lies. But no need to burden them.

“Sure?” they kept pressing but I kept denying it. “I’m fine. Fine, fine, fine,” I muttered, bordering crazy again.

“Alright alright. We get it. But seriously man,” Puck said as we finished the last of the leftover macaroni. “We here for you, and you can always talk to us if you ever need to.”

“Yea thanks. I think I’ll go back to bed and try to sleep now,” I got up and went downstairs before they can reply.