Jan. 22, 2012, 9:31 p.m.
Only With Courage Will You Survive : Life as a Victim
M - Words: 1,979 - Last Updated: Jan 22, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 9/? - Created: Sep 29, 2011 - Updated: Jan 22, 2012 373 0 2 0 0
"Would you fucking stop that?" the kid in the bed next to me growled. I just drummed my fingers more. "I said, fucking stop that," he hissed. I ignnored him and continued my drumming, humming If I Die Young by the Band Perry. "I said knock it the fuck out faggot!" he snapped up, glaring.
"Bite me," I said, continuing my humming.
The kid glared and jumped onto my bed. "What you say fairy!?" he grabbed me be my shirt collar and shook me. I hissed, the burning in my ribs unbearable and my shoulder loosened.
"S-stop!" I shrieked, trying to puch him off.
"Fuck you faggot!" he pulled a punch, landing it in my gut, knocking all the breath out of me. And he keeps hitting me and hitting me and hitting me all over and all the other boys are just staring at us.
"G-getoffmeg-getofme!" I cried, and that was it. I was back home my dad was ontop of me I was getting hit and hit and hit. I tried to back into the bed, but he wouldn't stop no not stopping not stopping not stopping. I won't scream I won't scream I won't scream. If I scream, he wins. If I scream the neighbors will hear and I will be in worse trouble.
"Matthew!" I heard a woman shriek, and my dad is pulled off me. I jumped off the bed and cowered in the corner, shaking. I hear yelling and more yelling and all I can do is stay in my corner and think of Kurt. Kurt Kurt Kurt. I let out a sob and hug my knees.
"Blaine?" I feel hand on my good shoulder. "Blaine are you okay?"
"Get away from me!" I choked out a sob, smacking the hand away. "Get away get away get away!"
"Fucking fag---"
"Matthew! Go get ready for school!" Jenna hissed. "Blaine are you okay?" she repeated. I just ignored her, shaking my head and rocking my body. My shoulder hurts, my ribs hurt, everything hurts. "And you two!" she snapped at the ither boys. "You just watched this!? Go! Get ready!"
I stopped rocking and sobbing but I'm still shaking and hugging my knees. And now the doorbell's ringing and ringing and ringing.
"Doreen? Can you get that please?" Jenna called, not wanting to leave me. I hear people coming up the stairs, and I hear someone mutter an 'Oh My God' and I can tell it's Kurt so I try to stop shaking but I can't all I can think about is being back home with my dad and the feeling of waiting for it to just happen.
"What the hell happened here?" I hear Kurt squeal, and feel him crouch towards me, rubbing the small of my back.
"There was a fight," Jenna answered calmly.
"Oh was that it?" Kurt snarked. "Just a fight? No problems?"
"Now look---"
"No. I will not. Now if you excuse us, we have to get to school," I feel Kurt pull me up.
"No no no I don't want to go to school no no no," I rambled.
"C'mon Blaine," Kurt sighed as he led me out of the house and into his car, both his and my book bag over his shoulder. Tossing them in the back he helped me get into the front seat. I'm still shaking but I'm calming down now but I still fumble with the fucking seat belt.
I watched as Blaine struggled to buckle up. "Here," I reached over, clicking the buckle in. "Blaine are you okay?"
"I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine it's ok it's ok," he's rambling like the night we found him and I'm worried.
"Blaine ..."
"I don't want to go to school," he put his hand to his ear.
"I know. We're not."
"Wuh-we're not?" he stammered.
"No. You still want to pick up your stuff?" I asked.
Blaine fiddled with his shoelace and nodded. "Y-yea ..."
"Alright let's go," I said, putting the car in drive and going towards Blaine's place. I can hear Blaine's rapid breaths, his whimpering. My heart breaks with each spasm.
"K-Kurt?" He perked up after a bit of silence.
"Yes?"
"Th-thanks. And sorry I'm making you skip class," he let out a weak, dry chuckle. "And sorry for acting..."
"Don't say it!" I wagged a finger at him. "First of all I am mad and appalled that you can't stay at my house but it's okay to be with those hoodlums."
"Kurt d-don't..."
"No Blaine I will! It's not fair!"
"Kurt p-please ..." Blaine looked at me pleadingly.
I sighed as we pulled into Blaine's driveway, parking the car and stepping out. "You got keys?"
"Yea ..." Blaine nodded, pulling his set of keys from his bookbag. "C-coming?"
"Of course!" I gave him a smile before jumping out the car. He opened the door and walked inside. I was never allowed at Blaine's, he claimed it was to protect me. I never took him seriously but I guess I should have. I walked in and the place looked like a disaster zone. The coffee table was overturned, the couch ripped apart, the curtains torn and pictures were knocked down, and the big mirror above the fire place was smashed.
"Blaine?" I said, hoping to offer some comfort.
"C'mon, let's go to my room."
His room is upstairs, and the door is kicked in. His mattress was upturned and drawers were pulled out and clothes were everywhere. His bookcase was toppled over, books were everywhere.
"Um ..." I shuffled my feet.
"It's messy..."
I nodded. "But ... Everything looks like it's here."
"Help me pack?"
"That's why I'm here," I kissed his cheek. I started picking up clothes and folding them. "A suitcase?"
"In my closest hold on I'll get it." He stepped over a pile, pulling out two suitcases. I grabbed one from him and started filling it with clothes. He placed the other one near me, and started picking up his books. I picked up his Warblers' blazer and cracked a smile.
"Sentiment reasons?" I teased.
"Hey!" he laughed. "I had a lot of good times in that blazer," he winked at me.
"Blaine!" I let out an embarrassed laugh annd tossed a balled up sock at him. He dodged it and laughed.
I shook my head smiling and continued to pack his things. As I was packing, I spotted a few pictures on the floor. There was one when Blaine was a little kid, around eight or nine, another of him at the same age, but with his parents, grinnging and smiling. I gave a small smile and pocketed the little Blaine picture. I spotted another picture, more recent, yet again of Blaine and his parents.
I picked the picture frame up and looked over to see if Blaine was looking. He was too indudgled in his books. I studied the picture, wondering if this was another facade, or were they really happy?
"It wasn't about me being gay."
I jumped as Blaine's voice interrupted me. "H-huh? O-oh no?"
"It wasn't. Just as long as I didn't act on it."
It took me a minute to understand what he he said. "S-so it's my fault..."
"What? No!" Blaine shook. "No no no it was going to happen anyway it was bound to happen!" He was rambling again.
I turned away. "It is ..."
"Shut up!" He stormed. "Stop being such a fucking baby!"
I snapped my head up, shocked and hurt. "Me!? I'm the baby!? You should be talking!"
"Excuse me!?"
"Yea you! You talk about courage, but you were to afraid to speak up!"
"W-what?"
"Yea! You--you! You could have!---If you just!---You are just a scared little boy!" I snapped.
Blaine got up and in a split second, was in my face, grabbing my wrist in his good hand and squeezed the gap between my hand and wrist.
I'm squeezing and squeezing and squeezing and I'm angry and I just want him to hurt.
"B-Blaine let go!" Kurt cried, trying to scream. His face is scrunched up, as it always did when he cried.
"Shut up shut up shut up shut up!" I screamed. Someone will hear someone will hear someone will hear.
"B-Blaine ..." He whispered it now, but he might as well shouted it.
"No! You---you--you think you know courage!? I'm a coward!? I survived! I didn't run away from my fucking problems like you did! You think Karofsky was bad!? Try someone bigger and stronger and your own fucking father!" I spat, squeezing his wrist harder and harder and I'm pulling him down until he's on the floor.
"B-B-Blaine..." he's begging now, no louder than a whisper. And it hits me. I dropped Kurt's wrist and back away until I hit a wall.
"Oh my God oh my God oh my God..." I just slid down the wall and stare past Kurt. And he's staring back at me oh fuck oh fuck what did I do shit shit shit shit.
"Blaine...?" Kurt got up from the floor, wiping his face.
"No no no no no don't come near me!" I shook.
"Blaine..." He gathered closer to me.
"No!"
"Blaine," he was in front of me, kneeling down and sitting crossed legged in front of me. He put a hand on my knee. The hand. The hand I nearly popped off.
I pushed it off. "No no no no I hurt you!"
"It's okay Blaine I'm sorry---"
"Why? Why!?" I shook my head. "I. HURT. You."
"I shouldn't of said those---"
"No Kurt!" I swallowed hard, trying to regain me sanity. "No I shouldn't of hurt you."
"It's fine you didn't really hurt me," Kurt gave me a weak smile. I shook my head, not believing him. He sighed and went to undo my sling. "It's been long enough---"
"It's still sore."
"Just for a minute." He same, taking my arm out carefully. "Have you taken this off yet?" he rubbed the bandage on my hand.
"...No"
"How come?"
"It's ... It's not ... It's gonna be ugly."
"Nothing on you is ugly," he smiled. He lifted the beginning of the bandage. "May I?"
I swallowed hard and gave a small nod. "O-okay." He started to unravel it. I closed my eyes tight, feeling the bandage peel off. "H-h-h-how is it?"
I felt him kissed my scar, and although it was a sweet gesture, it still made me shudder. "You okay?" I heard him ask. I nodded slowly. "Open your eyes."
I openned them slowly to see my hand face up in Kurt's hands. The skin is leathery, looking scrunched up and ripplely. I made a face.
"Scars are hot," Kurt teased, stroking my palm.
We sat on the top of my car, drinking coffee in the Lima Bean parking lot. It was late, and Blaine was past his curfew, but who cared?
"Think I'll ever be normal again?" Blaine sighed, holding my hand. His arm was back in the sling, but his hand was stayed out of the e bandage. I knew it made him uncomfortable, but he was doing better.
"You are normal."
"I mean, not having these psycho flip outs. One minute I'm okay then I'm moody then I'm crazy then I'm whimpering in the corner like a kicked puppy," he frowned, looking up. "That's not normal."
"It's still fresh, that's why. Give it time, everything will go back to normal."
"Well, hopefully not everything," he joked, turning to give me a goofy grin. I chuckled and nudged him.
"Oh?"
"I'll be living with you, aren't I? That sure as hell ain't normal."
"Hey! Is that an insult?"
"What! Noooo!" he laughed. I laughed along, glad to catch a glimpse of the old Blaine again.
"Blaine?"
"Mrhm?"
"Can I ask you a question?"
"You can ask me two questions," he teased.
"Just, how were you able to keep it up before?"
"Keep what up?"
"...'Normal' you. I've never seen this part of you, and from what I gather it's been happening for a while now."
Blaine shrugged his good shoulder. "I had to. How would you feel if the person giving advice on being strong and having courage was breaking down at the drop of a hat?"
"I would have understood..."
Blaine took my hand and smiled. "You're too good Kurt."
Comments
hopefuly things will turn out better for him though. so i am going to have to keep reading this so i can find out what happens next
Things will get better for him <3 And yay! I'm glad you like the story!