Chapter 7

Rachel slowly got up out of bed and walked to the kitchen to pop popcorn.  She was still very much asleep, but Kurt’s epiphany had jolted her a bit.

Deep down in her mind, she guessed she’d always known that Kurt hadn’t really turned straight that year in high school.  But how could anyone argue with him! He had seemed so caught up on the whole thing, that it was hard to make your own opinion on the matter.  So as any good friend should, she accepted it and moved on.  Besides, nowadays it seemed like all Kurt did was sleep with girls…

But now, she couldn’t help but wonder what exactly had made him go through this again?  

“Santana.”

“You seem happy. What happened, did someone piss in your cheerios this morning?” The Latina smirked.  She seemed very relaxed, just sitting on the couch, her legs crossed.  She was wearing a short dress and her black hair was thrown in a messy up-do.

“W-why are you here?”

“I just wanted to see you, sweetie,” she got up from the couch, and walked over to him.   She laid her arms across his shoulders and leaned in, stopping when her face was only a few inches from Blaine’s. 

Blaine could feel her breath on his face, and something inside him stirred.  “Why? You left me.”

She walked away, swinging her arms by her side, facing away from him she said, “Oh, you know.  I—“

“He left you didn’t he?”

She turned around to face him and said, “You’ve always done that, haven’t you, Blainey? Known exactly what was going through my mind. It’s part of what I loved about you.”

Blaine scoffed at that word. “Love.” Hardly. She’d never loved him. But he’d loved her. He’d loved her more than she could ever reciprocate.  And he still did.

“So what do you want?”

She raised an eyebrow at him, “Why do we have to assume I want something. Why can’t I just be here to see you?”

“Because I know you, and I know that’s not how you work.”

She sighed before giving in, “Okay, okay.  He and I were sharing an apartment.  He kicked me out. So I just need a place to stay until I can find somewhere more permanent. It shouldn’t be long, I’ve already started looking, I just need somewhere in the meantime.”

Blaine stood there.  She wanted to stay with him? How could he do that?  How could he stay in the same apartment as her when the wound was still open?  He couldn’t. There was no way in hell. And yet, “Okay.”

“Really? Aw thank you so much! It’ll only be for a little while, I promise! You’re amazing.” She ran over and threw her arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug.  He couldn’t decide what to do with his arms. Would wrapping them around her seem weird? Or maybe just leaving them at his sides was even weirder.  This is where help from Kurt might have been useful.

Rachel and Kurt were sitting across from each other on Rachel’s bed.  Kurt was stuffing his face full of popcorn (and had been for about ten minutes) and not talking, while Rachel sipped on the coffee he had brought.

“Um, Kurt?”

He looked up from the bowl. “Hm?”

“Was there a purpose to you coming here, or did I just dream that call you gave me?”

He finished chewing what was in his mouth. “Oh, right. That. Let’s just talk about something else. Like work. How’s your job going?”

“Really? I did not wake up, at one in the morning to talk about my boring ass job. Kurt, don’t avoid this, you came over here for a reason, now talk.”

His face fell into an almost-pout. “But I don’t want to.”

She crossed her arms deciding to implement the silent treatment.

“Fine. I think…I think I might still be…gay? A little bit. Just the tiniest ounce of it, still up there. You know, floating around. I just…Is there something wrong with me?”

“Oh, sweetie, no! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you!  What makes you think that though?” She had leaned over to rub his arm, reassuringly.

He shook his head, “I don’t know. A bunch of things I guess.” One thing in particular, he thought, “I thought I had gotten rid of it, though, Rach.  I thought it was gone. I was cured! But no, of course not. It’s still up there, lurking around. You think you could help me get rid of it?” It wasn’t until after he said it, that he realized how it sounded.

“Wait, what? Help you g–“

“Oh! No, not like that! God, no. No, no, no, no, no. I just mean…I don’t know really. Just help me…”

“Kurt, it isn’t a disease. You don’t have to be ‘cured.’ It’s fine to be gay. There’s nothing wrong with it.”

“Oh, thank you.  So it’s perfectly fine, if everyone hates me, because I like cock! That’s perfectly A-Okay, right? If everyone thinks I’m a freak. No. No, Rachel, I’m not putting up with that. Not again. You can’t just be yourself in this world, okay? You have to bend to their rules. And that’s what I intend on doing.”

Rachel sighed, the last thing she needed was for Kurt to get all worked up, “That was high school, Kurt. We’re in the real world now, people don’t care as much. And if they do, you know what? Fuck them.”

“I don’t want to, though. I don’t want to give in to those feelings, I’ve come too far, Rach,” he looked down at the popcorn bowl in his lap, tears threatening his vision.

“It’s okay. You just need to figure out what’s going on, yeah?  Just take some time to organize your feelings, and you’ll know what to do.  But anyways, something had to have provoked this. So what was it?”

He looked up at her, and at the same time, images and feelings flashed through his mind. Blaine’s lips against his. Blaine’s naked back in his living room. Hazel eyes and curly hair.

Rachel somehow figured it out though, “It’s him, isn’t it? That guy you’re helping?”

He nodded briefly. 

“And he’s straight isn’t he?”

He nodded, “Not that it matters, because I’m straight, too. I know it.”

“Okay, Kurt.” She laid down on the bed, and invited him to join her. “Just stay here tonight.”

He laid down beside her, before asking, “You don’t believe me, do you?”

“No, it’s not that. It’s just I don’t think you even know what you want right now.  I think you just need to give it time.”

“Mmkay.” And before he knew it, he was drifting off.

“You know, if you wanted, I could just call my friend, Jasmine, she lives close by,” Santana said, but mumbled to herself something about Jasmine being a cutesy-nice weirdo.

“No, no. You’re fine. Um, just let me set you up on the couch.” Since he and Wes shared the apartment, there wasn’t a guest room.

Blaine went to the linen closet, out of view from Santana and found himself panicking. How was he supposed to just sleep in a room, one wall away from her? How? He didn’t think he could do it.

He grabbed some sheets and walked back to the living area. When he arrived, Wes was standing in front of the door, staring at Santana.

“What is she doing here?”

Santana was glaring back at him, she opened her mouth but Blaine spoke before she got a chance to. “She’s just staying here for a little while until she finds somewhere else.” He shrugged, putting on the façade that it was perfectly fine.

Wes sneered, “Why?”

Santana replied, “Listen you little Asian monkey, as much as you don’t like me, and I don’t like you,  Blaine and I have history. And even though we’re not together anymore, we can still do favors for each other, right, Blainers?”

Blaine grunted, although somehow he doubted she would do the same for him.

She looked back at Wes, “And there’s really nothing you can do about it.”

Wes grunted, “Actually, considering I pay half the rent, I could call the cops and have you thrown out if I wanted to.”

“Wes…” Blaine warned.

“Fine, whatever I’m just going to bed.” He walked to his bedroom, and slammed the door, not unlike a dramatic teenage girl.  A few seconds later though, he opened it again, “Blaine? Can you come here for a second?”

Blaine dropped the sheets on the couch and walked into Wes’s bedroom. The other boy closed the door behind him.

“Look, Blaine, I know that you still have feelings for her or whatever, but honestly? You’re letting her stay here?”

“I don’t see another option, Wes. I mean…I can’t just kick her out,” Blaine looked at the ground.

 “Yes. You can. Man, she doesn’t love you, okay? She never did. She’s using you! Why can’t you see that?”

He jerked his head up, “You know what? You’re an asshole.  Yeah. I do know that, okay? That doesn’t mean I needed you to tell me though. And no, I’m not kicking her out. She’s lived here before, there’s no reason she can’t stay a few nights.”

Wes remembered those awful months when Santana had lived in their apartment. He shuddered. “I think you’re going to regret it.”

“Shut up.” With that, Blaine left his bedroom and walked through the living room to reah his own.

Santana started, “Bl—“

He just held up a hand, and quietly closed his bedroom door behind him.