I Can´t Decide Whether You Should Live or Die
Lisa-Beth
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I Can´t Decide Whether You Should Live or Die: We´re Going For A Ride


E - Words: 6,087 - Last Updated: Nov 19, 2011
Story: Closed - Chapters: 10/? - Created: Sep 24, 2011 - Updated: Nov 19, 2011
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Author's Notes: So, that´s the first chapter that needs the high rating ;) Also, it´s really long (for me) - enjoy it and if you´re lovely you´ll leave me a review. PLEASE :)
This morning was different from all the ones before.

When Kurt entered the kitchen, he caught Blaine humming one of Katy Perry�s newer songs – Kurt still didn�t know why he was so obsessed with her or why she was still successful at all - while making coffee. There was toast in the toaster and when Blaine turned around, he smiled.


Kurt couldn�t help but smile in return, he felt something like hope. In the middle of something like that, something that should scare him to death, he was able to feel almost happy. He knew it was at least partly Blaine�s fault but he wouldn�t complain. It was nice to feel truly fine, not just pretending it.

“Slept well? I thought we could talk about our plans while having breakfast. So” - Blaine brought two mugs to the kitchen table and both settled - “what are our plans for today?”

Kurt just grinned at the “our plans” part.

“In fact I really need to go to my apartment. It�s lovely to be allowed to wear your clothes but you know, sweats are not really trendy at the moment. Or appropriate for rehearsals.”

Blaine furrowed his brow.

“Kurt, I don�t know... I don�t think that�s safe. Your… stalker will probably observe your apartment and then it�s easy for him to follow us.”

“So you should really try to mislead him afterwards. I need to get some clothes unless you�re willing to pay for new ones. What, if I think about it, would be a fantastic alternative. This season�s colour schemes are amazing and I didn�t have much time to go shopping.”

Kurt smirked at Blaine, who sighed.

“I guess shopping would take much more time and money and it�s easier to keep an eye on you in your apartment. So I guess we�re going there. But – listen, Kurt – when I tell you to leave we�re leaving this very minute. Without any further explanation.”

“Yeah, sure. Fine. Whatever you want.”

Blaine cocked his head and smiled salaciously.

“Whatever I want?”

“Don�t even try, you know exactly what I mean. So, I�ll finish my toast and then we�re ready to go. Oh, and remind me to pack some of my hair products as well. I feel like a dog after a rainy day.”

“You look nice, stop fishing for compliments.”


Kurt felt his ears turning red and looked at his toast. Better than looking at Blaine for now.


“Put this on and no, I�m not kidding.”

Kurt stared at the Buckeyes� cap horrified, but then he decided that Blaine just tried to protect him and put it on. He left Blaine�s apartment without looking into the mirror.


While driving to his apartment, Kurt hummed along to the songs on Blaine�s CD, an odd mixture of Top 40s and Broadway songs. It was still strange that Blaine didn�t sing along though. His humming in the morning had been the first musical sound Kurt had heard of Blaine.

Thinking about it, Kurt decided he could take a risk and ask. After all, they wanted to get to know each other again.

“Why don�t you sing any more? Or play the piano? You�re still interested in and listening to music, considering this CD.”

Blaine shrugged and stared at the street.

"I didn�t want to, at first. I decided to burn all my bridges, quit everything that was somehow related to you. I needed that, I guess. And when I thought it had been long enough and I could give it another try, I just had no inspiration. I couldn�t sing or play the songs I already knew, it was like I had a lump in my throat. I still knew how to sing, but the new songs didn�t mean anything to me. So singing or performing or playing instruments felt shallow, I simply stopped doing it. The CDs were the only music-related things I could rely on because you just need music in your car, right?”

Kurt nodded affirmatively.
“You hummed this morning when I came into the kitchen tho.”

Blaine shot him a short look and smiled.

“Seems like you have this effect on me, music has always been one of our commonalities. And somehow it felt right, I haven�t even thought about doing it. I just thought about... something and suddenly I was humming.”

“Something?”

Blaine groaned with a laugh.

“Oh come on, you do know what I was thinking about. Having you around me makes me... happier.”

Kurt blushed. Sure, he had had the feeling Blaine was thinking of him. He had realised how Blaine looked at him, Blaine�s sweats low on his hips and his hair unkempt; but he had blamed Blaine�s physical needs and not his heart. But Blaine�s humming and smiling and omnipresent better mood should have told him what this all was really about.

Oh. So, Blaine was happy again, because he was around.

Kurt felt... confused.

He was happy when they arrived at his apartment and Blaine chose a parking lot nearby. He pulled the cap down over his face and tried to look everywhere but at the people as they hurried to get into the building.

While the elevator was driving up, Blaine murmured: “I don�t think anybody recognised you, but let�s hurry up. The faster we can leave again, the better.” Kurt just nodded fiercely. This whole situation was more real here than when he was thinking about it at Blaine�s.

When the elevator�s door opened, they were able to see Kurt�s front door.

Both froze and Blaine swore under his breath.

“Fuck, I was afraid that something like that would wait for us.”


He grasped Kurt�s hand and pulled him towards his apartment and all Kurt was able to do was stare. The front door was placarded with photos and all of them – every single one – were showing Kurt. Kurt while phoning, Kurt walking down the street, Kurt shopping, Kurt at rehearsals, Kurt in a bar, drinking and laughing, Kurt coming out of his apartment.

“Kurt, where is your key?”

Kurt took a deep breath and fiddled to find them. His hands were shaking slightly so Blaine unlocked the door.


Kurt walked in, noticing some envelopes on the floor behind the door but not willing or able to get them. Blaine followed some moments later, the photos on his hands and kicking the door closed angrily.

“I don�t care for finger prints or evidence, sorry Kurt. But this is so fucking mean and I just... Kurt? Hey, what is it?”

Kurt looked at him numbly.

“I... I always felt safe here. Sure, my neighbours complained about my vocal training sometimes and the dumpster was too full all the times, but other than this.. I felt safe. It was my home. But now I just want to get out. I hate feeling so weak. I�m not scared, I just don�t want to stay here.”

Blaine nodded and took a short look around. The apartment was furnished and decorated in a way only Kurt was able to create. It was tasteful and classic and yet everything looked welcoming.

“We�ll take everything you need with us and you won�t have to come back, I promise. Where�s your wardrobe?”

Kurt got up and walked towards a closed door, led Blaine into his bedroom and through it, until they reached a hidden entrance to his closet.

Kurt took clothes out of the cupboards, put them into two large suitcases and didn�t even care about wrinkles. That showed Blaine more than any of Kurt�s words how desperately he wanted to leave. After throwing some of his bathroom items into another bag, Kurt was ready to go. Blaine collected the envelopes, this time carefully using a tissue to keep possible finger prints.

After he locked the door, they headed towards the elevator.

They hurried to get into the car again, Blaine observing the surroundings and sighing once he was seated.

“I�ll take some loops but we�ll try to get home soon, alright?”

Kurt nodded, only slightly aware of Blaine�s use of “home”. But he was right, Blaine�s apartment felt like home now, like his safe place to hide and stay.


“Where shall I put my things in the meantime? I don�t suppose you have one... or two free cupboards?”

Blaine shook his had and chuckled.

“Nope, but I think there�s a free drawer in one of them and we can clear a space later. So. I guess we should have a look at the photos and letters now. Are you okay?”

Kurt nodded and left his suitcases at the couch.

“Would you open them? I really... really don�t want to look at them on my own and you know how to handle them. Do you think they could contain dangerous stuff? Like poison?”

Blaine eyed the three envelopes closely.

“No, I think they�re simply letters. Flames, perhaps.”

He opened the first one very cautiously nevertheless.

"See, just a letter. Well... a very angry letter.”

Blaine read over the handwritten words, squinching up his face.

“I guess you should read it, just to tell me if you have an idea who would write it. But... don�t let it affect you, okay? Even though it�s obviously personal, the writer is clearly not all there. Try... try to pitch on the facts.”

Kurt took a deep breath and Blaine handed him the first letter. He read in silence, only narrowing his eyes at some phrases.

“That�s pretty... mean. I know my voice is high-pitched, but I don�t think I sound like Mickey Mouse. And it�s not very innovative to threaten my wardrobe. Since I�m semi-famous, people know that my wardrobe is highly insured. The only thing that�s strange is the fact that the writer knows how many times a week I�m practising at home.”

Blaine nodded, pointing at the second letter he was reading.

“It�s similar here, he even specifies the weekdays, also the times you�re usually not at home.”

“Let me guess, he says those are the only times he can sleep in peace?”

Blaine raised an eyebrow and showed one of his bemused smiles.

“He also writes that he would love to have you rest in peace to be able to sleep in peace, what a lovely pun. Why though? Does that sound familiar?”

Kurt furrowed his brow, holding his hand out to get the letter from Blaine.

“Let me have a look... ah, there. Okay, I�ll ignore the more specific details about my death or the heavenly silence afterwards and tell you that this isn�t the same handwriting as in the first letter. What about the third one?”

Blaine opened the last letter quickly and nodding slowly as he read over it.

“Some new threats, some old ones, but yet another handwriting and not half as creatively as the others. This one adds your laundry times. Do you really sing the >Happy Working Song< while doing your laundry?”

Kurt shrugged.

“It�s appropriate, isn�t it? Can we have a look at the photos now?”


Blaine spread the pictures on the table and tried to put them into an order.

“It seems like they�re all taken within two days, well, that is if you still refuse to wear one outfit more than once?”

He looked at Kurt questioningly, who shrugged nonchalantly.

“What shall I say, dedication never changes. And as far as I remember, that was last week, Monday and Tuesday. See this green scarf? Latest McQueen one, I wore it on Tuesday.”

Blaine chuckled quietly and Kurt shot him a glance as if to say “You should know better”, then they finished putting the photos in a line.

“He must have been following you during these two days, every moment. I guess he has been hiding in the staircase until you came outside, then followed you to the theatre, stayed until you were finished and then followed you around. Same on Tuesday. But – and that�s confusing – he had to wait, he was in the staircase, he followed you the whole time. If he had known your routines, he would have come to the theatre at the time you were there. The person – or to be more specific, the persons – writing the letters knew about your routines almost too well. But the photographer doesn�t, he just followed you around and took photos. He put them on your door to show you that he�s around all the time.”

“You mean they�re not the same person?”

Kurt stared at him in confusion.

Blaine looked uneasy as he shrugged.

“We should consider it a possibility. It doesn�t fall into place at the moment – the letters should scare you, you�re annoying some people and they want to get rid of you. But at the same time, they�re not actively trying to... to kill you. They�re just expressing their feelings and are rather strong about it. But the photographer could be the same person who sent you the e-mail. He is following you and showing you that he�s always there, that you�re not safe. He could be everywhere and you can�t hide.”

Kurt took the letters and read them again, this time very concentrated. Then he pointed at the second one and showed it to Blaine.

“Look at this. That�s exactly the same line as in the e-mails. I will get you. Do you think that�s a coincidence?”

Blaine worried his lower lip.

“Well, it�s almost too obvious to be a coincidence, but I�m not sure about it. Usually a hitman or even a non-professional would have a.. a line, like a strategy and a professional finger print, and hold on to it. But this is too complex. The phone call – that�s a very personal threat – then the e-mail, that�s not as personal any more. The poisoned candy is rather mean and needs audacity, the photos and the letters are more passive-aggressive again. Also, you�ve gotten flames earlier and we should compare the handwriting, by the way. It�s confusing, to be honest. I really don�t see any line or coherency besides the hate.”

Kurt touched one of the photos slightly, eyeing it distraughtly.

“So what are we looking for at the moment? One person who hates me or several persons who are united by hate?”

“I guess it could be both. Or even a group. Hate has united very different people before and it�s a strong motivation to connect, even if each of them follows very personal motivations. We should keep an open mind about that when we work through all the people on our list.”

Both of them sighed in unison. This was going to be a very long day.


They managed to put up a list with the five most suspicious people – or at least five different kinds of motivations to kill or scare Kurt Hummel.

“Let�s sum it up, okay?

1. Someone who wants your job or/and your role, perhaps even your probably upcoming show.

2. Someone who�s jealous of your success, maybe at least slightly homophobic.

3. Someone who�s annoyed with your practising, your voice or training schedule.

4. Someone who envies your wardrobe – I�m still not sure about that, but let�s keep it there.

5. Someone who�s kind of insane because there�s no reason to not like Kurt Hummel – seriously? Kurt, I completely agree with the >insane< part, but the other part?”

Kurt�s smirk was playful and Blaine couldn�t help but laugh.

“Okay, I�ll ignore that part then. But in earnest, be aware that the person or one of the persons might very well be a little bit crazy and not thinking logical any more. He may think that laws and boundaries are not valid for him because he�s the only one knowing what�s right. That�s dangerous, really.”

Kurt nodded, his smile faltering.

“I know. So, where are we starting? If you still think that my musical could be one of the motivations, we should start there. I have an alternative version of the first duet, we could use that as an excuse to stop by and do some research.”

Blaine nodded approvingly.

“I think that would be a good start.”

The office was large, like – enormous. If Kurt hadn�t been here before, he would have been intimidated. Blaine whistled quietly and took a look around.

When Kurt walked up to the secretary�s desk, she looked at him and shot a very small smile.

“Mr Hummel, I didn�t know you have an appointment. I�m sorry, but Mr Kennem isn�t here at the moment.”

Blaine raised an eyebrow and looked at Kurt, whose smile didn�t fade.

“Actually, I don�t have an appointment, I just wanted to drop some sheet music I finished currently. Would you hand it to Mr Kennem when he�s back? I know you�re busy, I�m sorry I just wander in.”

With that, the secretary�s eyes softened a bit and her smile was real this time.

“I can do that.”

Blaine turned on his “charming smile” as Kurt used to call it. He had seen only a handful of men and women who were able to resist and at least two of them hadn�t looked at Blaine at all.

“We were wondering... are there many competitors? Having rivals can be very hortatory though.”

Scarily, this secretary seemed to be one of those who were able to look at Blaine and not fall for him this very second. She just observed him quickly and shrugged then.

“I�m not allowed to pass any information.”

Blaine doubled his efforts and Kurt wondered how he managed to keep this smile – it had to hurt by now.

“Of course you�re not, I wouldn�t want you to get in trouble. But since you�re familiar with this resort, what do you think will be the next trend? Are the young and new faces trending or is it more like well-established and known?”

Blaine�s hardly hidden try to coax her just released a frown.

“I think you should rely on polls or ask an expert. The only thing I can add is that I don�t understand why it�s always men who end up getting everything.”

With that she turned her gaze back to her computer screen and Kurt gripped Blaine�s elbow.

“Thank you so much for doing this for me!” he chirped and pulled Blaine with him.

“Really, Blaine? That�s what you call research?”, he asked under his breath.

Blaine freed his arm and looked at Kurt in confusion.

“What�s wrong about it? I tried to be nice, you know. We reap what we saw.”

Kurt snorted audibly.

“Yeah and just look what you reaped. You�re still rather oblivious, aren�t you? And no, that was not a real question”, he stopped Blaine with a small wave. “She wasn�t prone to your little smiles and winks and looks at all. She got even more tight-lipped instead.”

“I had to try though. Do you think she would have told you more, with your chirpy-bouncy smile?”

Kurt looked like he wanted to say something snappy in return, but then he simply laughed out loud.

“Touche. I guess we�re both not really used to flirting any more. So come on, I have to be at rehearsals soon. If we�re early, I could call Rachel before we start. We talked about meeting and catching up soon and she would be thrilled to see you again, I guess. But watch out, she�s still the Queen of Babble and I�ve heard half of the secrets I�ve told her from someone else afterwards.”

Blaine grinned broadly.

“That�s the Rachel Berry I remember, but she�s pretty successful now, isn�t she? And what�s that with her and Jesse St James?”

“Jesse St Sucks crawled back into her life the moment she had her first off-Broadway- assignement and ever since they�re off and on on a monthly basis. He�d also been on stages, but not quite as successful as Rachel is. He�s kind of a slow coach and no, I still don�t like him very much. I understand ambition, but I don�t like people using others. Rachel and I are not always on the same page, but I do know she has her heart in the right place.”


While they walked towards Kurt�s theatre, which was only some blocks further down the road, Blaine was lost in thought. Only an ambulance�s siren brought back his attention again.

“So, Jesse. Do you think he would be dodgy enough to take part in something like that?”

Kurt burst out with laughter.

“Well, no. No way. Remember, he failed his first college courses! He just got assignments because of PR – namely being Rachel�s PR and then he was lucky. Also, I see no reason why he would do it. He may be a tenor too, but he could never sing my roles like I do. Also, he tends to be cast as the villain due to his well-established crazy stare and his dark looks. ”

“Okay then, no Jesse on the suspect�s list. Do you think Rachel could help us though? She knows many people, maybe we should induct her.”

“God, no! Queen of Babble, remember? If you tell her you can be sure that it�s on the news tomorrow. At the latest.”

“I could ask unobtrusive.”

Kurt couldn�t suppress a snort.

“Yeah, like you did some minutes ago, right? Just leave it to me, hon... Blaine.”


Baine stared at Kurt quite shocked. He wasn�t sure if he really had heard it but if he had... then Kurt had almost called him honey like he used to.

Kurt avoided his gaze, his cheeks purpling and his eyes flickering.

They walked the last meters in awkward silence, Blaine observing the surroundings and Kurt staring at his shoes by now. When they entered the backstage area, Kurt looked exaggeratedly happy to be amongst his colleagues and seemed to forget Blaine at once.

Of course this was the moment Gavroche had to enter too.

“Well, if this isn�t Blainey again! I must say, your desire to see me again is quite flattering, sweetie!”

Blaine flinched inwardly. While Kurt�s almost-use of a pet name had been awkward due to their past and a good amount of still unreleased tension, Gavroche�s was simply icky.

“I�m.. we�re still working on this interview. I have to.. to look for a seat now.”

Blaine fled without noticing Gavroche�s hurt face. He was simply relieved to escape although he knew that Gavroche could be a suspect or a witness. Screw it, he couldn�t handle him right now. There would be other possibilities.


While Kurt was practising and talking to the director and the choreographer, Blaine watched all the other people in the auditorium and on the stage. Everybody seemed to be busy and he wasn�t able to cull anybody who behaved in an usual or suspicious way. Nobody watched Kurt more intense than others, nobody had a camera or a weird look on his face. In fact, everybody seemed to be completely average and unremarkable.

It was frustrating.

Finally Kurt�s rehearsals were done. When Kurt arrived at Blaine�s seat, he had just finished a phone call and smiled.

“That was Rachel. She would love to see you again and suggested we could meet tomorrow. I said I�d call her later when we�ve talked about it. Would that be okay for you? I have early rehearsals tomorrow, so I should be finished by 3pm and if you don�t have other plans, we could meet her for coffee.”

“Actually, I�d prefer inviting her over. Being in public makes you an easier target and in addition it makes her one as well.”

“That�s okay for me too, if you don�t mind her invading your apartment – but I�m sure we could meet at her place too.”

Blaine shook his head and smiled.

“Does she still own those pink cushions and flowery curtains? I think I prefer my apartment then.”

They shared a grin and left the building. It was already getting dark outside, summer turning into fall, and only few people were walking by.

They waited a moment at the crosswalk and as the approaching car slowed down, they stepped onto the street.

“We should stop at a supermarket before driving home, we need milk and cheese. And whatever you�d like to have for dinner.”

Kurt smiled at the way this sounded, so... homey.

He was about to answer that yes, they could stop and he would be forever thankful to have some salad this evening and maybe salmon? when Blaine suddenly cried out in panic, gripped his sleeve ungently and pulled him back with surprising strength.

Kurt tripped and nearly fell, but Blaine didn�t loose his grip and almost carried him along. In the back of his mind Kurt heard screaming tires and suddenly he felt the push of Blaine�s hands and lay on the pavement, next to Blaine. He turned his head to look at the street and saw the backlights of a quickly disappearing black car.

Both sat up and Kurt stared at the street, not really understanding what had happened. Slowly it began to dawn on him that the car had sped up after they had entered the crosswalk, that had been the noise of the screaming tires. He zoomed in on the spot he had been standing on and realised that if Blaine hadn�t pulled him along, the car would have hit him with full force. Kurt blinked several times, trying to form a concept about what this whole incident could mean, when Blaine touched his sleeve lightly.

“Kurt, are you okay? Are you... are you hurt?”

Kurt turned to look at Blaine who watched him worriedly. He felt numb and Blaine�s words floated by as he tried to understand them.

“Your hand.”

Blaine looked down onto his hand and shrugged.

“Just a little cut, we can handle that at home. But are you okay?”

Kurt had to focus before he could feel his limbs again.

“I think so. I... what happened? Was that an... an attempt to kill me?”

Blaine took his hand and only then Kurt realised he was trembling.

“I�m not sure, maybe. Do you... do you want to go to the hospital? I didn�t treat you very gently. You might have a concussion.”

Kurt shook his head feverishly and started to get up.

“No, I just.. can we get home now? I don�t feel like shopping now. Ouch!”

Blaine steadied him with his hand under Kurt�s elbow and furrowed his brow.

“We can order pizza. Or sushi, whatever you want, but are you sure you�re okay? Your foot looks sore.”

Kurt bit his lip and tried to make a step, letting out his breath as nothing hurt this time.

“Sushi is fine. And I�m okay. Let�s go.”

They both were nervous and looked around too often, but they didn�t care at all. This car could have hurt Kurt, maybe even killed him and perhaps Blaine too. So they both were more than relieved when they were back at Blaine�s apartment.

They ordered sushi and ate without talking. After finishing the meal, Blaine put away the plates and took Kurt�s hand.


“Kurt, talk to me. Please. How are you?”

Kurt stared at their linked hands, avoiding Blaine�s gaze.

"Fine, I�m okay. Just really tired, I guess I�ll go to sleep now.”

Blaine tightened his grip.

“Come on, tell me how you�re feeling. I know you�re... upset. And angry, at least I would be angry and frightened. It�s not a good way to deal with it, not talking about it. It doesn�t unmake it.”

Kurt lifted his head and looked at Blaine wearily.

“Thanks for caring, but I�ll be okay. I really don�t want to talk about it now, I�m honestly fucking tired. Just... please.”

Blaine released his hand and sighed.

“I can�t force you to talk to me, can I? But... but tell me if you need something, if you need to talk or... or need help or anything.”

Kurt stood up and nodded.

“Good night.”


Blaine tried to go to sleep, he really did. But his thoughts were spinning around and he felt like he was vibrating with nervous energy.

Finally he decided to get up. He could as well work a bit, he had delayed his own agenda during the last days. He needed to write some e-mails and check whereabouts.

He didn�t turn on the lights, his eyes were used to the darkness surrounding him by now. Blaine tried to be as quiet as possible so he wouldn�t wake Kurt, but when he walked through his living room, he noticed the couch was empty. He stopped and listened closely, trying to figure out where Kurt was. He heard someone shifting and when he entered the kitchen, he noticed Kurt standing at the window.

Kurt was holding a mug and ran the fingers of his other hand down the window frame.

“I couldn�t sleep. Did I wake you?”

Blaine stepped behind him and hooked his chin over Kurt�s shoulder. It felt like the natural thing to do.

“No, I wasn�t able to sleep too. Why didn�t you turn on the lights?”

Kurt shrugged very slightly and leant back a little bit until his back touched Blaine�s chest.

“Don�t know, it�s cosy this way. It feels like the world is turning and I could just stand there and watch and won�t be bothered.”

Blaine knew exactly how Kurt felt. Standing here, so high above the street where just on or two cars drove by at night and nobody else was outside, felt really otherwordly, but in a good way.


Blaine had always liked the nightly hours, he felt calmer then and like nothing else would matter. Together with Kurt though, nights had always been more like their private little world.


Blaine closed his eyes and just felt Kurt. Kurt�s back lying against his chest, his hair caressing the right side of Blaine�s face and his heartbeat steady and strong.

Blaine�s hands moved on their own to embrace Kurt and pull him closer. Kurt�s breath hitched before he relaxed and rested his own hands on top of Blaine�s.

They stood there for some long moments, just clinging to each other in a more emotional than physical way and calming down.

Kurt straightened a bit and moved in Blaine�s embrace, not breaking it, until they faced each other and he put his hands on Blaine�s shoulders.

“I was just thinking... I haven�t even thanked you yet. Without you I�d be at the hospital now... at least. Thank you, Blaine. I�m... I just can�t tell you how much I already owe you and we�re not halfway through the list. But the thought that I may not survive that is so real now. It was a simple car and it could have been everywhere and any time, I wouldn�t even notice things like that. I�m... it... just, thank you.”

Blaine looked at Kurt who returned the look. A small smile spread over Kurt�s face as he moved his hands until he touched Blaine�s cheek. He leaned in and Blaine didn�t realise why until Kurt closed his eyes and lay his lips on Blaine�s.

Blaine pulled back, holding his breath.

“No, Kurt. Stop it. You don�t owe me... this. Really. You don�t need to do that, I�m glad you�re alive and fine and everything, but there�s really no need for you to.. to pay me. Like this.”

Kurt stared at him, his eyes wide and his face confused.

“I didn�t mean it as a payment. I�ve already told you I would never consider rewarding anything with pshysical gratitude. When I kiss someone, I do it because I want to.”

Now was Blaine�s turn to look confused.

“But... but you told me you don�t want to... to return to this. We decided to be friends again and.. and get to know each other and... and stuff.”

Kurt laughed quietly.

“Ever so eloquent, are you? And yes, I still want to be your friend. But right now I want to kiss you and show you how thankful I am. I don�t mean it as a payment, I just want to make you feel the way you made me feel.”

He took Blaine�s hand off his back and pressed it against his chest, over the place where his heart was beating, faster now.

“That is entirely your merit. Without you, I wouldn�t be able to feel this and it�s too good to not celebrate it.”

Blaine stared at his hand, then at Kurt�s face. He tried to follow Kurt, he really did, but he was so distracted by the warmth in Kurt�s eyes and the pressure of Kurt�s hand on his and the way Kurt�s body touched his. He felt like his heart would break if he wasn�t able to touch Kurt now, all the need was there again and he shut his eyes in abandoning.

Only a heartbeat later Kurt�s lips were on his and they were kissing like they had never stopped doing it. Their mouths were moving in perfect harmony, their tongues soon teasing and caressing. Kurt unclasped Blaine�s hand and moved his to entangle Blaine�s curls, the other one still resting on Blaine�s shoulder.

Blaine pulled Kurt into a tighter embrace and both tried to get even closer.

It was like the surrounding darkness was able to hide everything and let them do all the things they longed to. Only the sound of the ticking clock joined their rushed breaths and quiet moans, as Blaine let his hands slide underneath Kurt�s shirt and Kurt drew a line from Blaine�s neck to his chest with his free hand.

Blaine caressed Kurt�s sides ever so slowly until Kurt needed to break free and take a deep breath.

“You know that�s not about payment, right?”, he whispered breathlessly.

“Yeah, that was obvious. Can I... can I kiss you once more? I really want to touch you.”

Kurt smiled at him in a way that made Blaine�s heart ache.

“You never had to ask me. You always knew it on your own.”

Blaine�s eyes darkened as he pulled Kurt close again and kissed him once more, then one more time and then he didn�t stop any more.

His hands flew to Kurt�s hips, then slid down onto his ass and pressed him against his body. Kurt groaned once and the sound felt like a promise to Blaine.

Kurt�s fingers in Blaine�s hair tightened – he had always liked to run his hand through it – and the other hand moved down until it stopped at Blaine�s sweats. When Blaine rocked against Kurt involuntarily, he took it as an invitation and let his hand slip into Blaine�s sweats, curling around his cock immediately. Blaine stiffened and moaned, then gripped Kurt�s ass firmer and moved against him. His hips and Kurt�s hand moved in unison and Blaine hid his head in the crook of Kurt�s neck, panting heavily.

“God... I, Kurt... need to...”

Kurt placed a kiss on Blaine�s hair.

“Shh, it�s okay, Blaine. I�m here, we�re fine.”

Blaine nodded against Kurt�s neck, his breath hitching now and then. Kurt continued his movement, his grip tight on Blaine�s cock like he knew he liked it.

But it wasn�t enough, Blaine needed to do something. He freed one of his hands out of his own clasp and stroke down Kurt�s side, further down his hip until he reached Kurt�s own erection. He palmed it, just feeling the hardness and the still familiar length.

Kurt stopped, drawing in a deep breath and whispering sweet nothings.

“Blaine... come here... more, please... you should..”

It was Blaine�s turn now to smile at Kurt and hush him.

Then he put his free hand in Kurt�s neck and pulled him closer, kissing him again and suddenly everything was hot and fast and urgent.

Their hands hurried to push down their sweats and boxers, pull off their shirts and free their bodies until they could press bare skin against bare skin.

There was no space left between their bodies as they clutched each other�s arms and backs and asses and necks and heads and simply moved together. The friction was not enough and far too much at the same time and very soon they were panting and gasping for air.

Their moves became frantic and it was clear that they wouldn�t last any longer. Their lips met for one last, sloppy kiss and then they both shook with release as they hit their climax.

“Fuck.”

Kurt�s silent chuckle caused goose bumps on Blaine�s neck and suddenly they were both laughing, still clinging to each other.

“My knees are trembling and I think I have pulled out some of your hairs.” Kurt giggled helplessly.

Blaine caressed his arm and couldn�t stop laughing.

“Collateral damage. Somehow I believe we�re weeping the floor.”

Kurt�s giggles turned into full laughter as he tried to reach his shirt with his toes.

“We�re not used to that any more, are we? I forgot why we always chose the bed.”

“Yeah, we were really lame, right?”

Kurt smiled at him.

“No, not lame, we just enjoyed the simpleness. Excitement is fine, but closeness is what makes it special.”

Blaine caressed Kurt�s neck and kissed him slowly.

“You�re right, it was always special. So, would you like to clean up the mess and get back in... join me in my bed?”

Kurt nodded, blushing slightly.

“I guess that would be appropriate now. Blaine...”

Blaine was about to turn around to get his clothes but stopped and watched Kurt, still smiling happily.

"Yeah?”

“Thank you. Not for... the car incident, but for making this easy. And... comforting.”

Blaine entertwined his fingers with Kurt�s.

“You know what, I�d rather not call it comforting because it was pretty peppy. I�d say it was swell.”

Kurt chuckled and pulled at Blaine�s hand.

“Swell, Blaine? Ever the dapper gentleman. Come on, let�s go to bed now.”


Sleeping was no problem this time. Blaine�s head rested above Kurt�s heart and the evenly beat sent him to sleep almost immediately. Kurt held him close and rested his head on Blaine�s curls, drifting off with a smile.


Comments

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Hi honey, read this last night, but was too tired to review then and I don't like typing too much on my phone. You really are getting better and better with every chapter. This chapter for the first time really made me want to know who is behind all of this. It's more than one person, right? Gah, I need to know! And you scared me, with those pictures on the door, that's creepy. Oh, and of course I'm glad to see some lovin',they need it right now.

Aw thanks Jess :) Didn´t know you´re here too! Well, I guess you´ll have to wait and see mwahahaha... can I just say I´m a huge Criminal Minds fan and nothing is at it seems?! But maybe it is. :D