“So. What are we doing now?”

Kurt watched Blaine turning pale and rolled his eyes.
“I�m talking about the potential murder, chill. Shouldn�t we call the police? But you�re the expert, so I�m waiting for your suggestions.”

Blaine shook his head.
“No. Unless you want to tell them I�m a hitman, there�s no point in doing it. They won�t do anything except asking you about your past, your job and possible enemies. They�ll write everything down and promise to call you and some weeks later they�ll tell you they didn�t find anything. Well, that is, unless you�re dead by then.”
He sounded a little wearily.

Kurt couldn�t decide if he felt more angry or curious. It was unfair that Blaine was probably right and nothing would happen. At the same time he wondered why Blaine knew so much and didn�t seem too happy about it. He almost looked tired of something Kurt wasn�t able to put his finger on.

Of course he would have come in touch with the police, but as far as Kurt knew they had never suspected Blaine to be more than a handsome and very polite doctor.
And regarding Blaine�s second career�s success rate the police must have heard about his missions and concluded that there was a coherency. Papery moustaches usually didn�t walk on their own to decorate a crime scene.
Maybe it was Blaine�s precaution too, but six years were a long time for not even being a crime suspect or making a single mistake.

“We�ll have to go through your last years and see whom you may have annoyed. And I guess this will be a rather long list.”, Blaine stated bluntly. “Ready to begin?”

Kurt thought about snapping an answer but resisted.

Remember what you decided some hours ago, his inner voice brought to his mind. You couldn�t sleep because Blaine was lying in his bed just behind the door and you promised not to let him provoke you any more. Don�t show him what he�s able to evoke. Pokerface, remember.

Kurt forced a small smile on his face and tried to nod approvingly. It felt like he had to move a rather big stone. A rock. Maybe a mountain. But as always Kurt Hummel managed to do it. Nodnodnod. Oh, and maybe he should stop again.

Blaine raised an eyebrow and wasn�t as controlled as Kurt for once.
“Trying to convince yourself or me?”

Kurt knew his smile looked more like snarling than an actual smile, but he remained silent.

Blaine�s tired but yet cynical chuckle almost undid his intention, but he�d rather break the mug because of his tight grasp than prove Blaine right.

Not one but two hours later Kurt stared at the sheets of paper lying on the table. They were filled with Blaine�s notes and many, too many names. Some of them were random, but quite many of them were very familiar and Kurt was baffled at the necessity to add them.

“So”, Blaine sighed, “Let�s go through the most likely ones, okay?
First of all, there are the letters you got and forgot to mention. You don�t happen to have them with you, do you?!”

Kurt rolled his eyes – Blaine caused him to do this far too often – and shook his head.
“Usually I don�t take flames with me. They�re not really encouraging or entertaining, so I�m really sorry. So very sorry.”

Blaine hissed something under his breath and Kurt narrowed his eyes.
“Did you just call me a... a bitch?”

Blaine lifted his head and stared at him.
“In fact, I did. You�re not going to make this easy for me, are you? I�m trying to help you, goddamit. And I�m wondering why every single minute of it. Even more when I think of things like letters you forgot to mention. Is there anything else you might want to add?”

“Well, if you want to be that nit-picking, I maybe should tell you that Finn might be a suspect too.”

“Finn? Your brother Finn? Did you use his football clothes again to seduce someone?”

Kurt blushed suddenly. “God Blaine, will you stop using that against me? And you quite appreciated it, if I may remind you. But yes, I meant Finn. He phoned me earlier this week an said he�d hire someone to force me to come home for Thanksgiving.”

Blaine cocked his head. “And you think he meant hiring a hitman to scare you so you would run home? Sounds like Finn, to be honest. That would be his weird kind of logic.”

Kurt sighed. “Come on, Blaine. You know Finn would never be able to do that, he has a heart of gold. Remember when he cried for weeks when Rachel left for NY?”

Blaine�s face told him that he remembered too well. It had been Blaine�s job to take care of Finn, because Kurt had left together with Rachel while Blaine had finished his senior year. And Finn hadn�t been the only one who had been broken, but at least Blaine had known that they would be together forever. At least he had thought it would be forever. But obviously, things changed.

Blaine pulled himself out of old memories. “We should ask him though, maybe someone asked for you. Finn might know something that could help us.”

All Kurt heard was us.
Then they had been just us. They weren�t Kurt and Blaine anymore, they were KurtandBlaine, you two and us. After they separated, Kurt had to get used to being only Kurt, you, alone. And still... it would be so easy to slip back into being a part of us.

Blaine shoved his cell phone across the table to Kurt.
“Call him. Don�t tell him what happened though, just talk about your... family. Or cars or Football or whatever Finn likes nowadays, until I can assure the connection�s safe, okay?”

Kurt watched as Blaine interfaced the phone with his laptop and made sure that he was able to listen in. Blaine surely had some new skills and tools and Kurt wished he wouldn�t find it that hot. It seemed like everything Blaine was doing was immediately added to his “things I can�t resist”-list.

Blaine dialed Finn�s number and Kurt wondered why he still knew it. But then Blaine handed Kurt the phone and only few seconds later Finn answered.

“Hey dude! How�re you? Didn�t think the three months were over again. What�s up?”
Kurt looked at Blaine with more than just a little bit surprise and noticed that Blaine suddenly seemed uncomfortable.
“Blaine? You here? Is it the connection? There�s just a weird sound like breathing...”

“Finn, it�s me, Kurt.”

“Oh hey man! What�re you doin�with Blaine�s phone though? Don�t tell me you�re together again! That�s awesome! I�ve always thought that you two should get your problems out of the way and be lovey-dovey again. Honestly, Kurt, that�s great! But how did you meet...”

“Finn!”, Kurt hissed. “Stop it! It�s not like that. Not at all. And just for your information, it�s not always helpful to get something out of your way.”
Kurt shot Blaine an angry look, hoping he would get the hint.

He did. Blaine narrowed his eyes but waved Kurt to talk on, then went on touch typing again.

“What did you mean with you didn�t think the three months were over, Finn? Did you keep in touch with Blaine? Seriously?”

There was an awkward silence and Blaine avoided Kurt�s gaze too.
“Yeah, you see, I... I liked him and he was really upset after you told him to leave and I was sad because Rachel was with Jesse again and so... okay, we phoned. But that doesn�t mean you weren�t the most important... erm.... brother, yes, bros before... okay, that doesn�t work here. So I just... um... but WHY are you with Blaine at the moment? When you�re not together? Was it a one night thingy? Ew, weird Kurt, I didn�t think you�d do things like that. Remember that guy, Fernando or Francis or something like that? You told me it was a one-time-thing and you�d never do something like that again! And then Blaine, of all the gays... I mean guys you could have! Never rehash something, remember?”

Kurt knew his cheeks were glaring red and flashing Blaine a side glance he noticed him gawping.
“Yes Finn, I do remember and no, it�s nothing like this. I just... met Blaine and thought I�d phone you and say hello. Well. And ask you how you�re doing.”
Kurt closed his eyes and prayed that Finn would believe him. He was more than just relieved as Blaine nodded and gave him a thumbs up.

“... and then we got this Porsche last week and the customer was an old lady who had no clue and told us to make it silent! Just imagine, she wanted to hear less of this baby! But Burt told her....

“Listen Finn”, Kurt stopped his brother, “that�s very interesting, but in fact I wasn�t honest. I called for a different reason.”

“�kay, so what�s it all about?” Finn didn�t seem to be concerned or offended, so Kurt continued.

“We were wondering if someone contacted you. Someone who maybe asked questions... about me. Or wanted to know where I am or something like that.”

Finn snorted with laughter. “Really dude? You really have no idea what�s going on here, do ya? Nearly every day someone�s calling to ask about the secrets of the aspiring star Kurt Hummel. Of course Burt always gets rid of them and I�m always doing this trolling thing that Vinnie-guy did in that show you used to watch, y�know, Veronica Pluto?”

“Mars. It was Veronica Mars. And you do realise that Vinnie was a private detective who sometimes ignored what�s right or wrong? Better hold on to Keith Mars, alright? But I really appreciate your enthusiasm.” Kurt rolled his eyes and Blaine suppressed a chuckle.

“But wait, Kurt”, Finn�s voice suddenly sounded a lot more serious, “why did y�ask? That�s not just about journalists, is it?”

Kurt leaned against Blaine�s desk, staring outside the window and looking for the right words. “Keep calm, okay? Nothing happened. Yet. There was just a phone call and some letters and Blaine... Blaine tries to unearth the truth. That�s all.”

Kurt waited for some moments until Finn murmured a response. “That�s … that�s really kinda scary. Are you okay? I mean, is that really all that happened? You didn�t tell us about that Karofsky stuff for too long... I�m just worried. Did you tell Burt?”

Kurt shook his head before he realised that Finn wasn�t able to see it.
“No. No, I didn�t and I don�t want to. At least now. Blaine just thought that you might know something or remember weird calls. But if you don�t, that�s no problem. We have plenty of ideas. So, thank you Finn. We�ll keep in touch, okay?”

“Wait, wait. I want to help. What about the phone calls? Not everyone who asks like a journalist has to be one, right? Maybe we can get the numbers from the phone contractor?”

Kurt turned around to look at Blaine, who nodded approvingly.
“I�m surprised that this is a rather good idea. Can you mail me the contact information? Erm, yes, if you want to, you can contact them and send me the list too. Thanks, Finn.”

After hanging up Kurt put down the cell phone and kept staring outside without seeing anything.

“Kurt.”

Blaine didn�t know what to say. There were too many things they should talk about but he didn�t know how.

Kurt�s voice was unstable when he finally decided to answer.
“I know. We�ll get the list tomorrow.”

Blaine stood up and slowly circled his desk to stand next to Kurt.
They looked outside in silence and both knew that there was so much more than just the list they were thinking about.

“Fernando, hm?”, Blaines asked silently.

Kurt flinched but kept staring outside. No way was he looking at Blaine now.
“Like Finn said, it was just a one night thing and it was almost a year after we... after I told you to leave.”

Both stared out of the window and Kurt felt Blaine�s nearness like he was touching him.
“It wasn�t a good decision. I just... I felt so lonely and I thought it would help me. Make me stop thinking of you. But it didn�t, it was worse afterwards. It felt shallow and.. and I�ve never felt lonelier than after he left. I never did it again.”
Kurt took a deep breath and immediately regretted telling Blaine about it. There was no sense in doing it, but he had always been one for self-punishment, at least referring to Blaine. The Jeremiah thing? Best evidence.

As a warm hand caught hold of his, Kurt froze for a moment and looked at Blaine then, who was still looking outside.
He thought about moving his hand for a moment but then – because of reasons he didn�t even want to think about – he grasped Blaine�s hand and felt... safe. Maybe it was an illusory safety, but it was all he needed for now.

“You know what, I have no idea how I feel about it. It seems like yesterday since I left you, but on the other side I just can�t remember how I felt back then. I don�t know why it bothers me that you had this thing with Fernando, but it does, somehow. It just... it feels wrong.”

Kurt needed to swallow and didn�t dare to look at Blaine, who still held his hand like he never wanted to let go.

“It was. I mean, it was wrong. But actually” - Kurt straightened - “I don�t know why it would bother you. Don�t tell me you didn�t do anything like that. It�s been six years and I remember how all the guys looked at you. Remember the gay bar? Or the competitions? The parties we attended when we moved to NY?”

Blaine shifted uncomfortably.
“You made it very clear that I was yours – then. And even if you don�t believe me – there was noone.”

Kurt burst out laughing.
“Yeah, sure.”

When Blaine kept quiet, Kurt stopped.
“You... I... Are you serious?”

Blaine just nodded.

“Oh.”

The silence between them grew larger and heavier and their hands felt like they were stuck.
Finally Kurt cleared his throat.
“I�m sorry. I didn�t mean to... to offend you with my laughing.”

Blaine shook his head, a very small smile creeping on his face.
“Don�t be. I would have laughed about it some years ago too. It just... I wasn�t able to feel anything at all at first and then.. when I could have felt something again, I just�ve gotten used to it and didn�t want to anymore. It was like I had decided to stop myself from feeling anything, you know. It was the right thing to do - no bad feelings, but no good feelings either.”
Blaine shrugged, but still didn�t release Kurt�s hand.

Kurt�s thoughts went back to the time even before then, when Blaine�s first touch, Blaine�s first so natural attempt to hold his hand and show him the way had meant the world. The time, when feeling Blaine�s hand had been so exciting and the possibility to touch him, hug him, nudge him had been overwhelming experiences and things to dream about and recall time after time.
Even now, after years and what seemed lifetimes, it was more than just holding a hand. It meant security and belonging and shouldn�t have felt so right.

“We should... we should continue.”

Blaine nodded.
“Yes, we should.”

But neither moved.
Minutes went by and they leaned against the desk in silence, looking outside the window and holding hands.