Nov. 19, 2011, 9:42 p.m.
I Can´t Decide Whether You Should Live or Die: And Now You´ve Gotten In My Way
E - Words: 2,118 - Last Updated: Nov 19, 2011 Story: Closed - Chapters: 10/? - Created: Sep 24, 2011 - Updated: Nov 19, 2011 306 0 1 0 0
In silent agreement, they walked out of the bar and onto the dark and rather cold street and for the first time since high-school Kurt didn�t feel safe. He knew he looked nervous as he turned around every few seconds, but he couldn�t help it. He didn�t even protest when Blaine put his hand on the small of his back and led him down the street towards a black convertible.
"Really, Blaine? You have one of the cars we used to make fun of because they were so braggy?" Blaine just shrugged and opened the door for Kurt, who slid onto the lowered seat, niftily as ever.
"It�s a car. One is as good as the other and actually, it was an additional payment for a very special mission."
Kurt felt the suppressed disgust rising again, opened the door and got out of the car the moment Blaine started the ignition. He bent down to sneer at Blaine.
"Well, you know what? When I stop and think about it, I don�t really need to stay with you. There�s always the Hilton or the Manhattan Centre and both would be pleased to have me. I could check in with a fake name, they won�t be awkward because I�m well known by now and they�ll understand it. And I wouldn�t have to drive in a car you got for killing someone or sleep on a sofa you maybe bought from money you earned the same way. Thanks for the warning though, I really appreciate that."
Kurt turned around and was lucky to see a taxi coming around the corner. The Hilton was awesome, but the Manhattan Centre had this exclusive designer shop and he didn�t have anything to change with him, so the Manhattan was it.
When Kurt woke up, he needed some seconds to realise where he was. He ignored the tight feeling he had whenever he thought about the circumstances that had brought him here – and noticed the ringing phone that had woken him.
"Hello?"
Kurt rubbed his eyes and looked at his watch that was lying on the bedstand. 5 am? That was a weird time to call.
"Mr Logan Mars? You have a call, I�ll connect you."
Only some seconds later he heard another voice and immediately felt like he was freezing. It wasn�t the voice per se, but the fact the other man was whispering and the words he said.
"You thought I wouldn�t find you, did you? But Mr Hummel, you�re not as clever as everyone makes you believe. Let me say just this: I will get you."
After this the line was dead.
Kurt sat on his bed, the last signs of sleepiness had clearly disappeared and his fingers were shaking. He forced himself to stay calm and think, goddam Kurt, think! What was he supposed to do now? Call the police? They would tell him there was no evidence, but wait - there was. The hotel would know the number.
Quickly Kurt called the reception.
"Reception, how may I help you?"
"Kur.. erm, Logan Mars here, can you give me the number that called me? We were disconnected." Kurt wanted to shout at her to hurry the fuck up, but he dug his fingernails into his palms instead and tried to breathe. In. Out. In.
"I�m sorry, Mr Mars, I don�t... oh, hold on. Here it is. 11092010. That�s strange, there is no area code."
Kurt turned pale. It most certainly was no phone number, that was for sure. It was a date and he knew exactly which one.
Blaine. He needed to call Blaine, screw it. Blaine was more than just a hired hitman in this setting although he had no idea why and how.
After only four tolls Blaine accepted. He had clearly been asleep, but sounded alarmed as he recognised Kurt�s voice.
"Kurt? What happened?"
"Blaine, I�m sorry... I can�t explain right now. I�m not sure if it�s safe. But... can you get me?"
"I�ll be there in ten. What name did you use?"
"Mars, Logan. I�m at the Manhattan, by the way."
"I know; designer shop, remember? And Logan Mars, are you serious?"
Kurt heard Blaine slipping into his clothes and tried not to visualize it.
"I couldn�t think of anything better, I�m really sorry, Mr Perfect-Undercover-Names, okay?"
"And you didn�t think about Logan and Veronica, did you? I still remember you flailing about your OTP, you know. It was one of the few straight pairings we always agreed on. They were epic."
And so were we.
Kurt tried to think of something else and was surprised how easily Blaine could distract him.
As Blaine arrived, Kurt had already checked out and stood behind the front door, observing the street. Blaine didn�t even have enough time to get out of the car before Kurt sat next to him and shooed him back onto the street.
"Drive, please. Fast!"
Blaine flashed him a short glance. Something bad must have really happened if Kurt acted like this. During their phone call he had noticed Kurt�s fear, but there had also been a small sign of his Kurtism. It was gone now. Kurt looked scared and confused and angry and worried. All his acidness had faded and he recognised the vulnerable boy Kurt tried to hide from the world.
Blaine�s chest ached and it was something he hadn�t felt for a very long time. He didn�t like the route everything was going down. He didn�t like feeling all this shit again.
More harshly than intended he asked Kurt what had happened, but obviously it was just the right way because Kurt calmed down a bit.
"Someone called me. He knew my name and where I was and he... he told me he would get me. When the desk clerk tried to backtrack the number, she found a... date instead."
"Which one? Is it important to you?"
Kurt worried his lower lip with his teeth and finally decided to tell Blaine the truth. There was no sense in denying, was it?
"11. 09. 2010. I guess you could call that an important date for me. And I think you�re more related to all this than I�ve thought... although you don�t seem to be too surprised. Would you mind telling me what this is all about?" Kurt sounded angry by now. Well, maybe angry wasn�t the right word, he was pissed.
Blaine refused to answer until they arrived at his flat.
"Maybe you should sit", he suggested, but Kurt – stubborn like his 17-year-old self – leaned against the wall and stared at him, his arms folded. "Well?"
"I may have stretched the truth a bit", Blaine confessed.
"How?"
"Remember when I told you I�m supposed to take care of your... death? That wasn�t exactly the truth."
Kurt�s clenched his fists and took a deep breath.
"Do I need to beg you on my knees to tell me what is the truth?"
As soon as Blaine�s eyes widened he regretted his choose of terms.
"Oh stop it, Blaine. Just tell me what happened, okay?"
Blaine smirked and Kurt�s heartbeat nearly stopped. Oh how he hated the memories coming to life every time Blaine did something he used to do then.
"It wasn�t my job to do it, to take care of your death. It was the job of one of my colleagues and I heard him talking about it. I... I convinced him to let me take it over."
Kurt�s eyes narrowed as he looked at Blaine.
"How? How did you convince him?"
Blaine shrugged. "He had a choice and was wise."
Noticing Kurt�s still shocked face he added: "It was necessary. Not even you can tell me otherwise, you would be dead by now. And I�m no monster, you know. He lives and will be able to do everything he used to when he comes back to America in some years. I heard he enjoys France and frankly, I guess nobody misses him. There�s a reason I could make him choose, he wasn�t too persuaded of our gentleman�s agreements."
Kurt pouted – but he couldn�t deny that Blaine had a point. He�d rather live than die. But there was one thing he didn�t understand yet.
"It would have been enough to make him leave or to warn me. Why? Why did you choose to find me? Why did you make the story up? And why should I trust you?"
Kurt cursed his fluttering heart while he watched Blaine, who was looking everywhere but at Kurt. Did he really want to know Blaine�s reason? Was he able to deal with it, whatever it was?
When Blaine shot him a look, Kurt thought he�d caught a glimpse of insecurity in his eyes; something he wouldn�t relate to Blaine at all. But then the moment was gone and Blaine�s face was blank again.
Blaine ignored the first questions and just answered the last one.
"Well, I guess you have to trust me, don�t you? There�s someone looking for you and I strongly believe he won�t be that forthcoming. You can sleep on the sofa unless you want to join me. No? What a pity."
As Kurt watched Blaine turning around and extending the sofa, the flat suddenly seemed to shrink. He was very aware of each single move Blaine made and had to grip his sleeves to keep himself from reaching out.
Oh how he wished all those feelings would just go away!
He could stay with Blaine, ignore everything that had been and try to fix everything as soon as possible. But no, there was his silly heart and these silly leaps it made and those silly eyes that were burning and he really wanted to curl up and cry because Blaine was there and everything was so complicated right now and he hated him and he didn�t know what to do and feel and think and say and want.
Blaine turned around and froze as he noticed Kurt�s mien and holy shit Blaine obviously was still able to read Kurt like an open book when the look he gave him was any indication. The look that contained so many feelings Kurt had too and made him shiver with want and fear and hate and... more.
Kurt tried to back off, but he had his back to the wall and Blaine was too fast.
Hard lips pressed against Kurt�s and fuck, how could something so wrong feel so right? Kurt couldn�t help but respond and far too quickly he wasn�t able to think of any reason to stop.
Blaine�s whole body pressed his against the wall and clearly there was no need to think anymore, because his limbs remembered everything without help.
They had always been crazy about feeling and touching and the touch of their fingertips had been not enough after only some days.
It was like a dam was breaking and all the memories flooded Kurt�s brain and mixed with what he was feeling right now.
The way Blaine�s skin felt, the way his breath hit his face, the way his mouth caressed his neck and his fingers curled into his hair. It was like coming home and for a very short moment Kurt allowed himself to feel it again.
He clung to Blaine like he was life itself and never ever wanted to let go. It felt right in a way he hadn�t felt for a very long time. Blaine felt like everything he wanted and needed and had missed.
But then Blaine moaned his name and Kurt was shocked that it was real this time.
He had dreamed and fantasized about it countless times, but right now it was too much and he suddenly felt the urge to push Blaine away and run. Far.
Because even if he could forget reality in Blaine�s arms again, this was not what he wanted, this was not good and he wouldn�t do that. He wouldn�t allow it and he didn�t want Blaine to do it. He wanted to be safe and happy.
Blaine didn�t try to reach out for Kurt again.
After a short awkward moment when they were staring at each other, both faces horror stricken and lost in reverie, Blaine exhaled loudly and left the living room.
When Kurt was wrapped into a blanket that smelled too much of Blaine and stared at the ceiling, he tried to assure himself that he had done the right thing. He was grown up, not a teenager anymore. He needed to be strong and rational and not glandular. He wouldn�t let Blaine and his own irrational longing destroy everything he had built up.
He wanted to be safe and happy.
The last time you felt happy was with Blaine, his inner voice stated. You�ve never been really happy after he left.
Kurt ignored his inner voice once more. That was one of the things he had become really good at during the last six years. That, and not missing Blaine.
Liar.
Comments
Oh my, how I love this sooo much. I love little glimpses into Blaine's mind and how everything is for him...I can't wait to see how he deals with Kurt staying with him and having to be around him...all the time. haha