Nov. 19, 2011, 9:42 p.m.
I Can´t Decide Whether You Should Live or Die: It´s a Bitch Convincing People
E - Words: 3,720 - Last Updated: Nov 19, 2011 Story: Closed - Chapters: 10/? - Created: Sep 24, 2011 - Updated: Nov 19, 2011 196 0 2 0 0
"G�morning", he heard Blaine�s sleepy voice and nuzzled into his shoulder.
"Mmmh, I�m not really awake. I think."
Kurt finally opened his eyes and saw Blaine smiling at him. That made his smile grow wider and he felt... happy. Really and truly happy.
He felt Blaine draw nearer and intertwined their hands.
Blaine kissed him lightly and smirked. "So, what could we do to wake you up?"
Kurt chuckled.
"Nice try, but no matter how awake or not-awake my inner sleepy me is feeling, I really need to get up now."
Blaine�s hand wandered down until he cupped the front of Kurt�s sweats.
"I don�t think that�s a problem any more."
Kurt glared at him – at least he tried to.
"I didn�t mean that. I need to get ready for work and I�d like to make some cupcakes for when Rachel comes over this afternoon."
Blaine made no effort to remove his hand, but began to move it in a way that made Kurt�s breath hitch.
"There�s this pastry shop down the street, I�m sure their cupcakes are good enough."
Kurt�s laugh was breathless and a little bit husky as he couldn�t suppress a little shudder.
"Blaine..."
"Kurt! Just... just let me make you happy, okay?"
They both knew that Blaine wasn�t only referring to their momentary situation and that it was about much more than just their physical well-being.
Kurt gave in with a sigh – it wasn�t a hard decision after all - and his eyes fell shut again. He moved his hands to caress Blaine�s chest and let them wander to his shoulders just to grip them, as the friction became more and more insistent. With a moan he moved closer to kiss Blaine, to show him that he trusted him completely and felt overwhelmed by their harmony.
Blaine moaned at Kurt�s kiss and tried to pull off his sweats without breaking the touch of their mouths or hands, but didn�t manage to.
They hurried to get rid of their clothes and both took a deep breath as their bodies touched again, flushed from lips to toes. Of course Kurt�s cell phone had to ring at exactly that moment and Blaine broke away with a groan. Kurt tried to pull him near again, but Blaine stopped him.
"Tell them to fuck off. Or better, throw the phone out of the window."
Blaine laughed breathlessly and fumbled for the phone to look at the caller ID. He held it in front of Kurt�s face, who let out an excited shriek.
"It�s Kennem! The theatre director Mr Kennem, oh my God. What shall I do?"
Blaine looked at him amusedly. "Answer his call?"
"But... but I�m not wearing any clothes. I can�t talk to a theatre director naked."
Blaine chuckled. "Yes, you can. He won�t see you. Come on – answer it."
Kurt pulled up the blanket and hurried to answer his cell phone.
"Mr Kennem, good morning!" Blaine watched Kurt while he was phoning and couldn�t help but let his gaze wander. Kurt was beautiful. He had always been, even as a boy - but now he was breathtaking and his excitement just added a lively note to it.
"Blaine?"
Slowly Blaine lifted his head and Kurt�s breath stopped when he saw the look in Blaine�s eyes. It wasn�t only lust or need, it was... adoration. Kurt�s heart ached with feelings as he moved and took Blaine�s hand.
"Blaine."
Blaine�s smile was heartbreakingly beautiful as he pulled Kurt in and looked at him, held him as carefully as he was able to and finally kissed him. Both fell into that kiss, moving slowly and forgetting time and problems, appointments and past. It was now and only this moment, the two of them and all the things they couldn�t say yet.
With a last slide of his hand, Kurt pulled away and opened his eyes slowly.
"As much as I hate to say it, we really need to get up. It�s too late to bake, but I don�t want to be late for rehearsals. Oh, and that was... Mr Kennam told me I�m in the final options, they�ll have the last meeting tomorrow afternoon and it would be good if I could attend it as well. The other two composers will be there too and they want us to present our musicals. So, I need to prepare that. It�s a good thing tomorrow are no rehearsals for once. Let�s just hope there won�t be any incidents to get in the way."
Blaine smiled at him and simply nodded.
When they entered the kitchen, both flushed. They looked at the floor first, then at each other. Blaine laughed and pulled Kurt into a tight hug.
"You know, I�m actually pretty happy that someone�s after you, even if that sounds strange."
Kurt hugged him in return and kissed him tenderly.
"Me too."
o0O0o
Rehearsals that day flew by and Kurt didn�t remember anything of it, because when he stood on the stage and belted out one of the more difficult songs, it suddenly hit him – there was a real chance to have his musical produced now. There were only three options left and Kurt knew that he had a chance to impress the producers. He had the wanted knowledge, was experienced and could be rather charming. Also, he had invested years of work and he knew that his musical was good.
o0O0o
When Rachel entered Blaine�s apartment, Kurt couldn�t wait to tell her, but he bit his tongue and kissed her on the cheek.
She beamed when she greeted Blaine and pulled him with her as she walked around his apartment and inspected it.
"I like the 40�s reference in your workroom. The dark panels fit your vintage style, as you still try to tame your curls even if it�s much better now. Anyway, I�m just glad you got rid of those bow ties, they were a bit too much."
Kurt suppressed a snort and noticed that Blaine was looking for an appropriate answer, a confused look on his face. It had been too long for him to be still capable to handle Rachel.
"Well Rachel, why don�t you tell us what�s new? Any assignments in sight?"
Rachel finally sat down on Blaine�s couch and pulled Blaine down with her, so Kurt chose one of the fauteuils that – yes, Rachel was right at this one – reminded him of the 40�s style, like in The Maltese Falcon, one of his and Blaine�s favourite Humphrey Bogart movies.
"I have an audition next week and it could be something."
Kurt watched her curiously. "Do tell."
Rachel�s excited smile grew even wider.
"Wicked! There�s one place left in the company and rumour has it that they�re looking for a new Glinda."
"Wow, that�s great, Rachel! I remember how fond you were of Wicked back in High School."
Blaine smiled at her and patted her knee, before he got up to get them drinks.
Rachel looked at Kurt, whose brow was furrowed.
"Kurt, what is it?"
"I�m auditioning for it too", he simply answered.
Rachel�s smile faded a bit as she cocked her head. "What?"
"Well, I�m auditioning too. They said they�re thinking about breaking some stereotypes and who would be better for that than me? Also, Glinda was always more my role than yours."
Rachel�s smile was gone by now.
"But Jesse said you�re about to have your musical produced. So that would be too much at once, right?"
Kurt stared at her.
"Where... why does Jesse know about it? I haven�t told anyone, well, except Blaine."
This question made Rachel squeal and clap.
"Oh, I was so excited when I realised that you�re together again! I knew you couldn�t live without each other, it was just a matter of time."
Kurt rolled his eyes.
"You�re just like Finn, always such a romantic, right? But it... it isn�t like this. It�s … Blaine�s helping me with stuff."
Rachel winced slightly as Kurt mentioned Finn, but then she raised an eyebrow.
"Stuff, huh? You can call it like that, if you want to. But why would you live together then? You can�t trick me and I thought we were friends."
She sounded a little bit huffy now and Kurt sighed.
"Look, there are circumstances that made it necessary, okay? And please drop that topic now, it isn�t something I�d like to discuss when Blaine�s around. We�re trying to... to figure things out, okay?"
Rachel�s smile was back at that, but then she seemed to remember Kurt�s former question.
"Wait, what did you mean with nobody knows? Isn�t it well-established that you try to get your musical produced?"
"No, it�s not. I wanted to keep it shut away for the moment so that there�s no pressure on anyone, you know? So where does Jesse know it from?"
Rachel stayed silent for a minute – the first one since she�d entered Blaine�s apartment.
"I think he read it on Jacob�s blog some days ago."
Blaine walked into the living room again, carrying a tray with drinks.
"Jacob still has this blog? I thought he works as journalist now?"
Rachel took one of the glasses and shook her head.
"He did, but then he decided it was too lame so he revived his blog again and focused on media and theatre. I�m almost sure you know it, it�s Jacpot.com"
Kurt grinned at Rachel.
"Yeah, of course I know it. I always wondered if the blogger knows you, because he seemed to be crazy about everything you�re doing."
"Well..." Rachel had the decency to blush. "I guess you could say he�s a huge fan, a very huge one. Sometimes it�s getting a bit... creepy."
Blaine leaned forward and faced Rachel cautiously.
"What do you mean with creepy? Did he do anything?"
Rachel bit her lip.
"No, he didn�t do anything, he just wrote things. Like, he wants to care for my success in every possible way. He once wrote he would take care of all my competition. Things like this."
Blaine and Kurt shared a short look, Blaine�s worried, Kurt�s confused.
"Why? What is this about?"
Rachel watched the two of them.
Blaine patted her knee – Rachel seemed to need it – and smiled at her reassuringly.
"Nothing, it�s nothing, Rachel. I�m sure Jacob wouldn�t do anything, right?"
Rachel still didn�t look like she would believe Blaine, so Kurt smiled at her too.
"So, why don�t you tell us about your weekend with Jesse?"
As Rachel left nearly two hours later, Blaine turned Kurt around and looked him in the eyes.
"Never – and I mean it, Kurt – never ever ask Rachel to tell us about her weekends with men again. I don�t think I�d survive another story of hers that includes fire, sheepskin rug and strawberry massage oil."
Kurt bit his lip to suppress his giggles and nodded quickly.
"As long as you stop to pat her knee or any part of her body, we�re fine."
Blaine laughed and released his hold.
"I think that can be done. So, what are we doing tonight?"
Kurt rubbed his forehead and sighed.
"As much as I would love to snuggle in front of the TV, I really need to prepare my presentation for tomorrow. Parts of it are already done because I hoped they would ask me to do it, but there�s still a lot of work left. But if you have any plans, you can leave me here on my own. I promise I won�t destroy anything or abuse your insane amount of hair products – especially as you don�t use them any more. Well, if I think about it, I should get rid of them so you don�t have a chance to ever use them again, right?"
Blaine stopped him with a laugh.
"I�m not going anywhere and you don�t throw away my hair products. I�m fine without them, but they�re usefull when it comes to research. It�s not always advisable to be recognised. So, what can I do?"
Kurt looked at him with wide eyes.
"You.. you want to help me? Well, okay. I... I have to look through my papers. Give me a minute."
When they sat next to each other, Kurt�s sheets and papers spread on the table, they slipped into the discussion and preparations so easily as if they had done it forever. Soon Kurt had worked out his concept and they tried to fit the parts he already had prepared. Then they worked together on things like phrasing short summaries or finding fitting pictures to present songs or storylines.
When Blaine made coffee and came back with two mugs, his shirt sleeves rolled up, Kurt realised they had worked for hours.
Kurt set the sheets aside and sighed.
"Thank you, exactly what I needed now. I think we�ve done pretty much, there�s not much left. We should finish for today."
Blaine put his mug on the table and stepped behind Kurt.
"Your work is awesome, you should be really proud of it and yourself. Mr Kennam would be crazy not to choose you."
He put his hands on Kurt�s shoulders and began to knead them, what made Kurt drop his head and moan quietly.
"You�re spoiling me. Besides, you�re not objective. You haven�t even heard the songs."
Blaine�s chuckle was tender.
"I know that you wouldn�t consider handing in anything you don�t think of as perfect. But in fact, I�d love to hear them. If you want to show them to me, that�s it."
Kurt nodded, took the sheets and led Blaine into the working room. He pointed at the covered piano.
"We�ll need that. Do you... I mean, I�m able to play the piano but I�ve always liked the way you interpreted songs and.. do you think you could play them? I�ll give you an idea of the tempo."
Blaine hesitated a moment before he slowly pulled the cloth away.
"I�ll try, I guess I�m a little rusty. But do you think there�s a chance you�d sing along? Those are your songs and.. and I always loved to hear you singing in private."
Kurt blushed slightly but tried to override it.
"My private concerts are not that cheap any more. I don�t know if you can afford one of them."
Blaine�s raised eyebrow and his warm smile eased Kurt�s try to be sarky.
"I�m sure we can come to an agreement. Come on, Kurt, we�ve always been a good team when it came to music."
He didn�t add and in other parts of our lives too, he didn�t need to. Blaine was right though, music had always been their thing, it had been audible proof of their harmony.
So Kurt just slid onto the bench next to Blaine while Blaine opened the lid and pressed some keys tentatively.
"It doesn�t sound too bad after six years of only standing here. So, which song first?"
Kurt handed him the sheets and pointed at the first one.
"That�s the intro, there are obviously no lyrics. "Pip Pip Hooray" is the first song, sung by the male lead when he arrives in England. I think it�s catchy, but not very challenging."
Blaine began to play the melody, humming along quietly.
"It�s a good choice for a first musical number. It�s energetic and happy, easy to remember and introduces one of the main characters and one of the storylines, right?"
Kurt couldn�t help but stare at Blaine in awe.
"Can I use this description, please?"
Blaine smiled at him amusedly.
"Sure, why not? So, would you sing that for me now?"
Kurt returned Blaine�s smile and turned to look at the sheets again. He didn�t really need them, he knew all of his songs by heart, but at least he had something to look at. When Blaine played the first few chords, he began to sing.
Pip Pip Hooray
I want to stay in the UK forever
Blaine�s laughter distracted him for a moment, but then he winked and switched to the first verse.
Some say it�s the land of manners
some just call it antique
But there�s nothing wrong with politeness
and don�t forget bow ties and tea
Blaine cleared his throat and joined Kurt�s voice. He improvised the second voice and they both laughed at the funnier and sometimes slightly silly parts of the song. Sometimes he hit the wrong keys and his voice wavered at some of the higher notes, but all in all he just sounded like Blaine.
They went through three more songs, one of them was a group number and they tried some of the harmonies.
Then Blaine put the songs they�d already sung and pointed at the next one.
"What about this?"
Kurt hesitated.
"That�s a duet."
Blaine looked at him and shrugged.
"Well, we are two people here, that should be no problem."
Kurt shot him a short look.
"It�s... it�s one of the love songs."
"We don�t have to, but I�d love to hear it. If you don�t want to sing it together... we don�t have to. It�s okay."
Blaine started to out the sheets away and was about to close the lid, when Kurt laid a hand on Blaine�s. His voice was quiet and a bit unsure as he spoke.
"I�d like to sing with you. I really would. The thing is... I wrote this song some years ago when we weren�t together any more. It was one of those nights when you feel like you�re in between time and space and... and all I could do was thinking of you. So the song�s pretty much about you. And me. And the times when we were happy and the times I was so broken. It�s actually pretty sad for a love song."
Blaine watched him closely as removed his hand from the lid. He just played the melody and and nodded then.
Kurt took a deep breath and started to sing.
Tell me
will there be a time to chase our shared dreams
to take you by the hand and forget all that�s been
Will there be a time where everything is right
and all we need is you and me
Blaine�s voice was raspy when he sang the next lines and Kurt didn�t dare to look at him.
Tell me
will you be there when I turn around and say "stay"
when I tell you to forget everything I�ve done
Will you be there when I say you mean more to me than anything else
and I�ll give everything up to have you again
Kurt turned around to look at Blaine and noticed the same tears that he felt in his own eyes.
Even if he hadn�t said it before, Blaine would have known by now that this was their song. Their voices melted together like they had used to as they sang the part in two voices.
Will there be a time
When you�ll be there
Will there be a time when we say forever
It feels like we are far apart and I just need to know
will there be a time when you�ll be there
They finished the last note and suddenly it was completely silent. Blaine pulled his hands off the piano keys and turned around to look at Kurt, who looked like he was caught in memories.
"This is one of the most beautiful songs I�ve ever heard. Kurt, seriously. It�s amazing."
Kurt tried to smile in response, but all he could do was suppress a sob when Blaine reached for his hand.
"Listen. I know this song is about us and you should have noticed that it... it moves me too. Your ability to express your feelings like that is... and to create such a breathtaking song because of it... God, I�m so sorry Kurt."
The last words came out in a haste. "I�m sorry you had to go through this because of me. I can�t tell you how bad I feel right now for causing this pain. It hurt me too, I was hurting for such a long time and the worst part about it was that I refused to admit it. But now that I have you back I just begin to figure out what you went through. Kurt..."
Blaine closed his eyesbecause it was simply too painful to look at Kurt, to see all the emotions on his face and in his eyes. But then a cool hand touched his cheek and lips met his tenderly.
"Blaine. I know you�re sorry and I know we both went through far too much pain. But it�s over now, isn�t it? I�m here and you�re here. And there is so much time now to just be, be together."
Blaine felt his eyes tear up as he finally opened them to look at Kurt.
"But we won�t be able to forget what�s been. What�s happened."
Kurt shook his head, a slightly sad smile on his face.
"We won�t, no. But that�s not what matters. What matters is our future and you and me who will make new things happen, better things. We can�t change the past, but we can look ahead and try to.. to show each other that..."
Kurt stopped and avoided Blaine�s gaze, who caressed Kurt�s hand that was still on his cheek.
"It�s too early to say it, right?"
Kurt just nodded and took a deep breath.
"It is. But there will be the right time. So, do you want to hear the other songs too? I guess the last one is more like your Katy Perry songs, happy with a haunting melody and not too difficult."
Blaine nudged him and laughed. "Of course. Let�s have a look and I�ll prove you wrong. Even those Katy Perry songs can be improved."
Only as the sun painted the sky in pastels, they decided to take a break and get some sleep.
They fell asleep immediately, their hands intertwined and their faces turned to each other.
o0O0o
Kurt was walking a bit too forceful to keep his calm facade, at least for Blaine.
"Kurt, breathe. You have nothing to be afraid of! Remember our first duet at Regionals? It�s just the same, you�re going to kill them."
Blaine flinched as he noticed Kurt�s stunned expression.
"Oh shit, that was the wrong choice of terms, wasn�t it. I mean, they would regret not choosing you."
Kurt�s eyes grew even wider and Blaine sighed.
"Sorry, I did it again, I just can�t help it. You know what I want to say, don�t you? You�ll succeed. Calm down and breathe and smile and..."
Blaine stopped as he entered the office and turned around to Kurt, who stood in the middle of the door frame.
"Kurt, what... are you okay?"
He followed Kurt�s gaze that was fixed on someone who was standing at the desk, whispering something in the secretary�s ear, who laughed at it.
When the person turned around Blaine knew immediately why Kurt looked like he had seen a ghost.
"What are you doing here?"
A humorless laugh was the first response as strong steps came nearer.
"Nice to see you too, Kurt. And of course there�s Blaine too. Been a while since you convinced my girlfriend to leave me. Looks like we�re competitors."
Comments
Great story and nicely written. I can't wait for more!
Thank you! That´s very nice from you :)