Aug. 23, 2012, 6:40 a.m.
He Made You Perfect: Chapter 13
T - Words: 1,321 - Last Updated: Aug 23, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 22/? - Created: May 23, 2012 - Updated: Aug 23, 2012 2,407 0 18 0 0
Kurt ran out of the dorm towards the lake, unable to contain his emotions or his tears any longer. He wanted, needed to find Blaine, but he knew that he was breaking enough rules being out of the dorm by himself during Quiet Reflection. He didn't know Blaine's room number, and wandering the dorms knocking on doors would be foolish.
The air was a bit cooler down by the lake, in a way that would ordinarily be refreshing on a summer's evening. However, the stress of the fight with Josh and the crying left Kurt feeling chilled and vulnerable. He wrapped his arms around himself and rubbed briskly to help warm and calm him.
He headed for a small group of trees at the far edge of the camp by the lake shore, sitting under the nearest one but just out of sight of prying eyes from the camp.
"No offense, but you've looked better. Not that you're my type anyway." Cate winked at Kurt, stepping out from behind a tree and sucking on a cigarette. "Are you okay?"
Kurt sniffled and let out a sigh, wiping his face with the back of his hand. "Yes... no... maybe. It's been a rough afternoon."
"Ain't it the truth," Cate said, stubbing out her cigarette on the ground.
"Can I ask you something?" Kurt said, turning his head up towards Cate. "Sure."
"You said before that you were sent here because you were caught with your secret girlfriend..." "That's right..." "So you're gay? Or bi?" Kurt peered up at the girl from his seat on the ground as she lit another cigarette.
"Gay. Definitely gay," Cate smirked. "And you go to church, too?" Kurt asked. "Yeah," she replied.
"It's just... how are you so calm after listening to that?" Kurt said, frowning.
"Well, I am on my second cigarette,” Cate chuckled. “I wasn't quite so calm when I first got out of there. But the fact that other people interpret the Bible differently than I do doesn't particularly bother me, and just because they are more restrictive in their views and get all worked up about it doesn't mean that they're right and I'm wrong. Besides, the older I get and the more of this crap I get exposed to, the less inclined I am to want any part of it. If you want to know the truth, I'm really not sure what I believe right now. You don't have to be a Christian to be a good person, or vice versa, that much I know. Hell, look at that Jackie chick."
“Who?” Kurt asked distractedly, trying to absorb Cate's words.
“She's this girl in my group, and her room is on the same hall so we share showers. There's a strict five-minute shower rule because the hot water heaters are so ancient, you know? Anyway, the first day she was carrying on like a banshee, bugging everyone about not using too much hot water and acting like the five-minute shower rule was her own personal crusade. But that day and every day since, she spends at least fifteen minutes in there. She doesn't even try and hide it or look embarrassed about it.”
Kurt glowered at the story, considering how his hair and skin routines had suffered under the draconian five-minute rule. “Bitch!”
Cate snorted at Kurt's reaction. “Anyway, if she can easily go by the term 'Christian' acting like that, but a friendly sodomite like yourself gets judged and condemned, then fuck 'em.”
Cate smiled warmly at Kurt, and he smiled back. "I have to try harder to not let it bother me. I don't care what the tooth fairy thinks of my sexual orientation, so why should I care what God might think?"
"A fairy? I can't imagine she... or he.. would disapprove." Cate winked.
Kurt laughed. "Thanks for talking to me. I feel better now. I guess I can put up with a few ridiculous sermons. It would be much worse for someone who really believed in it all, and was gay..." Kurt trailed off, gazing at the ground. He suddenly really wanted to find Josh. "Let's go, it's almost time for dinner."
* * * * *
Kurt stood by their usual table, tray in hand, eyes searching the room for Josh. “I'm sure he'll be here soon, Kurt, why don't you sit down and eat?” Blaine said, fork in hand. The boy was hungry, after all, and if Josh wanted to skip dinner that was up to him.
Kurt sat down and contemplated his plate with a slight pout. “I just feel bad about the way we left things.”
Blaine scoffed in response. “From the sound of it, he was just as much as fault as you were, if not more, and I'm going with 'more.' You have more than enough to deal with right now, so don't beat yourself up for losing your cool. I'm sure that if you give him some space, he'll settle down and you can talk it out. Besides, you're roommates, so you'll have to see each other eventually.”
“I know, I just feel like I was being kind of self-centered and insensitive.” Kurt replied. “It didn't occur to me, in all of my drama, that he might be dealing with the same thing.”
“It's not remotely the same,” Blaine said, “you are comfortable with yourself and just want to live your life without anyone trying to change you. A very attractive trait, self-confidence.” Kurt smiled in response to the compliment, and Blaine winked back before continuing. “Josh is a nice guy but he's so conflicted. He's full of self-loathing and he just wants to change who he fundamentally is. As long as he buys into what they're selling here, there's no helping him.”
“That just makes it worse,” said Kurt. “He feels his faith so deeply that there's no reasoning with him. It would be much easier if he didn't believe it all, or at least had some skepticism, like Cate.”
“And if he didn't have such an obvious crush on his roommate.” Blaine muttered, pushing food around his plate.
“WHAT did you say?” Kurt exclaimed, setting down his fork. Blaine didn't look up. “You can't be serious. You're imagining things.”
“I enjoy a flight of fancy as much as the next guy, but I'm not imagining the way he looks at you. Especially when you aren't looking. Double especially when I'm with you.” Blaine sighed, uncomfortable with being put on the spot.
“Come on, Blaine. I know you two didn't get along that well this morning at breakfast, but you should give him another chance.”
“I'll be happy to give him another chance,” Blaine replied, “but I noticed it even before I met him. He spends a lot of time during Worship watching us watch each other. Has he ever discouraged you from hanging out with me?”
“He just doesn't want me to get in trouble... Jessica has been keeping a close eye on me since I missed Morning Worship on Sunday.” Kurt frowned and considered Blaine's arguments.
“Kurt, I'm not saying you shouldn't try to help him. I'm just saying that, one, I think he has a crush on you. Did I mention that he blushes an awful lot around you? Two, he's struggling. With his faith, his identity, his desires, probably with the messages he's heard his whole life. It's not easy. But if you of all people try so hard to help him come to terms with his sexuality, it might backfire on you. Be there for your friend but be careful.”
“Blaine, am I detecting a hint of jealousy? Now, bear in mind, I have absolutely zero interest in Josh,” Kurt said, his lips curving into a smile, “But to go from the only 'out' kid at my school to having two guys competing for me, that's kind of exciting.” Kurt fluttered his eyelashes at Blaine.
“I'm done eating, how about you?” Blaine said, a devilish look in his enigmatic hazel eyes. “Let's take another one of our walks down by the lake. You can deal with Josh later.”
Comments
I like this chapter. I do not think Kurt was too quick to forgive but I do think he would have been a little more reserved with Josh, especially after what Blaine tells him. Maybe Cate should talk to Josh too.
Cate doesn't like getting involved in other people's drama. ;) She's content to chill and smoke and chase cute girls.
Wonderful chapter again. I like the conflict of Josh. Let's see where it goes. :)
Thanks! Unfortunately for Josh, it's going to get worse before it gets better. Fortunately for us, we get to watch him suffer through it. Yay angst!
I'm sorry if it gets uncomfortable at times. Parts of the story are based on my own experiences at a Christian summer camp at age 14 (though without the anti-homosexuality thing, not that they would've approved but it didn't come up.) I've dredged up some serious emotions through writing this thing.
This hits way too close to home. Because I hear people spewing that anti-gay hatred and damnation all the time. it is horrible.
This is amazing! And So is territory !
Thank you for reading! If you have any predictions as to where Territory might go, I'd be interested in hearing them, over on its review page. I already know where it's going, but I like seeing what interpretations people put on my stories before they're finished.
There will be more, no worries! Thank you for your comments on the other chapteres, too... It's nice to be called "hilarious." :)
Why does fanfiction have this hold on me? I NEED YOU TO WRITE MORE OF THIS.
The story should be all wrapped up by then! I hope you like where it ends up going.
ohhhh it just sooooo goooood! :D seriously! damn I have to go away for almost a month to a place where I can't really be online... but i'm really looking forward to be back again and see where you've gone with your story! (: CUZ IT'S JUST SO GREAT! but meanwhile - all the best with your writing and just-- life in general! :b
Please more ;D
I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe they'll come around. Unfortunately, the person who said that to me (and inspired that part of the story) never did.
Ugh, I know exactly how it feels to be told "We can't be friends if you aren't a believer." I told a friend of mine about my sexuality and why I was feeling conflicted about coming to Youth Group anymore. She opened my email two months ago and didn't respond until a few days ago, saying the exact same thing.-sigh-What are you going to do
I am adoring this and am sad there isn't more at the moment!
I love your little Carly Simon reference in the A/N. I luh dat song. I'll probably be singing it all night :p
"I don't care what the tooth fairy thinks of my sexual orientation, so why should I care what God might think?" Brilliant. And Kurt seems pretty forgiving on the show. Plus he knows that his roomie is dealing with a messed up situation.