Josh drummed his fingers against his knee. He hadn't seen Kurt since breakfast, and Worship was about to start. He'd better not be late again, he thought. I don't know how much more I can cover for him. Jessica glanced in his direction, and Josh could tell she was taking note of the empty seat next to him. He still saved Kurt a seat at Worship and at meals, even though he never knew whether he would need it or not.

Josh's eyes wandered a few rows ahead, and took note of another empty seat in the Bears section. It doesn't look like that Blaine kid is here either, he thought. Isn't THAT such a coincidence.

Before his mind could wander much father down that path, he was distracted by a noise to his left. Kurt scooted down the aisle and sat in the seat next to Josh, sounding slightly out of breath. Jessica was standing at the end of the row with her arms crossed, watching Kurt pointedly. In another amazing coincidence, here comes Blaine, Josh thought, as he observed the dark-haired boy take his seat in the next section. Despite his annoyance at the fact that they had obviously just come in together, deep down Josh was delighted to be sitting next to Kurt again.

Josiah took the stage. From the overhead projection, Josh recognized the same service from the previous year, addressing overcoming the temptations of homosexuality. If it was the same as last year, Josh knew, it would finish with Adam sharing his experiences as an “ex-gay.”

“1 Corinthians 6:9: Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders.”

Josh could sense tension rolling off of Kurt in waves. Kurt's fingernails dug into the armrest between their seats.

“Strive to have compassion for those struggling with homosexuality. Being tempted does not make them evil, but giving in to the temptation makes them sinners.” It was uncomfortable to hear, but Josh had certainly heard worse from other pastors. He had been looking forward to this service. The refresher was coming at a time when he really needed it.

Josh glanced at Kurt, hoping that the service was having a positive effect on him. Kurt was sitting rigidly in his seat with his eyes closed. Is he going to cry?, Josh wondered. He made a mental note to let his roommate focus on the service for now, and he would offer to pray with him when they got back to their room that night.

“At the end of the day it's a personal journey. You can't serve God and be homosexual, it's not part of God's plan for you. We are all here for anyone who struggles with these issues.”

When everyone stood up to sing at the end of Worship, Kurt stayed in his seat, eyes still closed. Josh gave him space. He was pleased that Kurt was so affected by the service. He worried about his roommate quite a bit considering that they hadn't known each other very long.

The boys walked back to their room for a scheduled hour of Quiet Reflection before dinner. Josh noticed Blaine subtly trying to catch Kurt's eye on the way out of the auditorium, but Kurt seemed too wrapped up in his emotions to notice. Josh didn't call Kurt's attention to it.

Josh closed the door behind him. Kurt had already flopped on his bed and was staring at the ceiling. Josh's eyes raked over Kurt's body stretched out on the bed, from his long legs, up to his slim hips and waist, chest and surprisingly broad shoulders, and finally to his face, tense with emotion but still achingly beautiful. Cut that out, Josh scolded to himself, shaking his head and resolving to stare at the floor for a while.

“...Hey, Kurt? Are you doing okay? That service really seemed to affect you... Would you like to pray about it with me?”

“Pray about it? Why the hell would I want to do that?” Kurt asked, lifting his head. He clenched his jaw, dropping his head back to the pillow. “I'm sorry, Josh. I don't mean to be disrespectful to your faith. But no, thank you.”

“But, Kurt, I can help you!” Josh said, “I... I've been there... I mean, you seemed like you were maybe having an epiphany in there, and I'd like to support your journey to the Lord.”

Kurt laughed bitterly. “Really? That's what you thought was going on in there? You have GOT to be kidding me. Again, I'm sorry, Josh, but I don't share your beliefs and at times I have a hard time even respecting them. I wasn't having an epiphany, I was trying to keep from freaking out.”

Josh stalked around the room, tears smarting in his eyes. “Why can't you just make an EFFORT, Kurt? Why do you have to just take the easy way out all of the time? You just do whatever you feel! It isn't fair!” His voice rose to a desperate wail at the end.

“I am making an effort! I'm making an effort not to make waves, to make it through this week without getting kicked out or in major trouble that would upset my aunt and uncle. I do not and will not believe in 'curing' homosexuality, and, newsflash, I do not and will not believe in 'the Lord,' either! And if you want to talk about what's fair, start with me being an orphan. Start with having my whole world fall to pieces before I'm halfway through high school, and then being shipped here against my will before my dad was cold in the ground. How's that for FAIR?”

“Kurt, I get it, really I do...” Josh whimpered, struggling with the tears starting to form in his eyes.

“No, Josh, I don't think you 'get it' at all. The worst part is that even though I succeeded in not storming right down to that stage and getting into a screaming match with Josiah and Adam about all of the BULLSHIT they were spewing, I still feel like I failed. I wasn't true to myself, and that's not how my dad raised me. I kind of hate myself right now, actually.”

Josh slumped on his bed, tears streaming down his face. You don't know the first thing about hating yourself, he thought bitterly.

When he recovered himself after a moment, he spoke evenly. “I'm sorry, Kurt. I'm sorry that all of that happened to you, and I'm sorry that I just want to be your friend. But I can't. Not if you don't believe. When you're ready to turn to the Lord, I'll be here for you. Until then, it's not good for us to be friends.”

“Fine by me.” Kurt huffed, covering his face with his pillow. After a few minutes, he threw the pillow at the wall and stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

Josh's sobs echoed through the dark room.