"Have you washed your hands?" Blaine asked his daughter as she sat down at the table ready for dinner. Holding them out to him, she nodded with a smile. Sitting down adjacent to his eleven year old, Blaine sprinkled parmesan over her spaghetti before putting some on his own plate. It was a rare night with the two of them eating dinner on their own but Kurt was back performing and Fletcher was already asleep. It was nice to have this time together.
"What did you get up to at school today, Princess?"
"Uhm not much" Claire shrugged and pushed her pasta across her plate without really eating anything. Something at school had struck a thought with the little girl but she didn't know how to talk to her Dad about it.
"Not much?" he chuckled and looked up to see his daughter deep in thought "Talk to me C"
"What is my Mom like?"
Blaine's heart dropped.
He knew this conversation was coming but he never expected it to be so soon. He wasn't prepared for this because Blaine didn't want to tell Claire the honest truth about Annabelle and their entire relationship.
"We started making cards and little presents and stuff for Mother's Day at school today and so my teacher asked us all to write a little essay about our Moms"
"I will call your teacher in the morning and get her to assign you something different" Blaine nodded with a soft sigh. Claire's teachers had been so great since she started Kindergarten when it came to the fact that she had gay parents because she wasn't alone. This was New York not Lima so Blaine and Kurt weren't the only same sex parents of kids at Lincoln Elementary.
"Don't" Claire insisted which shocked her father a little "I want to try to write something, I just don't know where to start because I don't even know if she cares about me anymore or if she cared about me at all. Why did she leave? Why didn't she want me?"
Blaine set down his fork and turned to his daughter, taking her hands in his gently "It wasn't that your Mom didn't want you, she just couldn't take care of you"
"Why couldn't she live with you, Grandma Jane and Grandpa Michael and stay? Was it my fault she went away?"
"No baby of course not" Blaine sighed and pulled Claire up onto his lap. Kissing the top of her head softly, he never wanted her to think that Annabelle's actions were her fault "Your Mom leaving was not your fault. You were an unexpected accidental blessing; she just thought I could raise you better than she could. I had the support of my parents and Emily and Andrew"
Claire nodded silently and carefully thought about her next question "Daddy was I mistake?"
Blaine's heart broke for the second time that night as his daughter looked deep into his eyes searching for an answer. Wrapping his arms tighter around his little girl's waist, Blaine sniffed back the tears he could feel forming in the corners of his eyes. He couldn't cry now. Cupping his daughter's face with his hands gently, Blaine looked Claire in the eye "You were never a mistake and I do not want you to ever think otherwise. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me"
"I guess I wasn't the best thing to happen to my Mom though" the eleven year old sighed and slid off her father's lap and walked off to her bedroom. Curling up on her bed facing away from the door, she clutched the teddy Kurt had given her for their first Christmas tight against her chest. It was a little ragged compared to when it was given to her but it had been a much loved teddy bear. It was a comfort to the little girl.
Blaine downed the rest of his glass of wine before following his daughter into her bedroom. Sitting down beside her, he stroked her hair gently "Your Mom loves you but sometimes when you love someone so much you have to let them go"
"But why?" Claire sniffed and rolled over to face her father
"Your Mom and I were fifteen years old when you were born. I was just starting the tenth grade and I never thought I would ever have children let alone one that young. Your Mom never imagined having a baby at that age either and she was scared..."
"Were you scared?"
"Honestly? Yes" Blaine chuckled weakly and rubbed his thumb over his daughter's cheek softly. He couldn't sugar coat it all for her anymore, Claire deserved to know what impact she has had on her father's life "I quit school to look after you and I was angry and frustrated but you got me through all that. You falling asleep in my arms or smiling at me when I'd felt like I'd had the worst day kept me going. Your Mom is missing out on knowing the most amazing person I will ever know"
Claire sat up and crawled into her father's lap and Blaine wiped away the tears that were now falling down his cheeks "What is she like? Is she pretty?"
"You got my eyes but you have her smile. She's smart and beautiful and you're a lot like her"
"Did you love her like you love Papa?"
"I have never and I will never love anyone like I love him" Blaine smiled "When you're older you'll know what I mean"
Claire nodded and cuddled up closer to her Dad. She let everything her Dad had told her to sink in before speaking up once again "Has she ever tried to contact us?"
"She sends you money every year for your birthday which I've been saving into your college fund. I want you to be able to say that your Mom helped you go to college"
"Does she send a card?"
"I'm sorry baby, no. She used to send letters with money when you were really little that said she was sorry for leaving and told me to tell you how you would always be a beautiful, special and loved little girl"
"Why doesn't she send them now?"
"Maybe she doesn't know what to say anymore" Blaine shrugged and shifted on the bed so he was looking at Claire "Now you listen to me, sometimes a Mom isn't always the person that gives birth to you. A Mom is someone you cares for you, loves you, protects you and provides everything you need to be a happy and healthy kid"
"Like you and Papa?"
"Just like me and Papa but if you want to know anything about your Mom, I will find out for you"
"Maybe when I'm older" Claire shrugged with a slight smile "I've got you and Papa and that's all I need"
"If at any time you change your mind, don't be afraid to ask. I will find out whatever you want to know about her ok? When you're ready"
"Thanks Dad" she smiled and sat up "I love you"
"I love you too my beautiful girl" Blaine smiled and pressed a soft kiss to his daughter's forehead "Are you hungry? I think our pasta got cold"
"Sorry..."
"No don't apologise" he chuckled "I'm not very good at cooking spaghetti hot or cold so how about we order Chinese? I won't tell Papa if you won't" Blaine laughed as Claire quickly agreed with his bad cooking. Jumping off her father's lap, Claire followed Blaine out into the dining room and helped him pack away their dinner. Blaine wasn't a bad cook but he could never get spaghetti right no matter how hard he tried.
Blaine ordered their Chinese as Claire cleared her colouring pages and crayons off the coffee table. It had been a tradition in their little family to always eat Chinese around the coffee table just as a special treat.
"Dinner will be here in twenty minutes, did you want to try the chopsticks again?" Blaine asked with a soft laugh as he sat on the couch beside Claire and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. He was so thankful that she wasn't quite to the age where she didn't want to spend time with her Dad. He was going to make the most of it while he could.
"I'll try but I'm not very good with them"
"Practice"
"More Chinese food then?" she giggled
"As much as you can eat" Blaine smiled "Y'know, I never really liked Chinese food when I was younger but your Papa loved it. I only like it now because of him"
"How old was I when you met Papa?" Claire asked as she shifted to sit cross legged on the couch looking at her father. She'd always wanted to hear the story of how her two Dad's met but they'd never told her. If she wasn't going to write an essay about her Mom then she was going to write about the love story that brought her Dad's together "Was it love at first sight?"
"First you wanted to know about your Mom and now me and your Papa?"
"I want to write a happy essay and it may not be about my Mom but it'll be about something better. Please Daddy?"
"Alright, fine" he chuckled "You were about eight months old when I met him. He came into the coffee shop that I was working in. We started talking every time he came in, we became friends and he convinced me to go back to school"
"Were you guys together when you went back to school?"
"No, took me a few more months to ask him on a date. That's when I told him about you"
"Did he totally freak out?" Claire giggled
"Just a little bit but I showed him that photo of you when you were about 15 months old with chocolate ice-cream all over your face"
"That's the photo Grandma Jane has stuck on her refrigerator"
"Yes, that's the photo. He fell in love with your cute little face right there and then" Blaine smiled "How could he not?"
"And you guys lived happily ever after since then?"
"Almost"
"Almost?"
"You won't remember but you and Kurt were in a car accident when you were about a year and a half old. You broke your arm" Blaine began. He and Kurt had had a few fights through their relationship but nothing was as bad as the time of that accident. Blaine never wanted to fight with his husband like that again "The accident wasn't his fault but I blamed him and almost pushed him away. I was angry at the wrong person. He came over to apologise and right before he got there, you called him Papa for the very first time"
"And then you guys lived happily ever after?"
"Yes" he smiled "I realised that he was already a father to you and he was the only person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I have you to thank for everything"
"Me? What did I do?"
"If I didn't have you I would never have quit school and met your Papa. I would never have a husband I love and a beautiful family that I adore more than anything. I owe my happiness to you baby girl"