Claire sat at the stool in the kitchen and watched as her father straightened up the already organised items on the counter. With his sleeves rolled up and tie loosened, he seemed to be in a trance as he shuffled around the kitchen. The last few days had been similar but Blaine seemed worse today and it worried Claire. She hated seeing her Dad so sad.
“Uncle Finn said that I should bring my teddy with the purple jacket with me today. He said that Papa would have liked me having it today”
“Papa won’t know you’ve got it. He won’t care” Blaine growled softly and he pulled a glass down from the cupboard. Getting himself a glass of water, he took a sip and quickly realised it was hot water. He threw his glass into the sink with all the energy he could muster and it smashed into a million pieces. Claire jumped and started to sob softly scared that her father would smash something else. Blaine stormed from the kitchen to his bedroom and slammed the door behind him not caring about anything in that moment.
Only moments later, Santana walked into the apartment to see what was going on. Immediately pulling a crying Claire into her arms, she saw the smashed glass and knew exactly what had happened. This wasn’t the first thing Blaine had broken in the 4 days since his world fell apart.
“It’s ok baby girl” Santana cooed and she tried to calm down the four year old “Daddy is just sad”
“He’s always sad now”
“I know, he’s going to be sad for a while longer”
“I’m sad too” Claire cried softly and wiped her eyes “I miss Papa too”
“We all miss your Papa” Santana sighed “Why don’t we put on a movie, I know it’ll make you feel better”
“Can I watch Aladdin? It was Papa’s favourite”
“Of course munchkin. It’s my favourite too”
Santana set Claire down on the couch before finding the Aladdin DVD and setting it up for the little girl. She was savvy for a four year old so Santana handed her the remote and she played it all on her own. Neither girl heard Blaine’s bedroom door over the opening credits of the classic Disney movie.
“Turn that shit off!” Blaine yelled from his bedroom door and slammed it again. The last thing he wanted to hear was ‘A Whole New World’ or anything that reminded him of Kurt. Claire tried her best to hold back her tears once again but she wasn’t succeeding.
“Let’s just turn the volume down a little” Santana smiled weakly and reduced the volume. Claire could almost recite the entire movie, she’d seen it that many times. “I’m gonna go talk to your Dad ok? Will you be ok for a minute? Uncle Finn and Aunty Rachel said they would be here soon, I promise”
“I’ll be ok”
Santana pressed a soft kiss to Claire’s forehead before getting up off the couch and making her way toward Blaine’s bedroom. Knocking, she ignored the string of curses Blaine spat at her and walked in. Shutting the door behind her, she prayed Claire couldn’t hear her father.
“Get out Santana” he snapped and threw the photo frame he had in his hands at her. Dodging the frame, she cringed as it was yet another thing Blaine had managed to smash in the last four days. He was raking up quite a collection. Santana picked up the broken frame and saw it was a picture of Kurt and Blaine together at Claire’s fourth birthday party.
“I know you’re sad...”
“You know I’m sad? My life is falling apart and all you can say is ‘I know you’re sad’. I’m devastated. The man I devoted my life to is dead and I have to walk into a church today and be at his funeral. Of course I’m fucking sad Santana” Blaine growled and ran his hands through his hair
“I know you’re sad” she repeated through gritted teeth before relaxing slightly “But you have a little girl out there that needs her father. You are scaring her. She lost Kurt too”
“I...” he stuttered completely forgetting about Claire. They’d had Santana or Rachel and Finn with them every day since Kurt died and he hadn’t done much for her in the last four days. Someone else had always been there. That morning, the morning of Kurt’s funeral was the first time he’d been alone with his daughter. It was the first time since he’d met Kurt that he was truly alone with his daughter.
“I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what to do without him” Resting his head in his hands, Blaine burst into tears. He hadn’t really cried since he heard Kurt’s heart stop and he lost the love of his life forever. He cried for hours but from the second he came home from the hospital, his heartbreak turned into anger. Anger at the world for taking Kurt away from him.
“I think you need to talk to Burt. He’s probably the one that knows how you feel right now. Come on, he’s meeting us at the church” Santana sighed and held her hand out to Blaine. Taking her hand, he squeezed it gently in thanks. He needed his friends and family around him and Claire today. This was going to be hard for all of them.
Apprehensive at first, Claire just had to see the pained and apologetic expression on her father’s face to crawl right into his arms. She just wanted to be there with her Dad. Rachel, Finn, Santana, Claire and Blaine drove silently to the church a little while later. No-one really knew what to say.
As they reached the church, Blaine carried Claire and the teddy bear Kurt had given her for their first Christmas together, from the car. They were some of the last to arrive which meant an overflowing church full of people would watch as he walked toward his fianc�’s coffin that sat by the altar. Blaine could see from the door, the clean, sharp lines of the mahogany coffin and the beautiful arrangement of Lilies and Roses that Carole had helped him pick out.
“I can’t do this” Blaine spoke softly as he took a step away from the door “No, no”
“No, no” Blaine cried as he rolled over and buried his face into his pillow. Clutching it tight, tears streamed down his face as he repeated that one word over and over again. “No, please, no”
“Blaine, Blaine wake up” Kurt insisted as he shook his boyfriend’s shoulder roughly trying to pull him from his nightmare. “Blaine”
Blaine woke with a start as he looked around the room and remembered where he was. Turning to Kurt, he didn’t realise that tears were still running down his face until Kurt’s hands were wiping them away. He let go of the pillow and relaxed his shoulders letting Kurt pull him into his arms.
“What was it this time?” Kurt asked softly as he rubbed Blaine’s back gently. Blaine had been having nightmares since Kurt was diagnosed with cancer. They had been frightening and very frequent in the early months but they had become very rare... until tonight. It was the night before Kurt’s end of cycle doctor’s appointment. It was the night before Kurt was told whether he would need to undergo more treatment or told that his life was back to normal and cancer free.
“Nothing, it was nothing” Blaine lied with a weak smile. He didn’t want to tell Kurt that he’d dreamt of his funeral again.
“Blaine...”
“I don’t even remember”
“Ok” Kurt nodded even though he knew Blaine remembered what happened in his nightmare. He didn’t want to push him to relive something that had put his boyfriend in a cold sweat “Hold me?”
Blaine smiled and laid back down as Kurt cuddled close to his chest. Wrapping his arms around his boyfriend, Blaine knew exactly what Kurt was doing. He was making sure Blaine knew he was there, that he was alive. It was a usual occurrence after one of his nightmares.