While Blaine and the Father Berrys were having story time, Rachel and Kurt made their way to the supermarket where they stocked up on only the best sugary and fat-filled junk food. There was a time and a place for eating reasonably, and this wasn’t one of them. The two friends bought soda and chips and ice cream and several types of chocolate bars.

Now it’s important to note, Rachel did promise herself that she would go back to her diet and exercise regimen starting the next day. There was no need to worry about her waistline. Kurt, however, promised no such thing. Breaking up with one’s boyfriend was always an acceptable excuse to fulfill one’s desire for comfort food.

When Rachel and Kurt arrived back at his house, they noticed that almost all the cars from the party were gone, except for the ones that belonged to Finn, Sam, and Rachel. Puck’s dirt bike was parked against the house as well. Kurt let out a sigh of relief as he didn’t want to have to explain to everyone what had just happened. He looked like a hot mess, and the less people who saw that, the better. What he really wanted to do was turn back time and start over. He wondered if that was even possible. Some major changes had been made, and there was no turning back.

They made their way into a silent and dark house. Kurt flipped on a few lights and called out, “Finn? Mom? Anyone home?” When he didn’t receive a response, Kurt shrugged and carried the bag of snacks to the kitchen.

Rachel followed behind him with the soda bottles wondering how she had ended up with the heavier load. She debated lecturing Kurt about chivalry and who was going to be responsible for carrying what to their New York apartment, but she realized that talking about New York might flare up more drama and wisely held her tongue.

Kurt wasn’t thinking about equality in carrying heavy items in the house at the moment. He just wanted to wash his face! The makeup, which was mostly gone, was starting to irritate his skin because it was mixed with the salt of his tears.

Almost reading Kurt’s mind, Rachel put the soda bottles on the floor, grabbed the snack bag from Kurt and said to him, “You go upstairs and clean up. I can take care of this. Change into your pajamas and we can surf the cable TV stations or something, or if you prefer, I can raid Finn’s stupid movie collection.” She rolled her eyes but grinned at thinking about Finn’s comedy assortment. She had to admit some of them were pretty funny. Then, in a flash of brilliance, she suggested, “Or we can watch Bridesmaids?” Then it occurred to her a marriage-themed comedy might not be the best thing for Kurt right now and recanted with “or maybe not.”

“Thanks, Rach. You’re a doll,” he said with a sad smile and kissed his best friend on the cheek. He made his way to his room, which looked so empty and sterile now without Blaine’s positive energy. He went to the bathroom, took off his bandana and thoroughly washed his face. After a moment’s consideration, he pulled one of the moisturizing lotions from underneath the sink. “Just one more time won’t hurt, right?” he thought to himself, trying to justify his decision. “My face has been through hell this week. This is just a pick-me-up!”

As he applied the lotion to his face, he stared at himself in the mirror. This was a completely different Kurt from a week ago. His clothes looked like something that Finn or Puck would wear. His new hair was something that he would never ever expect to wear, but he actually really liked it. He wasn’t sure if it was possible, but it looked like his youthful face had aged a couple years in just a few short days. He always heard that excessive stress could do some strange things to your body. Maybe this was his result. Oh well, he always felt like he looked 12 years old most of the time anyway. He liked this harder, edgier look.

His eyes and surrounding areas were red and puffy from all the crying, and the lotion was soothing on his burning skin. He gave his face a good once-over and returned to his room. He plopped down on his bed and took stock of his new surroundings, remembering most of his things were either broken and thrown out or removed to the basement room. The only new additions were the shopping bags containing his and Blaine’s new clothes. He was so upset at tonight’s change of events as Blaine’s clothes would have looked so cute on him, and he was so looking forward to dressing Blaine up and showing him off to all their friends. He looked at his bedside table and noticed one more thing…

Sitting there was a brand new copy of the McKinley High’s Thunderclap. With a flash of embarrassment, Kurt remembered that he had destroyed his old copy on that fateful day when his life changed direction in a very unexpected way. He picked the yearbook up and noticed a yellow post-it note on the front cover. It said:

Kurt,

Emma was able to get a spare copy of the yearbook from the school for you. We were going to give it to you at the party, but you left so abruptly. I hope everything is okay. Please look inside. We passed it around when you weren’t looking. :)

Will

Kurt ran his fingers on the red cover, suddenly missing McKinley very much. He laughed bitterly at the fact that he spent so much time trying to get out of that school, only to want to return so soon. It was interesting how his priorities had changed in such a short time. Of course, the hierarchy at the school had changed now that he was going to be working there. Kurt would be the one in charge for once. He would make a difference in getting rid of the bullies from McKinley. As exciting as heading the glee club with Will was, he had one more priority: get Blaine back.

He opened the book and gave a short intake of breath. On the inside cover were messages from his friends, including all the adults. As he slowly paged through the yearbook, he discovered even more notes. They all expressed how much Kurt meant to them, and how he changed their lives. Tears welled up in his eyes, and he felt a true sense of love and comfort, not just lip-service. Even Puck made a smartass remark with a lot of spelling mistakes, of course, but the sentiment was there. He sometimes wondered how the man even graduated!

But he couldn’t spot any message from Blaine and started to panic. He figured that maybe the yearbook didn’t make it to Blaine before he left the party. Kurt started flipping through pages looking for Blaine’s tidy tight handwriting until he got the last page, which was filled with Blaine’s distinctive scrawl. It said:

My Dearest Kurt,

I’m not sure what to say, but I think you know my exact feelings anyhow, so this isn’t really needed. But Puck threatened to beat me if I didn’t write something, so here goes. Kurt, I felt lost before I met you. My life sucked so much and I wasn’t sure where to turn. You were my beacon in the foggy night. You are my everything. The Andersons aren’t my family. You are. I know you’re bummed about staying in Lima, but I’ll make sure you’ll never want for anything while you remain here. I also promise we’ll make our new life in New York as soon as we can. Remember my promise I made at Christmas. I love you, Kurt, and you just need to remember one word:

Courage.

Yours forever and always,
Blaine

Under the note was a small heart with “B.A Loves K.H” inside. Kurt let out a sob and put his hand over his mouth. “I’m such a jerk,” he thought. Blaine must have written his sentiment right before Kurt announced that he was considering applying for the internship. Now he felt even worse. He touched Blaine’s signature then put his finger to his lips. He closed the yearbook and dug his phone out of his pocket. He knew this was probably a terrible idea, but he was going to do it anyway. He brought up Blaine’s contact info and was going to send a text, but changed his mind and pressed dial.

Kurt figured that Blaine either turned off his phone or rejected his call, because it went straight to voicemail. He took a deep breath because he didn’t want to sound like a blubbering mess when he left his message. Listening to Blaine’s silly voicemail greeting made his heart ache with longing, and when it was finished, he said nervously, “Hi Blaine. It’s Kurt, but of course you know my voice.” Rachel walked into the room with a curious look. Kurt put his index finger up as if to ask Rachel to wait and continued, “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Look, I really miss you and I just want to talk. I promise I won’t beg you to take me back or anything. I know you hate me, but I just wanted to check with you. Okay, I’m rambling so I’ll hang up now. Bye.” He was about to hang up when he changed his mind and added, “Call me when you can. I love you, and I’m sorry. Always remember that.” He hung up and stared at his phone.

He groaned and fell back on the bed. “Rachel, kill me now, please!” he whined.

“Kurt…” Rachel started.

Kurt put up his hand and interrupted, “I know that was extremely stupid, but I had to.” Still lying down, he grabbed the yearbook and lifted it above his body to Rachel. She grabbed it and looked down at him. “Read the last page,” he instructed. Rachel opened the book to the last page and spent a few seconds reading the note Blaine left for Kurt. Her eyes filled with tears that threatened to fall at the lovely message, but they remained in her eyes, causing them to shimmer.

“That’s so beautiful,” she whispered. “I wish Finn was as poetic.”

“Well, those are the last words I’m ever going to see or hear from him, ‘cause I’m a gigantic dick,” Kurt muttered.

Rachel sat on the bed beside Kurt and put her hand on his chest soothingly. “Kurt, I’m sorry, but I have to go,” she said with disappointment.

Kurt sat up quickly and exclaimed, “But you promised to stay, Rachel!” He didn’t want to be left alone tonight. He sat up too quickly and got a head rush so he held his head, trying to steady himself.

“I’ll be back. Daddy just called and said I’m needed home right away. I hope it isn’t an emergency or anything,” she said with concern and put her hand on Kurt’s arm, who was having some minor vertigo. “He didn’t say anything, just that something happened and that I needed to get home right away.”

After getting his equilibrium back, Kurt asked, “Do you want me to come with you? I really don’t mind.” For a moment, his severe depression and anxiety was replaced with concern for Rachel’s family. They were always so welcoming and kind to him and Blaine. Kurt flinched. He was so used to addressing himself as him and Blaine. Now it was just him and... nothing.

Rachel shook her head and said, “That’s fine, Kurt. Just stay here and relax. I need to go back and get some new clothes anyhow. Just go into Finn’s room and pick out some movies. I’ll be back in a half hour or so. Will you be okay till then?”

Kurt nodded but said with a slightly manic tone to his voice, “I hope so. I wonder where everyone is?” He stood up with Rachel and pulled her into a hug. “Please hurry back?” he asked huskily. “I need my Barbra.”

Rachel nodded and with a last squeeze left the room. Kurt grabbed some tissues and wiped his eyes. He was done crying, at least for now. He might as well make the most of this evening then try to talk to Blaine tomorrow. He wasn’t sure if his boyfriend... ex would even speak to him, but he had to at least try.

Kurt made his way over to his dresser to look for something to use as pajamas. His blue ones were streaked with butter from the popcorn fight the night before, so he couldn’t use them. He was little ashamed to spot them in a pile on the floor. Where was his laundry basket, anyway? Searching through empty drawers turned up nothing. He was a little more than dismayed at the total havoc he had wreaked on his room. His other pajamas were with the rest of his missing clothes. What was he thinking? “Oh that’s right,” Kurt chided himself. “I wasn’t thinking now, was I?” 

He was about to look through his shopping bags, but he looked at Blaine’s drawer and opened it impulsively. Blaine had kept all his items extremely organized. Kurt snorted because he knew that it was Blaine’s father’s doing. His mind suddenly switched gears, and he realized with horror that he couldn’t protect Blaine anymore from Mr. Anderson. More than anything else, knowing Blaine could be hurt again terrified him. No matter what happened between them, he was going to talk to his father about what happened to Blaine. It couldn’t happen again.

After doing some rooting around, Kurt found what he was looking for in Blaine’s drawer. Blaine kept several Dalton t-shirts and a few McKinley jogging pants at Kurt’s to use for sleepwear. He was a couple inches shorter than Kurt, but their pants size was very similar. Kurt brought the Dalton shirt up to his nose and inhaled deeply. Yes, it was sort of creepy, but he wanted to remember Blaine in whatever way he could. Unfortunately, smelling like detergent wasn’t Blaine’s scent, but whatever, he was the last one to wear the shirt. That’s all that really mattered. Kurt was really worried about seeing Blaine. At least returning his clothes could be a good way to exchange some final words and maybe win him back. He sighed because he wasn’t sure when he would see Blaine again, but he hoped it would be soon.

After closing his eyes and picturing the curly-haired man in his head, Kurt gave a sad smile and changed into the shirt and jogging pants. He would refuse to wear regular jogging pants any other time, or perhaps he just didn’t care anymore, or maybe this is what being an adult was all about. It was time to shed such shallow things as caring about a perfect appearance. He didn’t know what to think anymore. All he knew was that his head hurt from trying to figure it all out.  

He decided to change his socks as they were all sweaty and grass stained from hanging out in the backyard. It was nice to just spend some time with his friends, especially considering the drama surrounding the last few days, most of it his fault. “Actually, all of it my fault,” he amended.

He opened the top drawer and was about to grab a pair of gym socks when he realized nothing was there. He had emptied this drawer like the rest. Kurt groaned and then felt a large pang of fear. “OH, CRAP!” he cried. He pulled the drawer open the rest of way and shoved his hand all the way in the back corner. Nothing on the left side but then on the right side his fingers hit something hard. His breath hitched because it was still there and it was safe. He hadn’t done anything foolish like toss it out during his strip-his-room-of-stuff frenzy.

Kurt pulled out a small square maroon box. This was the present Blaine had given him this past Christmas. He held the small box to his heart and closed his eyes, then brought it to his lips and gave it a gentle kiss. He slowly opened it and looked. Inside was the promise ring that Blaine had made for him out of gum wrappers, ensuring they were Juicy Fruit, Kurt’s favorite. It was topped with a tiny wrapper bowtie, one of Blaine’s favorite accessories. It represented both of them, and he could tell that Blaine had spent a lot of time making it. Out of all of his expensive clothing and accessories, this one was the most precious to him. The only expense was for the packages of gum. “Just the simple things are the best,” Kurt thought forlornly.

“No, Kurt! No pity party for you tonight,” he admonished himself and closed the box shut with a snap. Instead of putting it back in the drawer, however, he decided to take it over to the bed with him. He sat on his bed with a heavy sigh and opened the box again. So tiny and delicate, it was something he could not believe was made with a man’s hands. But there it was, sitting in the box, almost mocking him. He wondered if it hadn’t been in the drawer and sitting out with his other McKinley stuff, would he have destroyed it? No! Kurt knew he wouldn’t have. Maybe it would have calmed him down.

He shook his head. There was no sense dwelling on what might have been. Just holding the box made him feel better. However, he was just fooling himself if just having the ring was going to brush aside his sorrow.

“I hope Rachel comes back soon,” Kurt said to himself anxiously. She would distract him and make sure he didn’t beat himself up. He was getting hungry, too, but didn’t want to start pigging out without her. He looked over to his table and saw the picture of him and Blaine from the Senior Prom. It wasn’t the best idea to keep it out even if it was quite silly. Blaine’s goofy streak came out in full force during their wild ride on the coin-operated dinosaur kiddie ride. It wasn’t a romantic picture like last year. It was pure fun and for some reason, Kurt loved it even more.

He wondered if it was it wise to keep the picture out to remind him of his failure to keep the best romantic relationship he ever had… well the only one, but the best one as well, not including Brittany. He wouldn’t call her romantic, though. He would call it ‘experimenting.’ Well, not really. Honestly, the whole Brittany thing was more to please everyone else, especially his dad, than Kurt. So maybe he should call it what it was: another stupid attempt to be like everyone else.

Kurt grabbed the frame and was about to toss the picture in his table drawer when something stopped him. He didn’t want to forget Blaine, not ever. He wanted to remember the good times they had. It was a good way to make him feel better about this whole stupid situation. He started to feel another wave of sadness and hugged the picture to his chest. It was strange how the sorrow ebbed and flowed, like waves on the ocean. One minute he was fine, the next he was almost crippled with despair. The only way to work through his feelings productively was to sing about it. It always helped when he was in school. He held the picture in one hand and the ring in the other as he sang:

“Guess mine is not the first heart broken.
My eyes are not the first to cry.

I'm not the first to know, there's just no gettin' over you .
I know I'm just a fool who's willing to sit around and wait for you.
But baby can't you see, there's nothin' else for me to do.
 I'm hopelessly devoted to you.”

Kurt knew he was being melodramatic, but there was no one around, so who would it hurt? You could take the man out of the drama queen, but you couldn’t take the drama queen out of the man, after all. Or something like that. He continued singing dramatically as he looked at the photo. It was all very ‘50s teen movie:

“But now there's nowhere to hide, since you pushed my love aside.
I'm out of my head, hopelessly devoted to you.
Hopelessly devoted to you, hopelessly devoted to you.”

He pulled out his laptop and decided to send Blaine a Facebook message. Luckily, Blaine hadn’t defriended him or blocked him yet, or even changed his relationship status. Well, that was a good sign. Usually a change in relationship status on Facebook was the first clue in a relationship gone wrong. So maybe he had a chance after all. Either that, or Blaine hadn’t thought of it yet. As he sent a small message he sang to himself:

My head is saying, "Fool, forget him!"
My heart is saying, "Don't let go!"
Hold on to the end. That’s what I intend to do.
I'm hopelessly devoted to you.”

Again, after a fierce internal struggle, he ended his message by telling Blaine how much he missed and loved him and closed the laptop, stood up, and walked to the window to look out onto the street below. He was half expecting to see Blaine standing down there, ready to serenade him. No such luck. It was just a dumb romantic fantasy. He still had the ring in his hand so he put it back in the box and placed it on his dresser while finishing the song:

“But now there's nowhere to hide, since you pushed my love aside.
I'm out of my head, hopelessly devoted to you.
Hopelessly devoted to you. Hopelessly devoted to you.”

As he finished, he put his hand on the window and let one tear roll down his cheek. He would cry himself to sleep later. At least he could cuddle with Rachel for comfort, but it wasn’t the same. After all, she was just a girl.

“Hey, Hummel, stop being such a damn drama queen and come outside!” called a voice from the door. Kurt jumped about half a foot with a very bad curse word, the very same one he had yelled out the window earlier in the day, and spun around. Puck stood at the door with a smarmy grin on his face.

“Goddammit, Noah, give me some warning next time!” snapped Kurt as he tried to calm down his heart. He realized that he had to start being more aware of his surroundings. He was getting startled way too much lately. It was not a safe thing for a gay man to do, to become too relaxed in one’s setting. That’s how a person got beat up or worse. But Puck wouldn’t know Kurt’s fears, he was laughing too hard at his reaction. When Sam and Finn appeared behind him, they laughed right along with Puck. He wasn’t very happy to be caught the fool by all three guys, and he tried to find the right words to tell them off.

“Hummel, you have got to be one of the most skittish people I have ever met,” said Puck, moving over to his friend. “Get on your shoes, we’re going outside.”

“Well, forgive me if I was in the middle of an emotional moment, dumbass!” barked Kurt, still a bit pissed at the interruption. It was mostly nerves though, and he begrudgingly appreciated the company. “Besides, I’m waiting for Rachel to come back. She had to go home for a bit.”

“Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, dude, but Rachel’s not coming back tonight. She needs to stay home,” informed Finn. “She just called me to let me know. She said she loves you and will talk to you first thing in the morning.” He gave a smirk and added, “I just want to remind you, little bro, that she’s my fiancée, so I’m not totally happy with her loving you. But I guess nothing will happen, so it’s cool, I guess. Although I wonder after that Facebook picture.”

Kurt shot Finn an extra dirty look along with a middle finger at that last remark. “Oh, wonderful!” he said and put his arms up in frustration. “Way to abandon me, Berry!”

“She didn’t abandon you, that’s what we’re here for,” said Puck and put his arm around Kurt’s shoulder gregariously. “She filled Hudson in on the situation, and he in turn informed us. Tough break, dude. Want me to go kick the shit out of your ex?”

“Don’t you dare, Puck!” Kurt exclaimed and shoved Puck away. “I should be the one getting my ass kicked. If you’ll excuse me, I need to call Rachel and tell her off.”

Puck stepped away and said, “Fine, go ahead. But you aren’t getting away from coming outside. We can wait.” He crossed his arms and grinned. Finn and Sam stood at the door, blocking the way.

Kurt shot Puck another dirty look, but the mohawked man wasn’t fazed a bit. Puck was used to receiving that look and it bounced off him like he was wearing some sort of emotional armor. Kurt envied Puck for his ability not to let anything faze him as he always wore every emotion on his sleeve as if they were badges of honor. He pulled out his phone and was about to send a scathing text to Rachel about her abandonment at his time of need, when his phone vibrated. It was from the very person he was going to tell off. “Speak of the devil!” he mumbled, annoyed at the world.

Kurt, I’m sooo sorry. I need to stay home but there’s a good reason. Blaine is here. Stay tuned. Love you.

Kurt looked up from the phone, shocked. What was Blaine doing at the Berry’s? He felt a fleeting sense of relief that Blaine didn’t go home. A few seconds later, there was another message from Rachel.

Don’t worry. We aren’t fighting. He really misses you. Will call you later. Go have fun with the boys.

Kurt sent a quick thank you text and put the phone in his pocket. He was feeling slightly better at the news, but he really, really, really wanted to talk to Blaine. Maybe when Rachel called, he would ask to talk to him. Yes, that is what he would do. Then Blaine would have to listen to him. He would tell Rachel to put Blaine on and then… Well, he would apologize over and over until Blaine accepted his apology. Then he would ask Blaine to be his boyfriend again. Yes, that was the plan, at least for now.

He looked at the boys and with the best I’m-sorry-but-I-have-something-more-important-to-do voice, said, “Looks like Blaine is over with Rachel. I guess they’re talking, so if you gentlemen will excuse me, I think I’ll just listen to some music and wait for them to call.”

“I don’t think so, Hummel,” said Puck. “Welcome to the first annual ‘No Directions Single Men’s Night!’ Since you are technically single right now, you aren’t exempt. Sorry!”

“What?” Kurt’s eyes grew bigger. “What about Finn then?” he asked indignantly, pointing to his brother. “He has Rachel!”

“My singleness is honorary!” said Finn proudly as he pointed to himself.

“I’m sure Rachel will be thrilled to hear that,” Kurt retorted drily. “Thanks, but no thanks, guys,” he said, sitting on his bed. “I appreciate you trying to cheer me up, but I think I’d rather be alone.”

Puck sat down beside him and said, “Well, you do have a choice. Either you come outside with us and try to have a good time in our company, or we will carry you out, but not before giving you a swirlie and a wedgie.” He put his hand on Kurt’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “At least I’m letting you choose. You have 30 seconds. Go!”

“You wouldn’t!” said Kurt, his eyes widening. “I thought we were past all that kind of stuff, Puckerman!”

“Okay, maybe no swirlie or wedgie, but we will carry you out. Remember, we can lift you. I used to do it daily at the dumpster, remember? I know you don’t look like a toddler anymore, but you aren’t that heavy,” Puck advised. At Kurt’s stubborn glare he stood up. “Fine. Boys, proceed,” he said and grabbed Kurt’s arms. Finn and Sam grabbed one leg each and they lifted him.

“OKAY, FINE!” Kurt yelled. He didn’t have the energy to fight them, so he decided to humor them for a bit, then come back inside. As they put him down, he taunted, “Jeez, Puck, if you were this persistent in your studies, you wouldn’t have almost failed.”

“Bite me, Hummel!” Puck said and grinned.

“Are you sure about that?” asked Kurt and raised his eyebrow. “Cause I’d be happy to oblige!” He was amazed that he was able to flirt with Puck and not get his ass kicked for his efforts. He was also surprised at how forward he was being without any alcoholic help. He was never known for his directness. Actually, it was nice to be able to banter with Puck on what felt like a level playing field. The conversation wasn’t anything to write home about, but there was that guy-style camaraderie he sometimes secretly longed for. Blaine was so good at passing as one of the dudes. Kurt could only wish to do the same.

Sam was looking at the exchange with amusement. When he first started attending McKinley, Puck and Kurt were pretty close to what you would call bitter enemies. They were definitely on either end of the social spectrum, never to meet in the middle. They only interacted because of New Directions. Now they talked like brothers, albeit really weird brothers. “Well, I’ll leave you two men to your flirting and meet you outside,” he teased.

Puck looked at Kurt and asked, “How about we give Sam the wedgie? You in?” He put out his hand for a high five and Kurt returned it with gusto.

“Let’s do it,” Kurt grinned good-naturedly. As sad as he felt, he loved feeling accepted in this little jock group. He looked evilly at Sam and advised, “Based on personal experience, you better start running now, Evans. Puck always gave a ten second head start.”

Sam gave a look of fear and took off running down the stairs, taking them two or three steps at a time. Puck, Finn, and Kurt just laughed and followed at a leisurely pace. He felt his phone vibrate again. It was from Blaine. He gave a quiet gasp and opened the message.

Got your message. Miss you and love you too. Can we talk tomorrow night? I suck. I really, really suck.

Kurt held back tears of relief and sent a quick response:

It’s a date. Love you. You can suck only if you want to… sorry sweetie, you opened yourself to that one.

Yet again, Kurt was shocked at his impulsiveness. He was having too much fun to stop, though.

He thought better of it and quickly sent another text to Blaine:

I’m sorry. That was wrong of me. With Puck. He’s a very bad influence. Love you so much.

At the same time Blaine had texted back a quick reply.

You wish. Don’t tempt me.  ;)

Wow! That wasn’t the answer Kurt had expected from Blaine. He blushed and was clearly intrigued. Making up might be better than he thought. All of a sudden the room was hot, so very hot.

Looking up, Kurt realized that Puck and Finn were staring intently at him. Since it looked like they might start asking embarrassing questions, he asked, “So, what’s outside?”

“Oh, you’ll see,” said Puck with a mischievous grin. Kurt looked at him curiously. He knew that look. Puck was looking for trouble. They were doomed.

******

In the meantime, Rachel and Blaine were about to start their uncomfortable palaver.

“So…” Rachel responded with her arms crossed.

Blaine started, “Rachel, I just want to say…”

“Blaine, I should kick your ass for what you said to me, and even worse, for what you did to Kurt,” Rachel interrupted sternly.

Blaine attempted to continue, “You are completely right, but…”

“But I won’t,” Rachel finished. Blaine visibly relaxed as this wasn’t going to be a fight and Rachel wasn’t yelling at him. “I am, however, concerned, for both of you.”

“I know, I want to…” Blaine said, trying to apologize. He was interrupted again.

“I mean, I understand you’re upset and all, but Blaine, this is unacceptable…” Rachel started lecturing. Blaine grabbed her hands and she looked at him with surprise.

“Rachel, I really want to say something, but you keep interrupting me. Can I just say what I need to, then you can spend the rest of the evening yelling at me, okay?” he asked politely. He knew that Rachel probably wouldn’t yell at him but it allowed him to feel he had some control in the situation.

“Sorry, Blaine. Please go ahead,” said Rachel, just as politely. She didn’t want to turn this into a fight. She just wanted to know why Blaine would break Kurt’s heart like that. And why he would say those hurtful things to her.

“We can talk about Kurt in a minute, but first I wanted to apologize to you. I’m so sorry I said what I did back at the school. I let some emotions get the better of me. One little thought and some resentment ballooned into something so big, I couldn’t control it. I guess you saw my dark side,” Blaine said with a small smile.

“Resentment? But why? What did I do to you?” Rachel asked, confused. She tried to think back to the last year, wondering what she might have done to hurt him.

“You really didn’t do anything, Rach,” Blaine said, still holding her hands. “Okay, this is going to sound really ridiculous, but hear me out. Can you do that for me?”

“Of course,” Rachel responded gently. The anger she had at her friend was starting to fade away at his sincere look.

“Well, I guess I should say I was jealous of you. I AM jealous of you,” Blaine explained, embarrassed that he even said it. “You and Kurt seem to have this unbreakable bond that he and I don’t have, at least not yet. Look at that fight you just had! That would have broken any other friendship.” He started stroking her hand, more to calm himself, and continued, “I was starting to feel like you were taking over my place in his life. Then when he announced he might be moving to New York with you, it just intensified my jealousy. I’ve been trying to cover it up, but with all the Kurt drama, it sort of came to a head today.”

“Um…wow,” Rachel said and tried to pull away her hands. She wasn’t sure what to think. “So, you don’t like me? Did I do anything wrong?” she asked with a small voice as she looked at her hands.

Blaine reached for her again and exclaimed, “No, Rachel, you know I adore you! This is all me. I should have talked to you when I was starting to experience those ugly emotions. I was feeling left out, and I just did the exact thing I told Kurt not to do. I suppressed the feelings and let the stress take care of the rest. I spent the last hour talking to your dads. They really helped me talk through my issues.”

Rachel looked up and smiled as she asked, “Did they make you hot cocoa with whipped cream and chocolate shavings?”

“They even used the quilt,” Blaine responded cheekily.

“They only use that for the biggest of crises!” Rachel laughed. “My turn to talk now?” Blaine nodded and she continued, “Blaine, I want to make a promise to you. No matter what happens this fall, you need to know that I will never replace you in Kurt’s heart. He’s my best friend, and that’s all it’s ever going to be. He feels more like a brother to me than a boyfriend. You know I’m joking when I say I’m his boyfriend, right?”

“I do, but I don’t think I was thinking straight this afternoon,” Blaine replied, still ashamed at his behavior. “I’m struggling with some stuff right now, and it just made me freak out. So, will you forgive me?”

Rachel didn’t respond, but she opened her arms. Blaine gave a small sob and wrapped his arms around his small friend. “Blaine, please talk to me next time you’re feeling this way. You had me all over the place. I couldn’t figure out what was going on, and I was worrying about Kurt. This has been a terrible week!”

“You don’t understand how much better your forgiveness makes me feel. You and Finn are my two best friends, and I couldn’t bear losing you like I might lose Kurt,” said Blaine, wiping his eyes.

“You aren’t losing Kurt, silly. He misses you as much as I bet you miss him,” said Rachel, giving Blaine a tight hug. Then she grabbed the quilt and put it over both of them. Blaine put his arm around her shoulder and she snuggled in, not unlike the way she snuggled with Kurt after their fight. “Oh, no! Kurt!” she exclaimed. “I promised him I’d go back, and I completely forgot. He’s going to kill me! I better call Finn and get him to check on him. I think I’d rather stay with you for now. Finn can spend time with Kurt. You and I need to talk some stuff out.”

“No, that’s fine. Kurt needs you,” said Blaine. “I’m staying here tonight, so don’t worry about me.”

“Let me talk to Finn first, then we can figure something out,” Rachel responded and pulled out her phone. She made a quick phone call and returned her attention to Blaine. “They were out, but they’re heading home now. They will distract Kurt for the evening. It’s just you and me tonight.”

“And your two devastatingly handsome fathers, and Breadstix!” exclaimed Hiram, entering the room with some cans of soda. “I made sure to order you some vegetarian lasagna, Rachel.” He looked at Blaine and Rachel with a smile on his face. “You guys okay now?”

“We can continue our talk after dinner,” Blaine said to Rachel quietly. Rachel nodded, pulled away from Blaine and stood up.

“Thanks, Papa! It has been a very trying several days,” Rachel said and hugged her father. “Blaine and I are okay. Now we need to make Blaine and Kurt okay.”

The doorbell rang signaling the arrival of the Italian food, so Rachel went to the door to help Hiram carry it to the kitchen. While they were out of the room, Blaine sent Kurt a quick text asking to talk the next evening. He wanted to talk right away, but he needed to finish talking with Rachel, and he promised his mother he would do several errands for her the next day. Kurt sent back a message almost seconds later with a lewd joke and an agreement for the meeting for the following evening. Struck with a mischievous inspiration, he sent a lewd message of his own. It was so not like him, but if Kurt could change, maybe Blaine could, too. He was in between laughing and crying when Rachel entered with several plastic bags.

“Dinner time!” she said with a huge grin. She looked over to Blaine, and noticing his tears, asked, “Blaine, what’s wrong?”

“Oh, nothing wrong. I just texted Kurt and he sent back something silly. I’m just glad he’s talking to me,” Blaine answered.

“I knew he would,” she said happily. “Come on, let’s stuff ourselves with way too many carbs and cheese. Of course it’s tofu cheese for me. I’m so glad Breadstix is conscious of us vegans. Not many restaurants in Lima are. Did you know that in New York, there are no fewer than 500 vegan-only restaurants?” At Blaine’s exasperated look, she said, “I’m doing it again, aren’t I? Sorry, no more New York talk.”

The Berrys and Blaine enjoyed a very pleasant dinner and even a little bit of after dinner singing entertainment. This was what Blaine really needed. It was a great way to decompress and spend time with people who he loved being around. Singing was always a good thing, too. Singing was his joy, his escape from the misery that was his life at times. After offering to help clean up, the two teenagers were shooed out of the room.

“Let’s get our jammies on!” Rachel exclaimed and pulled Blaine up the stairs to her room.

“Rach, I don’t have any pajamas. I kinda left without any clothes, remember? I can wear my clothes, I don’t mind,” he said. He had spent many an evening passed out in his uniform or street clothes after an all-nighter studying or other less than honorable things with the Warblers, so he was used to it.

“Are you wearing boxers?” Rachel asked directly and matter of fact. She felt that best friends kept nothing from each other, and Blaine now fit that role.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but yes,” teased Blaine.

“Then I’ll just borrow a workout shirt of Daddy’s, and you can sleep in that. He won’t mind. You can borrow one of my robes if you’re feeling particularly modest,” she said, oblivious to Blaine’s blushing.

“Thanks?” he responded, not sure whether to be grateful or disturbed. He knew Rachel’s nightwear. It was frilly and almost always some sickening shade of pink or purple. He would not allow any phones or a camera in the room if he borrowed anything of Rachel’s to avoid a repeat of the debacle of that morning. They were both slight and on the short side, so her stuff would fit him.

They changed and Rachel gave Blaine the simplest robe she had, which was silk and lilac in color. At least it didn’t have any frills. “Kurt can never know about this,” Blaine warned. “I’d never hear the end of it.”

“Oh, get over it, Blaine!” Rachel exclaimed. “Besides, you should see the stuff I got Kurt to wear!” At Blaine’s look of surprise, she said, “Kidding! Or am I? You’ll never know.”

Blaine was amused at Rachel’s newfound twisted streak. Maybe she could help him win the prank war with Kurt. He giggled at her weird attempt at humor and said, “Rach, we should make a point to do this more often. Just you and me. It might be a good way to bond and get to know each other better. We can gossip about our men. He’s still my man, right?”

“What a great idea!” Rachel squealed and made Blaine jump. “Let’s make a point to spend at least one day every couple of weeks together, and when you come visit in New York, we must go shopping! Then Kurt and Finn can play those silly video games. And yes, he’s your man always, Blaine.”

“I can’t believe Kurt is actually good at those games!” Blaine said with wonder. “My man is a man of many hidden talents. I can see it now, one day he’ll suddenly announce he can yodel or play the bagpipes, to my aggravation. I HATE bagpipes, which is funny because Anderson is a Scottish name.”

“I personally think they are a giant waste of time, but everyone needs hobbies. Video games are a waste of time, I mean, not bagpipes.” Rachel shrugged. “So you aren’t breaking up with Kurt?”

“That’s really not my decision to make, is it?” Blaine asked. “I mean, I want him back but does he want me?”

“Don’t be stupid,” said Rachel and smacked Blaine on the arm playfully. She sat on her four-poster bed and tapped the mattress. “Okay, so let’s finish our talk,” she said sternly.

“I’m about to get a Rachel Berry tongue-lashing, aren’t I?” Blaine asked half-jokingly as he sat on the bed crosslegged. He used the robe to cover his upper legs. He knew he didn’t have to be so modest, but he didn’t want to show off any of his scars. Rachel didn’t need to know about his big secret.

“Blainers, I just want to know why you freaked out like that. You always seem so put together. You are the glee club therapist, you know,” Rachel informed.

“This is becoming a pattern,” Blaine laughed. “You’re the third person in as many days who has told me that. I think the universe is trying to tell me something. To be totally honest, I’m scared.”

“Scared? But why?” asked Rachel. She grabbed Blaine’s hand and gave it a squeeze. Her friend looked really nervous and jittery all of a sudden.

“Well, of course you know that I transferred to McKinley for Kurt, right?” Blaine inquired. Rachel nodded and he continued, “My reason for transferring is leaving town, or might be leaving. I love New Directions, so I don’t plan on going back to Dalton, but it depends on what my parents say. I’m not sure if I even want to go back to the Warblers. I get more freedom to express myself at McKinley. Secondly, all my best friends are all gone now, so I’m kind of stuck at school alone no matter where I go. Did I ever tell you that I was supposed to graduate this year?”

“Really?” Rachel asked.

“Yup,” Blaine responded. “Kurt told you what happened to me at the Sadie Hawkins dance a few years ago, right?” Rachel nodded. “Well, I was in the hospital for a long time and missed too much school, so they had to keep me back a year. Didn’t you ever wonder why I’m almost the same age as you guys but a school year behind?”

“I never really thought of it,” Rachel said. “Is that the only thing you’re scared of? You know that the rest of New Directions really need you and they all like you a lot! Between you and me, you’re our only chance at Nationals this year, so you better not leave!” She spoke of the glee club like she was still a member. After all, once a New Directions member, always a New Directions member.

Blaine briefly debated telling Rachel about his family, but decided against it. It wasn’t the right time yet. Maybe he would tell her when he got to know her better, after a year of being roommates in New York, if that’s where life led them. “I can’t really get into it, but there’s some bad shit going down at home. Kurt was sort of an escape from it. When he’s gone, I have no one to go to.”

“Oh, no! Blaine, are you alright?” Rachel inquired, putting her hand to her mouth with worry. “Does Kurt know?”

“I’ll be fine, Rachel. I promise I’ll tell you everything someday. And, yes, Kurt is aware. I actually just told him today. So it came as a shock to me when he told me about that internship. I thought I had him here for another year, and then he announced that. I felt like he was abandoning me at my most vulnerable,” he said and started fiddling with his hands nervously.

“If it’s any consolation, I don’t think Kurt wants to go to New York anymore. At least until you graduate,” Rachel informed him. “I think he realized that his home really is with you. He read the note you put in his new yearbook, you know.” She reached over and patted Blaine on his hand.

“I was wondering when he would find that!” Blaine exclaimed and changed the subject. “But that internship is such a good opportunity! And it’s that reality show company. That is so cool! He has to at least try to get in!”

Blaine took a moment because he was feeling terrible about wanting Kurt to stay. “My issues shouldn’t keep him here. Kurt would want the same for me, if a great opportunity came my way. I guess if I could deal with my problems before I met him, I can deal with them when he’s away. We had everything figured out before, we can do it again.”

“How about you talk to him about it when you see him tomorrow?” Rachel asked and ruffled Blaine’s hair. He gave a big grin and messed Rachel’s normally perfectly straight hair. “Okay, enough talk. We’re best friends again so how about some stupid TV time. That’s what I was going to do with Kurt tonight. Sadly the only junk food I have is organic and tofu. A fun night that does not make.”

“Late night supermarket raid?” Blaine asked as he got up and put on his jeans. “My treat. We can stop at the video store and get a couple movies too.”

“Oooh! A late evening Lima adventure! It’s such good practice for middle of the night food runs in New York!” Rachel exclaimed. She looked at her pajamas, which were basically pink yoga pants and a Hello Kitty t-shirt. “This is good enough. Let’s go!”

Blaine put his arm through Rachel’s and asked, “Ready to go, Miss Shortcake?”

“Miss Shortcake? What drugs are you on, Blaine?”

“You know, Strawberry Shortcake!” Blaine snorted and started walking away.

“Who told you about Strawberry? I told them NOT to tell anyone!” Rachel screeched. She stomped out of her room, yelling, “Daddy! Papa! Which one of you told Blainers about Strawberry!”

Blaine shook his head and followed the small brunette. This was turning out to be a pretty good night, after all. The only thing that would make it better would be if Kurt was in his arms and Blaine was kissing him so much his lips were numb.