Blaine plunked a can of pureed pumpkin down on the kitchen counter when he got home.

“What’s this for?” Kurt asked.

“It’s completely impossible to find a fresh pumpkin in June,” Blaine said. “And anyway, I realized I wouldn’t know what to do with one aside from carve it into a jack-o-lantern. So I got canned.”

“I take it this is pumpkin week, then,” Kurt said dryly.

“Yeah … I’ll look for a recipe for tonight. Pumpkin pie? Pumpkin cookies? I have no idea. Rachel’s coming over, remember?”

“Yeah. I’m making that risotto thing.”

“Great. Pumpkin risotto, maybe?”

“Not a chance.”

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Rachel waddled in the door, moaning about how much her back hurt. She was smaller than average for thirty-eight weeks pregnant, but she still claimed to feel like a whale. She handed a stapled, rather thick sheaf of paper to Blaine, and one to Kurt.

“This is my birth plan. I’ve divided it into five sections: pre-labor, early labor, late stage labor, postpartum, and emergencies that may or may not arise. Blaine’s role is to be my labor support person. He will stand by my side, hold my hand, and tell me reassuring things about how strong I am and how I am fulfilling the essence of my womanhood by birthing a child naturally. He may be called upon to sing soothing ballads, depending on my mood. Kurt, your job is to run interference with the doctors and nurses. If they try to talk me into taking any medications or undergoing any procedures that are not specifically listed in my plan, you will be the one to talk sense into them. I won’t be able to do it because I’ll be too busy concentrating on the calming sound of Blaine’s voice and using my hypnobirthing techniques, so I won’t have time to talk to them. Please, both of you, make sure you are thoroughly familiar with the contents before we go to the hospital. I don’t want you to have to stop and re-read things in the middle of the action. All of this is very important to me. I want the birth to be perfect and natural and empowering, just like I’ve read about online.”

“Wait,” Kurt said. “Does this mean you want me to be in the room when you’re in labor? Because, I was there when Colin was born and it is not an experience I ever want to repeat.”

“But I need you there,” Rachel said. “Blaine can’t do both jobs at once. Besides, don’t you want to be there in the magical moment that your son is born?”

“Last time didn’t seem so magical,” Kurt said. “It seemed more … bloody.”

Blaine was flipping through the pages of the birth plan. “Rachel, this seems like an awful lot of stuff to specify. I’ve heard that these things don’t always go the way you expect them to, and—”

“That is what the emergencies section is for,” Rachel said. “Now come on, I’m starving, is dinner ready? Your future child requires nourishment. Oof!” She paused, clutching her belly, and Blaine and Kurt looked at her, alarmed. She waved them off. “Just a little contraction. They happen all the time. Completely normal. We should still have two or three weeks left before the baby comes.”

But they turned out not to have two or three weeks. Rachel’s contractions intensified during dinner, and by the end they were around nine minutes apart. Kurt was terrified, convinced that the baby would arrive any second now, right in their dining room, despite Rachel’s repeated assurances that she had contractions all the time and it was no big deal.

“I think we should get you to the hospital,” Blaine said.

Rachel looked at him angrily. “I will give you a pass this time because you haven’t had a chance to read the birth plan, but it specifically says on page three in the ‘early labor’ section that I want to labor at home until the contractions are five minutes apart. That reduces the chance of needing medications to speed the labor once you’re at the hospital. Trust me, I am fine—owwww! I’m fine. I’m fine.”

“But—”

“No, no, I’m fine, really. Didn’t you say there was pumpkin pie? I must say, it’s a weird choice for summer, but it sounds absolutely delicious imgoingtothrowupohmygod.” Rachel ran for the bathroom.

Kurt stood up. “I’m going downstairs to hail a cab. Get her down as soon as you can. Taylor, we’ll call and let you know whether we’re going to be home tonight or not.” He gave Colin a big hug and then grabbed his keys and walked out the door.

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The nurse poked at Rachel’s stomach worriedly.

“I’m fine,” Rachel was still insisting. “I’m not in labor, it’s just random contractions and I ate too much at dinner. I’m completely fine!”

“You’re four centimeters dilated. You’re in labor,” the nurse said.

“But I’m supposed to have at least two more weeks!” Rachel said. “You have to make it stop!”

“Thirty-eight weeks is full term, we won’t stop the labor at this point. Probably couldn’t even if we tried.”

“But I left my labor bag at home! It has my chapstick and my iPod and my bathrobe and my fuzzy bunny slippers.” Rachel was slipping into a panic. “I cannot have this baby without my bunny slippers. I NEED MY BUNNY SLIPPERS!”

“One of us will go pick up your bag in the morning, Rachel,” Blaine said as reassuringly as possible.

“I’m just going to do a quick ultrasound to check the baby’s position,” the nurse said. She squirted some gel on Rachel’s stomach.

“Kurt!” Rachel shouted. “Give the nurse a copy of my birth plan!”

Kurt held his hands out. “I … um … I didn’t bring it. I’m sorry.”

“Doesn’t matter anyway,” the nurse said, looking at the ultrasound screen. “The baby is breech. You’re going to need a c-section.”

“But I don’t want a c-section,” Rachel said angrily. “It’s in my birth plan that KURT FORGOT TO BRING! It’s on page five, and again in the emergencies section!”

“Honey, this baby is sitting sideways.” The nurse shifted the ultrasound sensor over near Rachel’s right hip. “The head is over here,” she said, then slid the sensor to the left side of her waist. “And the feet are over here. Only way this baby is coming out is a c-section, I’m sorry.”

“Kurt! Kurt, tell her I’m not having a c-section! That’s your job!”

Kurt took her hand. “Rachel, I think you should have the c-section. They know what they’re talking about.”

“I HATE YOU ALL!”

--------------------------------------------

The hardest part was calming Rachel down enough to sign the consent form and lie still for the epidural. One the c-section got underway, everything went perfectly. The baby was healthy and beautiful, just as perfect as Colin had been.

They named him Asher, which is Hebrew for happy or blessed, but not because of that, Kurt insisted. And if perhaps they heard Rachel whispering some Hebrew words into the baby’s ear, well, they let it slide for now.